In-Laws coming to visit after baby is born

[Fandango 1,439]

I think we can all interject our own opinions based on our MILs, and that's not necessarily fair considering your relationship with your ILs may be different. Personally, I love my ILs, and they couldn't come out for a few weeks after I gave birth to my first child/their first grandchild. I thought that sucked, lol.

I understand the space issue, and the privacy issues...but I'm sure if you just talk straight with them, it will be fine. I think you may be imagining worst case scenario concerning the breast feeding and whatnot... Put yourself in their shoes, and the fact that they won't be able to be around 24/7 to watch their grandson grow daily. They will be relegated to skype and phone calls. I'm sure it's going to be hard on them to not be there for the day to day, so if they can spare just a couple of weeks, then my rationale would be to let them revel in it. They are the grandparents, and there's plenty of baby to go around. You will not be eclipsed.

In fact, with your husband working, I would say their visit is a Godsend!

Just be natural, be yourself. Of course you have the final say, you are the mother. I would say listen to all advice offered...you don't have to take it, but you don't have to blindly shoot it down, either. Like, show you're interested in what they have to say, let them share the joy of their newest family member, etc.

As far as being a good hostess...I would just let them know beforehand that they are not your priority. They are welcome to stay, but you can joke around that your house is 1 star in terms of service

I just found a lolworthy site the other day, so I'll share. My biggest advice: don't get like these mommies...they're crazy.

http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/post/6566415906/click-to-enlarge-trends-ok-im-calling

btw, congrats!

Edited November 12, 2011 by Anita Cocktail

[Fandango 1,439]

One thing I forgot to mention. I think you need to talk with your husband and let him know that next time, you'd appreciate him consulting you before offering anything which involves both of you.

[Kayleigh+Kyle 0]

I do appreciate all of the input on the topic. I initially had been just reading general discussion on in-laws being around the new baby, but it is a bit different in our situation, being that it's not someone who is less than a plane ride away.

After more discussion with DH, I determined that the biggest issue with them staying here will be the breastfeeding issue. I am going into it believing it will be something that I will more than likely struggle with. I have many friends who are moms and they all struggled with it, and all but one gave up within the first few weeks. I know it's what's best for my child and I'm determined to make it work. However, I feel as though with them sitting in the same room when I'm doing something I'll more than likely be struggling with will only make it worse. I told DH that I will need them to give me privacy and either leave the apartment or go to the room they'll be sleeping in and stay there until he's finished feeding. This is perfectly acceptable to him, and he will discuss the matter with them here in a couple of weeks. If they are unable to do this, they will have to stay in a hotel.

He and I also discussed the possibility of if I am completely miserable, going through PPD and am losing my mind after a week, we will get the money together to put them up in a hotel for the duration of their stay. He and I both know that I do tend to anticipate the worst and that everything will probably be fine outside of the breastfeeding realm, but I did want to talk with him about that and have that option if I do end up on my wit's end with them.

My in-laws are nice people, and I anticipate that they will be respectful of boundaries, but you never know.

[beejay 123]

Thanks for the update. It's good you were able to pinpoint the exact source of your frustration so that you were better able to come up with a solution. Your concerns sound very reasonable and articulated like that I can't imagine your in-laws not wanting to respect your wishes, whatever they end up being. It also sounds like you have a very supportive husband who is respectful of your feelings and willing to work through whatever needs to be discussed.

Good luck on this new chapter in your life and best wishes on the breastfeeding