Age difference of fiance to fiancee?

[davenjanet 22]

^^ How is that (bolded) any less offensive than what Lincolns Mullet said?

If you are an American woman maybe it is just as offensive. To counter the constant references to desperate, gold digging foreign women only interested in money it seemed reasonable to mention that American woman are equally (or more) influenced by cash. Is there even a disagreement about that?

As to my slightly off-color personal story - well in the name of total disclosure I should mention that it was a female friend with whom I had the exchange. Nonetheless she had crossed the line several times in commenting about my Filipina gf and it seemed justifiable to snap back. But yes, the greater implication (that essentially I was buying a girl) is offensive. I asked my friend whether she could imagine any other reason for our relationship. Since she knows me I assumed she would do the right thing and say "well I am sure it's because you are a nice, kind person, mature, responsible, good father, etc." Instead she repled that she believed there could be no other reason other than money and/or green card. At that point I played the Johnson-card. The comment worked and there have been no other negative references to my gf since.

[Krikit 1,164]

If you are an American woman maybe it is just as offensive. To counter the constant references to desperate, gold digging foreign women only interested in money it seemed reasonable to mention that American woman are equally (or more) influenced by cash. Is there even a disagreement about that?

1. I am not an American woman.

2. Yes, there is a disagreement about that.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

1. I am not an American woman.

2. Yes, there is a disagreement about that.

It is possible to say something positive about one woman without denigrating another.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

It is possible to say something positive about one woman without denigrating another.

Or we could have a thread about why my handy, tall, and sweet viking husband is more amazing than American men, no? I could totally get into that.

(I'm just teasing)

[Hank_ 9,174]

Ya know what they say about us Nowegians?

You can always tell a Norwegian, you just can't tell him much!

[Dan and Judy 614]

1. I am not an American woman.

What kind of woman are you?

[Dan and Judy 614]

Ya know what they say about us Nowegians?

incredibly small johansons?

[lierre 224]

As to my slightly off-color personal story - well in the name of total disclosure I should mention that it was a female friend with whom I had the exchange. Nonetheless she had crossed the line several times in commenting about my Filipina gf and it seemed justifiable to snap back. But yes, the greater implication (that essentially I was buying a girl) is offensive. I asked my friend whether she could imagine any other reason for our relationship. Since she knows me I assumed she would do the right thing and say "well I am sure it's because you are a nice, kind person, mature, responsible, good father, etc." Instead she repled that she believed there could be no other reason other than money and/or green card. At that point I played the Johnson-card. The comment worked and there have been no other negative references to my gf since.

Davenjanet, one of the things you can learn in this forum is that only the few who have experienced being judged superficially as you have been will understand why you said what you said.

I am sure my husband would have easily said something rude back to anyone who would say rude comments about our relationship. When we weren't married yet, I'd personally feel uncomfortable, wondering if people were thinking I was just his Asian fling. But, that easily passed... I no longer care.

I think there are women who marry for money and for the immigration privileges as many as there are women who actually marry for love.

Age, citizenship, have kids or not, divorced or widowed, etc... These are all factors that any woman (or man) consider when they find a partner. Who cares if another person thinks you're making a mistake or you're being a nasty creep? You know what's the real deal between you and your partner... And that's what we all ought to spend most of our energy on.

Edited January 22, 2013 by ivyanddan

[davenjanet 22]

Davenjanet, one of the things you can learn in this forum is that only the few who have experienced being judged superficially as you have been will understand why you said what you said.

I am sure my husband would have easily said something rude back to anyone who would say rude comments about our relationship. When we weren't married yet, I'd personally feel uncomfortable, wondering if people were thinking I was just his Asian fling. But, that easily passed... I no longer care.

I think there are women who marry for money and for the immigration privileges as many as there are women who actually marry for love.

Age, citizenship, have kids or not, divorced or widowed, etc... These are all factors that any woman (or man) consider when they find a partner. Who cares if another person thinks you're making a mistake or you're being a nasty creep? You know what's the real deal between you and your partner... And that's what we all ought to spend most of our energy on.

Thanks for this nice piece of wisdom!

[Hank_ 9,174]

incredibly small johansons?

Naaaa .... that's the Swedes!

[JoBri 548]

To tell you the truth, no one is ever going to make me feel BAD or defensive that my my wife was still young enough to give birth to our beautiful gift of a son, who is my "Little Buddy", or that she is so young and beautiful in my own personal opinion. And, just to add, I am very proud of her for a number of other reasons. I am proud of her for what she accomplished before she ever met me. I am proud of her for having the guts to leave her birth country and all her successes to come to be with me with all the unknowms and changes on account of love, and I am proud of her for the accomplishments she has made here in her new home ALL ON HER OWN! I am just plain proud of my wife, in all respects, period.

Edited January 22, 2013 by Brijo

[one...two...tree 2,762]

There's really no need to feel defensive about anyone's relationship here. No one here is qualified to judge the validity of the marriage. People are just curious why there's such a high number of older men with younger Filipina wives. The men here are choosing younger wives because they can. The younger women are open to marrying men much older than they are because economic opportunities are more important to them than age compatibility. If that makes you uncomfortable, just wait until you hear it from family and friends.

[davenjanet 22]

27 years ago I married an African-American woman. Despite it being the enlightened 80s we were prepared for the fact that some friends, family members or people in general would not approve of what we had done. I worked on myself, determining what I might say or do; when I might speak out and when I might let things slide. In the end, while we did have some negative responses there weren't that many. A few family members were unhappy. I found out my father was a bigger racist than I'd realized. On the flip side, other people befriended us, thinking (perhaps falsely) that we were in some weird way gutsy. So it balanced out but still we were always aware that a few people would judge us.

It may seem that this issue is not at all the same as race, but I think it has similarities. Back then no one would ever admit they were racists; they simply had logical reasons inter-racial relationships could not work. I heard many of the same reasons for opposing that marriage: what could you possibly have in common, wont you find constant opposition in society, what about any kids you might have, you are just slumming, it's only about sex, and that overriding and ubiquitous judgment - it's just plain wrong.

When it comes to sex, America is still puritanical. A couple generations ago it was marriage between people of different religions that was considered wrong or immoral. Then it was inter-racial marriages. Then same sex relations. Some Americans just have a hard time with who sleeps with whom.

Just as 27 years ago, I have gotten to think about this issue now and decide how I wish to live and how I wish to respond to any opposition we might face. No, I won't go postal on anyone - it's just not my nature. But I do expect that a friendship or two might be affected. In a way the time it takes for the Visa to be finalized has given me time to work on a few of my friends who I think might have an issue. I will show them that our relationship is wonderful. Ultimately they will have to decide to accept it or not. Life is too short and I am too old to invite people into my home and life who judge us.

But regardless of how I respond to individuals in my life, including making a decision to turn the other cheek, I will not put my head in the sand. Just as nearly 3 decades ago I could not pretend that racism did not exist, I cannot now pretend that predjudice does not exist about other cultures, or that ageism doesn't exist. It does! How I will deal with it will change on a case by case basis.

In the end as with most major life changes, some people will be added to my life and some will fall by the wayside.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

27 years ago I married an African-American woman. Despite it being the enlightened 80s we were prepared for the fact that some friends, family members or people in general would not approve of what we had done. I worked on myself, determining what I might say or do; when I might speak out and when I might let things slide. In the end, while we did have some negative responses there weren't that many. A few family members were unhappy. I found out my father was a bigger racist than I'd realized. On the flip side, other people befriended us, thinking (perhaps falsely) that we were in some weird way gutsy. So it balanced out but still we were always aware that a few people would judge us.

It may seem that this issue is not at all the same as race, but I think it has similarities. Back then no one would ever admit they were racists; they simply had logical reasons inter-racial relationships could not work. I heard many of the same reasons for opposing that marriage: what could you possibly have in common, wont you find constant opposition in society, what about any kids you might have, you are just slumming, it's only about sex, and that overriding and ubiquitous judgment - it's just plain wrong.

When it comes to sex, America is still puritanical. A couple generations ago it was marriage between people of different religions that was considered wrong or immoral. Then it was inter-racial marriages. Then same sex relations. Some Americans just have a hard time with who sleeps with whom.

Just as 27 years ago, I have gotten to think about this issue now and decide how I wish to live and how I wish to respond to any opposition we might face. No, I won't go postal on anyone - it's just not my nature. But I do expect that a friendship or two might be affected. In a way the time it takes for the Visa to be finalized has given me time to work on a few of my friends who I think might have an issue. I will show them that our relationship is wonderful. Ultimately they will have to decide to accept it or not. Life is too short and I am too old to invite people into my home and life who judge us.

But regardless of how I respond to individuals in my life, including making a decision to turn the other cheek, I will not put my head in the sand. Just as nearly 3 decades ago I could not pretend that racism did not exist, I cannot now pretend that predjudice does not exist about other cultures, or that ageism doesn't exist. It does! How I will deal with it will change on a case by case basis.

In the end as with most major life changes, some people will be added to my life and some will fall by the wayside.

Thanks for sharing that but the issue behind the age gap of these marriages is that the American men have the upperhand. He typically has many eager Filipinas to choose from as many of then will say up front they are looking for an American husband. So it's natural to pick one that is young, pretty and petite. Its like hitting the jackpot - a plethora of young,eager women who can't wait to be married to a man much older.

[actob99 156]

Thanks for sharing that but the issue behind the age gap of these marriages is that the American men have the upperhand. He typically has many eager Filipinas to choose from as many of then will say up front they are looking for an American husband. So it's natural to pick one that is young, pretty and petite. Its like hitting the jackpot - a plethora of young,eager women who can't wait

to be married to a man much older.

And what is the issue again?