Confused and Desperately Needs Help

[Lovely Lily 1]

I would be wary about the advice to see a lawyer for help with evicting the daughter. This is between you and your husband--either you come up with a solution together, or you have to re-examine the marriage itself. Getting a third party involved and acting on the problem without him will likely make things worse. Talk to him again, sympathize with his concerns that his daughter and grandson not end up on the street, but let him know that things have to change. If she's going to live there, she has to contribute and abide by rules you and your husband set.

[Helen Louise Pile 80]

I have a family member like this.

In my opinion the best thing to do would be to calmly talk to your husband about your concerns about your step daughter and how you are going to help her reach her full potential as a mother. You are not helping her by taking responsibilities away from her. That should be clear to your husband. You could tell his that you want to make sure your grandson is safe and that he has a mother who can be proud of herself. To do that, you need to let her find her own way, but still support her.

It seems like the first thing you need is for your husband to be on your side and to show your step daughter that you are a united front and that you care, but will not be taken advantage of. You need to expect more from her and show her that she can live up to your expectations. Her life doesn't sound fun. It sounds like she is avoiding responsibilities, perhaps because she doesn't think she can handle it.

I am just speculating.

I wish you luck. I know it can be hard to deal with!

[dirtsquirter 7]

If what you say is true, that you have talked to your husband "a billion times", then it's obvious he isn't going to do anything, or change anything. I know it sounds harsh, but after talking with him a billion and one times, you need to get away from these people!!! Now, before you become a human slave. What you describe isn't love. Good luck!

[happyblessedme 12]

I kicked my 18 year old daughter out of the house for much less.

Your husband should be supportive of you. You and him should be able to agree on how to deal with the situation. If not then you need to decide how far are you willing to push the matter.

Would you move yourself and the 3 kids out of the house if push comes to shove?

I already told my husband that if he is not gonna do something about it ,,i am sorry i love him but i have to move out of the house with my kids. But he just won't say a word everytime i tell him this.

I appreciate ur time.

[happyblessedme 12]

My Direct Responses to your exact questions:

1. Is it right for my husband to let me go through all this stress?

NO

2.Is it right for my husband to let his daughter lives with us and use me?And he is not even making any income for 2.6 years now?

His income has no bearing on this answer. In the right circumstances it would be okay. What you have described is not the right circumstances.

3.What is the legal way(if there is any) that i need to do to get my step daughter out of my house? They said in the state of GA you can not evict someone who lives with u for over 30 days and she live with us since 2009 till this very minute.

I think you misquoted what you were told. You have to evict her using the legal court process because she has established residence and has rights.

4. Should i just let my step daughter ruin my marriage? My hubby said he wont allow his daughter and grand son live on a street which i really do understand(His daughter's own mom won't even deal with her because of the way she is).

She isn't ruining your marriage, it would be your husband's actions (or inaction) that ruins it.

5.But what about me? this all causes me too much stress that is more than enough and too much for me to handle.

That's for you to answer.

6.When hubby and daughter argue he tells his daughter to get out but i knew he never really meant it.

Which is exactly why she acts the way she does.

Thank you for ur time . I am trying to save our marriage that is why i been suffering and sacrificing for over 2 years now.

[happyblessedme 12]

If what you say is true, that you have talked to your husband "a billion times", then it's obvious he isn't going to do anything, or change anything. I know it sounds harsh, but after talking with him a billion and one times, you need to get away from these people!!! Now, before you become a human slave. What you describe isn't love. Good luck!

thank u for your time.I am trying to save our marriage reason why i been sacrificing and suffering of all these.I always tell myself everything will be okay eventhough it is killing me slowly everyday. but instead of getting better it is now getting worst.

[happyblessedme 12]

Chances are if your husband is content to let her stay you will not be able to evict her. If you are unhappy in your marriage as a result of this your best bet is to a) talk to your husband b) begin couples and/or family therapy and c) consult with a lawyer regarding what your options are regarding having her move out. Honestly, though, even in the unlikely event you could legally force her out, doing so behind your husband's back probably won't help your marriage. So I would begin with steps a and b.

Thanks a lot for your time,i appreciate it

[happyblessedme 12]

I think your husband need to grow up and need to be little smart lol. He is concern about his adult daughter, but seems like did'nt think about your young children who really need to be taking care of first and need his support. But since he is currently still jobless and can't provide anything for the young kids, and your the one who supporting the family, then the least that he can do is talk to his daughter to save money and move out as possible as she can. About your quistion # 3, I will do more research about that online, coz I also heard about that before that you can't just evict someone who lives long enough with you, even so... I'm sure you probably have more legal rights, specially if you have a reason for kicking her out. should be more easier and possible for you if your husband is gonna support you about this, because he care also about you and your younger children than his 25 y.o daughter.

BUT.. if he really gonna insist that his daughter should really stay.. I guess you have to decide if you still willing stay and tolerate it or leave and stand for your self coz you think you have enough. Also it seems like you already done alot for him and for your marriage. It's his turn to do something for it.

All this time i've been very understanding and patient to the point of i am so sick and tired now of the situation. Over 2 years of everyday dealing with it is killing me softly.

Thank you for ur time, i really appreciate it.

[happyblessedme 12]

1. I don't know what you mean by "right". It's not very nice but it's not illegal. She hasn't abused you. You are the bread-winner. If you wanted to leave you could afford to do so. You are not tied to the house so it could be said you put yourself through the stress. Do I think he should kick her out? Yes probably. It's obvious you are BOTH being used (remember it's not just about you).

2. You married him AND his family. How would you react if she was your child and he wanted her out? You would be upset that he isn't supporting your family when you would support his... You wouldn't let him kick your daughter out on the street in the same condition (I know I probably wouldn't). You are supporting the family. You are PART of the family and you have a say. It doesn't matter that he's not working, he too has a say.

When my stepdaughter first moved my hubby imposed rules on her and she was not planning to live with us this long.she said she will just need time to find her own place.Those rules were never followed. SHe is disrespectfull to her dad even.

Of course i would not kick my kids out if the situation is the other way around but my stepdaughter is 25 yr. old,getting child support ,,not paying any bills(her car is paid off) and she is very able to find a job and work.

3. I would see a lawyer about kicking her out, but because your husband lives there too he's allowed to have his "guests" stay. I would personally suggest you speak to your husband to figure out a solution that works for both of you. Would you be okay helping her get an apartment (i.e. giving her money for the security deposit)? What happens if you do that and she can't pay the rent, will your husband expect her to move back in? As someone else stated you need to have a united front. Would you be okay kicking the daughter out and letting the child stay (I would insist on signing over guardianship of the child so that you're covered legally but consider paying her the child support that you would be getting as a source of income for her and so she gets out).. because I think the child is what your husband is most concerned about, his daughter can get a job and what not but the child would be dragged

She gets monthly child support enough for her and her son.She don't wanna move out because in my house she has no bills and food to worry.She come and go, anytime she wants to.

4. Its up to you and your husband whether you let the situation ruin your marriage or not. You can give up or you can fight. You've been fighting for 2 years though so it might mean giving up and letting him realise what he's risking.

5. What about you? You earn the money. Move out and get your own place. What will he do then? You've allowed yourself to be used and by continuing to let yourself be used you're getting no respect. I think it's a ridiculous shame that you would let her come between you and your marriage but right now it doesn't read like your husband is fighting for the marriage at all. You should be open to a compromise, but what exactly would you want? Obviously she needs to get out but if she can't help herself... you might be forced to help her.

She just wanna take,take and take. She don't wanna work,dont wanna pay bills not even a dime.

6. This isn't really a question...

I'm not trying to be harsh. I don't think your husband understands exactly how this is affecting you. I don't think he understands that you really WILL leave if there isn't a compromise reached. I say compromise because I agree that kicking her out with a child would be hard (hence my suggestion above) but he also needs to realise that she can't be allowed to treat you both (all) like this. She's basically abandoned her child anyway. I think she's using the child, I think she knows that if she didn't have a child she'd be out on her butt.

Please read if u have time my reply to ur numbers 2 and 3 answers. thank u so much for ur time

Edited November 30, 2011 by happyblessedme

[happyblessedme 12]

My Direct Responses to your exact questions:

1. Is it right for my husband to let me go through all this stress?

NO

2.Is it right for my husband to let his daughter lives with us and use me?And he is not even making any income for 2.6 years now?

His income has no bearing on this answer. In the right circumstances it would be okay. What you have described is not the right circumstances.

3.What is the legal way(if there is any) that i need to do to get my step daughter out of my house? They said in the state of GA you can not evict someone who lives with u for over 30 days and she live with us since 2009 till this very minute.

I think you misquoted what you were told. You have to evict her using the legal court process because she has established residence and has rights.

4. Should i just let my step daughter ruin my marriage? My hubby said he wont allow his daughter and grand son live on a street which i really do understand(His daughter's own mom won't even deal with her because of the way she is).

She isn't ruining your marriage, it would be your husband's actions (or inaction) that ruins it.

5.But what about me? this all causes me too much stress that is more than enough and too much for me to handle.

That's for you to answer.

6.When hubby and daughter argue he tells his daughter to get out but i knew he never really meant it.

Which is exactly why she acts the way she does.

i appreciate ur time.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Please read if u have time my reply to ur numbers 2 and 3 answers. thank u so much for ur time

Ahhh see then you have a leg to stand on (most definitely) with your husband. He SAID it would be a short time. He KNOWS she's able to live by herself, in fact she did so before she moved in with you. I would try reasoning with him. Had she never lived alone, and had no idea it would seem especially cruel but it's not. Maybe he enjoys having her home, or having the grandson home while he's not at work. Maybe he feels like he's doing something by baby-sitting (and feels bad he's not working).

I think your problem here is your husband. Suggest counselling with him so that you have someone else to listen to the issue and give their input. Let him know you are VERY unhappy and that he's limiting your choices. YOU and your children deserve to be happy.

I suggest you talk to him. Tell him you would like his support in telling her it's been long enough and it's time for her to move out. She's had 2 years of not paying bills, she should have a nice nest egg set up (which i doubt she does and when he mentions that I would mention how she was able to live on it before and now where is the money going because it's definitely not helping "the family"). Tell him you would like her to move out in the new year (seeing it's Christmas soon), that gives her time to save for first months rent and security deposit. Tell him you MUST stand together on this. That your marriage is failing thanks to this situation and your relationship need this chance to get back on track. That you don't HATE his daughter but she is being very selfish and surely he sees that.

[happyblessedme 12]

I have a family member like this.

In my opinion the best thing to do would be to calmly talk to your husband about your concerns about your step daughter and how you are going to help her reach her full potential as a mother. You are not helping her by taking responsibilities away from her. That should be clear to your husband. You could tell his that you want to make sure your grandson is safe and that he has a mother who can be proud of herself. To do that, you need to let her find her own way, but still support her.

It seems like the first thing you need is for your husband to be on your side and to show your step daughter that you are a united front and that you care, but will not be taken advantage of. You need to expect more from her and show her that she can live up to your expectations. Her life doesn't sound fun. It sounds like she is avoiding responsibilities, perhaps because she doesn't think she can handle it.

I am just speculating.

I wish you luck. I know it can be hard to deal with!

Thank u for ur time. I did that billlion times already But the problem is its myhusband who wants her to stay.

[Deema & Wayne 28]

I kicked my 18 year old daughter out of the house for much less.

Your husband should be supportive of you. You and him should be able to agree on how to deal with the situation. If not then you need to decide how far are you willing to push the matter.

Would you move yourself and the 3 kids out of the house if push comes to shove?

I think your best option right now is to try talking to him one more time and I agree, moving out with your 3 kids will be a very loud and clear statement. It's not as easy as it sounds, I know, but you need to draw the line somewhere. Second of all, you can't evict her or call the police to evict her but there are court proceedings; I don't think that will do much good though since your husband wants her to stay. If that girl is getting child support, she should be contributing in the household and helping with the bills, even housework and can get a job flipping burgers if she wanted to, but she doesn't because she's taken advantage of you and your kindness. Your husband needs to have a talk with his daughter and you need to be firm about it too.

Edited November 30, 2011 by Deema & Wayne

[happyblessedme 12]

I think your best option right now is to try talking to him one more time and I agree, moving out with your 3 kids will be a very loud and clear statement. It's not as easy as it sounds, I know, but you need to draw the line somewhere. Second of all, you can't evict her or call the police to evict her but there are court proceedings; I don't think that will do much good though since your husband wants her to stay. If that girl is getting child support, she should be contributing in the household and helping with the bills, even housework and can get a job flipping burgers if she wanted to, but she doesn't because she's taken advantage of you and your kindness. Your husband needs to have a talk with his daughter and you need to be firm about it too.

Thank you.. like i said i did talked to my husband about it every single day but nothing happened. The problem is my husband eventhough admitted to me a million times that he himself don't understand his own daughter being so selfish, and disrespectful still my husband DO NOT want to kick his daughter out of the house.

I have come to a point now that i am so so sick,feed up and so tired.

[Olomi_811 130]

In Georgia you have to do a legal eviction filed at the courthouse. Unfortunately she's got it good so she's not willingly going to leave.