She said she can't wait for me..

[Paul and Haidee 11]

As most of you that have been reading our posts know, Haidee and I have been having financial difficulties paying for our journey. I am in school with two years left to finish my chemical engineering degree and she is in the Philippines with a nursing degree ( but no license yet) and has not been able to find a job for the past year. We have known each other for 6 years and have been together for about 2 years. I went to the Philippines last December and we got engaged. Now that we have applied and had our petition approved, I now realize how much money it will cost to complete this petition and I simply cannot afford it. I want to go visit again, but I may or may not have enough for a plane ticket. So to make a long story short, I asked her if she loved me enough to wait until we are stable and she told me that does not know and she cannot wait two years for me to graduate. I have been asking her for help by getting a job for the last year and she can't seem to find one. What am I to make of this? I am absolutely sure she loves me but is she saying that because she can't deal with the separation for two more years? Why is it so hard for her to find a job?

Thanks everyone.

[YJPlove 3]

Hi.I read your situation and I felt kinda sad with this.I do understand that this process is very difficult for it involves not only emotional stress but also financial. I, for one, am a graduate in nursing and a licensed one. When I graduated I was able to find a job as a nurse here right away but I didn't stay for long.For one,the salary really is low.So I looked for another job with high pay which is in a call center.As of the moment, I can say that these call center companies are hiring quite very often.I can vouch for this since my sister is working as a recruiting agent in Convergys(biggest call center company here).So when your fiance said she can't find a job, maybe her location is far away from the city?And what type of job is she looking for anyways?.And about how your fiance felt about not being able to wait, well I can understand how she feels because I feel the same way.But the only difference is I love my fiance so much that I'm willing to wait and be patient in all of these.And btw, it's been 6 months from our NOA1 and we haven't heard anything yet and it has been almost 9 months since the last time he visited me.So I can say that it is indeed very hard but he is very supportive and we love each other that no matter how difficult this situation is we're willing to wait.After all, when the waiting is done, we both can be together.And this time it will be forever.

[BobGee 5]

As most of you that have been reading our posts know, Haidee and I have been having financial difficulties paying for our journey. I am in school with two years left to finish my chemical engineering degree and she is in the Philippines with a nursing degree ( but no license yet) and has not been able to find a job for the past year. We have known each other for 6 years and have been together for about 2 years. I went to the Philippines last December and we got engaged. Now that we have applied and had our petition approved, I now realize how much money it will cost to complete this petition and I simply cannot afford it. I want to go visit again, but I may or may not have enough for a plane ticket. So to make a long story short, I asked her if she loved me enough to wait until we are stable and she told me that does not know and she cannot wait two years for me to graduate. I have been asking her for help by getting a job for the last year and she can't seem to find one. What am I to make of this? I am absolutely sure she loves me but is she saying that because she can't deal with the separation for two more years? Why is it so hard for her to find a job?

Thanks everyone.

So sorry about your situation. I really hope that you both overcome your issues as of this moment. I understand that finding a job in the Philippines is difficult especially if it is not your field of expertise. But yeah (as per above post of co-VJ) she may try to look for something that at least can help with the expenses of your petition to her.

Wish you both Good luck!

[luckytxn 2,264]

Strange she can't wait for love. Tells me she wasn't in love.

[Paul and Haidee 11]

The call center is about an hour drive from where she is but she said she is going to look into working at the call center. She currently lives in Dulag in Leyte so I am not sure exactly where the call center is there. Do you know what the pay is for working at a call center? Does your sister recruit for the call center in Leyte? Maybe she can help Haidee get a job. Also, she took the exam for nursing license twice but did not pass. She seems to be so frustrated that she does not want to study any more. I think also that she just does not want to deal with the emotional stress, but I think if she really did want to end it, she would have broken up with me over this a long time ago. It is very hard for me too and I see all the people out with their significant others which makes me sad, however, I am so in love with Haidee that I manage the emotional stress (as best I can) and will wait until we are able to complete our journey. I feel that if it does end up being two years of waiting, to spend a life time with the person I love, the two years eventually will seem like the blink of an eye...

Also, which center did your application get sent to? We got our NOA2 after only 4 months. Have you tried to call them to see what is going on with it? I would have thought you would get a response by now.

Hi.I read your situation and I felt kinda sad with this.I do understand that this process is very difficult for it involves not only emotional stress but also financial. I, for one, am a graduate in nursing and a licensed one. When I graduated I was able to find a job as a nurse here right away but I didn't stay for long.For one,the salary really is low.So I looked for another job with high pay which is in a call center.As of the moment, I can say that these call center companies are hiring quite very often.I can vouch for this since my sister is working as a recruiting agent in Convergys(biggest call center company here).So when your fiance said she can't find a job, maybe her location is far away from the city?And what type of job is she looking for anyways?.And about how your fiance felt about not being able to wait, well I can understand how she feels because I feel the same way.But the only difference is I love my fiance so much that I'm willing to wait and be patient in all of these.And btw, it's been 6 months from our NOA1 and we haven't heard anything yet and it has been almost 9 months since the last time he visited me.So I can say that it is indeed very hard but he is very supportive and we love each other that no matter how difficult this situation is we're willing to wait.After all, when the waiting is done, we both can be together.And this time it will be forever.

Thanks BobGee. Your post as well as the one above gives me hope.

So sorry about your situation. I really hope that you both overcome your issues as of this moment. I understand that finding a job in the Philippines is difficult especially if it is not your field of expertise. But yeah (as per above post of co-VJ) she may try to look for something that at least can help with the expenses of your petition to her.

Wish you both Good luck!

I am not so sure Luckytxn. I mean if she wasn't in love, why would she stick with me for this long? I think she is telling me things out of emotion but its not really what she wants to do. I appreciate your post.

Strange she can't wait for love. Tells me she wasn't in love.

[Darnell 8,478]

I dunno, there's time and timing. Your timing, for her, is not what she wants or wanted.

You are under 30? Where everything seems 'nowish', yes?

It's a big ocean that the two of you swim in - either of you can find the right person.

[YJPlove 3]

The call center is about an hour drive from where she is but she said she is going to look into working at the call center. She currently lives in Dulag in Leyte so I am not sure exactly where the call center is there. Do you know what the pay is for working at a call center? Does your sister recruit for the call center in Leyte? Maybe she can help Haidee get a job. Also, she took the exam for nursing license twice but did not pass. She seems to be so frustrated that she does not want to study any more. I think also that she just does not want to deal with the emotional stress, but I think if she really did want to end it, she would have broken up with me over this a long time ago. It is very hard for me too and I see all the people out with their significant others which makes me sad, however, I am so in love with Haidee that I manage the emotional stress (as best I can) and will wait until we are able to complete our journey. I feel that if it does end up being two years of waiting, to spend a life time with the person I love, the two years eventually will seem like the blink of an eye...

Also, which center did your application get sent to? We got our NOA2 after only 4 months. Have you tried to call them to see what is going on with it? I would have thought you would get a response by now.

Thanks BobGee. Your post as well as the one above gives me hope.

Oh she's from Leyte, I see. Hmmm I know Leyte but not familiar with Dulag place.From where I am, which is Cebu City, it's kinda like the call center hub of the Philippines so I guess I'm just lucky to be born here.About the salary, when I was working there, was about 18k per month(starting salary).I'm not sure if there is Convergys in Leyte also .And about taking the license exam, I understand how she feels.It's very hard and for her to take it twice must've been overwhelming and draining already for her.But, good thing though is that she can retake the exam anytime. She just have to have hope and never ever give up.Btw, we filed at VSC and my fiance already called to ask for a service request.So far, nothing still. We're kinda expecting it though because of all the holidays that are coming.Oh one more thing, just to satisfy my curiousity, are you Filipino too?

[Paul and Haidee 11]

I am 34 and she is 25. What do you mean "nowish?"

I dunno, there's time and timing. Your timing, for her, is not what she wants or wanted.

You are under 30? Where everything seems 'nowish', yes?

It's a big ocean that the two of you swim in - either of you can find the right person.

[Paul and Haidee 11]

Our file was transferred to VSC in May and we received our NOA in September. I think you should have received it by now. I understand why she is frustrated too but I am just trying to motivate her to not give up. I am not Filipino however...I am white. See our pic? hehe

Oh she's from Leyte, I see. Hmmm I know Leyte but not familiar with Dulag place.From where I am, which is Cebu City, it's kinda like the call center hub of the Philippines so I guess I'm just lucky to be born here.About the salary, when I was working there, was about 18k per month(starting salary).I'm not sure if there is Convergys in Leyte also .And about taking the license exam, I understand how she feels.It's very hard and for her to take it twice must've been overwhelming and draining already for her.But, good thing though is that she can retake the exam anytime. She just have to have hope and never ever give up.Btw, we filed at VSC and my fiance already called to ask for a service request.So far, nothing still. We're kinda expecting it though because of all the holidays that are coming.Oh one more thing, just to satisfy my curiousity, are you Filipino too?

[YJPlove 3]

Our file was transferred to VSC in May and we received our NOA in September. I think you should have received it by now. I understand why she is frustrated too but I am just trying to motivate her to not give up. I am not Filipino however...I am white. See our pic? hehe

Ohhh lol my bad.I didn't click your profile so I didn't see. :bonk:

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Paul,

You do understand that even if she starts working in a call center tomorrow she won't be making enough to help with the expense of this process, right? I mean she might make about $400 per month (at the most).

I would say that with money being tight K-1 wasn't a good choice for you. After she arrives you'll still have to pay $1000 for her to adjust status and wait several months before she can start work here (needs EAD).

Maybe you might want to talk to her about scraping the K-1 and finding a way to get over there to marry her next year then file for a CR-1 Visa which would give her a Greencard upon landing in the US (stamp in her Visa, actual Greencard comes in about 1 month) but she'll be authorized to work immediately and have an unrestricted SSN Card within a couple of weeks of landing.

This would also buy you some time so that you'd be closer to your graduation.

Additionally being married might give her the security she needs to deal with a little longer wait...

[Paul and Haidee 11]

Thanks Bob 4 Anna,

I do understand that the money she would make would not be enough to cover everything but it would definitely help. Recently I have discovered the interesting concept of using coupons for buying groceries that are on sale and it has saved me a TON of money on groceries, so the plan is for me to use the money I save to fly back to see Haidee and get married there. I just hope I can save enough because I think we both understand that it would be a lot easier and cheaper than a K1. What exactly is the CR-1? How is it different than a K3?

Paul,

You do understand that even if she starts working in a call center tomorrow she won't be making enough to help with the expense of this process, right? I mean she might make about $400 per month (at the most).

I would say that with money being tight K-1 wasn't a good choice for you. After she arrives you'll still have to pay $1000 for her to adjust status and wait several months before she can start work here (needs EAD).

Maybe you might want to talk to her about scraping the K-1 and finding a way to get over there to marry her next year then file for a CR-1 Visa which would give her a Greencard upon landing in the US (stamp in her Visa, actual Greencard comes in about 1 month) but she'll be authorized to work immediately and have an unrestricted SSN Card within a couple of weeks of landing.

This would also buy you some time so that you'd be closer to your graduation.

Additionally being married might give her the security she needs to deal with a little longer wait...

[Paul and Haidee 11]

hehe its ok. i cant figure out how to get my profile picture to show up on my replys

Ohhh lol my bad.I didn't click your profile so I didn't see. :bonk:

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I've read your other posts and to be frank, it seems ill planned from your end to have even been involved in a LDR, including the prospect of getting married if your studies are the most important thing. You've basically have told her that your schooling is more important than the relationship, and now you're upset because she's not sure she can wait for you. There are other options for you besides finishing school - the required income level to bring her over is miniscule and you could work a couple of jobs if necessary to make that sacrifice. I don't know what your background job experience is, but waiting tables alone at the right restaurant would be enough income to qualify. Other jobs like UPS, FedEx, local cable companies, Post Office, Costco, department stores, etc. Granted, the job market is quite weak right now, but I think it would be worth trying to get an immediate job, postpone or forget your graduate studies altogether so that you can start the process of your life together with your fiancee, if you feel she is worth it.

Ask yourself - could you be content with working as garbage collector if it meant spending your life with her, or have your Masters and be single? It's sounds to me like the ball is really in your court on this one.

[Captain Oates 911]

I've read your other posts and to be frank, it seems ill planned from your end to have even been involved in a LDR, including the prospect of getting married if your studies are the most important thing. You've basically have told her that your schooling is more important than the relationship, and now you're upset because she's not sure she can wait for you. There are other options for you besides finishing school - the required income level to bring her over is miniscule and you could work a couple of jobs if necessary to make that sacrifice. I don't know what your background job experience is, but waiting tables alone at the right restaurant would be enough income to qualify. Other jobs like UPS, FedEx, local cable companies, Post Office, Costco, department stores, etc. Granted, the job market is quite weak right now, but I think it would be worth trying to get an immediate job, postpone or forget your graduate studies altogether so that you can start the process of your life together with your fiancee, if you feel she is worth it.

Ask yourself - could you be content with working as garbage collector if it meant spending your life with her, or have your Masters and be single? It's sounds to me like the ball is really in your court on this one.

I assume that an "LDR" is a long distance relationship and not a "Latter Day Republican "

If that is the case I would entirely agree with your summation, although I would do the degree course because I look back on my own relationships and I look at other people's, especially 7 years in, and I conclude that it's not so much the material you start with, but how you forge the relationship and come to terms with the awful parts of each others personalities

The only mistake one can make, is imagining one has found the one person in the world who is perfect and who will never change for the worse and has no undetected flaws and is irreplaceable.

There are now 7 billion people in the world and half of them are looking for a new partner. I went to college at age 26, but it's not so easy to re-start that later. I found it very easy to locate droves of incredibly attractive women with wonderful personalities who thought nothing of the money side once I had a professional qualification and a Mercedes.