Fiance changing decision

[bigdog 376]

Follow your gut feeling and your heart, do another visit and see how it goes. Have a discussion with your family. Good Luck.

[InHisTime 110]

Your situation is probably best handled by you and your fiance, we can only offer suggestions. You need to assure him that you will be happy just being with him and content on living a simple life once you get there. I guess he's worried about your futures and feels that his situation in the USA is not suitable for your and your children at the moment. He may also feel guilty of letting you go of your career and having to start over in a new country. He can also be afraid of the level of commitment he will have once you're there. We don't know and the best thing you need to do is talk to him on why he's feeling this way and confront it.

As for me, I would not leave my kids behind. You say you can afford their tickets and I'm assuming your fiance makes above the 125% poverty level to support everyone, then why leave the kids behind? That's another process you will have to face sooner or later if you decide to leave them behind because you will have to process everything all over again.

You have 3 months to decide what to do when you arrive in the US on your K1, if you feel that your situation is better served by staying in The Philippines, you can simply move back before your K1 expires.

Hi, thanks for your nice thought. You are exactly right, he knows that I got a good job here -- one reason why he is quite unsure as he always tell me about the very bad job market now. He wished that we could extend a little time for us to get there, timing is just so bad he said. Thanks again, for now I will just take time, I know God still in control.

Follow your gut feeling and your heart, do another visit and see how it goes. Have a discussion with your family. Good Luck.

Thank you, I will

[InHisTime 110]

You're difinitely the person that know's best and is capable of making the right decision for you, your children and your relationship.

Good luck.

Thanks so much. I just felt a little bad earlier and just wanna let my HEART out. Thanks for taking time.

[Darnell 8,478]

I suggest that ya go. He's apparently afraid of 'instant family' but with 'instant family' comes much moral support, as well.

I'm sure he'll change his mind, and be positive, once you and the kids are there.

Good Luck !

[InHisTime 110]

I suggest that ya go. He's apparently afraid of 'instant family' but with 'instant family' comes much moral support, as well.

I'm sure he'll change his mind, and be positive, once you and the kids are there.

Good Luck !

Ok thanks for the encouragement. I know we could have a great future ahead. Hopefully he would change and fix his mind. He's a good guy that is why I have to think deeply of our relationship before giving up. He maybe just nervous as he is a real single guy never been married and would have an instant family soon. He is up for vacation soon and spend holidays with us. Hopefully God will make it happen. God speed.

[InHisTime 110]

Is the situation in the USA difficult right now? Yes. Will it get better? Yes...

I am sorry to see the problems you are having, but the simple fact is that there will ALWAYS be problems in our lives. Today can be financial, tomorrow can be health related. So, what I've learned is that life is very short and to live it as each day mattered.

It seems like your USC fiance is having cold feet for some reason. I know he discusses moving there to live in your country, but financial opportunities for your family are better here and will continue to be better. Also - your children's education will be better here than in the Philippines.

I suggest you and your fiance have a heart to heart discussion and find out what the REAL issue is. He can not put your life and your children's lives in limbo just because he can not make a decision and keep his word. This process does not just affect his life, but also yours and yoru children's.

Is this the life you envisioned when you fell in love with this man?

Good luck.

Hi, my answer is DEFINITELY NO. Thank you.

[D N Medellin COL 75]

Hi, my answer is DEFINITELY NO. Thank you.

He sounds like a good guy! In more general terms the real problem with men in the US these days are that we have lost what it truly means to be a man.

What woman like yourself would love that their husband to be confident, honest, decisive, cleaver, industrious, loving, a great provider, a man of his word, respectful, hard worker and protective yet our society has stripped these characteristics from us. These attributes mean little.

We now have a few generations of grown men like this. I see and interact each day with men. I am a man. I get it.

Over a period of time we succumb to our society's view that a real man is simply not needed or wanted. Oh the bunch of feelings, emotions and turmoil that we now carry each day. It could be that you are getting a taste of what a man has become in the US today.

Just love him and respect him, have a good life.

[swordfish2011 0]

You're difinitely the person that know's best and is capable of making the right decision for you, your children and your relationship.

Good luck.

sounds like your fiance is stressed out about transitioning to his new role. He is transitionig from living alone and single. To having kids and a new wife at home to support. All the expenses that have incurred up to this point may also have an impact.

Again, the moment that he submitted the application this was the ultimate goal to get approved. So the way he is acting up now. is strange.

SO you should really sit down and talk. The topic at hand is a very serious one. That decision will impact your kids and you for the rest or your life. If he was approved based on his income. then he should have no problem with him carrying the bills and supporting you.

leaving the kids behind is also not a good choice. nobody will take care of them like you do. best of luck on your journey.

[CristiFur 15]

First of all I want to wish you best of luck and I hope you can sort things out. What I don't understand is that you been together for 3 years, you went through all of this and finally got what most of us (us as in still in process)is trying to attain and all of the sudden the change of mind. I know I don't really know the whole story is but in general this is not a good sign.

Yes the economy is bad, and yes I can understand that it is a big responsibility for him to have instantly family, but he should have known and planned accordingly for this day. If your saying maybe it's not the right time or not yet ready, well only the lucky few have the luxury of being trully prepared and have financial security to start a family/marriage. When exactly is the right time? You wait any longer next thing you know another 3 years gone by and nothing has change. Sis think where you want to be and be honest to yourself, I've met several women who been given the run around and waiting game only to find out nag iintay sa ala (waiting for nothing) and wasted there best years!

The two of you have six months to sort things out, if that does not work, time to move on. I don't know how old you are but don't let your best years be spent online.

Also you mentioned he plans to stay in the Phil for a while, that just shows he much prefer your company over there...less responsibility with lots of attention..lol

I myself will be bringing my Fiance and her daughter so I can relate to his hesitation but how do you move forward unless you go through with it. I can only take so much being apart and porncall don't cut it..

Well Sis good luck..

[Yukah 0]

I always believe there's no right or wrong choices. Personal ability (smart and initiative) determines the result.

No matter what option you've picked, do the best job as you can! Stay positive and good thing will happen

I know it's frustrating as it seems that you're the only one who try to stay strong and positive, but be patient and try to send your positive vibes to your fiancee.

Good luck and best wish! Feel better and stay positive!

[Dean_De 61]

Just IMHO ... if you have confusion this time and if you know someone here in the Philippines can take care of your kids for a short period of time, it is best for you to come here first than bring along your kids and let them face the uncertainty you will be facing. No one is certain that ones we move here we get the lucky career we have ones in the Philippines. Coming here is a risk too. I am not here to speak for and in behalf of your husband or am I here to manipulate your mind...as a mother, I know how hard it is for me to leave my kids behind, but for me, it was a best decision no matter how hard it may seem to let them just follow before their k2 visa expires. After you arrive here in the US and is with you are able to have a bit of REAL idea of the life here..and hopefully you get a job, it maybe best for you to bring the kids with you. You said you have money right now. but that might not be enough to hold off if and when bad things come for you and your kids to survive. It is best to get a job to be assured of the security of you and the kids no matter what may happen.

Edited November 14, 2011 by Dean_De

[AmyWrites 593]

I'm tempted to tell you to leave him, BUT if his doubts are purely economic, he might not have stopped loving you or anything; the reality is that it's very very very hard to find a job in the US now (even entry level ones) and foreigners might face an even bigger disadvantage because of language or other issues.

The only thing you can do is sit him down and nearly force him to talk to you about this.

[patient2010 93]

I pray that things work out in the best intrest of you and your kids......

[baron555 934]

I'm tempted to tell you to leave him, BUT if his doubts are purely economic, he might not have stopped loving you or anything; the reality is that it's very very very hard to find a job in the US now (even entry level ones) and foreigners might face an even bigger disadvantage because of language or other issues.

The only thing you can do is sit him down and nearly force him to talk to you about this.

I would agree with the above. Sounds like your relationship is not his top priority but being worried about family expenses is a good thing to discuss and work out.

How much does your fiance make? Don't need to answer that here but does he make enough to support both you and your child if you can't find work? Or do you NEED to find work to make the family budget balance? These are good things to be worried about and hopefully you guys can work it out to make it work out!

[InHisTime 110]

Just IMHO ... if you have confusion this time and if you know someone here in the Philippines can take care of your kids for a short period of time, it is best for you to come here first than bring along your kids and let them face the uncertainty you will be facing. No one is certain that ones we move here we get the lucky career we have ones in the Philippines. Coming here is a risk too. I am not here to speak for and in behalf of your husband or am I here to manipulate your mind...as a mother, I know how hard it is for me to leave my kids behind, but for me, it was a best decision no matter how hard it may seem to let them just follow before their k2 visa expires. After you arrive here in the US and is with you are able to have a bit of REAL idea of the life here..and hopefully you get a job, it maybe best for you to bring the kids with you. You said you have money right now. but that might not be enough to hold off if and when bad things come for you and your kids to survive. It is best to get a job to be assured of the security of you and the kids no matter what may happen.

Thanks for your thoughts. My kids have their visa already. I still have my job here didn't give up yet since I still have few months left before visa expires. My Fiance didn't know that visa is good for only 6 months. He thought he could still have time to prepare.