Bi-country child custody

[Curvy Kitty 0]

My husband is an EU citizen from England who now resides with me in the USA. Prior to moving he had full custody of his son for many years and the mother was not around, at one point even offering to sign away her parental rights. He didn't have parental rights however as they were never married. The mother is an EU citizen from Spain. During my many trips to England the child who was 6 at the time accused his mother of some horrific things. Once she found out my husband was married she wanted back into the child's life. I have always done whatever I could to nurture their relationship like transcribing letters from my stepson to his mother upon his request.

My stepson started making these accusations to other people and my husband had to make the very difficult decision to report them for fear of his son saying them at school and being taken away from everyone until the court figured things out. I was asked to give an affidavit about the nature of my stepson's statements which I did. I merely repeated word for word what he said to me and kept m feelings and opinions out of it. Several other family members also gave affidavits as I wasn't the only one who heard him saying these things.

The mother hired a lawyer from Spain and one from England and even tried to fight my husband having his parental rights. He won the parental rights but the court said that the accusations were the kids word against his mothers and dismissed them without any psychiatry visits, doctor examinations, or even speaking to the child himself. (I was shocked as things here are done so differently). My husband went to parenting classes and asked that the mother do the same which she also refused. When she found out she could get benefit she moved to England and fought for custody. It was agreed that she would have the custody but that my husband and I would pay for my stepson to visit summers and alternating holidays and this would include an airline chaperone. (He is now 10 years old)

Last month my stepson was repeatedly very ill and his mother couldn't get doctors to do anything so my mother-in-law handled it. Ends up he had a brain tumor which has now been removed. My husband immediately went to England to be with his son. We had told the boy that he'd be visiting here in the Spring time. He is so excited to see America (in particular Disneyland). But at the hospital the mother told my husband that she would never allow her son to visit us in America because she hates me, which I already knew because my stepson told me she speaks ill of me and he is afraid to even say he likes me because she gets mad. (I only speak to him now when he is at my mother-in-laws, who babysits him constantly).

My husband is still stressed out to the max awaiting the test results of the tumor so I don't want to bother him with this right now. I'm trying to find out what rights we have, if any, and what recourse we can take.

At one point this woman dated a junkie and left the kid alone with him and even now has a man living with her and we have no say in that so how she can say he can or can't visit based on who my husband is with is insane. She has never really worked and travels between countries 10-12 times a year and has a guy in every port. She has never met me in person but wrote me nasty emails and said she "researched me" and "wasn't impressed". I sent her a co-parenting book last year at Christmas which she took as the highest form of insult. I posted a link to a story on Twitter about how my friends could volunteer to help children of abuse with animals that had also been abused. One day later my husband received an email from the baby mama's lawyer saying I needed to not speak bout her online. It was a link and I hadn't even thought of her. I don't agree with how the courts handled the child's accusations but I must respect that decision.

All I want now is to keep my promise to a little boy and take him to Disneyland. Any information or advise would be so greatly appreciated.

[Boiler 46,362]

There is a Disneyland in Paris.

Might be a good compromise.

PS no such thing as a EU citizen. He is British she is Spanish.

[Curvy Kitty 0]

There is a Disneyland in Paris.

Might be a good compromise.

PS no such thing as a EU citizen. He is British she is Spanish.

His passport clearly states EU on it! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citizenship_of_the_European_Union

[Boiler 46,362]

He is a British Citizen.

[Curvy Kitty 0]

He is a British Citizen.

well now that is cleared up maybe someone can actually answer my custody questions so I don't have to break the heart of a sick little boy and tell him his dream of seeing America isn't going to happen any time soon.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

well now that is cleared up maybe someone can actually answer my custody questions so I don't have to break the heart of a sick little boy and tell him his dream of seeing America isn't going to happen any time soon.

If she has custody and refuses to give her permission for him to travel to the US then he's not going. It seems your problem is not a matter of US immigration policy, but the boy's mother.

[Boiler 46,362]

well now that is cleared up maybe someone can actually answer my custody questions so I don't have to break the heart of a sick little boy and tell him his dream of seeing America isn't going to happen any time soon.

There is a Disneyland in Paris.

Might be a good compromise.

[Curvy Kitty 0]

If she has custody and refuses to give her permission for him to travel to the US then he's not going. It seems your problem is not a matter of US immigration policy, but the boy's mother.

They have joint custody and had a verbal agreement before my husband came here that we'd get him summers but only alternating Christmas breaks as she sends him to stay with her mother in Scotland at the holidays.

[txanditaly 0]

They have joint custody and had a verbal agreement before my husband came here that we'd get him summers but only alternating Christmas breaks as she sends him to stay with her mother in Scotland at the holidays.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. My ex husband and I had "verbal agreements" concerning our children as well. After talking to a lawyer, she told me that our verbal agreements didn't mean much and wouldn't hold up in court. Everything has to be in writing otherwise it's a case of he said, she said. I hope that your step son gets better and yall get to take him to Disneyland...in the US or Paris, as others have suggested.

[payxibka 10,047]

They have joint custody and had a verbal agreement before my husband came here that we'd get him summers but only alternating Christmas breaks as she sends him to stay with her mother in Scotland at the holidays.

Important to get things in writing... A verbal does not hold much validity

[skiptex 225]

yep.. verbal don't mean much

[Chickaflick 0]

I have an international custody agreement with my daughters father. I had it put in writing before we started our K1/K2 journey and I recommend you find a lawyer to get you a custody agreement put in place el pronto. She doesn't sound like she is particularly approachable and able to compromise and see what is best for her child. Our daughter spends the school year with me and the summer in Canada with her father. We 50/50 all travel costs. It's VERY important to have something in writing at all times as it stops any and all bullshyte from flying in the wind. Emotions get in the way of common sense every chance they can.

So my thoughts to you... get a lawyer and protect your rights as a parent. Also, do not contact her. Let your husband do the contacting and you stay silent because it just makes things worse. I promise.

[designer 2]

.. get a lawyer and protect your rights as a parent. Also, do not contact her. Let your husband do the contacting and you stay silent because it just makes things worse. I promise.

I agree.... but would like to point out, she has no parental rights. She is not the parent, he is.

[Fandango 1,440]

I am going to come across as awful, but I must say it...if this woman was so horrible before your husband emigrated, how in the world did either one of you feel comfortable giving her custody? And how can you put any faith in her word?

And why is she on your Twitter?

Edited October 27, 2011 by Anita Cocktail

[Fandango 1,440]

Btw, no disrespect intended, but I just re read your post, and cannot fathom for the life of me why any parent would leave a small child in the hands of another who is so dangerous.