Sudden CHANGE!!! What do I do!?

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

IMHO, you should be with a man that not only loves, values, adores, & appreciates YOU... but one that can love, value, adore & appreciate everything YOU DO for others.

[JINNY 2]

E. Also consider it's a very stressful time right before the interview and stress affects people in weird ways. You both may say things or do things that are out of the ordinary and perceptions may be skewed as the stakes are raised with possibilities. You both are on the cusp of your entire worlds changing. Facing that kind of major change can be very scary. Everything is being scrutinized. Reading on here will give you more horror stories than positive ones. It could turn out more wonderful then you ever imagined. If in your heart you know you love each other then you will have to take a leap of faith. You are either working to come together or working to be apart. This round will be the first of many rounds that will need to be addressed because of the two different cultural backgrounds and all the overlays. It will be the two bulls hitting horns for many months until you both reach a balance of compromise through mutual respect, love and support. When you both come to an understanding and learn how to communicate in a healthy positive way things will go much smoother, but it is going to take work to get there and there will still be days that catch you off guard.

[sachinky 465]

Love (or marriage) should never have to be "two bulls hitting horns for many months..." Nuh-uh. I don't think so, call me naive if you want, but that's not how I would choose to live "many months" of my life.

Life's just too far freakin' short to be somebody else's punching bag. Literally or metaphorically speaking.

Edited October 29, 2011 by sachinky

[nurse1967 287]

This relationship is doomed. I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings. When someone wants to tell you where you can look....who you can smile at....that goes above controlling and is obsessive and manic. There is no way on earth I would continue with this guy. You have only seen the tip of the iceberg of this guys behaviors. You are setting yourself up to be emotionally and financially ruined if you continue with this guy. I don't know any other way to explain it.

[great123 0]

For me and every muslim women what he toled you is all right

the only relation ship between men and women is marriage and family members (like uncles brothers grand farther....only MEHRAM)

I was at school and at work my relationship between the boy student and men at work so limited we never went out for dinner or lunch or talking out off study

My husband is in American and he is muslim, his Islam is better than me and I was doing a lot off very small things wish I was thinking are right and he speak to me and explained to me why this is wrong and he was all right according to our Hadith (try to learn about muslim women and muslim men and Read about the Prophet life and his wifes life so you can understand our culture) Islam is one in all the world and I am getting so surprised with the people whom are saying that's they are muslim and we don't have this this is a big lie.of course some are muslim only by name and they don't have any relation with Islam and try to give all bad name to islam.

Iam sure that's once you read about the Prophet (salla Allaho 3alayhi wasalam) life you will understand every things and you will have a answer about all your questions.

in the end the choice is yours I only wanted to tell you my opinion and it's for you to decide what is the goods for you.

I am sure about one things that's if you lived your life as a muslim woman you will have the true happiness for ever in this life and in the other life.

I wish I can explain to you more but my English is so bad.

[Golden Gate 530]

Maybe so that what he says is all true about looking at another man with your eyes. However, she is deaf. She is a teacher. She teaches people who are deaf and blind. One thing I can tell you about Moroccan culture - they are behind on how to teach people with disabilities. How do I know this? My fiance there is a teacher. He said often those children go to the back of the class and are often ignored. She has special gifts, because of her deafness, she is able to communicate with her eyes. They are an important necessity to her existence. Someone who is blind, has increased hearing. In her case, her eyes do the work of her ears. She teaches people around the world who are deaf and blind. She is a beautiful example of someone who uses her gifts to the fullest degree, and helps a huge amount of people; people who are often being neglected in their own culture because of their disabilities. I am sure that you would find a woman president of a country will look into the eyes of the people she must communicate with. She is not using her eyes to flirt with men. She is using them to teach. I can not believe Allah would forbid her from doing this. Another thing - there is no coercion in Islam.

Edited October 29, 2011 by Golden Gate

[Golden Gate 530]

It is narrated on the authority of Umar ibn al-Khattab who said: I heard the Messenger of God say:

“All actions are judged by motives, and each person will be rewarded according to their intention. Thus, he whose migration was to God and His Messenger, his migration is to God and His Messenger; but he whose migration was for some worldly thing he might gain, or for a wife he might marry, his migration is to that for which he migrated.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)

[Golden Gate 530]

Fortunately, it is between her and Allah, as it should be, and no one else's business. Only she understands what is expected of her: Muhammad(SAW) said, "O Wabisah! are you come to ask what is goodness and what is badness?" Wabisah said, "Yes, I am come for that." Then He joined his fingers and struck them upon Wabisah's breast, that is made a sign towards his heart, and said, "Ask the question from thine own heart." This he repeated three times aloud and said, "Goodness is a thing from which thy heart findeth firmness and rest; and badness is a thing which throweth thee into doubt, although men may acquit thee."

Edited October 29, 2011 by Golden Gate

[Jenn! 918]

I wonder what this guy would say if she were in the medical field or in some other occupation where she might have to examine naked men.

Some gaps just cannot be bridged, the end.

Edited October 29, 2011 by Jenn!

[sachinky 465]

Maybe so that what he says is all true about looking at another man with your eyes. However, she is deaf. She is a teacher. She teaches people who are deaf and blind. One thing I can tell you about Moroccan culture - they are behind on how to teach people with disabilities. How do I know this? My fiance there is a teacher. He said often those children go to the back of the class and are often ignored. She has special gifts, because of her deafness, she is able to communicate with her eyes. They are an important necessity to her existence. Someone who is blind, has increased hearing. In her case, her eyes do the work of her ears. She teaches people around the world who are deaf and blind. She is a beautiful example of someone who uses her gifts to the fullest degree, and helps a huge amount of people; people who are often being neglected in their own culture because of their disabilities. I am sure that you would find a woman president of a country will look into the eyes of the people she must communicate with. She is not using her eyes to flirt with men. She is using them to teach. I can not believe Allah would forbid her from doing this. Another thing - there is no coercion in Islam.

+ 1000

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Dear VJ

SIGH, where do I begin? This man I thought I knew now is showing the "tell tale" signs of Arab male Islamic supremacy. It's so gut-wrenching. October 30 is his interview. We've come this far to call it quits. We've met twice for a total of 7 weeks in 2 years and have daily skype chat for 2 hours stretch. Here are the situations I am being ordered....

[*]Smiling IS now forbidden, only at home.

[*]Sitting with male co-workers during lunch is forbidden, especially when I have been doing it for 15 plus years and grew up in a dominant male household (tomboy, hunting, fishing, and etc).

[*]Even using my eyes to process and intake information (it's a deaf thing to use my eyes to hear/feel my surroundings) - FORBIDDEN! (This one REALLY hit a sour spot).

[*]Transporting a distant male relative from point A to point B is now forbidden, especially when I've been doing it for YEARS and YEARS.

[*]This is just to list a few.

Talk about cultural clash. I've done my part with modifying, adapting, adjusting... even deleting OLD college male friends from 20 years ago on my facebook. I've gone out this way to dress far more modestly. I have 3 college degrees and hold a respectable job. I've read about HIGH FRAUD MENA men... and never thought this whole facade would materialize right within my grasp. I've educated myself on those "Arab" cultural differences, that I can adjust. BUT, I cannot adjust with the way I communicate which is via the use of my eyes.

My question is.... WHAT would you suggest? Especially for those USC females who have had those experiences. Male input would be appreciated too. I'm rated as an INFP on Myer's Brigg personality test and am the most humblest person on earth.... this is really tearing me up.

Shell-shocked...

I will TAKE any advices with a grain of salt.

~E

Bye. You can end it now, today and get over it that many days sooner...

OR

Go through with it, be miserable for a while, really miserable, then get an expensive divorce after an expensive K-1 process and THEN get over it.

You WILL get over it, all people always do. Sooner is better than later.

[sandinista! 1,816]

I wonder what this guy would say if she were in the medical field or in some other occupation where she might have to examine naked men.

Some gaps just cannot be bridged, the end.

I doubt it would be anything remotely reasonable. I'll be sure to let my husband know though that according to some fools on VJ the both of us are not "real Muslims" because I've had to touch guys I'm not related to to give them insulin injections, and even more involved things than that, and he's cool with me doing my job.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I doubt it would be anything remotely reasonable. I'll be sure to let my husband know though that according to some fools on VJ the both of us are not "real Muslims" because I've had to touch guys I'm not related to to give them insulin injections, and even more involved things than that, and he's cool with me doing my job.

The person you quoted was not implying anything about "real muslims" but was in fact saying that by the OP's husbands stance (as stated in the OP) would have many issues if she were in a field where touching a man were necessary. This is nothing against YOU or your husband but against the OP's fiance who is being REALLY irrational and ridiculous.

Edited October 29, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[sachinky 465]

For me and every muslim women what he toled you is all right

the only relation ship between men and women is marriage and family members (like uncles brothers grand farther....only MEHRAM)

I was at school and at work my relationship between the boy student and men at work so limited we never went out for dinner or lunch or talking out off study

My husband is in American and he is muslim, his Islam is better than me and I was doing a lot off very small things wish I was thinking are right and he speak to me and explained to me why this is wrong and he was all right according to our Hadith (try to learn about muslim women and muslim men and Read about the Prophet life and his wifes life so you can understand our culture) Islam is one in all the world and I am getting so surprised with the people whom are saying that's they are muslim and we don't have this this is a big lie.of course some are muslim only by name and they don't have any relation with Islam and try to give all bad name to islam.

Iam sure that's once you read about the Prophet (salla Allaho 3alayhi wasalam) life you will understand every things and you will have a answer about all your questions.

in the end the choice is yours I only wanted to tell you my opinion and it's for you to decide what is the goods for you.

I am sure about one things that's if you lived your life as a muslim woman you will have the true happiness for ever in this life and in the other life.

I wish I can explain to you more but my English is so bad.

Vanessa, I think Sandinista! was referring to this above post and not the one by Jenn.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Vanessa, I think Sandinista! was referring to this above post and not the one by Jenn.

yes!