Fiance problems adjusting to food

[Peace.... 281]

Well i really dont Unterstand why he deosnt like the food here , .. i think he need to go back where he came from so that way he wont complain about food anymore . good idea right ?

Nope not a good idea.... I think he will adjust eventually just as most do from other countries. I think, it's probably more than just the food, maybe he misses his friends and family and is taking out is frustrations on the food issue. She loves him, and telling her to send him back is just not giving her the positive feedback she is looking for. Gosh, my husband made some faces too when he ate some dishes here, just as I made lots of faces when I saw all those poor cows ripped open, the inside of the cows spread all over the place to sell and buy to eat along the roads in Morocco. This was some thing for sure we never see here in America, but did my husband say well go back to the US as you cannot bare to witness the way we live here. I eventually got use to seeing all of this on all my visits and it became normal for me as it will for her fiance soon to eat.

[Peace.... 281]

I hope we get over this food issue. I love this man. He keeps saying i'm over doing it with this food issue, the problem is that i'm the one looking at the faces he makes when it comes to food. I can see he is trying maybe it just bothers me that its me who have to make the changes of food. I have no problem eating whatever and I keep thinking why can he do the same. He is picky picky!!! I wish i can pamper him, but him being so picky makes me feel nothing that i will do will be good enough for him. The tea have to taste the way he makes it, we cook together and he is watching how im cutting the veggies, because im not making the cuts small enough. ALWAYS something . He practically is doing everything for himself, because i cannot do it the way he likes it. So, i keep thinking im fine with him doing everything for him, but for how long will he be ok with it. Can a couple be happy this way!!! grrrrrrr i don't know!

HI, as for as the tea issue, my husband still does not like the tea here and we buy mint and grow it during the summer and he makes Mint Tea all the time and I love it too but I also enjoy very sweet tea as I am a southern girl.

Now when making Moroccan dishes and tajines, I have to remember to cut the middle out of the carrots here too as this is how it is done in Morocco. LOL let him cook his way, it's okay and don't take it personal as he manages to adjust. He is probably missing his mothers way of cooking as most of us still do in our older years even when they are no longer with us.

Do you have a real tajine that he brought from Morocco. I have two but just recently bought a new one online and it's big and we use it daily ($49.00) purchased and its from Merrakech via U.S.A. shipped.

My husband loves tacos and shrimp, but mostly I love the Moroccan way of cooking so really it's mostly me who suggest something at the store or try to look and find new Moroccan dishes for us to try. Just yesterday morning, I was watching the Cooking Channel with Sarah, and there was a chef from Fez in 2003 on her show cooking some traditional dishes from Morocco. So I looked up the show, wrote down the recipe and waalaaaaa we had a nice dinner last night.

Moroccan cooking is all about spices and slow cooking.

Is there a mosque that your fiance is going too? My husband made some really good friends from Morocco. I will be asking one of the wives to help me make a dish called "Seffa". Tried it, noodles didn't work out, so I need her to show me how.

I sure hope you find some happiness soon and please don't worry so much, let that boy cook away and you just sit back and relax and enjoy his dinner for the two of you.

Take care....

[Ludyous 5]

HI, as for as the tea issue, my husband still does not like the tea here and we buy mint and grow it during the summer and he makes Mint Tea all the time and I love it too but I also enjoy very sweet tea as I am a southern girl.

Now when making Moroccan dishes and tajines, I have to remember to cut the middle out of the carrots here too as this is how it is done in Morocco. LOL let him cook his way, it's okay and don't take it personal as he manages to adjust. He is probably missing his mothers way of cooking as most of us still do in our older years even when they are no longer with us.

Do you have a real tajine that he brought from Morocco. I have two but just recently bought a new one online and it's big and we use it daily ($49.00) purchased and its from Merrakech via U.S.A. shipped.

My husband loves tacos and shrimp, but mostly I love the Moroccan way of cooking so really it's mostly me who suggest something at the store or try to look and find new Moroccan dishes for us to try. Just yesterday morning, I was watching the Cooking Channel with Sarah, and there was a chef from Fez in 2003 on her show cooking some traditional dishes from Morocco. So I looked up the show, wrote down the recipe and waalaaaaa we had a nice dinner last night.

Moroccan cooking is all about spices and slow cooking.

Is there a mosque that your fiance is going too? My husband made some really good friends from Morocco. I will be asking one of the wives to help me make a dish called "Seffa". Tried it, noodles didn't work out, so I need her to show me how.

I sure hope you find some happiness soon and please don't worry so much, let that boy cook away and you just sit back and relax and enjoy his dinner for the two of you.

Take care....

Darlene thanks for your words of encouragement I really appreciate. He is basically doing all the cooking and we are buying what he prefers to eat. I'm not picky at all and I do like his cooking. Yes... fish, shrimp and chicken is their favorite. I make tea sometimes I’m guessing he likes it hehehehe. He brought a tajine from morocco we have cooked chicken and it cooks very good and the taste is super. His friends here in the US are surprised of the meals he has cooked. I just wish we were closer to his friends. About the mosque well we found a couple, but not close enough to walk. I would like him to start attending one so he can start making friends. I work from 8:30am to 6pm and I’m sure he feels lonely at home. How is your fiance doing and what is he doing when you are not home?

Edited December 7, 2011 by Ludyous

[Ludyous 5]

Really, it is a matter of how much you can take of each other in this situation. Obviously you aren't happy at the moment, so you have to come to some sort of agreement or compromise with him about how things are going to be and let that stand.

With my ex, he wanted his tomatoes chopped smaller, he always had to put a load of hot sauce on all my food, but the clincher was that he wanted me to cook eggs for him one morning when I wasn't feeling so hot, and when I did it, he didn't eat them .

So, it depends really on what this whole food issue is about - is it about power and control or is it just about different food tastes. Why does he make those faces? Did you tell him that it makes you feel bad? Are you being honest and telling him exactly how you feel? He might not get that part, if you haven't spelled it out for him. Communication is key.

Now, I am happy to peel my tomatoes, even though I never did that before in my life, and I really enjoy learning how to cook Moroccan food how it is supposed to be. We share responsibilities and we have pretty similar tastes (except for liquidy Moroccan scrambled eggs) and we enjoy cooking things together. Neither of us is so so picky, and since I was raised with a bland Northern European palate, anything can taste good to me pretty much. He is probably pickier than me, because he doesn't like pizza (who doesn't like pizza?), but I am used to dealing with two children with completely divergent food preferences on a daily basis, so it isn't a big deal to me.

I guess food can be a big issue so you have to talk to each other and really come to some sort of conclusion about this rather than let it become something bigger and bigger that will eventually boil over.

Lol that was the first thing we ate pizza with pepperoni...sooo bad!! i do like what he cooks, so we will eat what he likes. I just want him happy here and since i do like practically anything i have no problem. the faces he makes i believe its because he looks at my food as very simple. I was also surprise when he told me to peel the tomatoes..i was like what but we are doing better so far. He is only feeling lonely here with out his family and friends.

Edited December 7, 2011 by Ludyous

[J and S 38]

Lol that was the first thing we ate pizza with pepperoni...sooo bad!! i do like what he cooks, so we will eat what he likes. I just want him happy here and since i do like practically anything i have no problem. the faces he makes i believe its because he looks at my food as very simple. I was also surprise when he told me to peel the tomatoes..i was like what but we are doing better so far. He is only feeling lonely here with out his family and friends.

Sounds like he's having a hard time adjusting in genera, and the food is a scapegoat. Good thing you are flexible.

I would still keep an eye on this though. I personally would take it as a red flag. Both people need to be happy, and the faces are quite frankly rude. My fiance and I prefer different tastes when we eat as well. If he doesn't like what I cook, then he has to make his own food. Too bad. But to be honest, we compromise, so we don't have that problem.

I don't know. Good luck though with the situation.

[luckytxn 2,264]

Lol that was the first thing we ate pizza with pepperoni...sooo bad!! i do like what he cooks, so we will eat what he likes. I just want him happy here and since i do like practically anything i have no problem. the faces he makes i believe its because he looks at my food as very simple. I was also surprise when he told me to peel the tomatoes..i was like what but we are doing better so far. He is only feeling lonely here with out his family and friends.

Howdy. I have read over the thread and thought I would make a suggestion. You are over analyzing everything. That is OK as almost all woman do over analyze but if you realize this then maybe it can help you. What is needed here is a lot of patience. (him too) He has eaten a certain way his whole life and it will take a long time for his body and soul to adjust to a new diet. It took my wife almost a year to start adjusting to much of the food here. She can now eat most anything and even Mexican food now is a breeze for her. Her diet her whole life has never had spicy grease. Her poor stomach was tore up back then but now she can scarf down anything Mexican. It was easy for me to eat her food as she is an awesome cook.

The faces he makes are just 'his way'. This is how he reacted to things his whole life up to now. Gently let him know now and again that this bothers you. He can readjust this but it will take time. My good friend was doing this also and even making the breath exhaled thing to his now wife and she felt bad. I told her the same thing and even let him know this is hurting her. He has adjusted.

Sounds like you may be making him bothered by how you react to things also. Stop worrying so much about him. He is a grown man and can do things himself. You just try now and again to meet halfway and eventually both you will reach a common ground. This common ground and your love for each other is what is going to make the future bearable and awesome.

Edited December 8, 2011 by luckytxn

[Peace.... 281]

Darlene thanks for your words of encouragement I really appreciate. He is basically doing all the cooking and we are buying what he prefers to eat. I'm not picky at all and I do like his cooking. Yes... fish, shrimp and chicken is their favorite. I make tea sometimes I’m guessing he likes it hehehehe. He brought a tajine from morocco we have cooked chicken and it cooks very good and the taste is super. His friends here in the US are surprised of the meals he has cooked. I just wish we were closer to his friends. About the mosque well we found a couple, but not close enough to walk. I would like him to start attending one so he can start making friends. I work from 8:30am to 6pm and I’m sure he feels lonely at home. How is your fiance doing and what is he doing when you are not home?

Hi... Well it's been a year now since his arrival and basically he just hung out at the house until I got home and then off we went. Now since he drives, he can go to the mosque as it's only 9 miles away from us. Mohammed always seems to find things to do at the house, just the other day, I came home from work and he organized the entire kitchen and washed the bed linens, etc. He finds all kinds of things to do when SOCCER isn't on t.v. or online LOL. I cannot believe how patient he has been this past year. Job hunting nevertheless is hard as most Americans are out of work and it's terribly hard for an immigrant to compete with those here out of work. My daughter enjoys her French homework now as he helps her pronounce the words correctly now and her teacher is impressed as well.

[Peace.... 281]

Lol that was the first thing we ate pizza with pepperoni...sooo bad!! i do like what he cooks, so we will eat what he likes. I just want him happy here and since i do like practically anything i have no problem. the faces he makes i believe its because he looks at my food as very simple. I was also surprise when he told me to peel the tomatoes..i was like what but we are doing better so far. He is only feeling lonely here with out his family and friends.

LOL did you eat PEPPERONI really??? as you know it's made of pork on almost all pizza's unless you make your own with turkey pepperoni.

[Ludyous 5]

LOL did you eat PEPPERONI really??? as you know it's made of pork on almost all pizza's unless you make your own with turkey pepperoni.

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My fiance also gets alone pretty good with my daughter. This is one thing i really appreciate to both of them. It's one less thing to worry about.LOl yeah they love soccer and Yes! our first dinner was pizza hehehehe . My plan was to go out for dinner, but he was tired and we ended up ordering pizza. In regards, to a job i cannot wait for him to work and do something this way he stop getting sooo bored. BTW, he read all this thread lastnight. He said to read all the parts where ppl do need time to adjust .

[Ludyous 5]

Howdy. I have read over the thread and thought I would make a suggestion. You are over analyzing everything. That is OK as almost all woman do over analyze but if you realize this then maybe it can help you. What is needed here is a lot of patience. (him too) He has eaten a certain way his whole life and it will take a long time for his body and soul to adjust to a new diet. It took my wife almost a year to start adjusting to much of the food here. She can now eat most anything and even Mexican food now is a breeze for her. Her diet her whole life has never had spicy grease. Her poor stomach was tore up back then but now she can scarf down anything Mexican. It was easy for me to eat her food as she is an awesome cook.

The faces he makes are just 'his way'. This is how he reacted to things his whole life up to now. Gently let him know now and again that this bothers you. He can readjust this but it will take time. My good friend was doing this also and even making the breath exhaled thing to his now wife and she felt bad. I told her the same thing and even let him know this is hurting her. He has adjusted.

Sounds like you may be making him bothered by how you react to things also. Stop worrying so much about him. He is a grown man and can do things himself. You just try now and again to meet halfway and eventually both you will reach a common ground. This common ground and your love for each other is what is going to make the future bearable and awesome.

thank you for your advise! yeah now that you mention it, maybe we both making these faces . He keeps telling me not to worry, but i cannot help it when i see him looking all worried and sometimes nervous. He says most of his worries is me and my bad thoughts. I will be more patient, since i do see him trying to adjust. Him reading this thread has help! thank you

[wantknow 11]

Hello VJ's,

So, i have a problem with my Fiance. He is Moroccan and I'm Mexican American. He has been complaining about food most of the time. Not only he complains, but also makes faces to most of the food. I understand he misses his Moroccan food !

Sure He Miss Moroccan Food ( LMARKA ) and We dont use the subway or mc donalds ... lol

[wantknow 11]

I totally agree with you both...... But more so on the part of it's just mean and rude..... More women need to discuss these types of things before they marry..... I told my husband from the begining... I am not your mother or your sister or your aunty or your grandmother..... I am not a moroccan woman I am an american I go to school, I work... And just don't have time to be in the kitchen all day and if you expect a woman to make moroccan food all the time then I am not the one for you.... I have learned to make some Moroccan foods but he is coming to live here so he should expect to eat lots of different foods.... I love mexican foods... LOL So I make a lot of it and eat out at mexican resturants alot.... He says he is okay with it.... Before I was muslim I was christian now as a muslim there are not really any traditions..... almost all traditions of muslim countries are cultural This is something alot of folks should take into account as well.... Take the time to learn about these mens religous and cutrual beleifs and it would save them some heartache......

AMEN

[Golden Gate 530]

Sure He Miss Moroccan Food ( LMARKA ) and We dont use the subway or mc donalds ... lol

We went to McDonald's in Oujda on about the hottest day of the summer - 130 degrees, in order to get something colder than I knew I could find anywhere else, because I was dying and all frozen ice cream I had there was strangely not even cold - I asked for Jhoosh McFlurries! It was the first time he had ever gone there - we went through the drive-through. I still don't know what he thought of it.

[Kajikit 65]

I'm an Australian and I married an American... he can't even cook, and the eating styles of the two countries are not vastly different. I expected him to love my cooking - he didn't! My personal cooking style was VERY different to what he was accustomed to. I changed what I'm doing, and he changed some of what he expects, and eventually we reached a mid-point where we were both happy with what I was bringing out of the kitchen.

[venusfire503 54]

My Moroccan fiance...he's been here only 10days, i really he can adjust and eat whatever except pork of course.

My SO lost quite a bit of weight when he first got here. It doesn't help when they get here in the fall/winter, and the produce isn't the best. Tomatoes especially are just not good in November/December. Anyway, the only thing he could really eat at first was breakfast - French or Italian bread with Laughing Cow cheese wedges and maybe some apricot jam. Oh, and it took me a day or two to figure out that he didn't like the milk because it was 1% and he was only used to whole milk! So, for several weeks, he at least had one meal a day.

His mom thought it was really strange, but I had him call her for recipes, and he started cooking for himself - and the rest of us! I really enjoy the food, but had to get him to stop using a cup or more of olive oil for most recipes! Now I can make most of the recipes, once I had him translate them for me. Well, I usually just wrote them in English while watching him cook.

Anyway, after he was here for a while, he started getting a taste for the food, and now will eat just about anything (other than things like pork, of course).

Hang in there, both of you. He will eventually be able to eat more.

Oh, and one challenging thing is figuring out which foods are ok for him. It's surprising how many things contain ingredients like gelatin (even some types of gum).

Good luck. It will get better.

venusfire