Fiance problems adjusting to food

[EminTX 131]

My neice had this problem with her husband. He was always disrespectful in this, among other ways. It was a huge issue. He used his face making and complaining to assert control over her about something that really should never be THAT important. That, among other things, was a major reason for their divorce.

Another family member married someone who also did this. He honestly did not know how outright hateful and rude it is. He had been coddled by his family and when dating, the bride-to-be had a sit-down with him and explained that this was a deal-breaker. Being so disrespectful to her over something so silly as food was an indication that he hated her in his heart. He was shocked that he was expressing that and changed his ways immediately. Does he like everything? No. Does he act like a spoiled little brat? Never. They hosted Thanksgiving this year and he was a perfect gentleman about every creative dish that showed up with the international grouping of guests.

There are lots of good suggestions here, but this really boils down to respect. You can try to mimic this, take video of him and show him how he looks like a 2-year-old, coddle him, or talk to him about it. I'd suggest printing this thread out and leaving it in a place for him to read over. (The bathroom? Boredom can make anything interesting.) Highlight or underline the title or your first post.

If he really loves you, he won't want to be so hateful and disrespectful or be stressing you out this way. No one should be insulted on a daily basis, especially by someone who professes lifetime love.

Good luck.

[wee carrington 33]

Hello Ludyous,

My husband is from Casablanca and on all my visits to Morocco, I was very lucky to visit most of his relatives and watch them prepare many dishes. My husband is a wonderful cook and had no problems. Now, one thing some here have not mentioned. At first, my husband only wanted Halal meat that was killed accordingly to the way they believe. For a few weeks, we bought all our meat from the Halal market and bought Amish chicken. One Friday, after praying at the Mosque, my husband talked with the Imam about the food and what most muslims do here re: meat. The Imam told him to say "BESMI ALLAH" (which means in the name of God) just before he ate non halal meat and it would be okay to eat any dish as long as it has no alcohol in it. In America, even VANILLA FLAVORING can have alcohol in it so beware and read. Also, many many many foods/desserts have mostly PORK GELATIN in the ingredient statement, so read very carefully, as he would be very angry if some how he was given a dessert that contained pork. Also, many sauces in restaurants have wine in them so make sure that is a no no too.

I take all of this into consideration when going to the grocery store and we both read labels. I have heard some wives say "well what he doesn't know want hurt" I think these wives should have never married a Muslim man if they cannot take into consideration his feelings and how important his religion is to him. Keep in mind ladies, these men leave their family and friends and the country they love to be with the one they love here in America.

I have learned and I do mean LEARNED how to cook Moroccan. I have practiced many hours just trying to make bread and so many other dishes. I now can go into the kitchen and prepare some of his favorite dishes.

Keep these supplies of ground spices on hand:

Turmeric - Khar9oum (in arabic should he need to know this spice)

Cumin - Kamoun

Ginger - Skeenjbeer

Paprika - Tahmera

Bread Flour and Semolina together is best for making the bread.

Should you need some recipes, I have many that I have prepared and can send you some here, even the FAMOUS BREAD in Morocco.

Good luck and have in the kitchen with your hubby learning to cook the MOROCCAN WAY....... it's yummy and good for you.

Darlene

It's great to be open to learning to cook their comfort foods. I think people forget how nice a taste of home can be when you're so far away. It keeps tradition alive too

[106206 15]

There is nothing that says that you have to eat just one thing.

America for better or worse is the king of 'fusion' food.

I'm picturing some herbed couscous and perhaps a nice piece of flank steak with some mole sauce and garlicky flatbread.

Or a tortilla with some traditional Moroccan spreads, served with a side of guacamole and cheese.

Mix it up and make it your own.

[Peace.... 281]

Thank you Darlene...Please do send me some of your recipes. I guess it's been a lil stressful for me just to think what to cook, my mind is just out right now. i prefer to go out and eat. I guess im one of those kind of wives so please send me some of the recipes as soon as possible.

Hi Ludyous, Here are a few easy one's to try if you haven't already.

Grilled Beef or Chicken Kabobs

2 pounds of meat cut into kabob pieces

1/2 tsp. pepper

1 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp. salt

1 small to med. onion chopped finely

1/4 cup of olive oil

2 heaping tablespoons of parsley and cilantro chopped finely

In a bowl covered or a large baggie, mix and marinate all of this and refrigerate 1 to 3 hours or overnight. I usually do this about an hour if I forget to do this during the day and it turns out just fine.

Grill outdoors and enjoy...

Now coming from Morocco they love sandwiches and here is a good recipe to try.

KEFTA Hamburger Sandwich

1 lb. hamburger meat

pepper to taste

1/2 tsp. cumin

salt to taste

1/2 tsp paprika

1/4 tsp ginger (optional)

3 Tbsp parsley finely chopped

1 small onion finely sliced

1 small green pepper (optional) sliced thinly

1 Lg.Tomato (squeeze out juice and seeds) and slice in cubes

1 small garlic glove diced finely (optional)

Brown hamburger... add spices/garlic/parsley and cook over med low heat 20 minutes. In another pan, add some olive oil and saute green bell peppers and onions until soft and then add tomatoes. Add onion mixture to hamburger and continue to cook another 10-15 on low med heat.

Find some bread like Pita bread that you can add this meat inside. If he likes Mayo add it as well with the sandwich.

I have some more I will send you via PM here. They are longer recipes and require a little more time to cook.

[Peace.... 281]

It's great to be open to learning to cook their comfort foods. I think people forget how nice a taste of home can be when you're so far away. It keeps tradition alive too

Yeah I totally agree with you. Heck, we mostly eat Moroccan food every night and I never complain as it's healthy and not expensive to make and it's very tasty as well.

[wee carrington 33]

Yeah I totally agree with you. Heck, we mostly eat Moroccan food every night and I never complain as it's healthy and not expensive to make and it's very tasty as well.

Moroccan food is superb! I think I am going to give those recipes a go myself. Thanks for sharing

[Robert&Karen 264]

My Scottish wife just made TABLET for me, woohoo! It involves baking sugar and condensed milk. It is to die for!

[Ludyous 5]

Hi Ludyous, Here are a few easy one's to try if you haven't already.

Grilled Beef or Chicken Kabobs

2 pounds of meat cut into kabob pieces

1/2 tsp. pepper

1 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp. salt

1 small to med. onion chopped finely

1/4 cup of olive oil

2 heaping tablespoons of parsley and cilantro chopped finely

In a bowl covered or a large baggie, mix and marinate all of this and refrigerate 1 to 3 hours or overnight. I usually do this about an hour if I forget to do this during the day and it turns out just fine.

Grill outdoors and enjoy...

Now coming from Morocco they love sandwiches and here is a good recipe to try.

KEFTA Hamburger Sandwich

1 lb. hamburger meat

pepper to taste

1/2 tsp. cumin

salt to taste

1/2 tsp paprika

1/4 tsp ginger (optional)

3 Tbsp parsley finely chopped

1 small onion finely sliced

1 small green pepper (optional) sliced thinly

1 Lg.Tomato (squeeze out juice and seeds) and slice in cubes

1 small garlic glove diced finely (optional)

Brown hamburger... add spices/garlic/parsley and cook over med low heat 20 minutes. In another pan, add some olive oil and saute green bell peppers and onions until soft and then add tomatoes. Add onion mixture to hamburger and continue to cook another 10-15 on low med heat.

Find some bread like Pita bread that you can add this meat inside. If he likes Mayo add it as well with the sandwich.

I have some more I will send you via PM here. They are longer recipes and require a little more time to cook.

Thanks Darlene, sounds yummy!

Hi Ludyous, Here are a few easy one's to try if you haven't already.

Grilled Beef or Chicken Kabobs

2 pounds of meat cut into kabob pieces

1/2 tsp. pepper

1 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp. salt

1 small to med. onion chopped finely

1/4 cup of olive oil

2 heaping tablespoons of parsley and cilantro chopped finely

In a bowl covered or a large baggie, mix and marinate all of this and refrigerate 1 to 3 hours or overnight. I usually do this about an hour if I forget to do this during the day and it turns out just fine.

Grill outdoors and enjoy...

Now coming from Morocco they love sandwiches and here is a good recipe to try.

KEFTA Hamburger Sandwich

1 lb. hamburger meat

pepper to taste

1/2 tsp. cumin

salt to taste

1/2 tsp paprika

1/4 tsp ginger (optional)

3 Tbsp parsley finely chopped

1 small onion finely sliced

1 small green pepper (optional) sliced thinly

1 Lg.Tomato (squeeze out juice and seeds) and slice in cubes

1 small garlic glove diced finely (optional)

Brown hamburger... add spices/garlic/parsley and cook over med low heat 20 minutes. In another pan, add some olive oil and saute green bell peppers and onions until soft and then add tomatoes. Add onion mixture to hamburger and continue to cook another 10-15 on low med heat.

Find some bread like Pita bread that you can add this meat inside. If he likes Mayo add it as well with the sandwich.

I have some more I will send you via PM here. They are longer recipes and require a little more time to cook.

Thanks Darlene, sounds yummy!

[Tahlisha 28]

My neice had this problem with her husband. He was always disrespectful in this, among other ways. It was a huge issue. He used his face making and complaining to assert control over her about something that really should never be THAT important. That, among other things, was a major reason for their divorce.

Another family member married someone who also did this. He honestly did not know how outright hateful and rude it is. He had been coddled by his family and when dating, the bride-to-be had a sit-down with him and explained that this was a deal-breaker. Being so disrespectful to her over something so silly as food was an indication that he hated her in his heart. He was shocked that he was expressing that and changed his ways immediately. Does he like everything? No. Does he act like a spoiled little brat? Never. They hosted Thanksgiving this year and he was a perfect gentleman about every creative dish that showed up with the international grouping of guests.

There are lots of good suggestions here, but this really boils down to respect. You can try to mimic this, take video of him and show him how he looks like a 2-year-old, coddle him, or talk to him about it. I'd suggest printing this thread out and leaving it in a place for him to read over. (The bathroom? Boredom can make anything interesting.) Highlight or underline the title or your first post.

If he really loves you, he won't want to be so hateful and disrespectful or be stressing you out this way. No one should be insulted on a daily basis, especially by someone who professes lifetime love.

Good luck.

It's great to be open to learning to cook their comfort foods. I think people forget how nice a taste of home can be when you're so far away. It keeps tradition alive too

I totally agree with you both...... But more so on the part of it's just mean and rude..... More women need to discuss these types of things before they marry..... I told my husband from the begining... I am not your mother or your sister or your aunty or your grandmother..... I am not a moroccan woman I am an american I go to school, I work... And just don't have time to be in the kitchen all day and if you expect a woman to make moroccan food all the time then I am not the one for you.... I have learned to make some Moroccan foods but he is coming to live here so he should expect to eat lots of different foods.... I love mexican foods... LOL So I make a lot of it and eat out at mexican resturants alot.... He says he is okay with it.... Before I was muslim I was christian now as a muslim there are not really any traditions..... almost all traditions of muslim countries are cultural This is something alot of folks should take into account as well.... Take the time to learn about these mens religous and cutrual beleifs and it would save them some heartache......

[Darnell 8,478]

I forgot one thing. It may be, or may not he, important (and no, I'm not writing this to be funny)

your title is Fiance problems adjusting to food

so I'll remind you -

yer not married yet. If this food adjustment doesn't work, you may want to consider to talk with him about cancelling any wedding plans.

I think he's being childish on this one issue.

Good Luck !

[Darnell 8,478]

---

PPS - and I'll remind you that he travelled 9000 miles to be childish on this one issue.

[Rezak and Sharon 0]

Well i really dont Unterstand why he deosnt like the food here , .. i think he need to go back where he came from so that way he wont complain about food anymore . good idea right ?

[Ludyous 5]

I forgot one thing. It may be, or may not he, important (and no, I'm not writing this to be funny)

your title is Fiance problems adjusting to food

so I'll remind you -

yer not married yet. If this food adjustment doesn't work, you may want to consider to talk with him about cancelling any wedding plans.

I think he's being childish on this one issue.

Good Luck !

I hope we get over this food issue. I love this man. He keeps saying i'm over doing it with this food issue, the problem is that i'm the one looking at the faces he makes when it comes to food. I can see he is trying maybe it just bothers me that its me who have to make the changes of food. I have no problem eating whatever and I keep thinking why can he do the same. He is picky picky!!! I wish i can pamper him, but him being so picky makes me feel nothing that i will do will be good enough for him. The tea have to taste the way he makes it, we cook together and he is watching how im cutting the veggies, because im not making the cuts small enough. ALWAYS something . He practically is doing everything for himself, because i cannot do it the way he likes it. So, i keep thinking im fine with him doing everything for him, but for how long will he be ok with it. Can a couple be happy this way!!! grrrrrrr i don't know!

Edited December 5, 2011 by Ludyous

[cartaverde 12]

Why don't you make the partner who complains about the food in US cook? That way they should exactly what they want.

Give a weekly budget for cooking for both of you, and let him (or her, in some cases) do the cooking for you for a while.

[Golden Gate 530]

I hope we get over this food issue. I love this man. He keeps saying i'm over doing it with this food issue, the problem is that i'm the one looking at the faces he makes when it comes to food. I can see he is trying maybe it just bothers me that its me who have to make the changes of food. I have no problem eating whatever and I keep thinking why can he do the same. He is picky picky!!! I wish i can pamper him, but him being so picky makes me feel nothing that i will do will be good enough for him. The tea have to taste the way he makes it, we cook together and he is watching how im cutting the veggies, because im not making the cuts small enough. ALWAYS something . He practically is doing everything for himself, because i cannot do it the way he likes it. So, i keep thinking im fine with him doing everything for him, but for how long will he be ok with it. Can a couple be happy this way!!! grrrrrrr i don't know!

Really, it is a matter of how much you can take of each other in this situation. Obviously you aren't happy at the moment, so you have to come to some sort of agreement or compromise with him about how things are going to be and let that stand.

With my ex, he wanted his tomatoes chopped smaller, he always had to put a load of hot sauce on all my food, but the clincher was that he wanted me to cook eggs for him one morning when I wasn't feeling so hot, and when I did it, he didn't eat them .

So, it depends really on what this whole food issue is about - is it about power and control or is it just about different food tastes. Why does he make those faces? Did you tell him that it makes you feel bad? Are you being honest and telling him exactly how you feel? He might not get that part, if you haven't spelled it out for him. Communication is key.

Now, I am happy to peel my tomatoes, even though I never did that before in my life, and I really enjoy learning how to cook Moroccan food how it is supposed to be. We share responsibilities and we have pretty similar tastes (except for liquidy Moroccan scrambled eggs) and we enjoy cooking things together. Neither of us is so so picky, and since I was raised with a bland Northern European palate, anything can taste good to me pretty much. He is probably pickier than me, because he doesn't like pizza (who doesn't like pizza?), but I am used to dealing with two children with completely divergent food preferences on a daily basis, so it isn't a big deal to me.

I guess food can be a big issue so you have to talk to each other and really come to some sort of conclusion about this rather than let it become something bigger and bigger that will eventually boil over.