New to everything

[luckytxn 2,264]

I doubt any of my family would be able to come. It is a very long trip for my parents who are getting old and my brother has two very young children. It seems very important to my fiance but I don't think it will be possible. If I thought my family could come I would be more excited about it but as it stands I will be the only white guy in a sea of Vietnamese and I won't have anyone to perform my family's parts of the tradition. I'm sure it will still be fun though. I just don't want to have to wait another 6 months to begin the Visa process. I am guessing applying to soon and failing would make it even longer in the end though.

I did a very modified form of a dam Hoi. While I was there on my only visit I had gone with my now wifes Uncle who flew with me from the states and asked her father if it was OK for us to be engaged and marry. The Uncle translated between us. Her father said yes and then we drank a lot of rice wine. I remember remarking that it was pretty easy and expected a lot more to it. Her father just said simply, "why be hard?" Indeed.

After wards the family made plans for a party two days later and invited any family that wanted to come. Her family has a huge place so it was done there at their place. Not formal at all. The family gathered tables and chairs from neighbors and wherever. We went and shopped for a lot of food and bought cases of beer. ( A lot of cases) The woman cooked all the day of the party and the house was set up to receive family. It ended up over a hundred showed up. I took the pictures myself and even gave the camera to a brother or two and let them take pics. At one point we stood under a sign announcing our engagement and had pics taken of us. We didn't even wear formal clothes. I was in jeans and a shirt that had stains from the toasting. She wore just regular garments. After she went wand helped with the party and I went and drank more toasts. (They love drinking and eating) I was introduced to many.

I used these pics as our Dam Hoi. They never questioned this. A normal dam hoi is done more formally but her family does nothing formal except when it has to do with church. (Then the sky is the limit) They always do it on their own. In all it was just another excuse to party. The food was awesome and the booze was great.

I will say that making only one trip is not a good idea but I did that and made it.

[brian_n_phuong 193]

Thanks Lucky!

I dont know about the OP, but your post makes me feel a bit better. My "Dam Hoi" was pretty much the same as yours, except we went to a restaurant. Substitute in Heinekin and a few thousand "Mot Hai Ba YOooo's" in and we had the same experience!

[Anh map 2,098]

Anh...

I'm not Viet Kieu, so hoping the CO will understand our 'modified' Dam Hoi as bridging both disperate cultures as much as possible. I do respect your decision using in-laws, but in our case her family just didnt feel it was necessary. Not to say the other customs were not followed. Asking permission was a formal and BIG deal! I was grilled for 90 minutes by parents, grandparents, and the lady across the street. I have survived some pretty brutal corporate interviews that were easier. Just saying that although it wasn't a formal Dam Hoi, we have strong photos and/or statements of evidence for the rest of the cultural niceties.

Sorry, didnt meant to hijack the OP's question.

I had no clue what was involved and the friends of her parents playing my family part was just done. No decision on my part. I showed up at the appointed time and place. It was a fantastic time.

It's more about showing the development of the relationship, not the size of the celebration. Having one is expected. In whatever form or fashion. We've had a few successful members visit once and have the dam hoi after the interview. More have been given the blue slip and asked to present more evidence of the cultural norms when not having the Dam Hoi / Din Hon.

[Dan_P 5]

In our case, we skipped the dam hoi and proceeded to just having a wedding ceremony and reception. When my wife had her interview, the CO never brought up that issue. However, our relationship prior to getting married was pretty solid.

If you can have a dam hoi, the better. Otherwise, better make sure you have strong evidence of a genuine relationship.

Same here, no engagement party, only wedding and was not an issue with the co, heck, my wife was only asked 3 questions at the interview. Some have had the dam hoi and wedding on the same day, it was not an issue either, though, this depends on her family, my wife's family would not allow it on the same day or even a few days prior.

If money is an issue, you can have a smaller dam hoi, just make sure to have all the required rituals. Also, keep in mind that dam hoi is only one aspect, make sure to have a solid case with all the other documentation as well.

[vngator 0]

I had no clue what was involved and the friends of her parents playing my family part was just done. No decision on my part. I showed up at the appointed time and place. It was a fantastic time.

It's more about showing the development of the relationship, not the size of the celebration. Having one is expected. In whatever form or fashion. We've had a few successful members visit once and have the dam hoi after the interview. More have been given the blue slip and asked to present more evidence of the cultural norms when not having the Dam Hoi / Din Hon.

So does that mean I could submit the application now and if they want more evidence we can have the Dam Hoi and then show them that?

[luckytxn 2,264]

So does that mean I could submit the application now and if they want more evidence we can have the Dam Hoi and then show them that?

You have went and seen her in the last two years so you can apply for the K1 visa now. Some have submitted the paperwork for the visa and had the Dam Hoi before the interview and been successful. We are trying to warn you here to be careful since this is such a high fraud consulate and it is tough to get a visa to take time and do this right. Is the babe pressuring you to get moving on the visa?

[vngator 0]

You have went and seen her in the last two years so you can apply for the K1 visa now. Some have submitted the paperwork for the visa and had the Dam Hoi before the interview and been successful. We are trying to warn you here to be careful since this is such a high fraud consulate and it is tough to get a visa to take time and do this right. Is the babe pressuring you to get moving on the visa?

Neither of us want to wait if we can get it done faster. Since I can't get back there until April it would mean at least another year if we wait until then to apply. If we apply now she could be here by April instead and then we could have the Dam Hoi without rushing it so she and her family could enjoy it right. Waiting 6 months just to have a party to "prove" we love each other just seems silly and the height of government idiocy. But I don't expect logic from government.

[luckytxn 2,264]

Neither of us want to wait if we can get it done faster. Since I can't get back there until April it would mean at least another year if we wait until then to apply. If we apply now she could be here by April instead and then we could have the Dam Hoi without rushing it so she and her family could enjoy it right. Waiting 6 months just to have a party to "prove" we love each other just seems silly and the height of government idiocy. But I don't expect logic from government.

You need to check the site then because if you send the paperwork now she will not be here by April. It will be closer to this time next year. Also if you rush and get a denial when you could have waited and done it right then it could take years if at all.

[vngator 0]

You need to check the site then because if you send the paperwork now she will not be here by April. It will be closer to this time next year. Also if you rush and get a denial when you could have waited and done it right then it could take years if at all.

Thanks, that is what I am trying to find out. I have heard that K1 visas can take as little as 6 months, maybe not for VN, I don't know. I have been reading a lot of threads on this site and it is hard to sort everything out so I do appreciate people taking the time to answer my questions.

I guess what I am wondering is what are the consequences if they do deny the first application? Can I re-submit? Would it cost a lot of time? Does everyone here think I should wait 6 months, take another trip to VN, have the Dan Hoi and them apply?

[tcTTct 37]

If I were the OP I would wait to make at least one more trip and have Dam Hoi before filing the application. One trip which was also the first meeting and filing immediately without Dam Hoi doesn't usually seem to sit well with the HCMC consulate.

[brian_n_phuong 193]

If I were the OP I would wait to make at least one more trip and have Dam Hoi before filing the application. One trip which was also the first meeting and filing immediately without Dam Hoi doesn't usually seem to sit well with the HCMC consulate.

That was the point I was making. I (like Lucky) didn't have a full blown Dam Hoi, but have tons of other evidence and numerous month long visits that compensates. I would hope that the OP makes a few more visits and takes a lot of photos with the family. The Dam Hoi is a good thing, but I wouldnt hinge my whole case based on that.

Another matter is how the CO defines a Dam Hoi. As mentioned earlier I didn't go through the complete traditional process, but completed enough of it that the family was happy. If the Fiance's family is acceptable with what was held, why would the Non-Viet CO question it? Is there a "Dam Hoi" criteria checklist the CO uses to decide if a Dam Hoi was held?

[Anh map 2,098]

If I were the OP I would wait to make at least one more trip and have Dam Hoi before filing the application. One trip which was also the first meeting and filing immediately without Dam Hoi doesn't usually seem to sit well with the HCMC consulate.

Agreed. vngator, you need to really wrap your head around the immigration process and specifically HCMC.

Applying now will not get her here by April.

Submitting your petition soon, making the trip in April where you can have a Dam Hoi, and spending more time together is a realistic plan.

Resubmitting costs more time and money. Slow down a bit, build a good case, and your chances of approval on the first try improve greatly.

[brian_n_phuong 193]

Slow down a bit, build a good case, and your chances of approval on the first try improve greatly.

[confusedasheck 21]

If the Fiance's family is acceptable with what was held, why would the Non-Viet CO question it?

Maybe the CO thinks that her family is using the US Citizen to get their daughter into the US? Cutting out traditional ceremonies that require them to spend money might be sign they simply want a visa.

Often, the people that want just a visa skip the dam hoi because they don't want to spend the money. If the CO doesn't believe your relationship is real then s/he will cite the lack of a dam hoi (with other reasons) as a reason for visa denial.

Lack of a Dam Hoi alone will not get a visa denied, but if there are other factors which cause the CO to think the relationship is solely for the beneficary to get a visa, it will be cited as a reason for denial.

See these for reasons commonly cited

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/224353-fiance-visa-denied/page__st__15

http://www.ilw.com/articles/2006,0323-ellis.shtm

[brian_n_phuong 193]

Maybe the CO thinks that her family is using the US Citizen to get their daughter into the US? Cutting out traditional ceremonies that require them to spend money might be sign they simply want a visa.

Often, the people that want just a visa skip the dam hoi because they don't want to spend the money. If the CO doesn't believe your relationship is real then s/he will cite the lack of a dam hoi (with other reasons) as a reason for visa denial.

Lack of a Dam Hoi alone will not get a visa denied, but if there are other factors which cause the CO to think the relationship is solely for the beneficary to get a visa, it will be cited as a reason for denial.

See these for reasons commonly cited

http://www.visajourn...ed/page__st__15

http://www.ilw.com/a...0323-ellis.shtm

I see your point. What I'm saying is how would a Non-Viet judge the validity of a Dam Hoi ? What type of evidence? I have the same basic evidence as anyone else that had the full blown Dam Hoi. I have restaurant bills, pictures of entire extended family eating and drinking in celebration, have photos of the engagement "request" ceremony with myself and her parents/granparents (family Alter in background), I have signed statements from both parents/grandparents that I formally asked for engagement, was granted acceptance, and am formally recognized now as family. I have professional engagement photos with she in Ao Dai/Formal wedding dress (with ring), etc... My point is whats left out that disqualifies this as a Dam Hoi?? Yes, some of the ceremonial procession and other minor details were left out, but is the CO really going to split hairs over what is and what is NOT a Dam Hoi?? Is there some type of government official that "certifies' the Dam Hoi as official ?

Don't take this the wrong way, I fully support those that had a full blown Dam Hoi and encourage others to do the same. I am just saying that in my case we dispensed with some of the formalities but still filled all the major (and provable) squares. In her families eyes the important Dam Hoi ceremonial steps were accomplished.