Age Gap

[Girl from Celebes 588]

According to relationship counselling group Relate, more couples than ever are marrying despite an age gap of ten years or more. While in 2000 the average age gap was two years, now it is eight. But should high-profile divorces such as that between 49-year-old Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, 33, serve as a warning or can age-gap marriages stay the course? Four such couples tell their stories...

I MARRIED DAD'S BEST FRIEND

Jay Urquhart-Pettifer, 31, a housekeeper, lives in Coventry with husband Anthony, 53, an IT specialist, and her daughter Cleo, 11, from a previous relationship. AGE GAP: 22 years.

Soulmates: Jay and Anthony don't think their 22-year age gap matters

JAY SAYS: My husband Anthony was my dad’s best friend — not surprisingly, Dad was very wary of our relationship at first. After all, Anthony has known me since I was eight years old.

But I think it says it all that he now introduces Anthony as his son-in-law, and that he walked me down the aisle on my wedding day.

While Anthony has always been part of my life, I didn’t get to know him properly until my 20s, when we’d meet at the local pub quiz.

He was handsome and I had a feeling he liked me, but he was very chivalrous and never made a move.

There was obviously a spark between us, but our friendship didn’t develop into anything more until I split from my former partner in 2009.

I confessed my feelings to Anthony in the car one night while he was dropping me at home after the pub quiz. There were butterflies in my stomach as I leant in to kiss him, but I was thrilled when he reciprocated.

After we got together, Anthony was worried about how my dad Ray would react to the news. When I told him, Dad was a bit lost for words.

Things were a bit awkward between him and Anthony at first — it would be difficult for any man to see his best friend with his daughter.

He was never angry, but it took him time to get his head round it. He was fine once he could see Anthony loved me for who I am, not as arm candy. My mum, who is the same age as Anthony, gave us her blessing, too.

As for the dynamics of our relationship, Anthony gives me financial security and, although it’s not the most important thing in a relationship, it’s comforting to know that Cleo and I are looked after.

We have been together for two years and, last June, we married in a traditional ceremony at our local church.

Sometimes people are surprised when they learn of our age gap. But not all young women who are with older men are gold-diggers, and not all older men want a bit of fluff on their arm.

Anthony doesn’t have any children of his own, so having kids together is something we’ve talked about. But for the time being we’re just enjoying married life. I know I’ve met my soulmate.

ANTHONY SAYS: I’ve known Jay since she was a child, but it wasn’t until a few years ago that I started to see her as anything more than a friend. She’s funny and gorgeous and I was thrilled when I realised she had feelings for me, too.

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I’ve never been married before but with Jay it felt right. She seems older than her years and we’ve got lots in common. We love Sixties music and the theatre.

We have encountered a few misunderstandings in the past — a DJ at our local club once said to Jay: ‘Oh, I see you’ve brought your dad along!’ — but we just laugh it off. We married for love and the age gap doesn’t matter to us.

I FEARED HE'D WANT CHILDREN

Dilys Mulhearn, 66, works in a school and is married to Austin, 44, who works for a storage company. They live in Bolton, Lancashire. AGE GAP: 22 years.

Happy together: Austin and Dilys don't care if people think their 22-year age gap is odd

DILYS SAYS: It was love at first sight. We met 12 years ago through the St John Ambulance, where we both volunteered. He was the trainer, and I thought what a nice person he was.

I was going through a separation from my first husband at the time and was feeling vulnerable.

I knew he was much younger and eyebrows were certainly raised by my family and people in the local community.

My youngest son welcomed him, but my eldest son thought the age gap was weird. It took him a long time to come round to the idea of our relationship.

I was also worried about the issue of children. I was over 50 and couldn’t have more — I have two grown-up sons from my first marriage, and a grand-daughter.

Fortunately, Austin has never wanted children.

People might think our relationship is strange, but we are so happy. We married at a local church in 1998 and this is the best relationship of my life.

Men my age expect women to do all the cooking and the cleaning, but Austin and I share everything.

I do most of the cooking, but he cleans the house and never feels it is emasculating. He treats me with real respect.

However, at the weekends I’d rather sit and knit while he likes to go out. In the evenings, I’ll watch TV dramas, while he plays on his PlayStation.

I know that we still attract odd looks, as he does look much younger than me, but I hold my head high. I don’t care what anyone thinks.’

AUSTIN SAYS: When I first met Dilys, I thought she was very attractive and I honestly did not think of her age.

I had been quite a shy young man, and was still living with my mother in my 30s. But volunteering with the St John Ambulance gave me confidence.

Everyone liked Dilys and she was so self-assured. I was flattered that she was interested in me. I know it sounds a cliche, but I feel that we are soulmates. We have some friends, but not a wide group — we are happy with our own company, as well as spending time with our amateur dramatic theatre group.

I am taking life as it comes. If I need to give up work to look after her in her 70s or 80s, I will willingly do that. She makes me so happy.’

YOUNGER MEN ARE EXHAUSTING

Helen Backhouse, 56, an artist, is married to computer programmer Pierre Burghgraeve, 40. Helen has a son, Thomas, 17. The family live near Clitheroe in Lancashire. AGE GAP: 16 years.

Toyboy: Helen thinks the 17 years between her and husband Pierre have become more apparent as they have got older

HELEN SAYS: As I get older, I find the age gap between us becomes more apparent, not less. I enjoy reading, gardening and sitting peacefully, while Pierre is much more active. And our tastes are very different, too.

For instance, I love music from the Seventies that he hates, and he listens to rap, which I can’t stand.

I like to tell everyone he keeps me young, but it can be exhausting being with a younger man. And living with him and my son is sometimes like living with two squabbling teenage boys.

There’s no doubt that being with a younger man raises eyebrows.

When we first got together, my friends were horrified. They worried he would eventually fall in love with a woman his own age and I would get hurt.

Pierre reassures me this will never happen. Yet there are times when I have questioned what on earth I am doing.

When I told my sister Pierre was moving in, she said: ‘How old is the next one going to be? 14?’

I married my first husband, a farmer, when I was 26 — he was the same age. The marriage ended after ten years without us having children.

When I was 38, I decided I wanted to be a mother and a good male friend agreed to be the donor father. I brought Thomas up on my own, until I met Pierre.

We met when Pierre, who’s French, came to be the chef at a restaurant near my home in 2004. When I found out he was 33, I thought: ‘Good grief!’ I thought he was older.

When it comes to the physical side of our relationship, the thing that flashes through my mind is, ‘I’d better have the lights off’ — but Pierre has always made me feel desirable.

Sometimes I do worry about the fact that when he’s 65, I’ll be in my 80s. But I joke that after I’ve gone, he can find a woman his own age and have a whole new life.’

PIERRE SAYS: To me, age is irrelevant. When I met Helen, I didn’t think: ‘How old is she?’ I simply thought what an attractive, interesting woman she was.

She has a wonderful career and is her own woman. I like the fact she’s seen more of life than me.

Of course there are differences in our cultural references, but then I am French, so she wouldn’t know the music and films I grew up with anyway.

People may look at us oddly sometimes, but I no longer notice. Besides, I am not frozen in time — I am ageing, too. As I get older, I feel the age gap between us narrows. I don’t think too much about the future — I am just glad we are happy now.’

ALL MY FRIENDS SAID I WAS MAD

Erika Clegg, 38, is married to Simon, 52. They run Spring, a design agency, in Suffolk. They have a son, William, two, and Simon has a daughter, Georgie, 13, who lives with them. AGE GAP: 14 years.

Seeing the funny side: Simon is 14 years older than Erika and has been mistaken for their two-year-old son's grandfather

ERIKA SAYS: Just before our son Will was born, Simon went into Mothercare to buy a cot. The sales assistant said: “How often will the baby be sleeping over?” She clearly thought he was going to be a grandfather. We laugh about it now, but it was a little uncomfortable at the time.

We met when I was 22 and he was 37. I was working for a London advertising agency, and he was a freelance photographer we often used.

The attraction was immediate, but I thought: ‘No, he’s too old for me!’. He then entered a complicated stage in his life — he already had a daughter, Georgie, with a girlfriend, and then had a brief marriage, so on paper he wasn’t an ideal match.

When we finally got together — 11 years ago — I was 27 and he was 42. My friends thought I was mad. I was enjoying the fast pace of life in London, and Simon was a father in his early 40s.

Our friends were very different, too, but I ‘jumped forward’ into his group of older friends with children, while mine melted away temporarily (thankfully, they have now come back).

I paused my career to look after Simon’s daughter, whom he had custody of. I know my family was very concerned for me — they thought I’d have to give up too much. Until then, I’d been ambitious and dedicated to my career, but I just diverted all that energy into looking after Georgie, whom I adore.

Simon and I just click. I do worry that he has less time left than me, but I can’t spend every day worrying about that.

We set up our design agency together, and that experience has levelled out our ages. In fact, we joke that I am much more of a grown-up than he is.

SIMON SAYS: When I first met Erika my immediate reaction was: ‘She’s extremely attractive, but far too young for me.’

I had to sort my life out before we could be together. There was Georgie, whom I was looking after with the help of my parents. Then I got married to someone else, very much on the rebound from Georgie’s mum, and that marriage lasted only six weeks.

So when I started dating Erika, friends said: ‘Oh no, Simon’s off on another disastrous relationship.’

In fact, I lost a lot of friends. They thought the age gap was too great and it would end in tears.

I feel I am very lucky indeed to have Erika, and our son. Getting up at 3am to do the night-time feeds was very hard at 50, but I have coped. In a way, it has given me a brand new lease of life

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2065447/Who-says-love-cross-age-gap-From-woman-married-fathers-best-friend-44-year-old-wife-pensioner-.html#ixzz1ee4JjFhg

[luckytxn 2,264]

There is 17 years of age difference between my babe and I but it is fun in many ways. She thinks she is my mother at times. She is nuts. Love when some say my daughter is beautiful and I get to say she is my wife. Have pics of her and I in my photos here.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

There is 17 years of age difference between my babe and I but it is fun in many ways. She thinks she is my mother at times. She is nuts. Love when some say my daughter is beautiful and I get to say she is my wife. Have pics of her and I in my photos here.

I went to see your pictures and you were right, she's simply beautiful.

[SuperDuper! 230]

Remember, Age is just a number! (you might of heard this one B4). Cheers!

[TheFantastics09 19]

Remember, Age is just a number! (you might of heard this one B4). Cheers!

I agree!

[luckytxn 2,264]

I went to see your pictures and you were right, she's simply beautiful.

Thanks. The best part is she knows it.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

As long as she's of legal age it's none of anyone else's business that I'm 15 years older than my wife...