Wants to give up and Return to Philippines?

[thepizzadude 26]

well, thats the K1 is all about.. to see if the both people feel like marriage and living in another country will be something they want to commit to..

Actually you are mistaken and it attitudes like yours that make it hard on some to obtain visas.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Actually you are mistaken and it attitudes like yours that make it hard on some to obtain visas.

I used to share this thinking. I'm not too sure anymore.

Afterall, many K1's get issued with (sometimes might be thought) questionable circumstances.

Considering US divorce rates... and...potential bait-switchers (no names mentioned ), visa scammers and other such critters... isn't it a good idea to give (some) the chance to take reality for a test drive (or maybe a "boat" ride. )?

Do you have any statistics to back your post?

Edited November 22, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Hank_ 9,174]

No the 90 days isn't to take a "test drive" before actually getting married. Jeez! Some people!

I can not believe that folks would start this whole VISA JOURNEY and not have a clue.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

No the 90 days isn't to take a "test drive" before actually getting married. Jeez! Some people!

I can not believe that folks would start this whole VISA JOURNEY and not have a clue.

I notice you filed your petition in September. Hang around VJ a few years and you will read many stories about the clueless.

Since you're a noob...I have a tip for you...Be careful with your bonker. You might find yourself on the wacked end of it sometimes.

Edited November 22, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[thepizzadude 26]

I used to share this thinking. I'm not too sure anymore.

Afterall, many K1's get issued with (sometimes might be thought) questionable circumstances.

Considering US divorce rates... and...potential bait-switchers (no names mentioned ), visa scammers and other such critters... isn't it a good idea to give (some) the chance to take reality for a test drive (or maybe a "boat" ride. )?

Do you have any statistics to back your post?

Statistics are not needed to show what is already a reality and a known fact by the many who have gone down this road before. Opening up the process to people who want to "Take a test drive" or "A boat ride" will only make the system more difficult for the people who are using the process for what it is for.

Yes, many people try to take advantage of the process to gain access to the US and that is why it is as difficult as it is now. If you just wanna sample the product go on a vacation...

So, I stand by my original statement that attitudes like "isn't that what the k1 process is for, hanging with each other for a minute to make sure it is what you want" to be a detriment to the process.

THE K1 PROCESS IS FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE MADE THE DECISION TO BE TOGETHER.

Vacations, visits and other forms of communication between people is what you do to determine that fact. If you wanna shack up and hang out together for awhile then move yourself to the country of your fiances residence and determine if the K1 visa process is for you.

As for the OP's problem, not being judgmental but 2 weeks is not long enough for "things to fall apart" if in fact they were so wonderful before, a little time spent beforehand may have saved a lot of heartache now.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Statistics are not needed to show what is already a reality and a known fact by the many who have gone down this road before. Opening up the process to people who want to "Take a test drive" or "A boat ride" will only make the system more difficult for the people who are using the process for what it is for.

Don't get me wrong. For the most part, I agree with you. (In fact, my wife and I have posted similar comments and POV more than a few times). No1 should enter into engagement / marriage without due diligence and absolute commitment. Furthermore, relationship legitimacy (quality seems, is only argued as a denial trump card) and intent to marry must be proven to garner a k1 visa. I assume that is your "known fact by the many".

I'm just thinking / reflecting ...not arguing....so,

Following that logic...seems the CO's would inquire...why the pet/ben did not marry already and chose a fiancee visa over the (better in the long run) CR1. I don't recall ever reading that Q in any1's interview post. Additionally, the letter is called...letter of "intent" not letter of "guarantee". An engagement can be broken (as late as) the altar. I'm sure the CO's know this too.

When we joined VJ, there were quite a few decline and fraud unit stories posted. Since 2009, I can't think of more than a few. Sometimes, my wife will accept a FB friend request, when we open the profile, we sit back and scratch our heads in amazement. What was the CO thinking the day he/she approved a visa for a girl in her early 20's to come marry a man in his 80's.

My point...I'm not too sure if the CO's care (much) about relationship quality until they decide to decline a bene. I'm not convinced that CO's share yours (and ours) POV - relationship quality improving / hurting current and future petition enviroment/process. I think they keep the visa conveyer belt moving and only stop the paper pushing process when they see a technically flawed petition. Heck, sometimes I think they push a denial just to stay looking busy. Nobody wants to be thought (by the boss) a slacker.

CO's are administrative clerks. Co's are not marriage counselors.

and...we like it or not...for some...

and others don't ask the really important questions...

Edited November 22, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[DEVANandTINTIN 0]

I do not know how busy you were during your filing process but I purposely went out of my way to make friends with other filipinos and tell them about my fiancee and then tell her and then they eventually become facebook friends. Fortunately I live in the DFW are and work in an environment that allows me to meet other Pinay women at least a few times a month. I also have moved to a different apartment that is on the city bus route so that she has access to transportation so that she doesn't feel like a prisoner in her own home and has some freedom to get around.

Is there a large age difference? Do you have any friends (or their spouses/gf's) her age. Do you have any bad habits that she was never aware of that drive her crazy?

There could be any of dozen reasons she wants to go back home. Fortunately my fiancee has a degree, works in Makati, and speaks perfect English. She speaks online a lot to my friends here on a daily basis. As someone stated earlier, this is just as much your problem as it is hers, but she also needs to open up and tell you what the hell her problems are as homesickness is an easy out to something. Maybe she is from a remote province and all of this is too much of a culture shock.

Good luck to you.

[DEVANandTINTIN 0]

Disregard the reply above, I was reading the OLDER thread.

It is just two weeks, give it space. But I don't buy the reasoning she can't adjust. What is she doing right now? If she's just at home or in one place, I wouldn't be surprised she can't adjust. Take her to exciting place. Go for a LONG drive, say, to Florida Disneyland?

Disneyland is in CA, Disney World is in FL. Plus, his in the perfect spot b/c they can go to Cedar Point in Sandusky or King's Island that is closer to him.

[James and Cynthia 70]

I think that instead of finding someone else to send her home, you man up and buy the ticket yourself. It's the least you can do if she is not happy and wants to go home. Sometimes things just don't work out. It's your responsibility to make things right for her if she's not happy.

-James

[Ron and Rhea 42]

oh jesus christ! i'll be in Cleveland and this is one of my fears. I know that there's not much Filipinos in the area but lemme see..Can you possibly subscribe to TFC The Filipino Channel? if none yet, have her go to http://www.flipbooth...urtesy-of-GMA7. That's a you tube of Filipino shows.

If you have a dog, have her walk it so she can meet some peeps in the dog park. Make her do the shopping alone and just pick her up when she's done, teach her how to drive (if she doesn"t know yet)and ride in public transportation and go by herself in mall while you are working so she will be familiar with American products and maybe find filipino ones specially food.

also find randy stokes in facebook and ask him to add you in asawa world. that's a forum of fil-am couples. read vj too.

Are you sure there are not lots of Pinoy's in Cleveland? Here in Maryland, on the surface it may appear there are not a lot of Filipino's here but there are TONS of you guys here...granted, I was married to a Filpina for 30 years, so I know many many because of that, however once you network and meet one or two local Pinoy's and the big thing is going to Filipino party's....BINGO, you're in.

You know how Filipino party's are, they have them for this, that and the other thing, hahah...always having birthday party's for the kids, and its also a social Filipiono get together, sharing food, friends, and good times.

[Kevin-n-Merlaine 14]

Are you sure there are not lots of Pinoy's in Cleveland? Here in Maryland, on the surface it may appear there are not a lot of Filipino's here but there are TONS of you guys here...granted, I was married to a Filpina for 30 years, so I know many many because of that, however once you network and meet one or two local Pinoy's and the big thing is going to Filipino party's....BINGO, you're in.

You know how Filipino party's are, they have them for this, that and the other thing, hahah...always having birthday party's for the kids, and its also a social Filipiono get together, sharing food, friends, and good times.

My wife and I live in Wichita, Kansas and there are a LOT of Pinoy/Pinay even here! I met quite a few before she arrived and since she's been here we bump into someone new constantly. There are a LOT of Filipinos EVERY where in the US. Granted there are far more on the coasts but there are a lot more Kano on the coasts too!

I found these 4 links on the very first page after I googled Filipinos in Cleveland...I'm sure there are a lot more too. It's hard I know but If she has Rebtel for a phone call anytime she wan't to make one, skype for anytime she's homesick and can find even ONE Filipina here to talk to on occasion, it will make both of your lives much easier. Rebtel+Skype=

http://blog.clevelan...heast_ohio.html

http://www.cleveland...ino/filip1.html

http://www.thefilipi...oresinOhio.html

http://www.cleveland...no/filipino.htm

[Ron and Rhea 42]

I agree Kevin...granted we are on the coast, near lots of military bases and the Nations Capital...so there are many many Filipino's in our area....I firmly believe in networking, you meet one from the area, go to a few get together's, then that leads to meeting more and more Filipino's. Actually I live on the Eastern Shore of Md, so you'd maybe think there are not a lot out here...wrong.

Not to mention hospitals, as we all know Filipina's make great nurses and are in all hospitals. I know a few Filipino State cops, (second gen)....

Filipinos throw the best parties ever...!!!

[mariarob1 0]

let your fiancee join facebook.there is a group for filipino's who married an american.any problem she can intereact with flipinos.the goupr is pretty ladies.u try to search that on facebook.how old is your fiance anyway?and how old are you?

[JoBri 548]

We have lots of Fillipinos here in the hills of Tennessee even. A few hundred just tonight at the annual Christmas party here in Knoxville.

[Mark and Rassel 9]

Hello!

My wife is member of Facebook group that has expats and fiances that are trying to get or have received their visas. Its a support group full of good folks. Search for Rassel Sanderson on Facebook, request her as a friend have your fiance explain to her in the initial message she'd like to be member of that group. Its full of good people that have experience. Also I would recommend finding a mental health specialist that specializes in immigration related stress - yes they do exist. You will probably have to work to find such a person - and it might be a day trip to Cleveland. Pre-marital counseling would help . . . Move to a place like Houston, TX that has a lots of jobs, large # of Filipinos, Filipino Asian Foods (Yes you can get Balut in Houston!), They have a filipino baptist church, filipino tagalog catholic services and etc . . . Houston is going to be much warmer than Ohio, and will be closer Filipino climate that she is already used to. My wife and I were married in the Philippines, and we are planning her first days/weeks when she gets here. Since she will have a 'Green Card' (or its equiv) upon arrival - we are apply for the CR1 - she can work right away. So She will be:

1) Getting a drivers license

2) Getting a job - just a part-time one at first at a fashion, clothing or photography store . . . something that will keep her close to her interests. Help keep her occupied, we'll be starting a family and she'll busy enough when that comes along . . . but until then

3) Get her school records transferred here and take some college credit courses . . . .

4) Get a pilots license - I have one, and we flew to Boracay from Cataclan for our Honeymoon . . . . She loved every bit of it! It doesn't cost much to have her study for ground school . . . hahaha!

5) Make sure that she is able to stay in touch with family and friends using skype or facebook. Insist that she start using social media for just this purpose . . . Buy her a camera and have start to document her new life and write about it to friends . . . Maybe an iPad or something like that would do the same thing . . .

6) Worship the ground she walks on - she is your wife (or will be soon you hope) treat her that way! Some flowers and random calls to her during the day would probably do wonders . . . . surprise with a random flower delivery by flowers.com or whatever . . .

7) Make life an adventure - on Sundays ( or whenever you are off ) Have her stretch her arm out and point with her arm parallel to the ground . .. have her close her eyes and spin her around . . .hahah . . .wherever she stops is the direction you'll go that day and explorer with her in your car. Stop and eat lunch and dinner at random places . . .

8) buy a motorcycle, buy her and you a helmet and go riding on the weekends . . .

9) you get the idea . .. mix things up!

There are many things for her to do . . . . this is the USA!

Mark