Wife's son is moving out already. I have concerns.

[visaveteran1 33]

My wife's son arrived on Sept. 1, 2011...just a couple months. He has a pretty decent job and has some additional money from his mom but his English is bad and he's certainly still adapting. Anyway, for whatever reason, his mom has been pushing him to move out on his own and she found some apartment for him from some Russians. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me and he has a room at my condo, so it's not like he's sleeping on the floor.

Anyway, there's a few issues and fears I have. One is he has no health insurance. I'm not clear about this job but I doubt he get's health care benefits. So, if he gets hurt or real sick, I'm afraid it's coming out of my pocket. That could, worse case, ruin me. I never really thought about that even though I certainly should have. He is 21 years old, so I'm not clear on my legal obligations. I know with the visa, I agreed to support him at 25% above poverty levels but I didn't agree to pay his medical bills per se. So, I'm just thinking worse case scenario, if something happens, am I on the hook or not? Of course I'll do everything I can to help, but if he requires serious medical attention that is not an immediate emergency, he may need to go to Russia to get his care.

I ask this especially considering that he is leaving my home and free food, support, etc. of his own free will. If that's the case, does that make him an adult in the eyes of the law etc.? What is my legal situation when he moves out?

I hate to sound cold about this but I'm truly concerned about my own welfare. I have VA and military health benefits, as does my wife. But her son, being 21 and not in school, gets no benefits. I thought that he might get into a school and be eligible for a few years, then get a job with benefits. But I can see he's not a college type kid and is going to work in some trade. So, with him not being a student, he receives no benefits.

Anyway, any advice, thoughts, comments, similar situations, legal data is appreciated.

[1HappyGuy 45]

Because of his age, he's not your responsibility on medical reason, which by the way is the number one reason people file bankruptcy. I think your bigger concerns should be his poor English and the possible people he will come in contact with. Does he have his green card already? To me, that is the real concern.

What is sounds more like is that you are having the anxiety that most parents get when the kids leave home. Just try to advise him the best you can, remind him that he is new to the country and you have life long experiences that he can learn from. Also, it sounds like he and Mom have a few issues that need to be worked out and maybe by him moving out they will either come to light or be resolved.

Hang in there, you are doing all the right things for now.

[^_^ 5,021]

I know nothing of how military benefits work so excuse me if this is a stupid question but can you add him to your policy as a dependent? Yes it will cost you more on an ongoing basis but will prevent any major cat expenses down the line.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

If he uses means tested benefits then the government can come after you to repay those benefits.

[Neonred 3,562]

Real concerns and I will be facing these now too as my wife's daughter arrives tomorrow. We are giving a lot of thought about having her join the military. Don't see a lot of good job opportunities for her locally. She is highly educated but we now need to see how her degrees rate here.

Not sure that I can add my step daughter to our insurance although she is technically in "law school" in Russia. Some kind of program where she just shows up for exams once per semester.

[Dave-n-Oksana 49]

As others have said, because of his age you have no legal obligations to him. As to health care there is an option for you that may ease your mind. If his job does not offer insurance, you can add him to your insurance until he turns 26. This is one of the few good things about Obamacare. This way he is still legally obligated to pay his bills and has insurance coverage.

Real concerns and I will be facing these now too as my wife's daughter arrives tomorrow. We are giving a lot of thought about having her join the military. Don't see a lot of good job opportunities for her locally. She is highly educated but we now need to see how her degrees rate here.

Not sure that I can add my step daughter to our insurance although she is technically in "law school" in Russia. Some kind of program where she just shows up for exams once per semester.

As long as she is under 26 she can be included to your insurance no matter if she is in school or not.

Edited November 11, 2011 by Dave-n-Oksana

[slim 1,525]

Don't worry about him. He's 21, he'll be fine. Let the young man be a man.

As far as your wife "nudging him out" it seems like she's looking forward to some private time with you!

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

Agreeing with slim.

Experiencing life without mommy and daddy looking over one's shoulder is all part of growing up. He'll be fine. Since he's 21, nobody will ask you to pay any of his bills. I'm sure if he's so broke and desperate that he can't buy a loaf of bread and a bottle of Vodka anymore, he'll contact his mom (and you) before trying to figure out where and how to get food stamps.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Real concerns and I will be facing these now too as my wife's daughter arrives tomorrow. We are giving a lot of thought about having her join the military. Don't see a lot of good job opportunities for her locally. She is highly educated but we now need to see how her degrees rate here.

Not sure that I can add my step daughter to our insurance although she is technically in "law school" in Russia. Some kind of program where she just shows up for exams once per semester.

They are begging for dental assistants up here for the native hospitals, and they have a training program. It's the same with nurses. And it's not a private practice where she only gets a vacation when the dentist takes one, it's a government thing with great benefits.

[sea-monkey 13]

I wouldn't worry too much about medical insurance. Avoid the ambulance if you can. It’s $2,000 right off the bat and they won’t scoop you up and rush you away. You’re sitting idle while they finish their paperwork first. Paperwork is important so they can bill your a--. The ambulances are private companies and are going to milk the time they’re on the call with you.

My mother doesn't have any insurance. My brother called an ambulance for her 2 weeks ago after she passed out a few times from stomach ulcers/internal stomach bleeding. Ambulance bill came in the other day, $2,000 for a 20 minute total job, ½ mile to the hospital. There was another imaging bill for $500. I’m sure there are more scan and imaging bills on the way. Her hospital stay might be a charity case they said. It was a private hospital with a Catholic name.

She doesn't work and doesn’t have any sort of medical benefits. They got her stabilized that evening. The next day the administrator person/billing came up to ask about insurance or finances. She doesn't own any property and doesn't have an income. They asked for a $3,000 deposit. I was ready to pay but my sister in law knew how the system worked and said we don’t have this type of money. They said they will consider it a charity case and put in a transfer for her to go to the county hospital. They never sent her away and she stayed for a week until she was all better.

My mother had to go to the hospital once before for similar issues last year, but my sister in law drove her to the county hospital where she was put in their system and didn’t have to pay. My mother was told to come back to the county hospital again if she had any other emergencies. This time my brother freaked out and called 911 when he could have just put her in his truck and drove the 20 mins to the county hospital.

[Jojo92122 1,924]

You are not responsible for his support or medical bills.

The I-864 obligations are very specific. You are only responsible if he receives means tested benefits. You should read the instructions for the I-864 to understand your obligations.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

My wife's son arrived on Sept. 1, 2011...just a couple months. He has a pretty decent job and has some additional money from his mom but his English is bad and he's certainly still adapting. Anyway, for whatever reason, his mom has been pushing him to move out on his own and she found some apartment for him from some Russians. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me and he has a room at my condo, so it's not like he's sleeping on the floor.

Anyway, there's a few issues and fears I have. One is he has no health insurance. I'm not clear about this job but I doubt he get's health care benefits. So, if he gets hurt or real sick, I'm afraid it's coming out of my pocket. That could, worse case, ruin me. I never really thought about that even though I certainly should have. He is 21 years old, so I'm not clear on my legal obligations. I know with the visa, I agreed to support him at 25% above poverty levels but I didn't agree to pay his medical bills per se. So, I'm just thinking worse case scenario, if something happens, am I on the hook or not? Of course I'll do everything I can to help, but if he requires serious medical attention that is not an immediate emergency, he may need to go to Russia to get his care.

I ask this especially considering that he is leaving my home and free food, support, etc. of his own free will. If that's the case, does that make him an adult in the eyes of the law etc.? What is my legal situation when he moves out?

I hate to sound cold about this but I'm truly concerned about my own welfare. I have VA and military health benefits, as does my wife. But her son, being 21 and not in school, gets no benefits. I thought that he might get into a school and be eligible for a few years, then get a job with benefits. But I can see he's not a college type kid and is going to work in some trade. So, with him not being a student, he receives no benefits.

Anyway, any advice, thoughts, comments, similar situations, legal data is appreciated.

He is 21 so legally he is on his own.

If he runs into big medical bills, let him keep them to himself and file bankruptcy himself. He is also, even as an immigrant, eligible for emergency medicaid and you would not have to repay it. Emergency medicaid is used to pay expenses for a specific incident or illness or condition. It is allowable under the I-864

You did NOT sign up to provide him with a living, you signed up to repay any means tested benefits covered by the I-864

That said, I can tell you this would not float in our house. He would be staying at home and would be in school for English if nothing else and be on our benefits as a student and no other option would be discussed. He needs a good foundation to succeed here and you need to demand he does that before moving out. Yeah, yeah he is 21 and "can do as he pleases" well so could our son but we do not present it as an option and we pay the frieght so "do your job! Be a student and be a good student"

[slim 1,525]

He would be staying at home and would be in school for English if nothing else and be on our benefits as a student and no other option would be discussed. He needs a good foundation to succeed here and you need to demand he does that before moving out. Yeah, yeah he is 21 and "can do as he pleases" well so could our son but we do not present it as an option and we pay the frieght so "do your job! Be a student and be a good student"

It sounds like mom is making the call on this one. The boy interrupted the good thing she had going with VV and she wants that old thing back! It sounded almost like it's not so much the boy wanting to get out but mom "showing him the door" so she can be all alone with her man again.

VV must be puttin it down!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

It sounds like mom is making the call on this one. The boy interrupted the good thing she had going with VV and she wants that old thing back! It sounded almost like it's not so much the boy wanting to get out but mom "showing him the door" so she can be all alone with her man again.

VV must be puttin it down!

All I can say is "wouldn't fly in this house"

Sergey has his marching orders, you get your masters degree AND US citizenship and THEN you make your own decisions. Alla flat out told his girlfriend the same and told her she had better not butt in on the plans. So far she agrees. (me thinks she wants to go the K-1 route herself)

If the kid is not college material, OK, but he still needs to know a very good level of English. By him a good set of headphone so you can keep the kinky sex going and he won't hear you! It is never a problem

[visaveteran1 33]

Great help and advice! Thanks to all! I'm feeling a lot less stressed. And the means test deal is a detail I had forgotten...so thanks to you guys who refreshed my memory.

Slim, I'm 64 going on 21 in "certain ways" if you know what I mean! Having a tall, long-legged, hot body walking around in skimpy outfits while vacuuming the floor helps! Better than Viagra! I'm sure you guys know what I'm talking about. I do think she liked our private life before her son arrived. It has put a crimp in spontaneous "activities." But I'm still not clear why so quick to push him to independence.

Gary, I hear you. I've had the biggest issues with my wife around this apartment deal. I like her son...he's a good kid so I have no issues with him living here for the meantime. I I'll give it time...I'm pretty sure he'll be back...and I'll insist he go to school if he does. That's my strategy at this point.

As to you folks suggesting I add him to my military TriCare Plan...well, yes, I think I could but it is crazy expensive...like $2,500 a year! That'd be a big hit for me. I'd be better risking out of pocket to that high of a bill.

To Neon...the military is a good idea if someone speaks English well enough to make the recruiter happy. Alexey was in the Russian Army...and I'm not sure if that's good or bad as far as recruitment is concerned? I'd suggest a military career to him if his English improves...but given how he was treated in the Russian Army...that might be a hard sell to enlist here.

Again, thanks for all the great replies!

Edited November 11, 2011 by visaveteran1