Confused and Desperately Needs Help

[mike42979 57]

What you havnt done is act on anything you talked about, actions speak louder than words. 2.6 years its time he gets creative and start making his own work, my parents are vendors at art festivals selling everything from snow cones to funnel cakes, not hard to set up and theres always a festival somewhere anyways just an idea message me if you want more info on how you can get started.

[Zharren Young 32]

Thank you.. like i said i did talked to my husband about it every single day but nothing happened. The problem is my husband eventhough admitted to me a million times that he himself don't understand his own daughter being so selfish, and disrespectful still my husband DO NOT want to kick his daughter out of the house.

I have come to a point now that i am so so sick,feed up and so tired.

then move out and let them on their own. there is nothing to save if your husband cant stand by your side to protect you from being slaved & used. if he even care or love you, he would be so concern of what you feel. and looks to me he doesnt care at all. all he wants is for you t be there and feed him and his daugther and have you pay their bills. i know this sound harsh and it hurts but theres nothing painful than what youre going thru right now. think of your self and your young kids that still depending on you. you have to stand up for them and be strong for them.

[Zen Den 18]

Thank you.. like i said i did talked to my husband about it every single day but nothing happened. The problem is my husband eventhough admitted to me a million times that he himself don't understand his own daughter being so selfish, and disrespectful still my husband DO NOT want to kick his daughter out of the house.

I have come to a point now that i am so so sick,feed up and so tired.

talk to him again, let him see the scenario:

1. he and you have a 3 year old who needs him vs her daughter a 25 year old ho doesn't care

2. his adult daughter gets child support (not totally helpless) and additional support from you, she doesn't care

3. he is sick and unemployed and you take care of him while his daughter doesn't care

4. will be ok with the idea that his otherwise perfect marriage will collapse because of her daughter?

4. if you have to separate, will his daughter care?

5. if you have to separate, leaving him with his daughter, will be he alright and ok with it?

6. if you separate and god forbid his health worsens, will he be ok with it?

his answers will give you an idea of how much he cares about your marriage and child vs his daughter.

if it comes out that he loves his daughter more than you and his minor child, you will have to do what you have to do/do what is right for your minor dependents

1. if you really love your husband, tell him to move to a new house with you (his daughter stays in the house/will not be homeless)

2. if he doesn't agree, tell him he has another child, a 3-yr old who needs him versus a 25 year old who gets child support but doesn't take care of her child and does not appreciate his generosity and your patience because his actions tell her it's ok to disrespect him

3. even if you love your husband so much, you yourself have 3 minors to look after,

[Zen Den 18]

if he opens up to a solution with you, tell him both of you could help her look for an apartment, pay for the first few months (a sacrifice worth making) with a written contract that she will not come back to your house

if she doesn't agree, tell him to leave the house to her and move out with you and your minor children

if he doesn't agree, tell him you will bend over backwards but ther's just no more room and you have to think about your children who need you.

[vonso 0]

Please look out for your own health, as you also have children to raise and yourself to look after. I know you love your husband to the endo f the earth, but if at this moment, you are not getting it back because of the daughters" power play"' between you and her daddy... In the end, you have to take care of you, . " sometimes a serious ultimatum works". Meaning... No ye

Ling, or screaming just save some money, and tell your husband" I can't do this no more, I need a break. And take u n d kids away for a couple of days, tough love works when your voice and tears do not. ......just my advice. My prayers are with you for happiness.

[SOTY 0]

Here are my concerns:

1. Is it right for my husband to let me go through all this stress?

2.IS it right for my husband to let his daughter lives with us and use me?And he is not even making any income for 2.6 years now?

3.WHat is the legal way(if there is any) that i need to do to get my step daughter out of my house? They said in the state of GA you can not evict someone who lives with u for over 30 days and she live with us since 2009 till this very minute.

4. SHould i just let my step daughter ruin my marriage? My hubby said he wont allow his daughter and grand son live on a street which i really do understand.( His daughter's own mom won't even deal with her because of the way she is).

5.But what about me? this all causes me too much stress that is more than enough and too much for me to handle.

6,When hubby and daughter argue he tells his daughter to get out but i knew he never really meant it?

Pleaseeeeeeeeee i am begging for your advice. I just don't wanna give up and regret later ,ruin my marriage that i tried to build just because of his daughter.

Thank you so very much.

1.) No, but have you approached him with all the things that's causing you stress? Have you discussed it with him at length?

2.) His daughter(grandchild) are family and of course he'll want to help them out as much as he can.

3.) Having her move out seems to be something both you and your husband need to %100 agree upon and take action together that won't be destructive to your relationship and the family situation.

4.) It seems to me your husband has to put his foot down and insist upon changes for the better.

5.) You've made a commitment to your husband, and he to you. You both need to work it out together and come up with ways to better the situation.

6.) If your husband is firm on wanting her to leave, he needs to take more definitive action. Possibly legal(if it exists).

Have you all had a family conference? Have you all listed out things that you all are having issues with, with each-other? There's more than one side of the story. Sometimes compromise and resolution is unachievable, but you won't know that unless you all try to the fullest extent.

Perhaps bringing in an objective 3rd party counselor to negotiate/navigate the situation? (Family Counselor)?

[forever waiting 11]

Sorry you're dealing with an irresponsible step daughter and all the financial burden. She is 25 and divorced three times! That tells a lot.

If I were you and if I had already tried to discuss this with my husband and did not get anywhere I would make arrangements to move out with the kids. You can get help from many government agencies (or maybe your income will be enough to live in peace with your children)and am sure will make it on your own. If anything this would wake your husband up and he'd see the light. Maybe he can finally stop feeling guilty and do something to help his daughter. How far can two unemployed adults and a child can go? They will find out. Don't let anyone to abuse you and get away with it. THe longer you stay harder it gets to be yourself again even if you decide later on to do something about it. Making a decision is your first step, after that you can just keep walking.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

OP:

Don't get mad. Get EVEN!

Stop letting this game play on with you on the bench pleading "put me in coach! (your husband)". Time to get on the field and wreak havoc!

1. Eat her food

2. Label your food.

3. Take her kid to whatever party (she is) and leave.

4. Borrow some of her clothes and "accidentally" stain them.

5. Search her room for drugs / paraphernalia and if found, have her arrested for possession or even better... possession with intent to distribute.

6. Pack up some belongings and tell your husband you are going to stay at a friends house to think things over. DO NOT BRING YOUR CHILD WITH YOU!!!

Do all of this and....

7. Get a voice activated digital recorder... be prepared to call police... have her arrested for assault and battery (when she finally snaps).

In this type of situation....the good guys finish last and cheaters always win.

Tear up her world to save yours!!!

Edited November 30, 2011 by ~happyndinlove~

[Freedove7 17]

I always believed that a parent's obligation towards his/her kids when they hit 18.A parent is suppose to be there for their child no matter how old they are and no matter what their marital status is.However,there should be respect in the house.She clearly has no respect for your,your husband nor herself.Her behavior is unacceptable.You guys should sit down together and set some rules.You and your husband should tell her what needs o be changed and the consequences that she will face if nothing does change.What consequences might they be ? Only you and your husband know.If nothing changes,either you make the sacrifice to put up with her for your husband and the sake of your marriage or leave.Its up to you.

[mar2011 1]

Oh my God, the description of your husband's daughter sounds soooooo much similar to my husband's sister... exactly 100% but she has 2 kids that are very disrespectful too... Me and my husband are living with his family for now, we are looking for a house to move out... the thing is that both of his parents and all his family members want this girl to move out but they can't do anything about it. The mum is simply afraid of her and afraid that she will never see her grandkids again. One day she his sister even attacked my husband, he had to push her away and she called the cops on him.. by the way, she called police on many of their family members for nothing.. so ppl simply dont come to their house anymore because of that girl.. anyways, the police officer told us that the only way to get her out of the house is to call the police every time she starts calling smbd names or threatening or attacking... and then file for the restriction order.. that's what we were told... I feel sad for you in that kid of situation but you should seriously talk to your husband about it and I really hope you find the right solution..

[ronluvme 10]

hey girl,

let your husband read this vj's comments.hope you'll be fine but take some actions too,whatever people say here the decision is yours,

[cartaverde 12]

That's an awful lot of BS stress you've been thru in these past few years because of her.

I like ~happyndinlove~'s suggestions for making her life to be less enjoyable.

But what I'd probably do would be one more chat. It's either you or her daughter. There isn't space for both, at least how the things are at the moment.

If she chooses his daughter but also wants you around, it's time to make some changes. There are 3 adults in the house, so she should pay 33 % of the rent of your place, and of all the house expenses for you. Yes, phone, internet, insurance, electricity, waste, you name it. And 33 % of the food costs, even if she wants to get her fancy meals in addition to the ones she's now getting for free. When I was 15, my dad gave me two options for staying at his house: either I study (until I get a degree even), or I get a job and pay for the rent. That was at 15, not 25! She does get state support, so that should be used for paying her expenses and not for partying and new shoes and handbags.

If she does not like that, then she definitely should kick herself and get on her own feet. Get a place she can afford, and -gasp- get a job that provides income, or get herself a husband that's looking for a lazy housewife. And if she'd choose to find a work, if your husband would still feel like babysitting her kid, he could still do so, without having her scrooging around and making your life misery.

If he does not like that idea, then enough is enough. Tell him you love him but enough is enough, and if he ever wants to kick her out and dedicate himself back to you, he can come to tell you when he's ready. Meanwhile, get a place of your own, and see how those two adults without a breadwinner make their ends meet. (you probably want to make sure your money goes to your account and not to a common account after you decide to move to your own place).

[flicker 5]

nothing will change unless you move out ,,if you dont change something nothing will change its that simple,,i pray that it will all workout for you and we pray you will find the strength to lift youreselfup and lead the life you were ment to lead,,i dont think you came here to be caregiver and piggy bank to a housefull of adults,,,dont mean to be rude it just gets me so mad to hear whats happening to you,grhrghrgrhrhrghr read<<purpose driven life> by rick warren ,,it will definitely help u out

[RICARDO4EVA2 194]

dont cause a burden on your self.. it's not right to go through your situation ESPECIALLY when it is all too controllable on your part. Have a sit down conversation.. the hubby and that child of his. Let him know... in her presence for her to continue living there she has to contribute and be respectful.. the complete opposite of what she is doing now. Speak with your hubby before hand and come to agreement on when she will be expected to move out. Speak with the husband separately on the issues you both face. If he's not working.. he too must find employment.. there's plenty in GEORGIA, USA. If there's no improvement then why sit around.. when you can feed 4 people instead of 7..? Not having the burden of 3 other's roofing, possible whereabouts, attitude... etc. i'm not a person to keep up with the BS.

[happyblessedme 12]

Thank y'all so much for your words of encouragement and pieces of advice. Will surely let u know updates in the future.

Edited December 2, 2011 by happyblessedme