Is your Middle Eastern SO blunt?

[libragodess 1]

I was thinking maybe instead of wondering if certain attributes are "excusable" because of "cultural" differences...you should be asking yourself "Do I really like being talked to in this way?" If not it needs to be addresed cause you and him are the only ones in your relationship.

[doodlebug 3]

I was thinking maybe instead of wondering if certain attributes are "excusable" because of "cultural" differences...you should be asking yourself "Do I really like being talked to in this way?" If not it needs to be addresed cause you and him are the only ones in your relationship.

I see what you mean. I mean he is always very shocked that I am the least bit offended and is extremely apologetic after saying that he didn't mean to offend, so that is why I was thinking, oh...maybe it's just a cultural thing.....

If he weren't apologetic when I point out that the comments make me feel bad then that would be one thing but because he is genuinely unaware of the fact that I would be sensitive it just makes me wonder why, ya know?

[morocco4ever 63]

Well they do learn. My husbands friend and is wife were having a nasty argument. I could hear my husband telling him to just say she is right and he is sorry. OMG, that made me laugh!

Of course our next fight we had when he said that I was right and he was sorry...hmmm......okay, is that too shut me up?

There really is no pleasing me some days!

[jordanianprincess 0]

I wouldn't say its cultural. However what I will say is this. In America, people start having serious relationships as young as 13 years old. By the time you are in your 20's you have pretty much figured out how to avoid problems with your girlfriend. Thats where the whole "yes dear" and being oblivious comes from on the part of American men. I am 100% sure that an American guy would have noticed your hair, but they most likely won't say somehting because they don't know what mood we are in or if they are saying the right thing. Relationships don't work that way and rarely get to the levels you find here in the States in the Middle East.

If you fiance/husband talks like that all the time, then maybe its just the way he talks. Some people sound like they are mad when they talk but its just their normal tone of voice. However I can tell you one thing. If you are communicating in his second language, that is also contributing to the blunt tone of voice you are hearing.

When my fiance says things in English and then he says them in Arabic, they sound totally different. Most of the time when I get upset with him, its when we speak English. If we speak Arabic, we never get in arguements. In any case, I would stay away from over-analyzing everything in your relationship because you will start to find many things to pick about. There is a saying, If you look at something long enough, you will find something wrong with it.

[doodlebug 3]

Thanks

[ya falaha! 0]

LOL I had to laugh about JP's answer...about by the time Americans are in their 20's they know how to avoid problems. That's about it I'd say.

I can't say that my husband is blunt really. If he doesn't like something he tells me and if he likes something he tells me. My husband is like your man, doodle...if I go to get a haircut he'll say, please don't cut it much. My hair is longer and that's how he likes it. When he's gonna say something "blunt" he'll say...to be truth with you... I don't take blunt as rude either. I take it as honest and straight to the point.

[Mrs. Forgetful 2]

Just curious if this is a cultural thing or not.

I'm used to the typical american "pc" guy who, when asked if a woman is fat, if this dress looks ok, if my hair looks good, replies with the usual "yes honey" just so that he doesn't land in the dog house.

Now I get very blunt, yet honest answers. For example:

I say, "I am going to get my hair trimmed tomorrow"

He replies, "Why, it's too short NOW. Why would you want to do that to yourself. Let it grow, please, it will look much nicer."

the american male would say, "that's nice honey", while probably not knowing what he said, "that's nice honey" to since he's playing a game on the other screen and half azz listening to what I'm saying.

or

After parting my hair on a different side and spending over an hour with it, I log in thinking I'm "all that" and after about a minute say, "So...notice anything different?" to which I hear, "yes, your hair", and of course I'm asking for it 'cause I continue saying, "do you like it?", to which he replies, "no, please don't do it like this again".

the american male wouldn't have noticed anything and would have given up and said, "no what's different" and then said, "yeah looks great" without even looking at it.

or

After spending two hours online looking for a nice recipe taking into consideration what he's told me about his likes/dislikes, I happily go online and explain for a few minutes what it has in it and how I'll cook it and I say, "doesn't that sound good??? Would you like this?", and he says, "not everynight, no."

the american male would have said, "yayaya" not even having listened to the description of the meal in the first place.

Now don't get me wrong, I like the change in pace and I do indeed love honesty so it's refreshing in one sense but I just can't stop being taken aback each time things like that come out of his mouth!

When I told my husband I wanted to get my hair cut he freaked out and told me not to do it and to let it grow! I told him I am just going to get a trim about 1 inch. When I came home it was 1 inch shorter on the bottom layer and I had the rest layered. He told me I looked nice but not to do it ever again.

I made a recipe out of one of my cook books thinking that it is something different and maybe he'll like it. After he took a few bites I realized he didn't like it and asked what's wrong. He said nothing and then I said I didn't like it and he said "Please don't make this again." I'll tell you one thing though. If I had the energy to make pastilla every day, he would eat it for dinner everynight! He's always telling people how I make the best pastilla and keeps inviting people over for it! It's nuts!

He's hasn't always been like this, but I am glad he's learning that he can be open and honest with me. He used to be like an "American" man who would tell me what I wanted to hear, but then I told him that it's nice to be flattered, but I know he has a mind of his own and I want his real opinion. Ever since then I gotten mostly his opinion. But I will avoid all the comments and questions about my weight because I am mean to try to get him to answer that. But a lot of the time when he hear me say how pretty I look, he'll come over give me a kiss for being honest with myself!

So all in all If it's a cultural thing, he wasn't following culture in the first year and a half that we dated!

[chri'stina 190]

I think the assumption about American men is generally wrong. It may be the case with some, but definitely not all.

First you have the jerks, like Rebeccajo mentioned, who just say rude things to you and never compliment you no matter how hard you try to please them. There's a lot of these types out here in America.

Then you will have the ones who do anything to avoid coflict and just "yes" you to death. I haven't seen too many of those among my friends though.

But then you also have the ones, like my dad and other American guys I know, who know how to be honest yet tactful because they do not want to hurt your feelings. That is very sweet in my opinion, and it's not avoiding conflict. I'd rather hear a sweet honest answer than a flat blunt answer. It's all in the way you say it IMO.

Sujeet fits into the last category and he is from India, not America.

Personality makes a person, not just their culture even though culture plays a part.

[limah 1]

No he isn't, to my face!!!

My husband talked to my daughter online last night for about 30 minutes. Everytime I walked past the computer, my daughter covered the screen.... Hmmmmmmmm.....

When she got off the computer and went to bed, I went back to the computer to talk to him. Not thinking that I would just scroll back up to the top to read the conversation....

They were talking about my daughter liking to eat junk food, and how I told her shes gotta cut back on chocolates and hot stuff.... He told her to hide the junk food from me cuz its my "favorite sport"!!!!!

Of course he was just playing cuz I dont eat chocolate... lil spicey, most def!!!

[ya falaha! 0]

LOL..was he trying to say you eat too much?

[honeyblonde 0]

You ladies are making me feel lucky now. Abdel is an ardent feminist and very much into individuality. The first time he got his hair cut very short and I complained he told me it was his hair and he could get it cut however he wanted. When I got mine cut he just told me that it was my hair and if that was how I wanted it then it was fine with him.

It's not that he doesn't look at me, it's just that he sees personal freedom as very valuable and wouldn't want to invade mine any more than he wants me to invade his.

As for trying new recipes - that's a huge hobby of mine and he loves it, except when I go overboard. The Sunday I tried 17 recipes and he did dishes all day he informed me that he was bored and didn't want to ever see me do that again. He sure wasn't complaining all week though when we had dinner ready every night after just a quick reheat in the microwave.

When I complain about my weight he just snuggles tighter and says he loves me how I am but I can do what I want there too.

I don't think I'd like a man telling me what I could and couldn't do - I'm way too rebellious.

[ya falaha! 0]

When I complain about my weight Mohamed tells me... it's ok, habibity, and if you ever get really fat it's just more of you to love.

[morocco4ever 63]

Thats funny, all I ever hear is how I don't eat enough! Okay I am not fat, but I am not skin and bones either, so it drives me insane. Although I know my husband would still love me if I did get fat I am also well aware that he isn't attracted to larger women.....I guess I will take the "abuse" and stay thinner!

[doodlebug 3]

Ok I am asking tonight if he's gonna want me to shave off all my body.

I can just picture me shaving and then asking, "honey I shaved my hair all off, do you like?" and he'd say, "no please do not do this thing again".

Ok I am asking tonight if he's gonna want me to shave off all my body.

I can just picture me shaving and then asking, "honey I shaved my hair all off, do you like?" and he'd say, "no please do not do this thing again".

whoopsies..wrong thread but ya know what i mean. lol

[ya falaha! 0]

Haha and I can hear him say that too with an Egyptian accent