NEED ADVICE ON MY 2 YR OLD DAUGHTER

[020871 2]

We came here in California last October 15, 2011. My daughter knows her daddy in video calls and pictures. When we arrived she even hugs and kiss Daddy. Apparently for the past few days, she is having different attitude and tantrums. She kept on crying, kicking dad to make the long story short she is having different attitude everyday. I can do my errands, can't work because she wants me to be with her. She wants me to carry her all day and night. Opps she's not sick. I am thinking she is still on a period of adjustment. I don't know what to do but I need to work since there are obligations i left in PI and I don't want to pass all the burden to my husband. When I left PI I am in a good position and with a high pay and I am not use to ask money from him unless needed and it is priority. My husband and I talked and we have decided to send back her back to the philippines. My question is, what are the requirements to remain her immigrant status apart from the fact that it will only take 6 months and she needs to go back here in the US. I want her alsostudy in the philippines.....and get her if she is already 5 or 10 yrs old. Please I need your advise. We plan to go back in PI on November 5.

Thanks.

[Anh map 2,098]

You want to send your child away after 1 week because your husband does not want to be bothered by the child adjusting to all the change?

[Jojo92122 1,924]

We came here in California last October 15, 2011. My daughter knows her daddy in video calls and pictures. When we arrived she even hugs and kiss Daddy. Apparently for the past few days, she is having different attitude and tantrums. She kept on crying, kicking dad to make the long story short she is having different attitude everyday. I can do my errands, can't work because she wants me to be with her. She wants me to carry her all day and night. Opps she's not sick. I am thinking she is still on a period of adjustment. I don't know what to do but I need to work since there are obligations i left in PI and I don't want to pass all the burden to my husband. When I left PI I am in a good position and with a high pay and I am not use to ask money from him unless needed and it is priority. My husband and I talked and we have decided to send back her back to the philippines. My question is, what are the requirements to remain her immigrant status apart from the fact that it will only take 6 months and she needs to go back here in the US. I want her alsostudy in the philippines.....and get her if she is already 5 or 10 yrs old. Please I need your advise. We plan to go back in PI on November 5.

Thanks.

If you are planning on leaving your child in the Philippines for the next 3 to 7 years, then she will probably lose her legal permanent residency.

Read this; http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.eb1d4c2a3e5b9ac89243c6a7543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=3f443a4107083210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD&vgnextchannel=3f443a4107083210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD

If your daughter losses her legal permanent residency, you do have options to bring her back. She can be a derivative beneficiary on the petition you presumably have filed for her dad (LPR petitioning a spouse). You could also petition for her.

[Ning 619]

You want to send your child away after 1 week because your husband does not want to be bothered by the child adjusting to all the change?

[Dan & Jenni 457]

send her back now and her US status wont matter because she will probably never speak to you again

[qwerty1974 11]

I'm not sure if perhaps I've not read it right but surely you don't want to send her away? If my children had trouble adjusting I'd help them (requiring more than a week, more like six months to a year) and if it still wasn't working out I'd return with them to my natve country. This isn't so much a visa issue as a maternal one. What does your conscience tell you to do? Ask yourself honestly, if you send her back who are you doing it for? If the answer is truly you or your new partner then you have some serious thinking to do. Our obligations are first and foremost to our children. If your new partner is happy to send her back ergo has not connected nor tried to, with her, then perhaps she is picking up on this. Small children can tell where they are not wanted. Its everyones personal choice though at the end of the day and we all have different paths. I wish you, but mostly your daughter, luck with whichever path you choose. Sending her back to PI and you remaining in your life in the U.S will likely affect her as much as this change has. Finding herself without you in PI will have repercussions of its own. Try everything you can to make this work...one week seriously is not long enough and your new partner should be more tolerant even in the face of difficulty, else he's not worth sacrificing your daughter for, which is effectively what you'd be doing.

Edited October 23, 2011 by MYRIAD

[Impatient Cupcake 10]

cant you just get a babysitter for her? of course she would not want to be with a babysitter but most kids dont, they learn to get used to it. and it wouldnt cost as much as sending her back to the philippines. the kid might cry for hours but she would also do that if you bring her back and leave.

[Dan & Jenni 457]

she is two years old and would be having tantrums wherever she was in the world and whoever she was with... there is a reason they call it the 'terrible two's'. sending her away now could have consequences that last a life time so you need to think very carefully about what happens next

[Jojo92122 1,924]

We came here in California last October 15, 2011. My daughter knows her daddy in video calls and pictures. When we arrived she even hugs and kiss Daddy. Apparently for the past few days, she is having different attitude and tantrums. She kept on crying, kicking dad to make the long story short she is having different attitude everyday. I can do my errands, can't work because she wants me to be with her. She wants me to carry her all day and night. Opps she's not sick. I am thinking she is still on a period of adjustment. I don't know what to do but I need to work since there are obligations i left in PI and I don't want to pass all the burden to my husband. When I left PI I am in a good position and with a high pay and I am not use to ask money from him unless needed and it is priority. My husband and I talked and we have decided to send back her back to the philippines. My question is, what are the requirements to remain her immigrant status apart from the fact that it will only take 6 months and she needs to go back here in the US. I want her alsostudy in the philippines.....and get her if she is already 5 or 10 yrs old. Please I need your advise. We plan to go back in PI on November 5.

Thanks.

Question. Who petitioned for you? How did you and your daughter get your visas for the US. You entered on Oct. 15, 2011. You have activated your LPR status. You are turning around to leave on Nov. 5.

I suspect that you entered as an unmarried daughter of a US citizen and that's why your "husband" didn't immigrate with you. Is he legally your husband?

Did you enter the US based on an F2a family preference category as the unmarried daughter of of a US citizen when you were actually married?

Have you petitioned for your husband yet?

Edited October 23, 2011 by Jojo92122

[Jojo92122 1,924]

Everyone, get the heck off this woman's back about sending her child to the Philippines to live with the child's father.

There is a parent in the US. There is a parent in the Philippines. Why is it so horrible to send her child back to the Philippines to be with a parent???

Oh my god, it's so awful that she is abandoning her child. BULL. What does it matter which parent the child lives with???

It's a personal decision. Only she and her husband can decide what is best for their child. No one here knows their situation. You don't know what family support are available in the US and the Philippines. You don't know anything about her life and you are making judgments about her life. Is it really that terrible for a child to live with her father over living with her mother temporarily?

Get off your high horses about "I would never leave my child." This couple is making a choice about what is best for their family. It's a hard choice, so lay off them.

Edited October 23, 2011 by Jojo92122

[qwerty1974 11]

The way I read it the guy in America IS the child's father? She refers to him as the childs daddy...I'm confused.

[Jojo92122 1,924]

The way I read it the guy in America IS the child's father? She refers to him as the childs daddy...I'm confused.

Oh. I missed that. Thank you for pointing it out.

If daddy is a US citizen and the child is living with him now, then the child is now a US citizen according to the Child Citizenship Act.

As to everyone harping on her about sending the child back, it is still a family decision. We are not family. It's up to them; not us.

[qwerty1974 11]

Very true, but the advice stands...the transition is difficult for the mother and the child so isn't a great time to be making huge decisions after just one week...I think the poster needs to give her daughter more time.....and herself, before shipping back to PI.

[Jojo92122 1,924]

Very true, but the advice stands...the transition is difficult for the mother and the child so isn't a great time to be making huge decisions after just one week...I think the poster needs to give her daughter more time.....and herself, before shipping back to PI.

Your advice is very level headed. Give it more time. Consider a few things that they may not have thought of.

I find it horrible to say that she is "sick in the head" and that the "child will never speak to her again." Yes, the child could have abandonment issues if she is sent back. I'm Vietnamese. My father sent my sister to live with family after my sister's mother died. My sister lived with her family from age 1 to 3. She went back to live with dad. She's 47 years old now. She still resents my dad for sending her away, even though my dad told her that a man in Vietnam in 1965 had no idea how to boil an egg, much less take care of a 1 year old. Back then, women took care of kids. My father did not know how to even turn the stove on. So yes, there are emotional consequences that needs to be considered. However, saying horrible things is not going to help. It turns people off.

[Dean_De 61]

We came here in California last October 15, 2011. My daughter knows her daddy in video calls and pictures. When we arrived she even hugs and kiss Daddy. Apparently for the past few days, she is having different attitude and tantrums. She kept on crying, kicking dad to make the long story short she is having different attitude everyday. I can do my errands, can't work because she wants me to be with her. She wants me to carry her all day and night. Opps she's not sick. I am thinking she is still on a period of adjustment. I don't know what to do but I need to work since there are obligations i left in PI and I don't want to pass all the burden to my husband. When I left PI I am in a good position and with a high pay and I am not use to ask money from him unless needed and it is priority. My husband and I talked and we have decided to send back her back to the philippines. My question is, what are the requirements to remain her immigrant status apart from the fact that it will only take 6 months and she needs to go back here in the US. I want her alsostudy in the philippines.....and get her if she is already 5 or 10 yrs old. Please I need your advise. We plan to go back in PI on November 5.

Thanks.

Your daughter is already there with you. Sending her back might create negative impact on her. Children undergo different stages in life, hence expect them to manifest tantrums at some point. I understand your desire to work, but is career more important that your family/daughter now? I know the tantrum wont be forever. Help her to adjust to the life there. Yes, she knows daddy, but for the past 2 years she maybe used to get your full attention and now that you are with your husband she is trying to get the same attention she used to have before, hence her behavior is now altered. You and your husband needs to show patience and let her understand and feel that the situation she is in now is way much better than before. That right now she doesn't just have a mommy wo loves her but also a daddy who loves her just like mom.