She said she can't wait for me..

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I assume that an "LDR" is a long distance relationship and not a "Latter Day Republican "

If that is the case I would entirely agree with your summation, although I would do the degree course because I look back on my own relationships and I look at other people's, especially 7 years in, and I conclude that it's not so much the material you start with, but how you forge the relationship and come to terms with the awful parts of each others personalities

The only mistake one can make, is imagining one has found the one person in the world who is perfect and who will never change for the worse and has no undetected flaws and is irreplaceable.

There are now 7 billion people in the world and half of them are looking for a new partner. I went to college at age 26, but it's not so easy to re-start that later. I found it very easy to locate droves of incredibly attractive women with wonderful personalities who thought nothing of the money side once I had a professional qualification and a Mercedes.

His fiancee is already a nurse. Once she's in the states, she can take the exam and start working as a nurse within a year. A nurse's salary is enough to support two people if necessary while he finishes his studies. There are so many options for the OP, it seems a bit short-sighted, ill planned and melodramatic to postpone or call it off at this point.

[Paul and Haidee 11]

OK well to clarify a couple things, when Haidee and I met, I WAS working at a decent job making $21.00 an hour. However, that company decided to let me go and I decided to return to school to get my degree so I didn't have to work at some mindless job as suggested in your post. Working at any job that pays less than $18 an hour is not feasible due to my current expenses. I would sell my car but the title is not clear yet. Additionally, I am not pursuing a graduate degree. I am pursuing a bachelors degree. Furthermore, I want to finish school FOR her and I, not in place of her. However, I like the idea of getting married there as posted earlier.

I've read your other posts and to be frank, it seems ill planned from your end to have even been involved in a LDR, including the prospect of getting married if your studies are the most important thing. You've basically have told her that your schooling is more important than the relationship, and now you're upset because she's not sure she can wait for you. There are other options for you besides finishing school - the required income level to bring her over is miniscule and you could work a couple of jobs if necessary to make that sacrifice. I don't know what your background job experience is, but waiting tables alone at the right restaurant would be enough income to qualify. Other jobs like UPS, FedEx, local cable companies, Post Office, Costco, department stores, etc. Granted, the job market is quite weak right now, but I think it would be worth trying to get an immediate job, postpone or forget your graduate studies altogether so that you can start the process of your life together with your fiancee, if you feel she is worth it.

Ask yourself - could you be content with working as garbage collector if it meant spending your life with her, or have your Masters and be single? It's sounds to me like the ball is really in your court on this one.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

OK well to clarify a couple things, when Haidee and I met, I WAS working at a decent job making $21.00 an hour. However, that company decided to let me go and I decided to return to school to get my degree so I didn't have to work at some mindless job as suggested in your post. Working at any job that pays less than $18 an hour is not feasible due to my current expenses. I would sell my car but the title is not clear yet. Additionally, I am not pursuing a graduate degree. I am pursuing a bachelors degree. Furthermore, I want to finish school FOR her and I, not in place of her. However, I like the idea of getting married there as posted earlier.

You can easily make that kind of money waiting tables, but you might have to work two jobs. My point is that where there's a will, there's a way...especially for love. If, however, you really believe there's no feasible way to bring her over to start your life together now, then I wouldn't expect her to wait, IMO. In the end, there are no excuses - you either make it happen or you don't.

[Paul and Haidee 11]

That is true. However, it would add more time to graduating. I am already 34. I will graduate when I am 37. If I postpone it more, I will graduate when I am 38. At this point, when she comes here, I would have to work at some job that would not cover my current expenses ( trust me I have looked) I am doing all I can to reduce expenses but I can only reduce so far. And the thing I am concerned about is that she would have to pass the nursing exam in order to become a nurse. If she doesn't pass, then I would have to continue to struggle at some crappy job. Furthermore, with the salary I would be making, I would not be able to afford to pay for medical insurance for either of us, and if something goes wrong, we would be in financial turmoil. I have pondered over the different options over and over and over and over again, I just don't want us to fail if something goes wrong. Her and I have talked about me going there next year and getting married there instead, but I just need to make sure I can afford the plane ticket and a hotel, since she does not want to let me stay with her and her family.

His fiancee is already a nurse. Once she's in the states, she can take the exam and start working as a nurse within a year. A nurse's salary is enough to support two people if necessary while he finishes his studies. There are so many options for the OP, it seems a bit short-sighted, ill planned and melodramatic to postpone or call it off at this point.

Is making $21 an hour waiting tables guaranteed? What if I don't make enough to cover my bills? Do restaurants provide adequate medical insurance?

You can easily make that kind of money waiting tables, but you might have to work two jobs. My point is that where there's a will, there's a way...especially for love. If, however, you really believe there's no feasible way to bring her over to start your life together now, then I wouldn't expect her to wait, IMO. In the end, there are no excuses - you either make it happen or you don't.

[CDAgirlMI 51]

Strange she can't wait for love. Tells me she wasn't in love.

Unfortunately, I agree.

All of us on here know long-distance relationships are hard, and it takes time to be with one another. Some of us more than others.

If she can't wait, I don't think she's truly IN LOVE.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Is making $21 an hour waiting tables guaranteed? What if I don't make enough to cover my bills? Do restaurants provide adequate medical insurance?

Dude, rarely is anything a guarantee in life. It's not your fiancee's fault that you are well into your 30's and still pursuing a degree. It's also not her fault that you are struggling to make ends meet. Yet, at least from her perspective, she's the one getting the short end of the stick. Do whatever it takes to get her here or break it completely off from her. There's no guarantee that you'll get a job as soon as you graduate. My younger brother is a chemical engineer and is right now, scared that his company will lay him off because of the economy. I think you're being overly-simplistic to think that putting your fiancee on hold right now until you are done with school is your only viable option, especially considering that she's employable right now, once she's passed the exam and has her Green Card.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Unfortunately, I agree.

All of us on here know long-distance relationships are hard, and it takes time to be with one another. Some of us more than others.

If she can't wait, I don't think she's truly IN LOVE.

Oh good grief. Put yourself in her place. I'd be more than a bit miffed if I were her and wondering where my fiance's priorities were that he can't figure out a way for us to be together.

Edited November 22, 2011 by Mister Fancypants

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I do understand that the money she would make would not be enough to cover everything but it would definitely help. Recently I have discovered the interesting concept of using coupons for buying groceries that are on sale and it has saved me a TON of money on groceries, so the plan is for me to use the money I save to fly back to see Haidee and get married there. I just hope I can save enough because I think we both understand that it would be a lot easier and cheaper than a K1. What exactly is the CR-1? How is it different than a K3?

CR/IR-1 is an Immediate Relative Visa (for Spouse of US Citizen). CR is is the marriage is less than 2 years (C = Conditional) and will require Removal of Conditions after 2 years, IR is if the marriage is more than 2 years and a 10 year Greencard would be issued.

The difference between CR/IR and K-3 is that the K-3 is a non-immigrant visa just like the K-1 and would require her to Adjust Status (still costs $1010) after she lands. With the CR/IR Visa she is issued a Greencard shortly after arrival in the US, no need to adjust status.

I know from experience that Anna found the process (and inherent wait) more tolerable knowing that we were already married, maybe Haidee would feel the same way.

[Paul and Haidee 11]

Yes you have made an excellent point. Something I may have overlooked is that I may not be able to get job right out of school...

Dude, rarely is anything a guarantee in life. It's not your fiancee's fault that you are well into your 30's and still pursuing a degree. It's also not her fault that you are struggling to make ends meet. Yet, at least from her perspective, she's the one getting the short end of the stick. Do whatever it takes to get her here or break it completely off from her. There's no guarantee that you'll get a job as soon as you graduate. My younger brother is a chemical engineer and is right now, scared that his company will lay him off because of the economy. I think you're being overly-simplistic to think that putting your fiancee on hold right now until you are done with school is your only viable option, especially considering that she's employable right now, once she's passed the exam and has her Green Card.

Yes I understand her miffiness too. I would feel the same way.

Oh good grief. Put yourself in her place. I'd be more than a bit miffed if I were her and wondering where my fiance's priorities were that he can't figure out a way for us to be together.

That is a good point Bob. How long did you and Anna have to wait to be together?

CR/IR-1 is an Immediate Relative Visa (for Spouse of US Citizen). CR is is the marriage is less than 2 years (C = Conditional) and will require Removal of Conditions after 2 years, IR is if the marriage is more than 2 years and a 10 year Greencard would be issued.

The difference between CR/IR and K-3 is that the K-3 is a non-immigrant visa just like the K-1 and would require her to Adjust Status (still costs $1010) after she lands. With the CR/IR Visa she is issued a Greencard shortly after arrival in the US, no need to adjust status.

I know from experience that Anna found the process (and inherent wait) more tolerable knowing that we were already married, maybe Haidee would feel the same way.

[Paul and Haidee 11]

Does someone need to have a medical background to become a CNA? What is the pay generally. Is the insurance adequate for your entire family while your wife finished school?

Dude, rarely is anything a guarantee in life. It's not your fiancee's fault that you are well into your 30's and still pursuing a degree. It's also not her fault that you are struggling to make ends meet. Yet, at least from her perspective, she's the one getting the short end of the stick. Do whatever it takes to get her here or break it completely off from her. There's no guarantee that you'll get a job as soon as you graduate. My younger brother is a chemical engineer and is right now, scared that his company will lay him off because of the economy. I think you're being overly-simplistic to think that putting your fiancee on hold right now until you are done with school is your only viable option, especially considering that she's employable right now, once she's passed the exam and has her Green Card.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

That is a good point Bob. How long did you and Anna have to wait to be together?

We married in January and she landed in Chicago in November of the same year.

Does someone need to have a medical background to become a CNA? What is the pay generally. Is the insurance adequate for your entire family while your wife finished school?

Anna is currently working as a CNA, the hourly wage will vary based on where you are but it's a little above average for entry level jobs. Anna only needed to attend a class that lasted 7 weeks (including clinical) and pass the State Certification test.

If you say where you're located someone int he area might have suggestions for good employment locally. For example if you were in the West or Northwest suburbs of Chicago I'd refer you to my employer, our call center pays well and is always hiring, loves to employ students too.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Does someone need to have a medical background to become a CNA? What is the pay generally. Is the insurance adequate for your entire family while your wife finished school?

I'll answer in a PM.

[Leatherneck 693]

That is true. However, it would add more time to graduating. I am already 34. I will graduate when I am 37. If I postpone it more, I will graduate when I am 38. At this point, when she comes here, I would have to work at some job that would not cover my current expenses ( trust me I have looked) I am doing all I can to reduce expenses but I can only reduce so far. And the thing I am concerned about is that she would have to pass the nursing exam in order to become a nurse. If she doesn't pass, then I would have to continue to struggle at some crappy job. Furthermore, with the salary I would be making, I would not be able to afford to pay for medical insurance for either of us, and if something goes wrong, we would be in financial turmoil. I have pondered over the different options over and over and over and over again, I just don't want us to fail if something goes wrong. Her and I have talked about me going there next year and getting married there instead, but I just need to make sure I can afford the plane ticket and a hotel, since she does not want to let me stay with her and her family.

Is making $21 an hour waiting tables guaranteed? What if I don't make enough to cover my bills? Do restaurants provide adequate medical insurance?

Paul, listening to your heart is one thing, but let your head be your guide. You make some very valid 'what if's,' don't allow those 'what if's' to become your regrets. Listen to no one about your education/career path, you alone will have to live the rest of your life with the decision(s) you make about your education and career path.

There is no shortage of men and women that did put off career and/or education for love, only to regret it later in life. What will you have left should love walk out of the door one day if you've sacrificed your education? Bills, debt, worry, stress, certainly not the love you sacrificed for, nor the education.

Edited November 22, 2011 by Leatherneck

[Leatherneck 693]

Would Heidi consider getting married and waiting until your last year of school to start the spousal petition?

[CDAgirlMI 51]

Oh good grief. Put yourself in her place. I'd be more than a bit miffed if I were her and wondering where my fiance's priorities were that he can't figure out a way for us to be together.

Priorities??? The guy is going back to school to hopefully get a good job & not work some bs flipping burgers. He sounds like he's looking ahead to be able to financially support the 2 of them.

And her? Who hasn't been working for a year+???

(No offense to the OP).