Getting married In Belarus

[visaveteran1 33]

It's not genetic, but if you have a healthy relationship model in your parents, you have a far better chance of having healthy relationships yourself and being less messed up all-around.

The rest of us have to go to therapy. :-P

I'd need to see a correlation between long marriages and "healthy relationship models." As I said, my parents hit 50...so what? Besides, if you are raised well and had good role models, what about your spouse? It takes two to tango. Maybe she/he are jackasses or schizoid?

Overall, it's hard to argue against good role models...but there are too many other variables to put too much weight on any one simplistic sociological answer.

[visaveteran1 33]

Ummm....we do have a kid!

4-1/2 year old angel/monster of a boy!

Wanna babysit?

Boys will be boys. You're lucky he's young enough for you to have a real hand in raising him right.

[baron555 934]

Just to add, there are genetic factors, but a large component are "environmental" factors, good role models are one of such.

Nothing can be guaranteed but having positive factors does indeed weigh heavily toward the positive.

[LvivLovers 39]

You and a few others sound like motivational speakers or cheerleaders. Rah! Rah! OK...wait till they have a kid or pre menopause kicks in...that can start early, like early 40s. Then let's talk "the power of positive thinking."

My parents hit 50 too. They were not like us. It's not genetic. There's no correlation there.

We do have a son now. And I wasn't implying it was genetic...in addition to DNA, I inherited their value system too (specifically, religious values). Believe it or not, it makes a big difference in relationships as well as views on most things in life!

Edited January 6, 2012 by LvivLovers

[visaveteran1 33]

VV, you certainly do deserve credit for making your first marriage last 22 years, especially if you have had to deal with PTSD! But I hope, for your sake, that you can see another rationale for marriage you didn't mention. Whether you call it friendship, love, maybe even companionship, we all need it. It is not as intense as the infatuation type of love but it can be far deeper and stronger! I get the sense that RUB women place a higher value proprtionately on this type of 'love' than on the puppy-dog, infatuation kind of 'love' that is so glorified by Hollywood here. Rather than wearing out over time, this kind of love, if nurtured, can continue growing. Will we make our marriage work for 10 or more years? I don't know for a certainty but I have never felt so optimistic before! I hope you can find a way to regain your own optimism for your personal future!

A thoughtful post. Thanks for the good wishes embodied in your post.

[LvivLovers 39]

I'd need to see a correlation between long marriages and "healthy relationship models." As I said, my parents hit 50...so what? Besides, if you are raised well and had good role models, what about your spouse? It takes two to tango. Maybe she/he are jackasses or schizoid?

Overall, it's hard to argue against good role models...but there are too many other variables to put too much weight on any one simplistic sociological answer.

Been there done that. Yes...if your spouse has issues, any relationship can fail. The key is in recognizing a person with similar values at the start. If you've done that right, the rest is easy.

[visaveteran1 33]

We do have a son now. And I wasn't implying it was genetic...in addition to DNA, I inherited their value system too (specifically, religious values). Believe it or not, it makes a big difference in relationships as well as views on most things in life!

Everyone has their own little lab experiment going on. I'm glad your's is going well.

[slim 1,514]

Mine's crazy as hell but she's hot. I just hang in there ignoring everything until she's ready to give me some. That pretty much sums up our happy marriage.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

VV, you certainly do deserve credit for making your first marriage last 22 years, especially if you have had to deal with PTSD! But I hope, for your sake, that you can see another rationale for marriage you didn't mention. Whether you call it friendship, love, maybe even companionship, we all need it. It is not as intense as the infatuation type of love but it can be far deeper and stronger! I get the sense that RUB women place a higher value proprtionately on this type of 'love' than on the puppy-dog, infatuation kind of 'love' that is so glorified by Hollywood here. Rather than wearing out over time, this kind of love, if nurtured, can continue growing. Will we make our marriage work for 10 or more years? I don't know for a certainty but I have never felt so optimistic before! I hope you can find a way to regain your own optimism for your personal future!

Good post. I agree. There is a level of intimacy and trust I have never experienced before and very solid long term things seem the most important. Imagine that!

I am very convinced that children need good role models, whether they are biological parents or not, and that they always need to feel that they can trust you and that you have their best interests in mind. This stays with them, even when they do not seem to want it. When push comes to shove they know who cares for them unconditionally and when they have that knowledge they are much more likely to accept your advice, discipline or whatever you have to do as parents.

They present their own challenges at every age and they never stop needing you though it decreases with age of course. And then they give you grandkids which are even better because you can spoil them and give them back They are great fun, make the most of it.

[Enigma11561 336]

VV, you certainly do deserve credit for making your first marriage last 22 years, especially if you have had to deal with PTSD! But I hope, for your sake, that you can see another rationale for marriage you didn't mention. Whether you call it friendship, love, maybe even companionship, we all need it. It is not as intense as the infatuation type of love but it can be far deeper and stronger! I get the sense that RUB women place a higher value proprtionately on this type of 'love' than on the puppy-dog, infatuation kind of 'love' that is so glorified by Hollywood here. Rather than wearing out over time, this kind of love, if nurtured, can continue growing. Will we make our marriage work for 10 or more years? I don't know for a certainty but I have never felt so optimistic before! I hope you can find a way to regain your own optimism for your personal future!

From what I have read here::

Philly women: OMG ! I cannot wait! I am freaking out! It's been 2 days and I cannot live without him.

RUB women: Ok. No Problem. I will wait for you.

She did. Almost 3years. And we have now been together almost 2 years and going strong.

PS. VERMONT. Someplace north of New York.

Edited January 10, 2012 by Enigma11561

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

From what I have read here::

Philly women: OMG ! I cannot wait! I am freaking out! It's been 2 days and I cannot live without him.

RUB women: Ok. No Problem. I will wait for you.

She did. Almost 3years. And we have now been together almost 2 years and going strong.

PS. VERMONT. Someplace north of New York.

OMG I used to tell Ukrainian women when they asked which state I was from...

"Vermont!"

"Near New York"

OH yeah, New York City!

"Well, no, but near New York state"

"never mind, New York City, yes"

I get the same impression that some of the PI women are going to burst and mess up my computer screen. Also you almost never see a RUB woman beneficiary here asking a lot of questions about her fiance's I-134, etc.

[eekee 182]

I thought "Philly women" meant "women from Philadelphia" when I read that.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I thought "Philly women" meant "women from Philadelphia" when I read that.

Every so often the fact that you are an American woman in hiding comes to the fore, eekee.

When was the last time anyone in this forum discussed women from Philadelphia? "Oh YEAH, those HOT Philly women! Tennis shoes and sweats! Yeah, I remember hangin' outside the Walmart for those hotties! Target rich atmosphere that Wally World. Oh and the smokin' hot nasal Philly accent just makes me crazy. Especially when I am eating one of those delicious greasy steak sandwiches with cheese whiz"

Sorry I could NOT resist.

Edited January 10, 2012 by Gary and Alla

[eekee 182]

Every so often the fact that you are an American woman in hiding comes to the fore, eekee.

When was the last time anyone in this forum discussed women from Philadelphia? "Oh YEAH, those HOT Philly women! Tennis shoes and sweats! Yeah, I remember hangin' outside the Walmart for those hotties! Target rich atmosphere that Wally World. Oh and the smokin' hot nasal Philly accent just makes me crazy. Especially when I am eating one of those delicious greasy steak sandwiches with cheese whiz"

Sorry I could NOT resist.

Hey, I am from the Philly area. No, I figured that the poster was from Philly, grew tired of the ladies in the area, and went looking in RUB. I did get hit on by a woman from Philadelphia in a bar here a few weeks ago, which, #######???

The accent IS terrible, though. I believe linguists ranked it as the ugliest accent in English you can have. Luckily, I managed to spend the first eighteen years of my life in the Philly burbs and not acquire it.

Edited January 10, 2012 by eekee

[visaveteran1 33]

Hey, I am from the Philly area. No, I figured that the poster was from Philly, grew tired of the ladies in the area, and went looking in RUB. I did get hit on by a woman from Philadelphia in a bar here a few weeks ago, which, #######???

The accent IS terrible, though. I believe linguists ranked it as the ugliest accent in English you can have. Luckily, I managed to spend the first eighteen years of my life in the Philly burbs and not acquire it.

I don't know...you ever hear the Baltimore accent?