RUBbette Wives & Housework, si man

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Perhaps after this election, we might have to get used to it.

[TBoneTX 45,654]

While watching the returns, a visiting buddy (VJ member, also married to an Ecuatoriana, passing through on business) and I knocked off a full gallon of chocolate ice cream in approximately 45 minutes. When asked why, we grimly explained to Mrs. T-B. that Somebody's second term would make the Castros, Correa in Ecuador, & Chavez in Venezuela look like complete amateurs, and this substituted for the liquor that we didn't have in the house. In the morning, the spoons were barnacle-glued to the hardened ice-cream remains in the bowls. I had to run the hot water in the sink until it was scalding and then submerge the bowls for a full minute in order to loosen the spoons. Somehow, chocolate ice cream seems to have more adhesive power than other flavors do, si man.

[TBoneTX 45,654]

OK, here's something else.

Laundry here is done (by me, thank you) on Sundays. I assiduously provide a pair of clean dish-towels (really bathroom hand-towels, diverted for kitchen use) that are supposed to last the week. In theory, they do last, although by the subsequent Sunday they're quite ready to be replaced with a clean pair.

The typical happening is this. One of the fresh towels almost immediately disappears, usually for almost the entire week. The other one just as immediately meets one or more of the following fates:

1. It ends up soaking-wet and is left in a lump on the kitchen counter or half-draped in the sink (grossness of latter previously confirmed).

B. It's used for some gross cleaning job that I don't want the details of.

iii. It's placed on the kitchen counter underneath a 100-ton rack of "hand-washed" dishes, which never seem to get dry or ever put away.

d. It ends up in Mini-Bone's bath area, having been used to dry parts or all of Mini-B. despite the copious availability of other towels for this purpose.

Five. It ends up on the kitchen floor amidst putrid, rancid rags-on-a-stick that have been used for mopping.

VI. More rarely, Mini-B. will cheerily drag it around the floor and sometimes assault the cat with it.

When questioned in regard to the whereabouts of the first towel that went immediately missing, Mrs. T-B. either blinks blankly and says, "What other towel?" or says "It's right there in the kitchen! Open your beautiful eyes!"

The delicate balance of gauging laundry-load size is readily upset by the seemingly obvious solution of "bring down a double set of dish-towels every week." What, then, do we recommend as a solution, huh man? I'm not ready to throw in the towel, no man.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

OK, here's something else.

Laundry here is done (by me, thank you) on Sundays. I assiduously provide a pair of clean dish-towels (really bathroom hand-towels, diverted for kitchen use) that are supposed to last the week. In theory, they do last, although by the subsequent Sunday they're quite ready to be replaced with a clean pair.

The typical happening is this. One of the fresh towels almost immediately disappears, usually for almost the entire week. The other one just as immediately meets one or more of the following fates:

1. It ends up soaking-wet and is left in a lump on the kitchen counter or half-draped in the sink (grossness of latter previously confirmed).

B. It's used for some gross cleaning job that I don't want the details of.

iii. It's placed on the kitchen counter underneath a 100-ton rack of "hand-washed" dishes, which never seem to get dry or ever put away.

d. It ends up in Mini-Bone's bath area, having been used to dry parts or all of Mini-B. despite the copious availability of other towels for this purpose.

Five. It ends up on the kitchen floor amidst putrid, rancid rags-on-a-stick that have been used for mopping.

VI. More rarely, Mini-B. will cheerily drag it around the floor and sometimes assault the cat with it.

When questioned in regard to the whereabouts of the first towel that went immediately missing, Mrs. T-B. either blinks blankly and says, "What other towel?" or says "It's right there in the kitchen! Open your beautiful eyes!"

The delicate balance of gauging laundry-load size is readily upset by the seemingly obvious solution of "bring down a double set of dish-towels every week." What, then, do we recommend as a solution, huh man? I'm not ready to throw in the towel, no man.

One of my all time favorite movie lines was spoken by Fred Thompson in "The Hunt for Red October" he said...

"The average Russian, son, does not take a dump without a plan"

Nothing could be more true, even to the point of taking a dump! There is a plan similar to the D-Day invasion for doing laundry, I cannot follow this plan, it is far more complicated than I can comprehend. Sergey, a real, genuine rocket scientist, cannot understand it. There is boiling involved, there are all sorts of hand chores, soaking, sorting, water temperature setting changes (do not pay attention to the stupid label)various soaps, lotions, potions and Gypsy superstition...even an eye-of-newt in there somewhere! And Khlor! (bleach)Khlor kills everything.

Most important is the ritual to protect her family from the clothes she wears to the hospital, either for her clinicals or for her interpretation. It is similar to the isolation procedures you see in movies about a highly contagious disease sweeping the world and laying waste to all mankind! No one is allowed near her "hospital clothes" until they are boiled and then washed in super hot water and HUNG to dry, they are not allowed in the dryer. (???) These are commonly called "scrubs", you know the clothes. But these are from a specialty shop and are name brand "Greys Anatomy" scrubs so they look DAMN HOT! Leave it to a Ukrainian woman to find HOT looking scrubs.

Her "hospital shoes" are another matter entirely. Called "Klogs" they are not attractive but very practical. RUB women hate ugly shoes and shoes are considered very "dirty" ("you walk outside where animals poop and people spit!") This is why they do not want you to wear them in the house. So she wears heels to drive to the hospital and keeps her "Klogs" wrapped in an isolation bag and in a box in the self propelled closet. (AKA Toyota Yaris) She changes these in the parking garage of the hospital.

The bed? OMG! It is like a construction project! First a mattress topper (very comfy, I admit) then a European fitted sheet, no elastic but actually a "fabric box" that fits over the mattress. Then multiple, I mean MULTIPLE flat sheets, usually about 6 or 7. One of these are peeled off every few days. I actually try for every other day as the timing depends upon the, um, "activity" in the bed. When she gets down to the fitted sheet it is time to wash all of them.

Pasha has bailed out and just says "No thanks, Mom, I will do my own laundry"

Shall we even go into how the furniture is covered to protect it from "animals" ???

[TBoneTX 45,654]

"The average Russian, son, does not take a dump without a plan" [...]

Holy mackerel, si man! However, a solution to my quandary has presented itself.

When faced with problems seemingly beyond the abilities of mere mortals to influence, the solution is to Channel Gary. I went to bed resolving to do this.

Hark! During the night, a vision suddenly appeared unto me. It was Gary Who Sleeps Naked Next to Alla Every Night.

I said, "Oh Gary Who Sleeps Naked Next to Alla Every Night, what is the fix to my Quandary of the Two Dish-Towels?"

"It's easy, si man," he said. "Attach a GPS tracking device to the dish-towel that will get lost. However, avoid attaching the GPS device to the towel that will get soaked, because the water will render that device unusable."

"But if the towels are identical when they're newly placed in the kitchen," I said, "How will I know which will get lost and which will get soaked?"

"Not my concern, no man," said Gary, cheerfully. "I sleep naked next to Alla every night." And just as abruptly as the vision began, it ended, sigh man.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Holy mackerel, si man! However, a solution to my quandary has presented itself.

When faced with problems seemingly beyond the abilities of mere mortals to influence, the solution is to Channel Gary. I went to bed resolving to do this.

Hark! During the night, a vision suddenly appeared unto me. It was Gary Who Sleeps Naked Next to Alla Every Night.

I said, "Oh Gary Who Sleeps Naked Next to Alla Every Night, what is the fix to my Quandary of the Two Dish-Towels?"

"It's easy, si man," he said. "Attach a GPS tracking device to the dish-towel that will get lost. However, avoid attaching the GPS device to the towel that will get soaked, because the water will render that device unusable."

"But if the towels are identical when they're newly placed in the kitchen," I said, "How will I know which will get lost and which will get soaked?"

"Not my concern, no man," said Gary, cheerfully. "I sleep naked next to Alla every night." And just as abruptly as the vision began, it ended, sigh man.

But T-B, it seems from the photos we have seen that Mrs. T-B probably has the same medicinal effect available as Alla ( I sleep naked for medicinal purposes only) You just need to get her sleeping naked! Make your own dreams come true!

Da man!

[TBoneTX 45,654]

But T-B, it seems from the photos we have seen that Mrs. T-B probably has the same medicinal effect available as Alla ( I sleep naked for medicinal purposes only) You just need to get her sleeping naked! Make your own dreams come true! Da man!

Technically true, si man, but Mini-Bone sleeps in the bed with us, zzz man.

Here he was at age 5.5 mo., see man:

So what're we going to do about the dish-towels, huh man?

Edited November 13, 2012 by TBoneTX

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Technically true, si man, but Mini-Bone sleeps in the bed with us, zzz man.

Here he was at age 5.5 mo., see man:

So what're we going to do about the dish-towels, huh man?

Whenever I am faced with the two dish towel question I try to remember that 1/2 the dish towels will always answer a question with a lie and 1/2 of them always answer with the truth. You only get one question, of course (more would take time away from sleeping naked with Alla) so I ask one of the dish towels, either one you can find, "where would the OTHER dish towel hide?" Then, of course...look in the OPPOSITE place. Voila!

I have not been stressed out since 1989.

So what you are telling us is Mrs. T-B is in bed with a mini-bone?

[Derek & Rita 6]

So, back on topic - my wife just got here last week. I'll just list the things..

• Must always wear slippers! Not in the bedroom though!
  
• Mop the floors every other day, on hands and knees!
  
• If we have a bezpadaric (?sp) then it will irritate her to no end. Clean room = happy wife!
  
• 72 degrees outside? Need a coat, scarf, hat.
  
• No air conditioner, it causes diseases, you know...
  
• A hot meal waiting for me every day when I get home.
  

So, yea, it's been great though, she's a great cook, and when she gets in the cleaning mood, nothing you say or do will stop her.

[baron555 934]

• Must always wear slippers! Not in the bedroom though!
  
• Mop the floors every other day, on hands and knees!
  
• If we have a bezpadaric (?sp) then it will irritate her to no end. Clean room = happy wife!
  
• 72 degrees outside? Need a coat, scarf, hat.
  
• No air conditioner, it causes diseases, you know...
  
• A hot meal waiting for me every day when I get home.
  

Yes to the first item, maybe once a week for number two, with a toddler we're both more tolerant for number three, she's better acclimated after three years here for number four, wait until a hot and humid summer and she'll learn to just love the AC !!!, and if she had her way yes to the last item.

Enjoy each other, together.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

So, back on topic - my wife just got here last week. I'll just list the things..

• Must always wear slippers! Not in the bedroom though!
  
• Mop the floors every other day, on hands and knees!
  
• If we have a bezpadaric (?sp) then it will irritate her to no end. Clean room = happy wife!
  
• 72 degrees outside? Need a coat, scarf, hat.
  
• No air conditioner, it causes diseases, you know...
  
• A hot meal waiting for me every day when I get home.
  

So, yea, it's been great though, she's a great cook, and when she gets in the cleaning mood, nothing you say or do will stop her.

This is how you know you married a real RUB woman. You got the real deal! Congratulations

[TBoneTX 45,654]

This is how you know you married a real RUB woman.

Mrs. T-B. tends to clean (well) only when company is coming over (which is quite frequently, actually), si man. See earlier posts about the high-tech mop -- i.e., the rag on a stick.

Earlier tonight, I undertook my semidemihemi-weekly safari through the kitchen sink in an attempt to wash dishes, sigh man. Status quo with previous reports, including having to unload the dishwasher completely in order to reorder it, man si. Only new wrinkle was having to dive through 7,502,863 separated parts of sippy-cups, sigh man. Reminded me of the redneck's rejoinder to his spouse: "And fer th' last cotton-pickin' time, Verleen, I am not takin' my transmission out of the bathtub!"

[TBoneTX 45,654]

So what you are telling us is Mrs. T-B is in bed with a mini-bone?

Mini-B. never wanted to be in his crib, even for a few moments, so the default was to sleep with us. Amazing how a 21-month-old can occupy most of the usable surface area of a queen + twin bed.

[TBoneTX 45,654]

New mini-topic: toilet paper, si man.

When I was single, I existed quite well on the spare rolls of toilet paper from motel rooms that somehow made it home with me (magnetic attraction?). In fact, I didn't have to buy rolls for myself for as long as I could remember.

After Mrs. T-B.-to-be arrived, I one day went looking for a roll and didn't see one, no man. I inquired, and she said, half-sheepishly, "Somebody used it all up."

I have noticed that, at the end of any bodily-elimination activity, Mrs. T-B. wraps several cubits of toilet paper around her hand & wrist, wipes, and -- without looking -- flings the sodden mass in the general direction of the toilet bowl. Usually, her aim is true.

The question, si man: Does your RUBbette use t.p. as lavishly? What are the usage and disposal techniques?

Also, see post #11 in this thread for how I've very satisfactorily handled the supply situation:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/400259-1st-rule-you-do-not-talk-about-baby-until-born/page__gopid__5829375#entry5829375

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

New mini-topic: toilet paper, si man.

When I was single, I existed quite well on the spare rolls of toilet paper from motel rooms that somehow made it home with me (magnetic attraction?). In fact, I didn't have to buy rolls for myself for as long as I could remember.

After Mrs. T-B.-to-be arrived, I one day went looking for a roll and didn't see one, no man. I inquired, and she said, half-sheepishly, "Somebody used it all up."

I have noticed that, at the end of any bodily-elimination activity, Mrs. T-B. wraps several cubits of toilet paper around her hand & wrist, wipes, and -- without looking -- flings the sodden mass in the general direction of the toilet bowl. Usually, her aim is true.

The question, si man: Does your RUBbette use t.p. as lavishly? What are the usage and disposal techniques?

Also, see post #11 in this thread for how I've very satisfactorily handled the supply situation:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/400259-1st-rule-you-do-not-talk-about-baby-until-born/page__gopid__5829375#entry5829375

I can't say that but when single I did buy toilet paper in 4 packs which lasted quite a while. Now we buy the 96 roll tractor trailer load at Costco. Of course we also added 1 full time teenager and one part time teenager to the mix. I cannot say anything unusual in this regard.

Now if we want to talk about thei use of Q-tips, cotton squares, contact lens stuff, and general cosmetics, then OMG!

Today she "painted her hair" which means her robe was bunched around her waist and an old t-shirt was over this, then she had that bag over her head while the paint dries, cures, or whatecer that stuff does under there, and was wearing her slippers (of course) I was talking to Sergey on skype and he was asking if I think RUB women change when they come to the USA (his girlfriend is arriving to go to school at Univ. of Houston in Janaury)

Alla walked in and I pointed the web cam at her..."Look at Mom" I said "And she is going shopping like that!"