Homesickness

[Lili 3]

I am French but I figured I would chime in.

I have been in the US for 9 years 2 months and 9 days (but who is counting?). I have enjoyed being here but it doesn't feel right. I just don't fit in. People are too busy with their lives and forget to just live. I have made few true friendships (two) but it took me years to find those friends.

I miss home. I miss the laid back attitude, good food and people that value family/friendship over work.

So here we are, planning to move to Montreal. Yeah, I know not France but we are looking for a new adventure in a bilingual environment (hubby wants to be immersed in a French environment).

I will add one more thing. When I first moved here, the culture shock was tough even though I have visited the country before. And inevitably, homesickness set in. What helped me was to immerse myself and to "forget" France. I took this experience as a new chapter in my life and have no regret. That and I met my wonderful hubby. I would do it again just for him.

To the OP, take this as an adventure. And remember, your life is what you make of it. Try this adventure and if you are unhappy in a few years, the world is open to you. Nothing says that we have to settle for the US for the rest of our mortal lives. :-) Just put your heart into it and everything will work itself out. And your soon-to-be husband will be there every step of the way.

[Lise+Michael 13]

She got pretty inebriated on Halloween weekend and she was crying "I want to go back to Canada!" Talk about breaking my heart.

My homesickness is centered around missing my 3 girls and 4 grandchildren, and of course other family members and friends. I found the first month extremely hard adjusting to life in the USA.

The above quote really struck a chord with me while reading this thread. I have been in the USA for 2.5 months, I am sure that Michael was worried that I would go back to Canada during those first few weeks and we all know what the implications are for leaving the USA before AOS. Knowing that you can’t go back makes adjusting a lot more difficult. After the wedding, saying bye to my girls and grandchildren, I remember thinking, “OMG, I am really living in America, what have I done??!” I think it was truly a month before I felt that I belonged here and that I would be okay. I felt better after receiving my MN license and absolutely feel good about volunteering.

I know Michael is trying his best to help me adjust. I am thankful that I apologized to Michael after my 'tears and sadness' passed for making him feel like I might go 'home'. The last thing I want to do is ‘break his heart’. What a mess of emotions! My love and commitment to Michael will get me through all my moments of ‘homesickness’, which I expect to ebb and flow as life goes on. So, I guess what I am trying to get at is even though our emotions are up and down they do affect our spouses.

Hang in there, let your spouse help you through the rough times.

Lise

[Lise+Michael 13]

The US feels absolutely huge, until you're stuck there waiting for your AP documents. It must be even worse being so close to the border, being able to look across the river/lake at the Promised Land but, like Moses, knowing you can't go in. As a Canadian you grow up being so used to being able to cross that border more or less at will - it's a very weird feeling when all of a sudden you can't.

When my AP documents showed up I triumphantly posted "<HeatDeath> is no longer being held prisoner by the US government! " on my Facebook wall. Funny thing is I haven't even been back to Canada since I moved here, but that feeling of homesickness/being trapped here went away when I got my AP documents.

Interestingly, I find that watching really Canadian things on youtube helped when I was going through a homesickness period. Things like the CBC sign-on videos/O Canada videos, National Film Board Vignettes, etc. Maybe the nostalgia for early 80's CBC is just me.

Also eating french fries with white vinegar. I do wish there was some place here that made poutine though.

My wife got me the complete series of Corner Gas last Christmas. It's kind of funny, realizing you are probably the only person in a 500 mile radius watching that show at that particular moment, but it really helps me feel a little more at home.

Your post brought smiles to my face, I love poutine...I go to a Dairy farm and buy delicious cheese curds, make my own gravy and homemade fries..and voila, I have my favourite comfort food. French fries and vinegar yum yum, the other thing I found is restaurants do not always have relish for burgers..oh well. My husband (US citizen) loves Corner Gas! I am hoping for the 'being held prisoner feeling' to go away with AP as well. I don't expect to go to Canada before spring so I truly think it is the mindset of not being able to that is bothersome.

Thanks for making me smile!

Have a great day,

Lise

[ladyrant 0]

During my first year in the US, (about 3 years ago) I changed all my ringtones from canadian friends & family to the original hockey night in canada theme.... I kept letting it ring all the way to hear it instead of answering.

Your post brought smiles to my face, I love poutine...I go to a Dairy farm and buy delicious cheese curds, make my own gravy and homemade fries..and voila, I have my favourite comfort food. French fries and vinegar yum yum, the other thing I found is restaurants do not always have relish for burgers..oh well. My husband (US citizen) loves Corner Gas!

I miss cheese curds so much... probably more than my family. Hubby and I once went on a quest to every grocer we could find in a 30 mile radius to see if they had cheese curds or knew of it. People either thought I was crazy, or sympathized with me because they grew up with them too.

Glad to hear there's another US Corner Gas fan. I introduced that to my hubby and the inlaws, and once in awhile they'll quote it.

[MSR 6]

" I miss my family. I miss Canada. I miss my friends (though some of them have moved elsewhere as well, so that will never be the same). I miss snow, I miss Tim Hortons, I miss hockey, I miss the Canada flag, I miss people being polite, I miss french signs (go figure), and bilingual packaging. And yes, hearing the national anthem almost makes me want to bawl like a baby. lol"

I can COMPLETELY relate to how you feel! This is exactly what I had been trying to say but failed so terribly! We get snow here, but it doesn't feel the same , the "polite" factor is huge with me... And the french signs and packaging. I'm actually quite good now with French now that i've left Canada, go figure!!

Great post!

[GnBnL 50]

What I found helpful in dealing with my homesickness when I moved here was reading the newspapers back home on line. I found I could also watch CBC on the computer and get reruns of some of the shows I liked to watch. Somehow knowing I had that contact made it feel like I was less isolated. I still read the newspapers from my last home in Canada and my 'home town' and I watch the elections on CBC and things like that. I've been here over 7 years now, and Canada is still 'home of my heart' but my home is here, too. When I am in Canada, I miss here. Heck - I need to find a way to marry the two places together so I can have them both! Hehehe.

Don't worry - being homesick is totally natural. It will pass so it doesn't hurt so much but is more like a nostalgic memory of home. You will find that you have room enough in your life for two homes. Two very different homes! Hehe You'll spend your first two years comparing the differences .

Yes, I sometimes listen to CBC online!!! that really helps, but also makes me miss it because really I'm just pretending I'm there! lol!

[GnBnL 50]

The US DOES feel really big, for one thing, and a little scary with all the stuff you hear about crime etc. Back home, we don't even lock our doors really... I miss the air, the people, the food, my family and friends, my job even...I miss my health care and talking to people and not feeling like a foreigner...I have found making friends with Americans a bit strange sometimes. Its almost like I feel they are "faking" a connection with me because I often feel like after the conversation is over, they turn off their laughs and smiles and move on to the next person? does anyone know what I mean? and its certainly not all, i have a lot of American friends, but I find this quite common when I'm meeting people for the first time. While it does occur in Canadian and other cultures I'm sure, I just feel like it happens a lot here...kinda makes me feel like I'm the weird kid or something! geez! All I know is I prefer to be a visitor to the US. I like the US and lots that it has to offer that Canada lacks, but I much prefer home <3

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

I can definitely relate to that. I moved recently, and am not working in my new location yet, but in my last job, I talked to a LOT of people on any given day. And few and far between were the days where someone didn't make comments about me being Canadian. In a way, that's fine -- I am Canadian, and happy to be. But even the HR person for my last company made references to "Blame Canada" from South Park, and people in general seemed to treat me a little differently. And it also bothered / bothers me that just because I'm a polite, outgoing person, it's assumed that I'm polite and outgoing because I'm Canadian. But there's no way to convince most Americans that not all Canadians fit the Canadian stereotype...

It's a minor quibble, really, but it's one of the few things that has bothered me since I moved down here. I still say words like "about" and "sorry" like a Canadian, so it's picked up on regularly. At least I've made my zeds into zees though...

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I can definitely relate to that. I moved recently, and am not working in my new location yet, but in my last job, I talked to a LOT of people on any given day. And few and far between were the days where someone didn't make comments about me being Canadian. In a way, that's fine -- I am Canadian, and happy to be. But even the HR person for my last company made references to "Blame Canada" from South Park, and people in general seemed to treat me a little differently. And it also bothered / bothers me that just because I'm a polite, outgoing person, it's assumed that I'm polite and outgoing because I'm Canadian. But there's no way to convince most Americans that not all Canadians fit the Canadian stereotype...

It's a minor quibble, really, but it's one of the few things that has bothered me since I moved down here. I still say words like "about" and "sorry" like a Canadian, so it's picked up on regularly. At least I've made my zeds into zees though...

And why is that bad and why does it bug you? I'm perfectly fine with people thinking all Canadians are polite and outgoing. I have to laugh when they always say how 'clean' Canada is and then they tell me they've been to Toronto I've been to TO a million times, but 'clean' wasn't necessarily one of the adjectives that jump to mind first

[MSR 6]

And why is that bad and why does it bug you? I'm perfectly fine with people thinking all Canadians are polite and outgoing. I have to laugh when they always say how 'clean' Canada is and then they tell me they've been to Toronto I've been to TO a million times, but 'clean' wasn't necessarily one of the adjectives that jump to mind first

I was in D.C. on Friday and a man asked me if i was from Toronto, LOL. He said he could tell because i said sorry in the form of a question... When people figure out i'm from Canada, they always mention Toronto, they don't mention any other city. Is Toronto the only city they know? hehe... (i'm kidding obviously) but i do get a good chuckle from it.

[CDAgirlMI 51]

I was in D.C. on Friday and a man asked me if i was from Toronto, LOL. He said he could tell because i said sorry in the form of a question... When people figure out i'm from Canada, they always mention Toronto, they don't mention any other city. Is Toronto the only city they know? hehe... (i'm kidding obviously) but i do get a good chuckle from it.

Ya, everyone seems to know Toronto. I grew up just outside T.O, and most of my family live there. I just say "Toronto" when referring to it, easier.

However, I was asked one time if Toronto was in Quebec Boy, did that raise a lot of comments from my Canadian family/friends. I find it true about Americans (not all, but a lot), that they don't seem to know much about the world outside the US. Sad.

[Udella&Wiz 325]

I like that everyone assumes I came out of the womb speaking French and then I gently explain that mostly it's folks from Quebec or NB who may speak french regularly. Now I happen to speak French but that's because my parents were language teachers

I do find the smae thing about Americans - perhaps they have such a large country to begin with they don't always get much beyond their own shores? Lots to see in the US without ever leaving.

[Wyatt's Torch 45]

I do find the smae thing about Americans - perhaps they have such a large country to begin with they don't always get much beyond their own shores? Lots to see in the US without ever leaving.

Yeah, that's one of the double-edged swords about America. There are so many diverse cities here. Each one is quite unique, and most denizens of each city have a certain "way" about them that is distinct from denizens of other cities. When my wife and I were thinking of leaving D.C., we bought a "Places Rated Almanac" that ranks all of the metro areas in the country. There are over 300. It was a bit of an eye-opener to realize that we could make a long list of cities, and simply whittle down to a dozen or so where we could envision ourselves living. In Canada, your options are basically Vancouver, Toronto, Montreal, Quebec City and Calgary. There are others, to be sure, but for all intents and purposes, those are the five major Canadian cities (and even Quebec City might be debatable). The downside of America being so big and having so many different urban centers, however, is that many Americans (rightfully) don't need to ever leave. It has a way of narrowing one's viewpoint though.

As for your earlier reply:

And why is that bad and why does it bug you? I'm perfectly fine with people thinking all Canadians are polite and outgoing.

It's not a bad thing...but it bugs me, because I think my personality and demeanor are individual traits, more so than cultural / national ones. I sometimes feel that people don't see me, but they see a Canadian, and they simply assume that all of my traits are common Canadian traits. I suppose it would be like an American in Canada, frustrated because all people see in him are the slight arrogance, swagger and overconfidence that most countries tend to associate with the U.S.

[thetreble 19]

It's interesting, you know, that none of my American friends have passports. One of my coworkers just got the passport card a month ago so she could travel to St. Marten. I have friends who have never been out of PA, NJ, NY or CT, let alone to another area of the US! It's very strange. Most of my mates in Canada are avid travelers. Maybe we get excellent deals or something? There is a total lack of interest though on going somewhere internationally here. I even know folks who think Canada is the most foreign place ever and they've never been there before. We don't live too far away from the border! Jeeze, growing up, my family made a ton of trips to the US for all kinds of reasons.

I do think it's unfortunate because it's one of the things that makes a few Americans very ignorant about the rest of the world. Not all of course, but quite a big group in my opinion. It is not even about what you know, but what has shaped your perception of things. Fox News and CNN seem to shape a lot of perception in areas of the US.

I work at a University and I know that after I finished Uni, and my friends did too, the first thing on our list was TRAVEL! We knew it might be one of the only times in our lives where we could do it and it is sort of a right of passage.

The first thing American students do the day after they graduate is look at the job ads!

[hikergirl 277]

In Canada, your options are basically Vancouver, Toronto, Montreal, Quebec City and Calgary. There are others, to be sure, but for all intents and purposes, those are the five major Canadian cities (and even Quebec City might be debatable).

I think you forgot Edmonton, but being a Calgarian born and raised I found that amusing.

Future hubby had to get a passport for his first visit up here for our Thanksgiving. I honestly think he is the only one in his family to ever leave the US.

He has a long list of places he wants to travel, both in the US and out, now that he has a travel partner.