Wife's son is moving out already. I have concerns.

[slim 1,525]

He has already done some pretty impressive research in stuff I will never understand.

Kind of like what happens when I ask my little brothers, "So, how's school going?"

I think she is more clever than Alla gives her credit for.

Sparrow school is still in operation.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Kind of like what happens when I ask my little brothers, "So, how's school going?"

Sparrow school is still in operation.

I think so! To both!

I am a mechanical engineer so Sergey thinks he can talk mathmatics with me. "Sergey, look, there is a reason they refer to it as 'rocket science', that sh*t is HARD"

he tried to explain this logic to me he is working on, but it was like the "wah, wah, wah" voices of the parents in Charlie Brown cartoons! Cut to the chase Sergey, what does this do?

"If it works, it will be a foolproof protective system for credit card purchases on the internet and other secure transactions, bank transfers, etc" THAT's what this is? "yes, of course" Of course, how could I miss it? Maybe because it is three hard drives full of data and formulas? Maybe?

Edited November 14, 2011 by Gary and Alla

[eekee 182]

Congratulations to Sergey! Is he getting a stipend? My friends who are doing PhDs at Ivies all get stipends--not enough to live a life of luxury, but enough to cover rent and whatever else they need. So Alla's worries about supporting him may be unfounded.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Congratulations to Sergey! Is he getting a stipend? My friends who are doing PhDs at Ivies all get stipends--not enough to live a life of luxury, but enough to cover rent and whatever else they need. So Alla's worries about supporting him may be unfounded.

Yes, he will get a stipend. He should be fine for tuition, room & board, and minimal living expenses/spending money. We currently send him a small "allowance" by way of depositing money in his account here, which he withdraws there by ATM. I have no problem with this, he gets free meals but I know that the same cafeteria can get old and sometimes you need a pizza or a Subway sandwich! Also he has expenses for school supplies, maybe some new socks or underwear now and again (I doubt it but we can hope) He also does some tutoring to make a little extra money. All of that is fine, so he is funding this all himself through scholarships or stipends.

Alla was more concerned that with going to school here he may decide he wants a car, have higher expenses, etc. Also he needs to get to the point where he buys his own new computers, clothes, etc. He is perfectly satisfied to allow us to buy him some new clothes when he is home for the summer and leave it at that. He is a GUY, he is not going waste pizza money on clothes! And it appears he plans to visit Russia every so often to see his girlfrined so who pays for that?

Our point was that when the Masters is done, so are we, so to speak. He will be 22 years old and have a masters degree, time to spread your wings! Or at least find a way to pay for it yourself, which he seems to have done so far.

I mean, Alla is in her 40's and is still a student (she continues to take more classes after finishing her 3rd masters degree) but her mother is not paying for it.

Edited November 14, 2011 by Gary and Alla

[eekee 182]

Hmm yeah he'll probably want a car, since Dartmouth is basically in the middle of nowhere, but that also means that rent won't be as high as in, say, NYC or Chicago.

There is also different ways to get the university to pay for travel, but since he is doing rocket science and not work that necessitates travel to Russia, it may be hard to shake down the school for it. He should be able to find a research assistant sort of position, though.

Edited November 14, 2011 by eekee

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Hmm yeah he'll probably want a car, since Dartmouth is basically in the middle of nowhere, but that also means that rent won't be as high as in, say, NYC or Chicago.

There is also different ways to get the university to pay for travel, but since he is doing rocket science and not work that necessitates travel to Russia, it may be hard to shake down the school for it. He should be able to find a research assistant sort of position, though.

Rent in these parts is surprisingly high, not as high as NYC or Chicago, you are correct, but much higher than would be normal for a similar sized city in Ohio, Illinois, Pennsylvania, etc. The student population and extremely low vacancy rates are the culprit along with both aras being in demand as weekend escpe places for people from Boston, Montreal and New York.

There is a bus from Burlington to Lebanon NH every day, so getting home will be cheap and easy. Getting to Russia will be on his dime.

There is hope that if his girlfriend gets her tourist visa (next week) she would also be able to get future visas to come here so they can split the expenses. Young people are very creative in ways to get together, I will give them that.

[slim 1,525]

"If it works, it will be a foolproof protective system for credit card purchases on the internet and other secure transactions, bank transfers, etc" THAT's what this is? "yes, of course" Of course, how could I miss it? Maybe because it is three hard drives full of data and formulas? Maybe?

I have one little brother that just graduated from Rose Hulman, another that's a freshman and our youngest brother - who is only 13 - will probably be going there too. I have a different dad so my pedigree varies from theirs slightly and while they went off to college... I went off to the military. But, we enjoy sitting around debating "technical" problems.

Anyway, over the summer, the youngest one called me up and asked if I'd like to see his Power Point presentation. I asked him if it was something for school and he said, "No, I was jut bored this summer so I taught myself powerpoint." Because he was bored. Bored, I say. Bored. I used to throw rocks or go to the creek or something. He taught himself powerpoint.

I could say he's a nerd but his powerpoints and other "technical" things aren't on 12y/o things like Pokemon or whatever else those kids are into. Nope. His are on seige weapons like the trebuchet and ballista. Not only did he make the presentations on these things, but he coordinated the plans and then scaled them down to build in the back yard. I came over and he has a working model set up in the back yard. "Wanna see me launch a tennis ball over 100 yards? Moms here now, but when she leaves we can launch smoke bombs!"

I just hope whatever this kid decides to do - it's legal. I have no doubt he's going to be a millionaire someday. I've always said I want to be his driver/security/don't let mom find out guy. With any luck, he'll cut me in on the millions. (And keep us out of jail!)

He is a GUY, he is not going waste pizza money on clothes!

That's what Christmas is for.

[visaveteran1 33]

Let me add my congrats to Sergey as well. He sounds like my natural son who's in a PhD program in physics and math. All I can say is he didn't get his gift for math & science from me.

So...I hate to pull this away from the celebration mode but as it started as my thread, I'll retake it for the moment.

OK, this is tough to put out openly but my wife and I are not getting along. AND, I have to say I have had the idea cross my mind as to whether I've been had...exploited? She's mentioned even divorce before and her attitude seems to have gotten worse since her son came over. If I was the suspicious type, I'd wonder if this is a visa scam or something similar? I mean, now her son's here for two months and my wife is going off on me every few days and already got him an apartment. She's even stated "I have to take care of them." I ask myself, where is the money for deposits and rent coming from? He makes $10 a hour before taxes. My wife makes about the same.

Of course, she says I'm a crazy Vietnam vet etc, etc. and I'm the problem. Let me be perfectly clear, I've spent a small fortune and put a LOT of energy into giving her the best life I can afford. And, just for the record, I've never laid a finger on her, both because that's not in my code of conduct AND because I'm not an idiot.

I've fought thinking the worse...but now I wonder is she trying to provoke me? Or is she mentally ill? Pre menopause? Or is this a strategy? I've done so much for her and her son, yet she acts like I'm a piker. Nothing makes her happy. Sex is more and more absent. If I mention that, she says "I didn't ask." ASK! Now I have to book requests?

I have to say, I'm getting concerned. Not sure which way to jump. Lawyer? Immigration officer? Wait and see? Try harder to fix things?

I know this will come as a shock to many, but I need the forum's support more than ever.

I'm scared. I could loose everything if this goes bad. At my age and recovering from cancer, my energy and will are low. My dream wife has become my nightmare wife.

Help!

[Lena and Igor 5]

I have read your posts during our K-1 journey. Truly sorry that you are going through such bull$¥*±. Wow, it seems to have gone from bad to worse for you. You have to go with your gut feelings in my opinion. I swore that I would never again put up with someone who didn't give back 100%. If salvageable, lay it on the line. Send him across the pond and offer her the same if things don't improve between the two of you within 30 days. Yes, you agreed to take care of them (within limits). What about your needs? Doesn't she and the son have some responsibility to you as well?

[slim 1,525]

I wonder is she trying to provoke me? Or is she mentally ill? Pre menopause? Or is this a strategy? I've done so much for her and her son,

My wife pulls the same ####### all the time. "I'm going to divorce you. I'm not happy. I'm leaving. So many guys want me." And on and on and on. I kindly inform her of the door's location and let her know that it shouldn't hit her backside when she steps out.

Simply put, there are 48,000 more where they came from. If they'd like to leave, they're more than welcome to do so.

I think what really happens is they come here with expectations of the good life. After all, you're "rich." You paid a small fortune for her to get here, you fund all her stuff, (her son's stuff too) and then once she showed up..... reality hit. "What you mean we not live in castle? What you mean I must work for freaking $10 per hour?"

Life in America isn't as glamourous as they thought it'd be and the only person they have to take it out on is you. Don't fight back. Don't even acknowledge that #######. Just show her the location of the door. "This is our life. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. The choice is yours."

As for where she gets her money, who pays rent, etc., who cares? You can waste all day long worrying about it or you can be happy and have fun with your wife and step-son and if they can't or don't want to have fun with you then do it on your own.

I wish I had better advice for you but I don't. Each relationship presents it's own set of challenges (and rewards) but the main thing I can tell you is simply be the good guy that you are. She may think the grass is greener (may even walk in it for a while) but eventually, she'll see that she had a pretty nice yard all along.

[eekee 182]

My wife pulls the same ####### all the time. "I'm going to divorce you. I'm not happy. I'm leaving. So many guys want me." And on and on and on. I kindly inform her of the door's location and let her know that it shouldn't hit her backside when she steps out.

Simply put, there are 48,000 more where they came from. If they'd like to leave, they're more than welcome to do so.

I think what really happens is they come here with expectations of the good life. After all, you're "rich." You paid a small fortune for her to get here, you fund all her stuff, (her son's stuff too) and then once she showed up..... reality hit. "What you mean we not live in castle? What you mean I must work for freaking $10 per hour?"

Life in America isn't as glamourous as they thought it'd be and the only person they have to take it out on is you. Don't fight back. Don't even acknowledge that #######. Just show her the location of the door. "This is our life. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. The choice is yours."

As for where she gets her money, who pays rent, etc., who cares? You can waste all day long worrying about it or you can be happy and have fun with your wife and step-son and if they can't or don't want to have fun with you then do it on your own.

I wish I had better advice for you but I don't. Each relationship presents it's own set of challenges (and rewards) but the main thing I can tell you is simply be the good guy that you are. She may think the grass is greener (may even walk in it for a while) but eventually, she'll see that she had a pretty nice yard all along.

I would be concerned by the psychological trickery/manipulation she seems to be using... i.e., "YOU'RE the problem, YOU'RE the crazy Vietnam vet," etc.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

There is a problem there VV and you need to just cut to the chase. I mean we have had difficulties and it has not always been easy, Alla has worked very hard and many times has been just plain exhausted, but she seems to get more determined. She does not make any threats, ever.

FSU women are usually painfully direct. Why not just ask her? Not to sound shallow but if the sex faucet got turned off it would mean something was very wrong like the earth may fall of its axis.

You need to just sort this out, see where it is going, see what can be done. And if the answer is "nothing" then proceed accordingly.

I am sorry this has happened as you seem to be an honorable man who would do anything he could for his family, most women value that over all else.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

My wife pulls the same ####### all the time. "I'm going to divorce you. I'm not happy. I'm leaving. So many guys want me." And on and on and on. I kindly inform her of the door's location and let her know that it shouldn't hit her backside when she steps out.

My wife still has to get the I-751 finished before she can pull that #######. When they threaten that ####### it's mostly tough talk. It's the ones that grab everything but the light bulbs and split while your out of town that mean business...those are the silent planners.

Simply put, there are 48,000 more where they came from. If they'd like to leave, they're more than welcome to do so.

18 year old deaf and dumb RUB gymnast ftw!

I think what really happens is they come here with expectations of the good life. After all, you're "rich." You paid a small fortune for her to get here, you fund all her stuff, (her son's stuff too) and then once she showed up..... reality hit. "What you mean we not live in castle? What you mean I must work for freaking $10 per hour?"

But notice that none of them want to go back to RUBville? They know they have a nice ####### and they know the market value over here for that nice #######. Having a nice ####### might get them champagne and dinner over there...here it gets them a doctor, lawyer, etc.. along with a car and a house over here. Even the RUB chicks in the middle east don't get that kind of action. Most they can hope for over there is a ride on some rich arabs yacht along with a free hotel room and a few bucks put in their bank account.

Life in America isn't as glamourous as they thought it'd be and the only person they have to take it out on is you. Don't fight back. Don't even acknowledge that #######. Just show her the location of the door. "This is our life. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. The choice is yours."

As for where she gets her money, who pays rent, etc., who cares? You can waste all day long worrying about it or you can be happy and have fun with your wife and step-son and if they can't or don't want to have fun with you then do it on your own.

Planes fly to Russia from the US every day.

I wish I had better advice for you but I don't. Each relationship presents it's own set of challenges (and rewards) but the main thing I can tell you is simply be the good guy that you are. She may think the grass is greener (may even walk in it for a while) but eventually, she'll see that she had a pretty nice yard all along.

If not it's time to go hunting again over there. The hunting part is the BEST part of it all imo. It's like test driving a different exotic sports car every day. If I could afford it, I would spend 6+ mos a year over there doing nothing but "test driving".

Edited November 14, 2011 by Why_Me

[baron555 934]

There is a problem there VV and you need to just cut to the chase. I mean we have had difficulties and it has not always been easy, Alla has worked very hard and many times has been just plain exhausted, but she seems to get more determined. She does not make any threats, ever.

FSU women are usually painfully direct. Why not just ask her? Not to sound shallow but if the sex faucet got turned off it would mean something was very wrong like the earth may fall of its axis.

You need to just sort this out, see where it is going, see what can be done. And if the answer is "nothing" then proceed accordingly.

I am sorry this has happened as you seem to be an honorable man who would do anything he could for his family, most women value that over all else.

I can agree. My Alla doesn't necessarily like her life here in the US (she can't work just yet and everything is so expensive and I have to work hard and she feels guilty and all that but she won't live without me.....we never ever bring any difficulties into the bedroom, never). She understands that little Leonid can have an excellent education here and will stick around for that.....then her idea is to sell everything and move back to southern Russia where she has a flat and we then can travel for real cheap around that side of the globe and return here, maybe buy an RV and go camping and see the USA.

It was noble for you to bring the elder son over here and if he CAN make it on his own, then let him....How close are you to him? Maybe go together to the shooting range?

How is it in the bedroom? Have you cut each other off? That is very telling!

Slim's cut-to-the-chase methods are actually very sound;;;;if she is unhappy, then fine go back.

From my past, bringing other family members into one's family without everything about that being pre-discussed and agreed upon can ruin a relationship. Keep talking to her and be the man and don't raise an eyebrow to her threats....as the man of the family, YOU are ABOVE that and need to be. They want that, remember? Good luck to you all.

[baron555 934]

I can agree. My Alla doesn't necessarily like her life here in the US (she can't work just yet and everything is so expensive and I have to work hard and she feels guilty and all that but she won't live without me.....we never ever bring any difficulties into the bedroom, never). She understands that little Leonid can have an excellent education here and will stick around for that.....then her idea is to sell everything and move back to southern Russia where she has a flat and we then can travel for real cheap around that side of the globe and return here, maybe buy an RV and go camping and see the USA.

I must also say that my Alla does like living here, it's just all the excessive costs, stupid medical system, etc. that drives her crazy.

It was noble for you to bring the elder son over here and if he CAN make it on his own, then let him....How close are you to him? Maybe go together to the shooting range?

How is it in the bedroom? Have you cut each other off? That is very telling!

Slim's cut-to-the-chase methods are actually very sound;;;;if she is unhappy, then fine go back.

From my past, bringing other family members into one's family without everything about that being pre-discussed and agreed upon can ruin a relationship. Keep talking to her and be the man and don't raise an eyebrow to her threats....as the man of the family, YOU are ABOVE that and need to be. They want that, remember? Good luck to you all.