Sudden CHANGE!!! What do I do!?

[In a tizzy 7]

that's not even remotely close to what sunnah means. nor is it how over a thousand years of islamic scholarship and science has claimed is the only way to live as an authentic, practicing muslim. do whatever the bloodyhell you want with your relationship, but at least realize it looks pretty silly the way you keep misappropriating religious terms and whatnot with these half-baked and off the wall conclusions you keep coming to. like mithra told you above, this aint about islam.

Strong words you have here. Well, pardon my ignorance for misinterpreting the meaning of sunna. I'm looking at myself saying, I have A LOT to learn.

You're right, it isn't about islam.

[In a tizzy 7]

E. If you truly did contact the embassy in time and they did get your message about your reservations then it is over. I'm sorry E. It is done and there is no going forward. It is difficult to come out of something like this when it is made a mess of. I can't count the times I've seen this freak out happen pre-interview and it's done. I hope that you may be able to move forward from this and let him go. There have been those that have attempted to undo what they've done to give it a chance and move forward but I've never seen it be undone successfully and things move forward from here. I wish you all the best for you future without him. If they did have the interview and didn't have your information in time then there may still be a chance but it is doubtful either way in the 11th hour.

Yep, it's the freaking out part that got to him and me not seeing the BIG picture. I know it's no excuse...

I have NO experience with this "visa" thing and my firsthand experience with arabic culture was when I went to meet him and his family.

I am his first love, his first EVERYTHING... He's young with zero experience in "relationship" sense and I am much older.

I checked his phone records, ZERO female friends. Mine? I have plethora of male friends (work, college related). I can imagine if I was in his shoes, I would be miffed if there were opposite genders on the phone that I did not know of.

I am just going to have to reiterate with him that I am NOT going to change something I cannot and will ONLY improve on what I CAN change then have him PONDER on that.

Talk about cultural clash and the lack of aforethought. I underplayed my hand (I did not say much about my "life", and he overplayed his).

He and I have MORE serious talking on how to address this matter. I do plan to tell him what I have in mind so to be CLEAR with him that I am NOT taking this lightly.

E

[sachinky 465]

You guys don't seem to have much of a relationship, even by your own admission, or the strong foundation for one. Leave alone the multitude of red flags. Honestly, I am surprised he got approved.

Good luck with whatever you decide, any way.

[Boiler 45,486]

Are you Algerian?

[Crossed_fingers 128]

that's not even remotely close to what sunnah means. nor is it how over a thousand years of islamic scholarship and science has claimed is the only way to live as an authentic, practicing muslim. do whatever the bloodyhell you want with your relationship, but at least realize it looks pretty silly the way you keep misappropriating religious terms and whatnot with these half-baked and off the wall conclusions you keep coming to. like mithra told you above, this aint about islam.

Thank God somebody said this.

By the way, want to know what I've never referred to my husband as? A "Salafist Jihadist." Want to know what never comes to mind when we're arguing? His "Arab male Islamic supremacy."

[Silverberry1331 25]

I am curious....you said you were much older than he is...by how much if you don't mind me asking? If you think that is off topic then feel free to ignore my question...no offense will be taken.

[In a tizzy 7]

I am curious....you said you were much older than he is...by how much if you don't mind me asking? If you think that is off topic then feel free to ignore my question...no offense will be taken.

It's simple.

He's 25 and I'm 40. Why do you ask?

I'm his first, and he's my 2nd.

I've been around muslim people in US and generally they are more laid back, congenial, etc. But, over there in Algeria, it paints a different picture.

I have LOTS of Deaf USA muslim friends and we use our eyes for our communication and freely use our expressions. That's something I have yet to see in Algeria and not yet ever met a Deaf person over there.

Wait! I did at the Houari Boumediene. There were 3 Deaf Algerian male employees there at the airport. Come to think of it, we did have a conversation and introduced ourselves. It has to be a deaf thing so... I dunno if this helps.

Are you Algerian?

Not me, the beneficiary is yes.

[In a tizzy 7]

Thank God somebody said this.

By the way, want to know what I've never referred to my husband as? A "Salafist Jihadist." Want to know what never comes to mind when we're arguing? His "Arab male Islamic supremacy."

I guess things things get spoken out of when under stress....

People can call me deaf and dumb behind my back and I wouldn't know it

Salafist Jihadist is something I learned and used it in my argument when I was told not to look at people when having a conversation which is IMPOSSIBLE because I am deaf and MUST use my eyes.

It's something I am NOT going to be able to live with, NOT feasible. He has to know that and that is why I brought up that term.

E

[Staashi 371]

Girl, this is one seriously f'd up situation. You're going to let some frickin' 25-year old dude control you? And you're 40?!? Get the hell out! You must be high! Or, he must be smoking some really good stuff. Some tool who has no real world experience, no relationship experience and probably no real employment background either is going to get your love? He sounds like a child, a petulant one at that. I think you need a real man, and just because some guy has a ####### doesn't mean that he's got to come out with himself all high on testosterone trying to put you in your place.

Because of your deafness, you are a woman with special needs. And please know, I'm not a stranger to section 504 and ADA compliance as I deal with accessibility issues in my work everyday. Thus, for you to even remotely consider marrying someone who cannot acknowledge that your world is vastly different than his, because he can hear and you cannot, you, my dear, are setting yourself up for failure. I'd be running as far away from this misogynistic idiot as fast as I could.

[sandinista! 1,816]

What some people are wondering though is why on earth politically charged names and terms are being thrown at the guy when they have nothing to do with him. Crossed_fingers up above has graciously reminded us though that when it's coming from someone tossing around big ol stereotypes from the get-go on this thread, well in that context it makes sense.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Girl, this is one seriously f'd up situation. You're going to let some frickin' 25-year old dude control you? And you're 40?!? Get the hell out! You must be high! Or, he must be smoking some really good stuff. Some tool who has no real world experience, no relationship experience and probably no real employment background either is going to get your love? He sounds like a child, a petulant one at that. I think you need a real man, and just because some guy has a ####### doesn't mean that he's got to come out with himself all high on testosterone trying to put you in your place.

Because of your deafness, you are a woman with special needs. And please know, I'm not a stranger to section 504 and ADA compliance as I deal with accessibility issues in my work everyday. Thus, for you to even remotely consider marrying someone who cannot acknowledge that your world is vastly different than his, because he can hear and you cannot, you, my dear, are setting yourself up for failure. I'd be running as far away from this misogynistic idiot as fast as I could.

I switched over to the full version on my iPod just so I could +1 this!

[Silverberry1331 25]

It's simple.

He's 25 and I'm 40. Why do you ask?

I was just wondering what the background of the situation was so I can get a better picture of what was going on. I am not judging age difference here.

Whatever you decide to do about this situation, I hope you do the best for you. I saw your you-tube video and read your posts. You appear to be an intelligent and kind soul. I hate to see anything or anyone put a damper on that. Wishing you all the best.

[Rufus2012 175]

You're right, it isn't about islam.

Perhaps, perhaps not. But it is interesting how so many people go out of their way to be politically correct whenever Islam is part of any discussion, in any way.

I saw a video from a mosque in the Seattle area, where the imam, a software company professional, explained when it was appropriate to hit your wife. Every religion has its bad apples, but no one seems to be calling out the muslims. Open season on Catholic priests, even when they don't deserve it, but muslims are getting a pass on everything.

This is the video: http://www.popmodal.com/video/7382/US-Imam-Allah-is-clear-you-can-hit-your-wife

Edited October 31, 2011 by WaitingInSeattle

[Crossed_fingers 128]

Perhaps, perhaps not. But it is interesting how so many people go out of their way to be politically correct whenever Islam is part of any discussion, in any way.

I saw a video from a mosque in the Seattle area, where the imam, a software company professional, explained when it was appropriate to hit your wife. Every religion has its bad apples, but no one seems to be calling out the muslims. Open season on Catholic priests, even when they don't deserve it, but muslims are getting a pass on everything.

This is the video: http://www.popmodal.com/video/7382/US-Imam-Allah-is-clear-you-can-hit-your-wife

Nobody seems to be calling out the Muslims? Seriously? It's not, like, a constant topic of national discourse or anything.

What I find far more "interesting" is how so many people go out of their way to bring Islam-at-large into debate whenever a Muslim is part of any discussion, in any way.

The relationship described in this thread is riddled with red flags, and yet here we are, talking about a Seattle-area software professional/imam discussing domestic violence, instead of the 25 year old Algerian control freak (who appears to not have a clear understanding of his stated religion, and who I doubt is a software professional, and who probably never set foot in the American Northwest, but who otherwise is virtually identical to the guy you saw on a YouTube clip, I'm sure) the OP met in person for all of 7 weeks and is about to fly to America so he can sign a prenup.

[Rufus2012 175]

The relationship described in this thread is riddled with red flags, and yet here we are, talking about a Seattle-area software professional/imam discussing domestic violence,

He wasn't discussing it, he was advocating it.

But you are correct, that was off topic. Back to encouraging the OP to drop this loser like a hot rock.