Age difference of fiance to fiancee?

[Dan and Judy 614]

More complex: if your spouse received citizenship, would she instantly turn into some kind of horrid American *thing* that needed to be traded in more a more exotic version?

28 is the proper age to trade them in regardless of citizenship.

[Dan and Judy 614]

Actually it is him that has the large one. . Way to be offensive!

My ex husband was a Filipino-American

point of reference established

[davenjanet 22]

Gee, I'm gone one day and this thing has devolved into a total dumpster fire. Some funny stuff but it should probably be closed.

Yet since it hasn't yet been closed I feel compelled to repeat a point I made (perhaps unsuccessfully) earlier. Most everone is on this forum because there is a petition to bring in a foreign fiancee or spouse. Therefore almost by definition we have been subject to questions, criticism or even ridicule about why we would marry a foreigner - or why the foreigner would marry an American.

Yet even in those circumstances some still believe that their relationship is more appropriate than another couple's. Bizarre!

Such judgments if they are ever appropriate should come on a case by case basis. I have no problem if someone meets Janet and I and thinks that we are bad people - they'd be wrong, but I have no problem if someone comes to such a conclusion. But to judge strangers based on a generic datapoint will never work for me.

Edited January 24, 2013 by davenjanet

[actob99 156]

Plus, you couldn't hold a candle to my Danish husband, he'd break a smaller woman.

You are right Mod, copy that.

Please don't leave and accept my apologies for telling you to leave the thread.

Please let me hear some more racist, offensive, rude remarks like this one. And I will respond with respect..

[VJ Supersleuth 100]

Please don't leave and accept my apologies for telling you to leave the thread.

Please let me hear some more racist, offensive, rude remarks like this one. And I will respond with respect..

An american woman can't hold a candle to my wife [...]

It is ok to think your wife is amazing, but not because of her race or nationality. That is a little creepy.

Plus, you couldn't hold a candle to my Danish husband, he'd break a smaller woman.

actob99,

It takes a real man to be able to apologize, I admire you for that.

[lierre 224]

Dave, the reaction or curiosity over a 20-something woman from the Philippines marrying a man nearly twice her age is because people wonder if she had instead been born and raised in America, would she have even considered dating a man that much older? If you have a daughter, would you be so accepting of her running off to a different country to marry a man nearly twice her age? I think most sane fathers would be at least wondering why she would do that when there are other more age-compatible men.

I think people give age too much credit. It's like they think who is more gullible... The older man with the mid-life crisis or the young, relatively inexperienced twenty-something woman...

For me, i have had some experience with men of my age or two to three years near my age... Enough to know it is difficult to find a man who I can hold a great conversation with and make life plans with.

It just so happened that the man I finally meet and realized I wanted to marry was an American two years older than me. He is definitely a lot more mature about relationships and his career than Filipino men my age. I am not dissing Filipino men at all. I am not even dissing older men.

But, I am just so happy I didn't rule out meeting a non-Filipino man who is my age when I was dating

Edited January 25, 2013 by ivyanddan

[Tintin and Mike 127]

I'm 9 months older than Mike

[lierre 224]

There is no better example of manipulative behavior than people attacking marriages.

Never allow them to put you on the defensive about something that they have no right to judge in the first place. Because once they put you on the defensive, they've already won their little manipulative game.

"My marriage is more valid than your marriage because ours was based on purity, whereas yours was defiled by the grotesque obscentity of wanting to improve your life."

"We, on the other hand, sacrificed ourselves upon a temple of altruism. To show humanity our selflessness, our giant intellect in marrying for the purpose of making ourselves worse off, thereby entering Heaven on a higher plane. You are surely going to Hell for your vile behvavior." This is the reducto ad absurdem version of what they are trying to imply.

And all of the denial about what they are doing - "Oh, I'm not judging you or trying to put you on the defensive... I'm just curious, and want you to justify to me, his most Royal Majesty The King, why you are getting married to this unqualified object."

When you see a woman trying to shame you choosing one younger and more beautiful than her - get right in her face. You bet. What, you think I'm stupid? I should take someone like you with an attitude instead of one younger and more beautiful without one? I'm not a retard.

How about the old "you just want one that is submissive." It's all about taking the smile off your face. The instant you get defensive, they've exercised power over you. They can take any

My preferred policy is to get right in their face and relish what they want me to be defensive about. Yes, I absolutely do want to have sex with a 19 year old instead of a 50-something. That's why playboy centerfolds are 19 instead of 50-something. Deal with it. You don't even find them in their 30's. But they want you to get defensive about what is clearly the preference of men worldwide. You just won the Olympics and they want to say "all you wanted was a gold medal". Look at you and your trophy wife.

Well yeah as a matter of fact. Look at you and your old hag.

This is offensive to a lot of women. Even if I'm the "Filipina with the 19 year old body"... However, you are entitled to marry whoever you want. Whether it's for love, sex or just having someone to show off. As long as it's consensual.

Yet even in those circumstances some still believe that their relationship is more appropriate than another couple's. Bizarre!

Such judgments if they are ever appropriate should come on a case by case basis. I have no problem if someone meets Janet and I and thinks that we are bad people - they'd be wrong, but I have no problem if someone comes to such a conclusion. But to judge strangers based on a generic datapoint will never work for me.

We can't ever be held responsible for wanting other people to not be so close minded. But, we really can't change everyone's perspective... I guess you have to choose your battles. If it is just a comment that doesn't relly affect your job and your family life, just let it slide.

Americans and other cultures, too, should lighten up with the idea of age being such a huge issue. You know what should be the issue? The fact that one's perspective of what is an appropriate relationship is a product of your own very limited field of experience and beliefs.

An older man who married someone way younger than him is not necessarily a creep. What about those guys who are around my age who dates only Asians? How about those that date only African Americans? Or those relationships between a Caucasian man and a non-Caucasian woman (African, Asian, Hispanic, etc) who are in the same age but are being frowned upon?

Those are such superficial reasons for judging other people's relationships... Skin color, age, ethnicity... You really think your relationship is better just because you're the same age, the same ethnicity, the same skin color? Hmmm... Well, that line of thinking reminds us so much of World War I, hmmmmm

Edited January 25, 2013 by ivyanddan

[Darnell 8,478]

Oh, I think my marriage is better than yours simply because it wasn't YOU that married my wife

[lierre 224]

Oh, I think my marriage is better than yours simply because it wasn't YOU that married my wife

Your wife isn't as lucky as me.

Say what?

( lovestruck)

There's really no need to feel defensive about anyone's relationship here. No one here is qualified to judge the validity of the marriage. People are just curious why there's such a high number of older men with younger Filipina wives. The men here are choosing younger wives because they can. The younger women are open to marrying men much older than they are because economic opportunities are more important to them than age compatibility. If that makes you uncomfortable, just wait until you hear it from family and friends.

Just backreading... Hmmm, I am disappointed that I cannot say this isn't true. There are some people who probably think that is what they require of their partners.

But, you ought not to limit it to Filipinas. Come on now.

Also, you shouldn't generalize it for all marriages between older foreign man and younger Filipino woman... You can't be THAT jaded.

Edited January 25, 2013 by ivyanddan

[Dan and Judy 614]

If marrying a girl 30 years younger is good enough for the President of the United States, it's good enough for me.

[actob99 156]

But, you ought not to limit it to Filipinas. Come on now.

Also, you shouldn't generalize it for all marriages between older foreign man and younger Filipino woman... You can't be THAT jaded.

Excellent post...

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

If marrying a girl 30 years younger is good enough for the President of the United States, it's good enough for me.

i had no idea michelle was in her early 20's

[Nasturtium 500]

Just backreading... Hmmm, I am disappointed that I cannot say this isn't true. There are some people who probably think that is what they require of their partners.

But, you ought not to limit it to Filipinas. Come on now.

Also, you shouldn't generalize it for all marriages between older foreign man and younger Filipino woman... You can't be THAT jaded.

I believe LM's comment about the Philippines had to do with the fact we're in the PI forum. As was mentioned earlier, there are some forums with a really disproportionate number of certain age-gap relationships. PI, RUB-- older men, younger women, many really large gaps. Much higher than average. MENA-- really high number of older female/younger male relationships with large age gaps. Much higher than average. Sp the eternal question is always why.

Vj is obviously a small sample of the number of foreign spouse relationships with USCs at any one time. It also only represents from the pool of USCs and foreign spouses who use computers (which is why I suspect we have so many online meeting stories on VJ-- our participant pool is more internet-based to begin with). Even with that, though, the numbers are still high. So everyone wonders-- what is going on here?

Anyone who rules out the possibility of love in at least some of the relationships is silly. Anyone who rules out fraud in some is silly. Anyone who rules out mutual benefits of age versus economics is silly. My guess is a combination of the three and whatever other factors there are, probably not equally weighted with all the possibilities forms some relationships while others stick to one category.

[LSnBigBear 61]

Danish and Johnsons. Great now I am hungry for a danish as I talk with my friend Fred Johnson. Woo I am so confused and now need to go buy some danishes for s snack. I hope they have blueberry

Okay now onto a real point. A great read to explain some of this discussion are two Books "Every Man's Battle" and "Every Woman's Battle". These books enlighten us why men find attraction with our eyes verus women finding attraction with senses for example-- feelings, touching plus attention and security. These are good books to read for everyone starting a marriage. They are based on Christian principles (Ut oh he said the C word ) written very well to explain our chemistry make up. If you think about something. Most affairs happen when a husband is ignoring or taking his wife for granted, not showing her the above courtesy. Then some clown at work thinking with his eyes and shall we say Fred "Johnson" since that is the word of the week ( ) starts to show the wife attention where her hubby is not showing then (Ut oh ) marriage is now broken.... Think about it........... Men =eyes" women "feelings" Man I am a freakin genius I know

Now back to the show..........................