Helping the fiancee wait

[JCCJ 0]

try and get her involved in the whole process if that is possible. have her set up an account on here so she can talk to others in the same situation and get answers to her own questions. it is a good way of passing the time i think

and she didnt divorce you??

[Brian121957 43]

Unless she has a good job, which is hard to find in the Philippines, you should consider some form of support. Offsetting the additional expenses she will have to communicate with you is a good place to start.

Talking is good and do it often, every day and try for twice a day. But video chat is better. Make sure she has Internet, computer, cam and headset at HOME. Don't make her go to café to talk to you.

[JCCJ 0]

The waiting game is not easy on either of us (I'm the petitioner), but it seems my fiancee is having a harder time with the wait. That's understandable, because her life is going to be altered greatly, more than mine, but it seems it is really weighing on her heavily the last couple of months.

How can I help her? I'm sure others of you have been in this boat. What should I or can I be doing to help her as we wait? She is a Filipina, and I'm sure there are specific cultural pressures and issues I don't understand.

Thanks in advance.

I am a benificiary and yeah, not easy to wait to leave everything familiar behind... it's like we are ready to leave, but have to wait and deal with everyday pressure and routine. The day after day is hard, bc you can't make many plans... you live to leave. It's weird, so I'd say... be very nice to her and romantic (lol I know haha) but yeah, that makes a big difference. My fiancé sends me flowers, we skype each other, gchat all the time... and I try to keep myself busy.

idk.. hope you get your visa soon =)

[Blondie-CO 8]

OMG why has no one mentioned http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/ ????

My fiance and I are going on 9 months apart -9 months!!!! We write snail mail weekly and send eachother lists of scavenger hunts (ie. "Take a picture of a pink crayon, a friend, funny sign etc") which we have to then upload the pictures to FB. We play online games and tons of other things together -only he's in Sweden and I'm here in the US. The truth is, yes sometimes we get sad, but since we found that website and we got busy having fun, we don't have much time left to be sad! We also downloaded an Ebook called, "1000 Questions for Couples." This book has challenged us to have serious converstaions about very serious topics that lovestruck new couples would not normally have. We feel better prepared for marriage and for our new life together -we truly think EVERY couple should buy a book like this and ask at least one question every day!

We both work 9-5 jobs, but we still make time to have fun with eachother and OH!!!!! This is important!!!! Make sure you both continue to have a social life outside of Skype! MAKE plans to go out with your friends (respectively). Having a social life outside of eachother is important for your relationship and will definitely make time pass quicker

[qwerty1974 11]

I would say the best advice I have read so far is to stay in constant touch; skype, texts, real letters, whatever you can whenever you can and just remember that alternative to this wait is a future of not being together at all. Just help her to see what you'll have at the end of this wait and help her to stay positive. It is tough but offset against the lifetime we get with them after it'll seem a short time I'm sure. You do feel your life is on hold a little bit but concentrate on what you're doing it for and try to think less about this waiting game right now- hard though that is to do!

[Dan & Jenni 457]

just remember that alternative to this wait is a future of not being together at all.

that is something that a lot of people dont seem to think about.

being apart is hard but it is temporary... walking away would be far harder but that would live with you forever.

[alohabama 3]

Unless she has a good job, which is hard to find in the Philippines, you should consider some form of support. Offsetting the additional expenses she will have to communicate with you is a good place to start.

Talking is good and do it often, every day and try for twice a day. But video chat is better. Make sure she has Internet, computer, cam and headset at HOME. Don't make her go to café to talk to you.

I wish we had that option. But she has no internet connection at her home (rural Mindanao). I bought her a computer about a year ago, but we've tried to get her some connection at home, but no avail. She can't even get a phone signal at her home.

She seems to be doing better the past couple of days. Waiting on that NOA2 is no fun. But that's all we can do.

Thanks again for the suggestions.

[qwerty1974 11]

Then write to her, with actual physical mail, and do it alot. Send her photos, anything to help her feel integrated into your life and to give her a feel of how things will be when you are together Talking everyday is also good. I don't get to do that very much with my fiance...we have a five hour time difference and I have children and he has work but across an average w/e we usually manage a good twelve hours of constant talking.

[sergnavi 3]

HEY....

I applied for my fiance visa from usa, she lives in London UK. I applied 2010 summer, finally things happened and in June of 2011 we got her interview date. I didn't go with here which I regret. Now I have moved here for moral support in London here. OUr file is in STUPID "Administrative Process", you can imagine how i am living like hell. One day i loose hope and the other day i am ok. So just Hang In There my friend! Just pray!!! Pray to God that it doesn't go in Administrative Process. O by the way we both are muslim. I just hope this STUPID "Administrative Process" gets done quick. You all pray for me as well. O did i say i hate the STUPID "Administrative Process".

[alohabama 3]

We do stay in contact. We have our ways, but it's not always easy. Thanks, Serg, for your story too.

She is doing better. There are some other issues at play for her, but I think she's doing better.

Anyway, I appreciate the thoughts and suggestions.

[flyhighrtr 0]

There's a lot of things to be done everyday, tell her to engaged in different activities rather than waiting for the NOA2 to arrived. stop checking your status on line for a while and make the most of her life while she's still in her hometown. I know how she feels bec. we're on the same boat. And most of all look on the positive side. Trust GOd

[GnBnL 50]

The waiting part is so hard! There are a few things to make it easier for sure. While my husband and I were apart, I sent him a lot of messages just to say I missed him and loved him. Its so easy to feel insecure in your love when you are so far apart. Sometimes, I would just write him a message about a memory we had together, telling the whole story again. Other times, I would send him cards, letters, emails, photos, texts, videos. With technology today, its a lot easier to stay in touch! Videos are always great and it can be as simple as them cooking something and talking about it, or just walking down the street on a nice day and talking. Just letting them know you love them and are there is so helpful. I know its hard, but you'll get through it! Let her know that there are many others here that feel the same and its a great place to talk to others that have gone through this all! It gets better I promise! stay strong!!!

[GnBnL 50]

Clarify** VJ is a great place to talk to others in the same boat, and also wanted to add that talking about your future plans is a nice way to feel good too.

[Blondie-CO 8]

Another suggestion.... because she has a computer but no internet, buy a small flash drive/thumb drive and load it with videos and pictures! Take your camera with you to school or work and out at night with your friends. Take videos and talk to the camera as though you're talking to her. Be goofy, be serious. Mail it to her -she'll love it! If she has a camera, have her clear the flash drive and load it back up with pictures and videos of her own to mail back to you! Keep the mailing the flash drive back a forth a couple times a month with new pictures and videos on it every time