She said she can't wait for me..

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Priorities??? The guy is going back to school to hopefully get a good job & not work some bs flipping burgers. He sounds like he's looking ahead to be able to financially support the 2 of them.

And her? Who hasn't been working for a year+???

(No offense to the OP).

There are no guarantees when it comes to a career and finances. Life is full of risk. Marriage is for richer or poorer....in sickness and in health. He could get struck with some life debilitating disease next year, God forbid. And then what? If he doesn't want to get married until he's done with school, that's his prerogative, however, he shouldn't expect her to be the hopeless romantic while he's being pragmatic about the relationship.

[SuperDuper! 230]

Hi.I read your situation and I felt kinda sad with this.I do understand that this process is very difficult for it involves not only emotional stress but also financial. I, for one, am a graduate in nursing and a licensed one. When I graduated I was able to find a job as a nurse here right away but I didn't stay for long.For one,the salary really is low.So I looked for another job with high pay which is in a call center.As of the moment, I can say that these call center companies are hiring quite very often.I can vouch for this since my sister is working as a recruiting agent in Convergys(biggest call center company here).So when your fiance said she can't find a job, maybe her location is far away from the city?And what type of job is she looking for anyways?.And about how your fiance felt about not being able to wait, well I can understand how she feels because I feel the same way.But the only difference is I love my fiance so much that I'm willing to wait and be patient in all of these.And btw, it's been 6 months from our NOA1 and we haven't heard anything yet and it has been almost 9 months since the last time he visited me.So I can say that it is indeed very hard but he is very supportive and we love each other that no matter how difficult this situation is we're willing to wait.After all, when the waiting is done, we both can be together.And this time it will be forever.

I wish I could get a high paying call center job. Nursing seems to be under appreciated these days, and the hours are long and hard. Helping folks activate their smartphones or troubleshoot their Windows Computers seems to be the future. Will keep trying to break in! Oh, and good luck to the OP. Sounds like a good tip to pursue: Call Center.

Edited November 23, 2011 by Boing!

[Paul and Haidee 11]

oh too bad...I am in Alabama

We married in January and she landed in Chicago in November of the same year.

Anna is currently working as a CNA, the hourly wage will vary based on where you are but it's a little above average for entry level jobs. Anna only needed to attend a class that lasted 7 weeks (including clinical) and pass the State Certification test.

If you say where you're located someone int he area might have suggestions for good employment locally. For example if you were in the West or Northwest suburbs of Chicago I'd refer you to my employer, our call center pays well and is always hiring, loves to employ students too.

[luckytxn 2,264]

Priorities??? The guy is going back to school to hopefully get a good job & not work some bs flipping burgers. He sounds like he's looking ahead to be able to financially support the 2 of them.

And her? Who hasn't been working for a year+???

(No offense to the OP).

Exactly. I couldn't imagine my babe not agreeing to this. I can imagine she has trepidation's and may think that far ahead at the moment is rough but at the least try to struggle through this. The guy is struggling himself so at the least try not to add to the struggle and create stress. If she is in love and really wants to be with this man then don't throw it away right away. In the future there are going to be some struggles and is she going to give up then?

[Ban Hammer 13,343]

i think the op is doing the wisest thing - securing a career first before trying to support a family. hopefully she´ll come around and realize this is the best course too.

[Paul and Haidee 11]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I read all of them even if I did not respond and I noticed a pattern. There are those replies that have the school of thought that getting my degree first is the best option. On the other hand, there are those replies that have the school of thought that being with my fiancee is the best option because who would want to wait two years, even if they are in love. This is exactly the reason why I am struggling with what the right decision is. I can go either way, and neither option is right or wrong. Deciding the correct course of action has been overwhelming for me. I don't want to extend my college career any further since I am 34 right now, however, I don't want to be away from the woman I love any longer. I have a history of acting on impulse and I do not want this to be one of those impulsive decisions. I go back and forth in my mind on deciding what to do, and have lost many hours of sleep over this. I want to have a career AND I want to be with Haidee. I don't want to have to choose between the two, or prioritize one over the other.

[kokylolo 7]

I've read your other posts and to be frank, it seems ill planned from your end to have even been involved in a LDR, including the prospect of getting married if your studies are the most important thing. You've basically have told her that your schooling is more important than the relationship, and now you're upset because she's not sure she can wait for you. There are other options for you besides finishing school - the required income level to bring her over is miniscule and you could work a couple of jobs if necessary to make that sacrifice. I don't know what your background job experience is, but waiting tables alone at the right restaurant would be enough income to qualify. Other jobs like UPS, FedEx, local cable companies, Post Office, Costco, department stores, etc. Granted, the job market is quite weak right now, but I think it would be worth trying to get an immediate job, postpone or forget your graduate studies altogether so that you can start the process of your life together with your fiancee, if you feel she is worth it.

Ask yourself - could you be content with working as garbage collector if it meant spending your life with her, or have your Masters and be single? It's sounds to me like the ball is really in your court on this one.

I agree.

[CDAgirlMI 51]

There are no guarantees when it comes to a career and finances. Life is full of risk. Marriage is for richer or poorer....in sickness and in health. He could get struck with some life debilitating disease next year, God forbid. And then what? If he doesn't want to get married until he's done with school, that's his prerogative, however, he shouldn't expect her to be the hopeless romantic while he's being pragmatic about the relationship.

Yes, for richer or poorer, but I don't think it's healthy (for many reasons) for her to come over & him working some crappy paying job. That will cause stress on the relationship.

I know for me, that I wouldn't have come over if my (then fiance) was working a minimum paying job. He was finishing university, working part-time at the job he is currently employed at full time.

This guy deserves credit for bettering himself & she might not see that....

[MochiKamo 93]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I read all of them even if I did not respond and I noticed a pattern. There are those replies that have the school of thought that getting my degree first is the best option. On the other hand, there are those replies that have the school of thought that being with my fiancee is the best option because who would want to wait two years, even if they are in love. This is exactly the reason why I am struggling with what the right decision is. I can go either way, and neither option is right or wrong. Deciding the correct course of action has been overwhelming for me. I don't want to extend my college career any further since I am 34 right now, however, I don't want to be away from the woman I love any longer. I have a history of acting on impulse and I do not want this to be one of those impulsive decisions. I go back and forth in my mind on deciding what to do, and have lost many hours of sleep over this. I want to have a career AND I want to be with Haidee. I don't want to have to choose between the two, or prioritize one over the other.

IMO, the choice is obvious, you should focus on finishing your degree first.

[qwerty1974 11]

If it is love you will both wait, regardless of what either of you say now. I liked the comment though about not expectig her to be a hopeless romantic whilst you are being a pragmatist...that seems pretty insightful. We all have different personality make ups though and if you've been together for as many years as you say, she ought to be aware of this pragmatic, mature and bettering side of you and surely love you for it? It sounds likely a big part of who you are amd we try to support those we love in what matters to them (degrees, work, dreams etc). You say it 'must' be love because she's been with you for six years....yes, she HAS been with you- fully expecting it to end in a K1 visa and has by the sounds of it had fewer options to do anything else given her unemployment and the unfortunate failing of her last two nursing paper exams. I hope this is not the case for you but you perhaps ought to not concentrate of the first six years of it seeming to end up with a green card but rather also be open to seeing how it's been in the past two weeks since it seeming there won't be one anytime soon. Hopefully she revises this not waiting idea...if the embassy told me I'd have to do a whole load of paperwork and reapplication and it'd take another year or two i'd do it in a heartbeat. The CR1 seems a good alternative option, that way you can just scrap the K1 marry her and apply again for CR1 (I think it's cheaper), but I'd seriously recomend assessing whether this is the right girl for you or not. You don't want to be landed with someone who has said they will not wait, seems to refuse to work and is giving up on her nursing exam. From what I read it seems the onus is All on You to provide everything for this transition and she will not even provide patience. I don't know, maybe I'm reading it all wrong and when in love noone wants to or is willing to see these things but I have often heard people in LDR say they rather be with the person virtually than have anybody else Actually....however in your case she does not seem to feel this way. hopefully she was just coming from a place of anger and hurt and will change her mind about waiting for you. It IS an expensive process and really I've always thought more could be done to explain this to applicants at the beginning....give people a round figure of what the entire cost will be. We've also been pretty shocked by each cost lurking around every corner, it seems endless.

Ask yourself...each time you've acted on impulse....how has that worked out for you? That might help.

Edited November 28, 2011 by qwerty1974

[ria_s 0]

The call center is about an hour drive from where she is but she said she is going to look into working at the call center. She currently lives in Dulag in Leyte so I am not sure exactly where the call center is there. Do you know what the pay is for working at a call center? Does your sister recruit for the call center in Leyte? Maybe she can help Haidee get a job. Also, she took the exam for nursing license twice but did not pass. She seems to be so frustrated that she does not want to study any more. I think also that she just does not want to deal with the emotional stress, but I think if she really did want to end it, she would have broken up with me over this a long time ago. It is very hard for me too and I see all the people out with their significant others which makes me sad, however, I am so in love with Haidee that I manage the emotional stress (as best I can) and will wait until we are able to complete our journey. I feel that if it does end up being two years of waiting, to spend a life time with the person I love, the two years eventually will seem like the blink of an eye...

Also, which center did your application get sent to? We got our NOA2 after only 4 months. Have you tried to call them to see what is going on with it? I would have thought you would get a response by now.

Thanks BobGee. Your post as well as the one above gives me hope.

I am not so sure Luckytxn. I mean if she wasn't in love, why would she stick with me for this long? I think she is telling me things out of emotion but its not really what she wants to do. I appreciate your post.

Nearest call center I know in Leyte is APAC. But it is in Tacloban, which is several towns away. My cousin lives in Dulag and I know she commutes to work and back everyday since she works in Tacloban. The pay isn't as great as the call center in Cebu. If she were to get a job there, she'd have to move to Cebu. I worked in a call center in Cebu while my husband and I were getting to know each other. I was there for six months but then had to go home because of family matters. It was a grueling six months though. We emailed each other everyday and chatted on weekends. I had to go to an internet cafe every Saturday and Sunday. It was hard on us because of the time difference. My husband spent his weekends for months staying up all night chatting with me.

I am glad those tough times are over. Anyway, if she wants to do the call center route, it is doable.

Edited November 28, 2011 by ria_s

[Fandango 1,439]

I don't think it's fair to automatically say that it wasn't love on her part if she can't wait. None of us know these people, so how can we speculate on something as complex as love and emotion based on one thing?

I'll say this. I was in a 'regular relationship' with my ex foreign SO. We lived together. But then I came home to start our life here, while we waited for financial reasons (he was being vested in his company for 20 years of service the year after I left). Anyways, I digress; I was fine with the wait, it wasn't ideal, but it was the smart thing to do. He initially felt the same. However, after the wait dragged on, it clearly affected him in ways which were unforeseeable, and very unfortunate. The isolation got to him, and it caused a lot of damage to us as a couple, but more importantly, damage to him as an individual. Excess indulging of booze, antidepressants, infidelity, loss of hope, depression which caused him to quit his job, sleep all day, lose our home, blow through all savings, etc.

I'm not saying it was all from the 'wait' of being with me, but the isolation he felt kicked off a series of events that took years for him to recover from.

He tried to 'wait', but couldn't fully. But I know that he loved me beyond anything else.

Life is never black and white, and these romantic notions of 'come over while I'm broke' and/or 'if you love me, you'll wait for 3 years' are great for the romance novels, but have no applicable value in real life. Everyone has his/her own path to take, and what will work for me, may not necessarily work for you, and vice versa.

OP, good luck. I'm plugging for you both!

Edited November 29, 2011 by Anita Cocktail