Wants to give up and Return to Philippines?

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

It really seems to be a common thread that a lot of us overlook how difficult that initial adjustment period is going to be for both sides of the equation.

In "normal" relationships the meshing together of two distinct personalities gets to happen gradually and if something gets too intense it's easier to slow it down and back off a little bit. Most of us don't have that safety net. Sure we spend a lot of time communicating with each other but when the phone is hung-up or the computer logged-off we're in separate worlds again. Once the Visa has been used we can't get that me time as easy anymore.

[John&Juvy 36]

i just did a google search 'filipino in columbus,oh'...i got stores, resturants, churches...etc. 2 weeks is not enough time to begin to adjust. ask her to give it 2 months & reconsider. in the mean time. set up a discount calling card account or something so she can call home regularly, search the internet for filipino tv sites (make sure you virus protection is up to date first) & most important..get out there with her meeting local filipinas....think about it brother. her life is 180 from what it was 2 weeks ago. be supportive & help all you can. good luck.

Took me more than 1 year before I fully adjusted in life here. Driving, working and a loving patience husband helps alot and have a normal life now here, and finally accept to my self that this is where my home now is with my husband LOL. But I still call my parents and siblings twice or 3 times a week. Specially now that I'm pregnant .

[Tahoma 2,292]

My fiance has been here in the US for almost 2 wks and is saying that she read that the Consulate will send her back home to the Philippines, cause she cannot adjust here and is thinking about giving up and contacting them and having them send her back. Is there conditions she has to meet for the Consulate to do that or how exactly does that work?

As paul_kay said, your fiancée should check out the CFO booklet that she received at the seminar. I understand the Philippines Consulate and the CFO can work together to help her return to 'Pinas.

However, why would you make her jump through those hoops? Why wouldn't you simply buy her a ticket? When you told her she would have to go home without your help, I don't imagine it made her feel any better about her situation or about you.

She's homesick 115% and we've been having hard times and it we end up fighting and she's tired of it all and that's pretty much why she almost wants to give up.

I'm confused. Why are you fighting with her? What do you have to fight about? Is it about her being homesick? If it is, then why aren't you acknowledging her feelings and showing more sympathy and compassion toward her instead of fighting with her? She's feeling what she's feeling, and you need to recognize that.

[dindo and patty 20]

It is going to require a lot of prayers, patience, understanding, and compassion. You've made it this far and both sides have made a lot of sacrifices.

Be there for her and really listen and I mean just listen to what she has to say. It is very difficult, but you can do it. I know a lot of times you just so

want to help and it is rather frustrating, but from my experience with Patty being here now for 7 weeks is to just be there and be the shoulder she

can cry on and be the man she can rely on without any judgement. Do everything within your power to help her adjust. Communication is key!

Hopefully, both of you will come to an agreement that it will require work and both of you will commit to making it work.

Patty and I do a lot of things together such as taking walks after I get off work, cooking together, watch movies, go to places (we went to Lake Tahoe

Columbus day weekend), this weekend we are going to Great America Park. She is constantly in touch with her family in Cotabato city and Bulacan

through SKYPE, FB, and YM and we do have TFC and GMA channels.

If you truly care about each other, you both will find a way to get through this. It won't be easy, but anything worth fighting for is never easy. I wish

you the best and God bless the both of you!

[ascxvz 4]

(Has she complained of nose bleeds? And if you don't get that joke you need to study her culture.)

Hahahahaha Love it!!!

[TJ01212011 47]

fight the homesickness and the difficulty of adjustment together, not fight each other...

just a piece of advise....

[MalaysianGirl 26]

(Has she complained of nose bleeds? And if you don't get that joke you need to study her culture.)

Hahahahaha Love it!!!

That post made me chuckle, too, and I'm not even Filipina. (But I've got great Filipina friends who have told me about the "nosebleed" thing. Hehe.)

[BobnCherry 10]

That post made me chuckle, too, and I'm not even Filipina. (But I've got great Filipina friends who have told me about the "nosebleed" thing. Hehe.)

I'm going to marry a filipina in a few days and knew nothing about *nosebleeds* google saves the day again!!

B&C

[A and T 82]

She probably had a b/f back home but left to the usa anyway and now has regrets. (just saying its possible) because 2 weeks isnt very long

[reginakrys 33]

Although all separations are painful, I think it's harder on the one abroad. Everything is completely new to them - environment, culture, friends and family. At least, that's how it is with me and my husband. He's been there for less than 2 months, and I can't keep track of the number of times he's told me that he wants to come home. I just tell him over and over again why we're doing this - so we can live a life of our own, so our daughter can have a brighter future.

[Zen Den 18]

wow, this topic is like watching a telenovela =)

seriously though, from reading all of the OP's posts, looks like there is love but not enough to make them work it out; the love each has for the other is not as much as the love for their own self (more ME not enough US)...from the beginning =( looks like

[NoneYa 73]

She's homesick 115% and we've been having hard times and it we end up fighting and she's tired of it all and that's pretty much why she almost wants to give up.

Certainly this is not all your fault and I don't mean to lean on you but if you really want this woman, you absolutley should not be fighting. That will make it worse for sure and anyone would leave you too if that is what was happening. You need to let her win the arguments, support her, hug her. This is very stressful. Try it my way and I bet you things wil turn around. All she needs is time to adjust and she is under a lot of stress. This method could deflate your troubles within a few days.

If these fights are so serious that you feel you need to fight with her, then unfortunately you didn't know her well enough when you brought her over. Especially if you see no end to the fights even after adjustment, then that would spell doom.

[skiptex 225]

wow, this topic is like watching a telenovela =)

seriously though, from reading all of the OP's posts, looks like there is love but not enough to make them work it out; the love each has for the other is not as much as the love for their own self (more ME not enough US)...from the beginning =( looks like

and if you don't understand this one.. then you don't know mexicans/central/south americans.. LOL

[rlogan 2,036]

My fiance has been here in the US for almost 2 wks and is saying that she read that the Consulate will send her back home to the Philippines, cause she cannot adjust here and is thinking about giving up and contacting them and having them send her back. Is there conditions she has to meet for the Consulate to do that or how exactly does that work?

Is there a website that anyone knows that I can learn more about this process? Everyone has told her 2 wks is NOT long enough, but she seems like she doesn't want to try to adjust anymore. PLEASE HELP!!! :'-(

She doesn't love you.

Cut your losses.

[JoBri 548]

I have a horror story too of when my wife first came here. But our relationship proved stronger. She adjusted within a few months, maybe 8, for the most part, after coming to terms with what she felt in her heart. She learned to drive, got multiple jobs, became committed in our church, made Filipina friends here... She stays very busy...very...

Just today we were at a store, and when it was time to pay she was digging for change so she wouldn't have to break a dollar. I started to dig for the change too. Then another customer also wanted to help, and the store clerk joined in too and paid the change herself, saying she didnt blame her to not want to break the dollar. And my wife laughed and blurted out, "I love it here, in America!" because of how everyone was so kind and wanting to help her. Things sure did change... Sometimes it takes time to sort through everything and adjust.