discuss the (de)merits of child support being used as income etc

[james&olya 1,121]

What needs to be clarified is this - if I am spending the child support money on rent, house payments, food, gas in the car, all of which benefit me too....does that mean I'm spending it on myself and not the kids? Is "for the kids" only childrens clothing, poptarts, cheerios and school supplies?

As our judge outlined - support for children includes anything and everything that is necessary for the day to day life of a chlid. A roof over their heads, transportation, electricity, water, food.....all of which benefit the custodial parent as well. I'm not talking about nail appointments and spa days for mom.

I don't feel accused but I feel very strongly about a non-custodial parent's need for control over the child support. In my case, it wasn't worth fighting about and it created havoc in my kids life. I chose to work harder and when they got old enough, they all had part-time jobs and were able to help finance their own extras, just as I had to do when I was growing up. The last thing I wanted to do was raise another generation that is just like their father, attaching money and love and wanting hand-outs.

OUCH...time to tuck that bitterness away, right?? ;-)

No problem from my point of view with your approach! But how would you define it when you pay over $2000.00 monthly for support and your kids wear ill-fitting, torn, worn-out clothing (and not the kind that is 'stylish' in some quarters) while she goes on trips to Cancun with her live-in bf without them? The examples are numerous but you get the point, I hope. I think the problem is that many people just seem unable to believe that mothers can be like this while they are only too ready to think of fathers that way. Stereotype and Prejudice!!

[kytwell 179]

I don't need enlightning. Sorry your ex was/is a deadbeat but you chose to have kids with her. The kids didn't get to choose.

This is exactly why you need the enlightening. I think that a big part of it is the "process" that turns them into this(deadbeat/POS/#######/biotch...choose your adjective). No one goes into a marriage knowing their EX would/could turn into one. It's a result of the process.

[Dakine10 5,452]

This is exactly why you need the enlightening.

As do you. Your viewpoint on this is biased by your experience, perhaps mine is too. Either way, that part of the law is not going to change just because you don't like it. If there is inequity in income, there will always be child support involved.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

That is certainly a new definition! Which dictionary? The IRS has changed who takes the exemption. Years ago it had to do with how much support was paid. Now it is automatically the custodial parent unless there has been an order entered by the judge otherwise. In this area the judge will only order that if both parents agree. If it is contested the tie goes to the XX (as usual).

You're so wound up you aren't even reading.

"Usually" the parents will settle this, which goes into the order of divorce, which said order includes the parenting plan.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Some people wonder why many American children seem to lack motivation in school. Could this stem in part from attitudes and policies that believe income needs redistribution after divorce so that children do not see the substantial lifestyle differences resulting from how hard one works in school and in their career? Maybe it would be better for all if children saw how one lifestyle results in canned ravioli and sleeping on the couch while another affords the family some of the nicer things. Now we often have the opposite. The deadbeat mothers get support from all their baby-daddies while some of those fathers are reduced to poverty in spite of good educations, good jobs, and hard work. What is this teaching our children? Before any of you get on my case I am not advocating for fathers to let their children live in poverty. But I think the current laws in many jurisdictions go way too far the other way!

All I can say is that the TWO adults need to make their children their love and pride and priority in their life. Kids first. If they do this they will always be happy and they will not divorce and dump on the kids.

I also think that parents need to be a lot less "lenient" and make things clear and concise for the kids. When they finish their education and get a career THEN they can make choices. I think it is laughable in 2011 we allow 16 year old children to drop out of school! ####### are we thinking? The children need to be responsible for their duties which is being a good student and helping around the house, that is their job and they need to do it well and it needs to be demanded that they do. In return they get a warm, safe home with two grown ups that care for them and keep them out of trouble and allow them to do well at their jobs

How one handles ones personal finances is your own business. I go for the "all money in one pot" route. I also consider nearly ALL our expenses, except for entertainment, to be "for the children" and I don't even have entertainment that does not include the children

I admit to being offended by the term "baby-daddy"

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Sigh - the ex husband and I had to go back to court to have this all explained to him.

Since I had primary custody of the children, I got to take the tax exemption. I had primary custody and the child support he was supposed to pay (but NEVER did) was to be used by me for the support of the children. Said support included, but was not limited to - mortgage payments, food, clothing, school and the "extras" that were needed - gas in the car, school project supplies, scout dues, field trips, braces, prom dresses, class rings...all the things you never think about until you need money and don't have any. The court had to further explain he had NO say so whatsoever in how that money was used and he could NOT pay it directly to the children (which is why he never paid). I never counted it because I never received a dime from him but every financial statement I've ever filled out asks for and counts child support as income. You can rail on and on about how it shouldn't - but it does. Had I received any money from him, I would have included it as part of my annual income - because it would have been.

Good for you! and yes, you should include it as income. I assure you that all you did will come back to you in many years of pride and joy. Thanks for what you do.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Easy fix for all this is don't have kids.

I guess so, Slim and I respect your decision because if you are not up to it, then you should not do it and you should be commended for not doing it.

As for me, my life would be very empty otherwise. I would not trade the time I spend with my kids for beer drinking buddies, bowling buddies, etc.

For me, no matter what else I accomplish in life, it will never be as satisfying an achievment than seeing my sons grow and succeed. It is like 4 lives beyond your own. I built a lot of things in my life, but my best and most important and most honored assignment was being the consultant and project manager for the construction of my oldest son's home last year, and I built the dining room set that is in his dining room and his children, our grandchildren, eat dinner on a table I built in a house I built. And he is a damn good skeet shooter!

[Darnell 8,479]

You're so wound up you aren't even reading.

"Usually" the parents will settle this, which goes into the order of divorce, which said order includes the parenting plan.

ah - but there's the sticky bit of 'tax exemption' , for which parent to claim the child as a dependent.

Read On, Ms. Jo

[Dave-n-Oksana 49]

The custodial parent can release their claim to the exemption (form 8332) and allow the non-custodial parent to claim the exemption. The custodial parent can also revoke this release. If both parents try to claim the exemption, it will go to the custodial parent.

A lot of misinformation here. By default the exemption alternates between the parents each year. Under this plan, each year the parent who does does not claim the exemption must submit the form 8332. This form can be submitted to a specific year or may be submitted for a period of time. In my divorce decreee, I did get awarded the ability to claim the children each year as exemption and my ex-wife had to submit the 8332 to be effective for 10 years.

Also child support is taxible for the payer, not the payee. Spousal support is taxible to the Payee and may be deducted by the payer.

[Dakine10 5,452]

A lot of misinformation here. By default the exemption alternates between the parents each year. Under this plan, each year the parent who does does not claim the exemption must submit the form 8332. This form can be submitted to a specific year or may be submitted for a period of time. In my divorce decreee, I did get awarded the ability to claim the children each year as exemption and my ex-wife had to submit the 8332 to be effective for 10 years.

Also child support is taxible for the payer, not the payee. Spousal support is taxible to the Payee and may be deducted by the payer.

Dave, there was no misinformation in my post. That's exactly how it happened. By default the custodial parent gets to claim the exemption. By agreement or court order the exemption alternates.

In my wifes case, the judge asked her if she wanted to allow her ex husband to claim the exemption. My wife agreed, however she revoked the agreement as soon as her ex stopped paying child support. He claimed it only once.

The IRS does not care if there is a court order or not. If there is a signed form 8332 the non-custodial parent can claim, If not they can't. The custodial parent does not have to submit the form. If no form 8332 is ever submitted and both parents claim the exemption, the custodial parent gets the exemption.