Wants to give up and Return to Philippines?

[paul_kay 31]

Tell her to search for the booklets she got from CFO, the phone numbers are there. That's what CFO is for.

[RenCor 2]

Try this

http://www.pinoy101tv.blogspot.com/

[skiptex 225]

so the issues in July was not enough to make you think?

[BobnCherry 10]

She's homesick 115% and we've been having hard times and it we end up fighting and she's tired of it all and that's pretty much why she almost wants to give up.

Well if I came all this way to be with someone and all we did is fight within the first 2 weeks I'd want to go home too...just sayin

[Kang 22]

hi,

she need to help herself too to adjust here in usa.Sometimes even if you offer this and that if herself doesnt want to cooperate nothing will happen its like "to be able to clap your hand you need both hands to hear the hits"so you may hear the appreciation.the above post is correct,but from my own thinking how you can help if she dont want to help herself,u gotta talk to her face to face,open up things why ohh why she need to return?something is wrong????

those people who offer you a good idea(above posts)is very helpfull try it.if ddnt work then something is wrong.God bless You and hope she'll figure out what she likes to do...Good luck my vj friend,you guys need a lot of patient until things work out.

ronluvme.

++1.

[Kang 22]

Remind her that if she leaves, no more green card.

[Kang 22]

Kidding aside, does she socialize with people? I mean, does she get to meet new people, new friends? Does she have a job?

I came here in the US at age 22 and adjusting can be difficult but it takes courage and patience. I didn't want to mingle with Filipino community here when I came because they tend to be overly nosy and gossipy, especially the older female ones which made me terribily uncomforabl. Imagine, new culture, new ways, new "speak". I started to adjust when I started to attend community college. I became more acculturated when I had a part time job.

How long has she been there? Maybe try to get her to get some non-credit courses at community college or whatever your local city offers. Just to get rid of boredom and meet new people.

Meeting new people is the key to adjustment.

Edited October 27, 2011 by Kang

[Kang 22]

Disregard the reply above, I was reading the OLDER thread.

It is just two weeks, give it space. But I don't buy the reasoning she can't adjust. What is she doing right now? If she's just at home or in one place, I wouldn't be surprised she can't adjust. Take her to exciting place. Go for a LONG drive, say, to Florida Disneyland?

[sunshinearizona 21]

She's homesick 115% and we've been having hard times and it we end up fighting and she's tired of it all and that's pretty much why she almost wants to give up.

i'd like to suggest for her to use skype or facebook everyday to communicate with her family,it's a very effective way to relieve being homesick. what about let her start packing a balikbayan box to send to her family. that certainly helped me pass the time.

[kev_n_jena 89]

Obviously the OP had doubts before. I remember reading that entire thread when he posted it. Sorry to hear his fears and doubts are coming true now.

This situation is all the more reason for everyone to take a very close look at their own relationships and make sure their motivations for filing for a visa are well thought out. It's also more evidence that the petitioner should plan ahead to help their immigrant wife/husband or fiance feel welcome in their new home. Getting a visa is just a small part of the process when starting a new life together. Setting up a network of friends and family for support is essential in my opinion.

Good luck to the OP. If you guys love each other, don't give up so easily.

Kevin

[SuperDuper! 230]

Dude, if your girl freaked out 2 weeks being in the USA, then you obviously had warning signs. What gives??

[Kang 22]

Dude, if your girl freaked out 2 weeks being in the USA, then you obviously had warning signs. What gives??

communism! lol

[Dan & Juan 12]

I am not sure why there is so much pressure to immediately sync together in harmony.

God it's hard enough to adjust with out adding pressure. I don't know how many times the bags were packed and fighting and emotions kicked in at first.

We were married and apart for over a year, and weeks after approval I had a heart attack, she had family member severe illness to deal with, and then suddenly move to a foreign country on top of her marrying a lifelong bachelor who really didn't know what to expect and who really didn't have a clue.

Welcome to America now be happy dammit.

Point is there HAS to be time to adjust and a plan and a vision. It is not about being happy in 2 weeks it is about a future vision and goals and baby steps along the way.

Real measurable goals that can give a feeling of independence and time getting to know each other all over again. Everyone needs space and understanding and patience.

I am in Columbus and this is the 15th largest city in the USA. There are networks and support and social circles for most people. No there is not a huge Asian concentrated community where one stop happiness stores line the tree lined boulevards.

I don't know every simple answer to tell you about being happy, I do know goals and results. She has a driver's license and her own car. She completed 32 hours community college ESL classes with 3.68 GPA, She has started prerequisites for masters degree and teaching certificate, she has worked a service job for a year after being a teacher for 8 years which in theory is a slap to anyone's face. But that leads to another better position, independence, sense of worth and contribution to society and not feeling trapped in a prison.

In the first 2 weeks I would have given us less than 50% odds to succeed but it's not about instant gratification it is about communication and support and just getting used to each other without the weight of the world on your head.

She sacrificed her whole life to be with you, but she is not shut off from her family and friends, if she can just find the way to try, it might be easier every day.

[Tim/Mav 305]

My fiance has been here in the US for almost 2 wks and is saying that she read that the Consulate will send her back home to the Philippines, cause she cannot adjust here and is thinking about giving up and contacting them and having them send her back. Is there conditions she has to meet for the Consulate to do that or how exactly does that work?

Is there a website that anyone knows that I can learn more about this process? Everyone has told her 2 wks is NOT long enough, but she seems like she doesn't want to try to adjust anymore. PLEASE HELP!!! :'-(

There are alot of good suggestions by Members that may help her adjust and other members suggest "let it be over." I agree with both. However, it must be YOUR Decisions.

I don't think the Philippine Embassy is going to pay for her return unless SHE States: Your are a drunkard, force sex on her, watch porn, beat her or abuse her. Then they might help her return in working with the US Officials and law enforcement. Just a warning. Hopefully, not the case either real or fantasy.

I suggest book her a flight (refundable, less a fee) for 3 weeks down the road and let her know that enabled you to get the best price on an Airline Ticket and gives her time (and you) to see if its worth saving. Don't spend that 3 weeks fighting but follow a few suggestions by Members to help her get used and adjust to the States.

YOU WILL KNOW IN THAT TIME IF ITS GOING TO WORK OR NOT!

If she looks forward to going home or changes her mind is the question? Who knows ? Book her a flight and just say OK. If she changes her mind or not.

Also, I noticed how fast your Timeline was. You flew through the process and to her it happened very fast. I would be patient but, BOOK HER A FLIGHT and let her know.

I see NO Other Choices.

[BJZags 17]

In the first 2 weeks I would have given us less than 50% odds to succeed but it's not about instant gratification it is about communication and support and just getting used to each other without the weight of the world on your head.

I like your post and can totally relate. Very similar to our experience!