Friends reactions

[TeddyHoney 42]

My fiance's mom said that his son is marrying a visa hungry chink. His daughter doesn't call me names but doesn't like me either. She thinks that his dad isn't hot enough for a woman 29 yrs his junior.

Geez just like a bigot, so ignorant. She should at least get her slurs right. Chink is a slur for chinese. You're not chinese are you? Haha! That's so pathetically stupid that its funny. All bigots are.

[TeapotGirl 66]

Geez just like a bigot, so ignorant. She should at least get her slurs right. Chink is a slur for chinese. You're not chinese are you? Haha! That's so pathetically stupid that its funny. All bigots are.

Well I have a brown skin with a middle and last name that sounds Spanish, and the only Mandarin or Fokien line I know is Kung Hei Fat Choi.

PS: "her son"

Edited November 19, 2011 by teapotgurl1983

[TeapotGirl 66]

How about all of the above?

1.some its the Age thing.

This will be determined that they wrong once the woman is already there in person. People will gauge if you two really hit it off once they have seen her. Most likely your friends will be around your age, if she can hit their "level", won't sound airhead and your lifestyle is no issue then it could be genuine.

2.its the nationality.

Either they have a personal bad experience, heard something bad from other friends or seen it on TV. Also be determined once they meet her in person.

3.cause you met online.

Even if I've been through this, I personally won't suggest this means of meeting even to my closest friends. There's already a risk that you can be wrong if you meet them in person so how much more if you just meet them in the computer? Even in "normal dating", too fast, too soon, it'll crash and burn. Don't be in a hurry to get married. Take your time. True love waits.

(Gee, I didn't realize how I interchange my pronouns)

Edited November 19, 2011 by teapotgurl1983

[Jim N Augie 16]

I Agree totally with you Jim...

1.some its the Age thing.

2.its the nationality.

3.cause you met online.

You sometimes get it from all sides, and like others have said you would expect from your own Family? But NO..even some of them is Opposed to the Relationship! Only my Middle son and my youngest Daughter agree with our decision to be together. But you know my Dad told me a long time ago about people. he told me"Son if people isnt doing any of the " Three Fs", you dont need them telling you how to live your Life! Words to live by!

Your dad was right. I dont understand people that need to make problems. There is enough hard things in this world without me ever adding to someones problems

[Jim N Augie 16]

How about all of the above?

This will be determined that they wrong once the woman is already there in person. People will gauge if you two really hit it off once they have seen her. Most likely your friends will be around your age, if she can hit their "level", won't sound airhead and your lifestyle is no issue then it could be genuine.

Either they have a personal bad experience, heard something bad from other friends or seen it on TV. Also be determined once they meet her in person.

Even if I've been through this, I personally won't suggest this means of meeting even to my closest friends. There's already a risk that you can be wrong if you meet them in person so how much more if you just meet them in the computer? Even in "normal dating", too fast, too soon, it'll crash and burn. Don't be in a hurry to get married. Take your time. True love waits.

(Gee, I didn't realize how I interchange my pronouns)

For #3 I think you missed the original comment about time and distance but yeah no one gets a crystal ball no matter how you meet. The real reason people have problems with any of the above can be explained in 2 words.... closed minds

[TeapotGirl 66]

For #3 I think you missed the original comment about time and distance but yeah no one gets a crystal ball no matter how you meet. The real reason people have problems with any of the above can be explained in 2 words.... closed minds

We don't have a crystal ball but we got instinct and gut feeling if there's something wrong. So basically what am I saying is that, it's still way different if two people are introduced or met in person first compared to those who are still going to. Sometimes you have already invested money and emotion with these fantasies but when you see them in person, it's different.

I stayed in hotel for 3months when my fiance was here. We've met countless foreign males coming over here to meet those girls they befriended online and they don't just have one, they got back ups just in case the first choice didn't work. That's what they are saying. They got a point there therefore we shouldn't argue with those people that are "close minded". Just show them they are wrong later on through actions.

Edited November 19, 2011 by teapotgurl1983

[Jim N Augie 16]

I think we are saying same thing just in different ways. anything good or bad can happen in person or online. In person you dont have to talk so much lol. if your not honest online with yourself and each other it doesnt work it is a fantasy like you said. If honest all you can do is talk first. But close minded people are not worth proving anything too the mistake is theirs not yours. but i wish you all good luck in that situation

Edited November 19, 2011 by Jim N Augie

[southcalhog 43]

Your dad was right. I dont understand people that need to make problems. There is enough hard things in this world without me ever adding to someones problems

Amen Brother...My Sentiments Exactly!!!!

[southcalhog 43]

How about all of the above?

This will be determined that they wrong once the woman is already there in person. People will gauge if you two really hit it off once they have seen her. Most likely your friends will be around your age, if she can hit their "level", won't sound airhead and your lifestyle is no issue then it could be genuine.

Either they have a personal bad experience, heard something bad from other friends or seen it on TV. Also be determined once they meet her in person.

Even if I've been through this, I personally won't suggest this means of meeting even to my closest friends. There's already a risk that you can be wrong if you meet them in person so how much more if you just meet them in the computer? Even in "normal dating", too fast, too soon, it'll crash and burn. Don't be in a hurry to get married. Take your time. True love waits.

(Gee, I didn't realize how I interchange my pronouns)

Teapot as Jim said above I am not sure how you met has any bearing on whether your Friends and/or Family is willing to accept the facts that i mentioned above. whether you met in person here or there online or whatever if they have "Closed Minds", i dont think it matters to them and sure as H.... dont matter to me! its my life and its their life!! :thumbs:

[MI.PI 7]

It was a big shock for my husband’s family and friends when they learned about our relationship. He’s single never been married and devoted most of his life in his work. My first meeting with his family was a little awkward but pleasant nonetheless. My husband is not the type who discloses details of his personal life to others, even to his immediate family, so I knew they had a lot of questions. His eldest sister found a way to talk to me, and boy we had a loooong talk. It was like talking to a CO at the US Embassy. I was scrutinized. But honestly, I appreciated her for doing that. I’d rather that people say it to my face when they have concerns about me than patronize me and talk nasty behind my back. At the end of that conversation, she told me “I now understand why my brother fell in love with you and decided to finally get married”. They have been very supportive of me, and our marriage since then.

His friends and acquaintances’ reactions were not as pleasant though. A neighbor said, “You finally found someone who will spend all your hard-earned money. I hope you had her signed a Pre-nup”. One of his former co-worker sent him an email asking if he met me at one of the bars in Subic. People who know my husband really well are aware that he’s so suplado (snooty) that he won’t even think of getting involved with someone with a questionable background. But as others have pointed out, there will always be prejudice against the Filipinas (or probably foreign wives in general) so unpleasant repercussions is inevitable.

My husband is not affected at all by these, but I am (to some extent). I am not working (don’t need to) so I can’t blame some people if they think that I am an uneducated poor girl who came here for a green card. I know we don’t owe anybody an explanation but I want to gain respect. While I don’t see the need of letting everybody know of my personal and professional background to prove my worth, I know that most people judge by appearance. So whenever we go out, I try to put an extra effort to look nice, dress appropriately (neither flashy nor sloppy) and talk to people when there’s a chance, to let them know that I can speak English well (yes, some of them thought I can’t even understand and speak English!), and I think I am making progress because I notice that people are starting to be warm and friendly.

There will always be awkward situations and judgmental folks but don’t let them get in the way of nurturing a loving and lasting relationship with your future wife. I don’t know how it will affect her but more than being concerned of other people’s opinion about your decision, I think it is more important to give all the support to your fiancée, assuring her the she is the priority over everybody else.

[southcalhog 43]

It was a big shock for my husband's family and friends when they learned about our relationship. He's single never been married and devoted most of his life in his work. My first meeting with his family was a little awkward but pleasant nonetheless. My husband is not the type who discloses details of his personal life to others, even to his immediate family, so I knew they had a lot of questions. His eldest sister found a way to talk to me, and boy we had a loooong talk. It was like talking to a CO at the US Embassy. I was scrutinized. But honestly, I appreciated her for doing that. I'd rather that people say it to my face when they have concerns about me than patronize me and talk nasty behind my back. At the end of that conversation, she told me "I now understand why my brother fell in love with you and decided to finally get married". They have been very supportive of me, and our marriage since then.

His friends and acquaintances' reactions were not as pleasant though. A neighbor said, "You finally found someone who will spend all your hard-earned money. I hope you had her signed a Pre-nup". One of his former co-worker sent him an email asking if he met me at one of the bars in Subic. People who know my husband really well are aware that he's so suplado (snooty) that he won't even think of getting involved with someone with a questionable background. But as others have pointed out, there will always be prejudice against the Filipinas (or probably foreign wives in general) so unpleasant repercussions is inevitable.

My husband is not affected at all by these, but I am (to some extent). I am not working (don't need to) so I can't blame some people if they think that I am an uneducated poor girl who came here for a green card. I know we don't owe anybody an explanation but I want to gain respect. While I don't see the need of letting everybody know of my personal and professional background to prove my worth, I know that most people judge by appearance. So whenever we go out, I try to put an extra effort to look nice, dress appropriately (neither flashy nor sloppy) and talk to people when there's a chance, to let them know that I can speak English well (yes, some of them thought I can't even understand and speak English!), and I think I am making progress because I notice that people are starting to be warm and friendly.

There will always be awkward situations and judgmental folks but don't let them get in the way of nurturing a loving and lasting relationship with your future wife. I don't know how it will affect her but more than being concerned of other people's opinion about your decision, I think it is more important to give all the support to your fiancée, assuring her the she is the priority over everybody else.

Well Said! :thumbs:

[David & Kezia 25]

How about all of the above?

This will be determined that they wrong once the woman is already there in person. People will gauge if you two really hit it off once they have seen her. Most likely your friends will be around your age, if she can hit their "level", won't sound airhead and your lifestyle is no issue then it could be genuine.

Either they have a personal bad experience, heard something bad from other friends or seen it on TV. Also be determined once they meet her in person.

Even if I've been through this, I personally won't suggest this means of meeting even to my closest friends. There's already a risk that you can be wrong if you meet them in person so how much more if you just meet them in the computer? Even in "normal dating", too fast, too soon, it'll crash and burn. Don't be in a hurry to get married. Take your time. True love waits.

(Gee, I didn't realize how I interchange my pronouns)

I strongly agree with all of the above.

My husband's family were all wary and skeptical, although when I got here and spent some time with them, his Mom fell in love with me (and she never liked any of their girlfriends, boyfriends, wives and husbands). I think the latter created more trouble for me, because although they were happy that their youngest brother is now happy and his life is getting "fixed" and better with my help, they are jealous of my relationship with their mother with whom they were never really close. When she died and we had arguments on some issues especially of how they disposed of their mother's things (like trashing almost everything when many of them could still be recycled or given away to a lot of interested people here), they started hating me for being "interfering" and for making it more stressful. They thought that they had the monopoly on grief and managing their parent's estate just because they were her flesh and blood. Only my husband really understood how close we've been and how much I knew her better in some ways that they ever did, because it was mostly me and my husband who spent almost everyday of the the last year with her while she was battling her cancer. It was even I who was there on her last moments before she actually died. :-((

Also, they didn't understand that my main reason for trying to salvage most of those things from the dump was because the strong environmentalist in me was screaming in the way they were just trashing those things when a lot of people (in the Phils and in the freecycle groups locally) would love to have them instead and would actually need them, instead of adding them to the big big waste dumps that this disposable-minded country creates everyday. They may have liked me a little when they met me a few times, but their mistrust and prejudice of my race and the circumstances of our finding each other, made it very easy for them to fit me in the mold of their prejudices. They saw one thing, and they decided that I'm just like any other third-world visa hungry chick and someone who is very selfish and only wants to get all the junk so I could send them home to my family. They forgot to consider that I was a real environmentalist compared to their hypocrisy (the sister is a teacher, and the brother is a cop), and that despite my lack of fashion sense, my tomboyish attitudes and my 3rd world origins, I actually come from a better educated and higher class family than them who are second-generation rednecks. All they see is what they want to see.

Anyway, my husband has never been really close with his siblings anyway, and although I regret not being close to his family as I wanted, he told me that it is better off this way (and only spend maybe some holidays with them) because they always clash anyway and they don't matter much to us. As he kept telling me, it is "us" who matters, not "them", because we are the ones who are living together and making a life of ourselves. I am disappointed because I am a people-person, and has always wanted strong connections with family and friends, but with the way things are here, I'm a little thankful that their extended family isn't as big of a deal as it is in the Phils, where marrying one person means marrying a whole family of extended relatives. However, even if I'm exempt from trying my best to be good friends with his family, he is not exempt with having a relationship with mine, so he's going to spend at least two full weeks with my family next summer, before our big wedding in Samar. :-)

As for the other thing, about recommending online dating to my family and friends, I still wouldn't recommend it. I've always had penpals since I was in gradeschool and I've always had online friends since my freshman year at the university because of my interests, but I never intended nor expected to meet someone romantically online. It's just a world fraught of all kinds of lies and other dangers. Online dating may have some advantages, but it also has more disadvantages than real world dating. I am just one of the rare lucky ones who met my match while I was debating against the possibility of meeting one's soulmate online (yes, that, of all topics, hehehe). However, even if our relationship started online, it was still a waiting game for us, and we spent a lot of quality time together, with lots of arguments and drama in between (so that we really got to knew each other very very well), before we actually tied the knot. Real love waits, and "Good Things Come To Those Who Wait".

:-)

Kezia

[TeapotGirl 66]

Teapot as Jim said above I am not sure how you met has any bearing on whether your Friends and/or Family is willing to accept the facts that i mentioned above. whether you met in person here or there online or whatever if they have "Closed Minds", i dont think it matters to them and sure as H.... dont matter to me! its my life and its their life!! :thumbs:

I am not trying to be Dr.Phil here but I do not believe it doesn't matter AT ALL. It hurts specially for the Filipino one. She's the foreigner, you are not. She's the one who has to blend in. As MI.PI said, you defy it with your actions. Dress appropriately, talk with sense, and show something special. Just try a little and not be too defensive about it.

Edited November 19, 2011 by teapotgurl1983

[southcalhog 43]

I think we are saying same thing just in different ways. anything good or bad can happen in person or online. In person you dont have to talk so much lol. if your not honest online with yourself and each other it doesnt work it is a fantasy like you said. If honest all you can do is talk first. But close minded people are not worth proving anything too the mistake is theirs not yours. but i wish you all good luck in that situation

[DouglasFiel 53]

Couple of points... First, regarding a fast marriage... I think most K1 visa petitioners would love to allow their fiancee to visit at least once before committing

to marriage. But, not really a possibility with our broken immigration system. And second, cut strings with those that are not open minded. If they are not willing to give her a chance,,, then do they deserve one?

Regards,