age different

[jordanianprincess 0]

So true, but that can hold true to someone here in the states with other hidden agendas. When I say test, I mean watch the little things he does. Take you out in public, hold your hand. What about the look he gives you when he thinks you don't see him. What is he saying to people about you? There are so many signs that a man puts out, and if you are in tune they will show themselves.

How do you know your man loves you JP? I am 100% sure your answer won't be because he said so. I am sure there are so many signs that will go through your head. That is what I am talking about when I say testing.

No its not just because he said so, which he does all the time I guess for me its totally different because we are both Jordanian and there is family involved. I dont' really take things as being signs, I guess thats the difference. I'm not saying I'm immune and I know there are no guarantee's in live, but my situation can't really be compared to many people here in our forum. There is not many Arab-Arab fraudulent marriages unless they did it purposly.

I dont' know quite how to explain it without being blunt. For an Arabic man the most important thing he has is his pride and reputation. Now if an Arab man were to decide to use a girl for a green card from America and he has no kind of connection to her family (meaning they didn't know each other before) then he won't really worry about anyone finding out what he did back home. However in my situation, since my family knows his family very well (we are NOT related, lol), he knows his reputation, his families reputation, and his pride is all at stake. To understand this logic, you have to have come from a village, like we did. This is very tribal in nature and I'm not even sure if it applies in other countries besides Jordan but I would guess that it would in some parts.

Now I'm not directing this at you or even saying this has anytihng to do with your relationship. But how can you really know a person's true intentions? Only God can know that. There are some people that are such good actors/actresses that they can convince you of ANYTHING. Ofcourse there are people that try to do it and you can see right through them, hence the 1000 PMs you get when going into a chatroom. LOL, But there are others that are convincing and there are some women that can be easily convinced or they are vunurable enough to accept that. Again this is not directed at anyone at all, just in general.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Ok, so how many ladies here have put their SO to the "test" regarding the just-for-a-visa issue? (Be honest now.)

I never tested my husband so much as I didn't take him seriously for a long time. He was 26 when we met online, I was nearly 47. Although most of the women in my family are married to younger men, several of them Moroccan men, and although men at least 10 years younger approached me regularly, I was still looking for someone my own age. That's what I was used to. So, despite the fact that I have a house in Agadir and go there at least once a year, it didn't really occur to me early on that this young Moroccan man had a chance to ever be my husband; visas never even crossed my mind. Besides, having grown up there, I knew that, outside of western Sahara, the percentage of older women married to younger men was very low.

I had some fun with him and was attracted to him, but kept looking for older guys. After a few months talking to him, I told him that it had been fun, but it was time for me to get serious and for him to find a woman his own age. He protested that I was the one he wanted, but I was gone. For about a year, all I would give him was cursory hellos, feeling oh so guilty about the continuing attention and gifts he showered on me. When he'd catch me online, I would remind him that he was too young for me and ask if he had found someone else yet. Always the answer was no, he was waiting for me.

After a while and several older suitors later, I realized that he was the only one who remembered my birthday, my favorite movie, what color my eyes were, and all the details of my life as I had related them. I realized that he was already committed to me, and so much better than the rest. Just because he came wrapped in a smoother, not so graying package was no reason to let him get away. I had to allay my fears about growing older ahead of him, perhaps he would change his mind about not wanting children. I've never been divorced before and didn't want it to happen to me, especially at an older age. But, these are the chances you take in any relationship.

No, I didn't test him, per se, but now, after waiting four years to meet me, and now more than 2.5 years to live with me, I know for sure he could have gotten a visa easier with someone else, so, even though he gets terribly frustrated with the bureaucracy, and sometimes with me, we're still hanging in there together.

OMG, I hate it when we are fighting and he says "as you wish"! That just makes my blood boil.

I hate that too!

[Together4ever 1]

Gad... it was a tongue-in-cheek statement... (you know... a joke... kidding)

Next time I will type *insert tongue-in-cheek here* so there's no confusion.

(footnote: this is tongue-in-cheek as well)

Edited September 28, 2006 by just_waiting

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Correction: He's waited 1.5 years to live with me.

Gad... it was a tongue-in-cheek statement... (you know... a joke... kidding)

You said, "be honest".

[jordanianprincess 0]

Gad... it was a tongue-in-cheek statement... (you know... a joke... kidding)

Next time I will type *insert tongue-in-cheek here* so there's no confusion.

Confustion about what? I don't understand what you are talking about.

Just saw your footnote, lolol still getting used to your sense of humor

Edited September 28, 2006 by jordanianprincess

[Together4ever 1]

About the test.

Storm coming yet again, I need to get offline.

[jordanianprincess 0]

About the test.

Storm coming yet again, I need to get offline.

It was just a question...no biggie

[morocco4ever 63]

So true, but that can hold true to someone here in the states with other hidden agendas. When I say test, I mean watch the little things he does. Take you out in public, hold your hand. What about the look he gives you when he thinks you don't see him. What is he saying to people about you? There are so many signs that a man puts out, and if you are in tune they will show themselves.

How do you know your man loves you JP? I am 100% sure your answer won't be because he said so. I am sure there are so many signs that will go through your head. That is what I am talking about when I say testing.

No its not just because he said so, which he does all the time I guess for me its totally different because we are both Jordanian and there is family involved. I dont' really take things as being signs, I guess thats the difference. I'm not saying I'm immune and I know there are no guarantee's in live, but my situation can't really be compared to many people here in our forum. There is not many Arab-Arab fraudulent marriages unless they did it purposly.

I dont' know quite how to explain it without being blunt. For an Arabic man the most important thing he has is his pride and reputation. Now if an Arab man were to decide to use a girl for a green card from America and he has no kind of connection to her family (meaning they didn't know each other before) then he won't really worry about anyone finding out what he did back home. However in my situation, since my family knows his family very well (we are NOT related, lol), he knows his reputation, his families reputation, and his pride is all at stake. To understand this logic, you have to have come from a village, like we did. This is very tribal in nature and I'm not even sure if it applies in other countries besides Jordan but I would guess that it would in some parts.

Now I'm not directing this at you or even saying this has anytihng to do with your relationship. But how can you really know a person's true intentions? Only God can know that. There are some people that are such good actors/actresses that they can convince you of ANYTHING. Ofcourse there are people that try to do it and you can see right through them, hence the 1000 PMs you get when going into a chatroom. LOL, But there are others that are convincing and there are some women that can be easily convinced or they are vunurable enough to accept that. Again this is not directed at anyone at all, just in general.

You are so way right. I don't understand! lol

The entire way that marriage in Arab countries just blow my mind. I could in no way only see a guy only for a short time and feel comfortable that I was going to marry him.

As you stated, nothing in life is 100%, and there are a lot of really good actors out there. One thing an Arab girl told me is one of the best ways to know if a man loves you is if he wants children with you. She said that Arab men love children. Well if that is it, no problem, my husband and I are trying to get me pregnant. Of course I don't believe that holds true for all Arab men. How can you use this as a guide for all men?

[jordanianprincess 0]

So true, but that can hold true to someone here in the states with other hidden agendas. When I say test, I mean watch the little things he does. Take you out in public, hold your hand. What about the look he gives you when he thinks you don't see him. What is he saying to people about you? There are so many signs that a man puts out, and if you are in tune they will show themselves.

How do you know your man loves you JP? I am 100% sure your answer won't be because he said so. I am sure there are so many signs that will go through your head. That is what I am talking about when I say testing.

No its not just because he said so, which he does all the time I guess for me its totally different because we are both Jordanian and there is family involved. I dont' really take things as being signs, I guess thats the difference. I'm not saying I'm immune and I know there are no guarantee's in live, but my situation can't really be compared to many people here in our forum. There is not many Arab-Arab fraudulent marriages unless they did it purposly.

I dont' know quite how to explain it without being blunt. For an Arabic man the most important thing he has is his pride and reputation. Now if an Arab man were to decide to use a girl for a green card from America and he has no kind of connection to her family (meaning they didn't know each other before) then he won't really worry about anyone finding out what he did back home. However in my situation, since my family knows his family very well (we are NOT related, lol), he knows his reputation, his families reputation, and his pride is all at stake. To understand this logic, you have to have come from a village, like we did. This is very tribal in nature and I'm not even sure if it applies in other countries besides Jordan but I would guess that it would in some parts.

Now I'm not directing this at you or even saying this has anytihng to do with your relationship. But how can you really know a person's true intentions? Only God can know that. There are some people that are such good actors/actresses that they can convince you of ANYTHING. Ofcourse there are people that try to do it and you can see right through them, hence the 1000 PMs you get when going into a chatroom. LOL, But there are others that are convincing and there are some women that can be easily convinced or they are vunurable enough to accept that. Again this is not directed at anyone at all, just in general.

You are so way right. I don't understand! lol

The entire way that marriage in Arab countries just blow my mind. I could in no way only see a guy only for a short time and feel comfortable that I was going to marry him.

As you stated, nothing in life is 100%, and there are a lot of really good actors out there. One thing an Arab girl told me is one of the best ways to know if a man loves you is if he wants children with you. She said that Arab men love children. Well if that is it, no problem, my husband and I are trying to get me pregnant. Of course I don't believe that holds true for all Arab men. How can you use this as a guide for all men?

I would tend to agree with that Arab girl you know but I can't speak for all Arab men and I don't want anyone here to take offense to that, this is just my opinion and I could be wrong. However I would say in general this holds to be a true statement more often than not.

However, I didn't see my fiance for a short time and decide to marry him. Our story is weird. I know his cousin, he lives close by. He has a similar ID to his cousin, and I pinged him one day thinking he was my friend and he turned out to be his first cousin. I met him in the midst of planning a long overdue trip back home with my family. After talking for several months we decided to meet and then decided to get engaged. This is not the typical Arab scenario as its quite against our culture for my parents to take me to the groom (meaning us travel to Jordan), we did alot of things against the norm. It wasn't arranged, it was just fate, a stroke of luck, coincidence, that got us together.

[morocco4ever 63]

About the test.

Storm coming yet again, I need to get offline.

lol I do enjoy your sense of humor JW

I don't see any need for storms here anyway, just discussions. I will admit when what I have done was stupid or juvenile. I will also allow others their opinions. I did what I did and it worked for me. What JP does works for her. There is no way either of us could be happy in each others shoes and we both know it.

The only time I get angry on these boards is when I see personal attacks that are hurtful. I haven't seen that in this discussion.

[Jenn! 918]

About the test.

Storm coming yet again, I need to get offline.

It was just a question...no biggie

I think she means there's an actual storm coming. Like a thunderstorm....

[Sofiyya 1,687]

One thing an Arab girl told me is one of the best ways to know if a man loves you is if he wants children with you. She said that Arab men love children. Well if that is it, no problem, my husband and I are trying to get me pregnant. Of course I don't believe that holds true for all Arab men. How can you use this as a guide for all men?

You can't. I know lots of Arab men who didn't want kids, two of my brothers for example. However, it is a stereotype that even I have a hard time with in regards to me husband, who has always said he doesn't like children. Although he comes from a large family, only one sister and one brother have kids, and between them, only 3. When we talk about cultures, we will do well to remember that there are subcultures within cultures. The rich and the poor don't share the same priorities, lifestyles, and desires. I see a lot of things changing in countries like Morocco, were social norms are shifting, and women are gaining more of a voice in family dynamics. As for meek women, I don't know many. My mother-in-law takes no guff off my father-in-law. When he gets on her nerves, she brings out a bat and positions it at her side. She's never had to use it, but you know what they say; speak softly and carry a big stick. Seems to work.

[morocco4ever 63]

One thing an Arab girl told me is one of the best ways to know if a man loves you is if he wants children with you. She said that Arab men love children. Well if that is it, no problem, my husband and I are trying to get me pregnant. Of course I don't believe that holds true for all Arab men. How can you use this as a guide for all men?

You can't. I know lots of Arab men who didn't want kids, two of my brothers for example. However, it is a stereotype that even I have a hard time with in regards to me husband, who has always said he doesn't like children. Although he comes from a large family, only one sister and one brother have kids, and between them, only 3. When we talk about cultures, we will do well to remember that there are subcultures within cultures. The rich and the poor don't share the same priorities, lifestyles, and desires. I see a lot of things changing in countries like Morocco, were social norms are shifting, and women are gaining more of a voice in family dynamics. As for meek women, I don't know many. My mother-in-law takes no guff off my father-in-law. When he gets on her nerves, she brings out a bat and positions it at her side. She's never had to use it, but you know what they say; speak softly and carry a big stick. Seems to work.

OMG OMG

I do agree, how can you judge them all the same? I know for a fact how much my husband loves children. He teases me all the time that he is using me, not for a visa but for my grand daughter Chalise. Those 2 actually sit and chat on the headset when I leave the room. I walk in and I hear my little Chalise say "Hold on sweetheart", or "I didn't hear you baby". OMG it is hilarous.

On the other hand I see where some of his male friends and relatives have no interests in children at all.

It was a huge decision to agree to have my tubes untied and try for a baby at my age, but when I see my husbands face when we talk about raising children together I know it is right for me. We have decided that if I can't get pregnant we will adopt.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I don't know how old you are, sis, but if I remember correctly, the oldest woman to give birth by spontaneous conception was 56. I can think of three women who gave conceived naturally in their late forties, including my cousin, who had her youngest child at age 50. Here's a nice website for those who want or have children at a later age.

http://www.mothersover40.com/

Best wishes to you both!

Edited September 28, 2006 by szsz

[morocco4ever 63]

I don't know how old you are, sis, but if I remember correctly, the oldest woman to give birth by spontaneous conception was 56. I can think of three women who gave conceived naturally in their late forties, including my cousin, who had her youngest child at age 50. Here's a nice website for those who want or have children at a later age.

http://www.mothersover40.com/

Best wishes to you both!

Well, not that old, but close enough! lol

Thanks for the link!