Precipitous Marriage?

[marybraun 1]

Try to help me understand. I am from Germany, so my cultural experience is limited by my upbringing there and my time here in the U.S. I am a fairly conservative person when it comes to relationships and I do take my time before I take the next step. My American wife is the same. When we met, we took our time and dated for a year which we both considered a fairly short time when we decided to get married. In hindsight, we are happy that we did what we did. However, for both of us this time of one year to get to know each other is still fairly short. I had lived in the U.S. for several years before I even met my wife.

I've been reading a lot here recently about people coming to the U.S. and then two or three months later they've met the person of their dreams and have gotten hitched. After 12 weeks. Why would people get married so quickly if it weren't at least sometimes for immigration purposes? I don't want to suggest that people who fit the above description harbor any intent to commit immigration fraud per se. I just don't buy it how someone of sound age and with a solid education would not only find the love of their life (that feeling I can believe in) but also get married in a very, very short time. You can't tell me that abiding love is the only reason in such cases.

[KittyPollitt 284]

Try to help me understand. I am from Germany, so my cultural experience is limited by my upbringing there and my time here in the U.S. I am a fairly conservative person when it comes to relationships and I do take my time before I take the next step. My American wife is the same. When we met, we took our time and dated for a year which we both considered a fairly short time when we decided to get married. In hindsight, we are happy that we did what we did. However, for both of us this time of one year to get to know each other is still fairly short. I had lived in the U.S. for several years before I even met my wife.

I've been reading a lot here recently about people coming to the U.S. and then two or three months later they've met the person of their dreams and have gotten hitched. After 12 weeks. Why would people get married so quickly if it weren't at least sometimes for immigration purposes? I don't want to suggest that people who fit the above description harbor any intent to commit immigration fraud per se. I just don't buy it how someone of sound age and with a solid education would not only find the love of their life (that feeling I can believe in) but also get married in a very, very short time. You can't tell me that abiding love is the only reason in such cases.

Because mind your own business.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

i dont care what anyone else does... i dont think about there reasons... i dont question them... all i care about is that jenni and i are happy and our relationship is strong.

. If something happened to someone or their relationship, I am the last person on the earth would know about it. My fiance courting me more than 3 years before met in person. But I would not going to say ours better than others. Each to their own

Edited November 9, 2011 by Girl from Celebes

[gwenneh 7]

Try to help me understand. I am from Germany, so my cultural experience is limited by my upbringing there and my time here in the U.S. I am a fairly conservative person when it comes to relationships and I do take my time before I take the next step. My American wife is the same. When we met, we took our time and dated for a year which we both considered a fairly short time when we decided to get married. In hindsight, we are happy that we did what we did. However, for both of us this time of one year to get to know each other is still fairly short. I had lived in the U.S. for several years before I even met my wife.

I've been reading a lot here recently about people coming to the U.S. and then two or three months later they've met the person of their dreams and have gotten hitched. After 12 weeks. Why would people get married so quickly if it weren't at least sometimes for immigration purposes? I don't want to suggest that people who fit the above description harbor any intent to commit immigration fraud per se. I just don't buy it how someone of sound age and with a solid education would not only find the love of their life (that feeling I can believe in) but also get married in a very, very short time. You can't tell me that abiding love is the only reason in such cases.

As part of the "engaged in three months, married in six" brigade, I can tell you that abiding love was, in fact, the only reason in our case -- neither of us knew anything about immigration at all, and it would have been hard to have based a relationship on immigration when we didn't know what country we were going to live in. We have been very happily married for nearly seven years now, have lived in several different countries and are looking forward to living in more. We are both of "sound age and solid education" and we knew this was the right relationship more or less instantly. Sometimes, you do just "know." So yes, I can tell you that abiding love is the only reason in some such cases.

You don't have to "buy it" because frankly, peoples' reasons are none of your business and those of us who have managed our relationships differently aren't trying to sell you anything. Judging other peoples' emotions by your own measurements is a fairly large mistake.

[Diana and Chris 25]

Why is this still a discussion? To each their own.

[Justine+David 218]

Yep, definitely just depends on the relationship...

Met David in August 2007 at a Harry Potter conference, good friends for over a year, and then started dating in November 2008. Met up with him in London and told him I pictured him holding our baby...and he didn't leave !

And when he helped shave my hair off for charity the next year even though he loved my long hair, I knew he was for keeps (now, it's as long as it was before). Engaged in July 2009 and now married for over a year and I still love him madly and he me.

The babies will wait a few more years though

[virola 4]

Man, long distance relationships make this issue so complicated. If both he and I lived in the same city, I'd be happy dating my finacé for a much longer time, matching our cultural norms. Sometimes I feel a little strange among friends that are still dating the same person they were dating for years when I MET my fiancé. Being long distance has made our relationship much stronger in shorter amount of time, no doubt about that. And we've been together long enough to have experience the best and the worst of the other. (We've been dating about 16 months, engaged for three, and have been physically together about 6 full months of that time). And despite the fact we love each other deeply, despite the fact that we definitely have "lived" together very well for short amounts of time, we entered our engagement very, very seriously (well, with lots of smiles too!).

Sometimes I see relationship descriptions and timelines on this websites that make me cringe. I can't imagine becoming engaged to somebody after weeks of knowing them. I can't imagine becoming engaged to somebody after talking them only online for a year and then meeting them once. There's something to be said about physicality, the lack of filter the internet provides you. It takes time, money, effort, and endurance, but I think the effort many of us had made to have long-term, long-distance relationships work will or has paid off.

That all being said, there's nothing I wouldn't do to feel his warmth next to me in bed every night, knowing there's no teary airport goodbye in the near future!

[joevegas 67]

Because mind your own business.

Why should he,It's called free speech.God bless America:)

[rodceasar 34]

Interesting question and views. I probably would say, that I felt somewhere along the lines of Germanimmigrant in the past. However, while working abroad, I truly found the love of my life. After several weeks, I knew I would marry this women. Of course, my goal would have been to date longer prior to marriage. My wife is from a developing country, therefore the possibility of her obtaining a tourist visa or even fiance visa was not present. I found this out from the embassy CO directly, prior to filing anything. I thought about just never calling her again after leaving her country but could not bring myself to do it. I met my soulmate. We talked every free moment over a 1.5 yr period via skype, email, text, you name it. We could not get enough of one another.

So, this caused a big decision to be made, especially after reviewing this crazy process. I made the decision to engage, have a traditional wedding and church marriage. Time and money, all play a big part in this type of decision. I visited my wife every 4 months after our initial meeting. Alot of money spent and support for her as well over this time.

People marry after several years of dating and end up getting divorced all the time, so there is no way to tell, if it will work or not. I call marriage a "leap of faith". Can end up being "escalation to commitment" unfortunately. I think marriage and life decisions are personal issues. It is importatn to know what you are getting into to the best of your ability. I've met some of the family and friends of my wife shortly after mtg my wife for the 1st time. I also have a visitation with all of the elders in the family to obtain their blessing for the marriage. This was very important. One most be very perceptive and figure out, who it is they are considering.

My wife is a spiritual women and one who posesses much conern in terms of morals, ethics and how she is perceived by her own family and friends. This impressed me, amongst other attributes I value. I am an american born man and at my age, I feel that you have to live for you. I am NOT saying, that she did not marry so that she can immigrate to the US and live a better life! However, I knew that she was truly in love with me as I were with her. We all marry for something! People like to think of it as being used but that is human behavior, which is natural. I got friedship, love and a beautiful women to die old with out of mine. Can you really place a weight on that? She loses due to distance from her family as well.

My wife is with me now. We have an adorable 4 month old son and am happily married. I communicate with her family often and reach out to them as needed for their family is very communal and they are truly good people. I trust in them and in my wife and vice versa. This is a unique situation and I cannot say that I would recommend the same to anyone else for am aware of the facts and possiblities of the matter. Know who it is you are dealing with to the best of your ability, so that no surprises occur. I am one who rarely trusts anyone, so am intuned on those things to ask throughout a relationship and those behaviors to account for, if they are concerning. Some of my friends thought I was crazy and almost lost friendships due to vocalization of their thoughts on my decision. Those same individuals have come around to see that my choice was a good one.

As we say where I come from, Do you! Just be smart about it. Life is a chance and noone on this earth will live forever....

[CDN2US 10]

That is not what the OP challenges, no reason to be a d**k about it. We all understand your point, the OP was seeking something else than being told the obvious. IMHO.

I was going to quote that segment you responded to with a loud amen. It's none of my business how or why anyone does anything, including believing in god.

My question to the OP would be, "Who cares?" Why does it matter? What impact does this have on you? Does he think his relationship is superior because they got married months after someone else?

Edited to add: We already have enough strain to prove our "bona fide" relationship to the government, why should we have to do it for each other. Ridiculous question.

Edited November 9, 2011 by Tercerero

[Dan & Jenni 457]

Here's what I gotta say, couple who endure long courtship are those who bangs each other freely which is a NO NO for me and hubby. We are strong Christians and since we met on line we just really hit perfectly.We both agree divorce is not an option,we both eat organic food,enjoy talking about the Bible and testifying how great God is in our lives. I can't believe that my dream husband is found to be a USC that lives in the other half of the globe. We just know through prayers and revelations we are set apart to be together, we prayed long years to find the right person and now that we are already middle-aged there's just no point of wasting time waiting and we want to do things right. We dated 3 months on-line, he came to Philly to see me but eventually married me when he got to see how desirable woman I am We can't have sex prior marriage so yes we did it right and now we are a year Happy couple and we do to each other what ever we want .

except bang each other??

[Nicoco 26]

I hate reading about couples who meet on filipanheart.com or whatever it is and then you see 40 or 50 yo men with little girls for fiancees. Its like buying a sex slave imo cause most filipina with these old men are trying to escape a bad place or hoping for a better life on the other side which isnt always the case. As for me i met my fiancee on a business trip to the cayman islands and i flew there 7 times over a 1 in a half yer period, I got to know her as a person not just chatting online but actually in person. I wasnt looking for a filipina or anyone for that matter it just so happened thats what she was when i met her, anyways look theres better ways to meet people than on a website thousands of miles away. If you want to find a filipina i say try the cayman islands first, its like little Philippines and youll find filipinas in about every store in Georgetown and atleast its a hell of a lot less expensive to fly visit and get to know them first.

Yeah, this reminds me of my parents. My mom is a filipina and she and my dad met when she came to college here in the US. He wasn't looking for a filipina wife.

I read the whole thread and I agree with both sides because my story is kind of in between. We met here in the US, we were friends for 6 months, and we had met in an International Awareness Club in my college. Then we dated 3 months until he had to go back to Thailand because the student visa was going to expire in August.

So before he left he promised me that I was the one who he would marry no matter what happened. He left, and he called me every hour the first ten days he was gone. He asked me "What are the rules for marriage between US and Thai citizen? Can you live with me here?"

We had no idea what we were doing, but we discovered Skype, and then we continued dating for 3 months until I asked the student advisor for the International department about marriage because her husband was a Canadian citizen. She told me about VisaJourney, and after I read some stuff on here, I knew how we were going to do it.

After 7 months of online/ LD dating, I went to Thailand, quit school, quit my job, and went there for 3 months (longest time you can go on tourist visa). He asked me to marry him the third day I got in Thailand.

Came back to the US, filed for K-1 Visa, found a really good job, and now we hope to be married by January.

All in all, we have known each other more than 2 years, dated a year and a half, 6 months in person, 14 months LD. And so far, 10 months engaged. So I guess that's kind of split???

And we knew when he was leaving that we would be married. Just knew it. Could feel it. So technically we knew after 9 months of meeting and 3 months of dating.

Edited November 9, 2011 by Ni-ing & Ice

[Dan & Jenni 457]

. If something happened to someone or their relationship, I am the last person on the earth would know about it. My fiance courting me more than 3 years before met in person. But I would not going to say ours better than others. Each to their own

[Laser1 63]

Try to help me understand. I am from Germany, so my cultural experience is limited by my upbringing there and my time here in the U.S. I am a fairly conservative person when it comes to relationships and I do take my time before I take the next step. My American wife is the same. When we met, we took our time and dated for a year which we both considered a fairly short time when we decided to get married. In hindsight, we are happy that we did what we did. However, for both of us this time of one year to get to know each other is still fairly short. I had lived in the U.S. for several years before I even met my wife.

I've been reading a lot here recently about people coming to the U.S. and then two or three months later they've met the person of their dreams and have gotten hitched. After 12 weeks. Why would people get married so quickly if it weren't at least sometimes for immigration purposes? I don't want to suggest that people who fit the above description harbor any intent to commit immigration fraud per se. I just don't buy it how someone of sound age and with a solid education would not only find the love of their life (that feeling I can believe in) but also get married in a very, very short time. You can't tell me that abiding love is the only reason in such cases.

Other reasons besides immigration include pregnancy, family pressure, single parenthood, common ethnicity in a strange land, money, religion, transportation, the excitement of the moment, partner is a great tour guide, naivete, health insurance, getting old, "finally met someone who wants me", got drunk and married in one day in Vegas, "already knew what I want", sign from heaven, etc.

Edited November 9, 2011 by Laser1

[Dan & Jenni 457]

Wise men said, Only fools rush in

But I can't help falling in love with you

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin

If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes

Some things are meant to be

Take my hand

Take my whole life, too

For I can't help falling in love with you.