Helping the fiancee wait

[alohabama 3]

The waiting game is not easy on either of us (I'm the petitioner), but it seems my fiancee is having a harder time with the wait. That's understandable, because her life is going to be altered greatly, more than mine, but it seems it is really weighing on her heavily the last couple of months.

How can I help her? I'm sure others of you have been in this boat. What should I or can I be doing to help her as we wait? She is a Filipina, and I'm sure there are specific cultural pressures and issues I don't understand.

Thanks in advance.

[TeapotGirl 66]

is she working?

[YJPlove 3]

The waiting game is not easy on either of us (I'm the petitioner), but it seems my fiancee is having a harder time with the wait. That's understandable, because her life is going to be altered greatly, more than mine, but it seems it is really weighing on her heavily the last couple of months.

How can I help her? I'm sure others of you have been in this boat. What should I or can I be doing to help her as we wait? She is a Filipina, and I'm sure there are specific cultural pressures and issues I don't understand.

Thanks in advance.

Hi! I'm on the same boat as your fiance.I am the beneficiary and I also feel like sad and upset about the whole situation.We are hitting the 5 month mark in 2 days and no NOA2 still.I always have the feeling of my life being put on hold now and that feeling is never good.I don't know if it would help you both but my fiance always makes sure that we talk to each other everyday and if I feel like crying he let's me cry and always is there to listen to me.Him talking to me everyday makes me feel less sad and I feel at ease.I guess him giving time for me makes me feel that I'm not alone in this whole process and that we both are always gonna be there for each other.And that always gives me enough strength to get through the day.I don't know about the cultural pressures and issues though because we both are Filipino so I guess it didn't give us any problems.Just be there for her,support her,talk about positive things like future plans:wedding,honeymoon,places to visit,etc...those kind of stuff.Me and my fiance do that a lot because it somehow makes us both happy and excited.I hope everything will go well with you both.God Bless and Goodluck on your journey.

[bigdog 377]

Have her read the positive things here, keep in touch, Skype is wonderful, sure helped us. I sent my wife George Straight CD. You be strong stay in touch as much as possible. I know lots of late nights on both sides to talk. Plan stuff for the future. You will be fine, we all have been there.

[Dan & Jenni 457]

try and get her involved in the whole process if that is possible. have her set up an account on here so she can talk to others in the same situation and get answers to her own questions. it is a good way of passing the time i think

I sent my wife George Straight CD.

and she didnt divorce you??

[Deema & Wayne 28]

try and get her involved in the whole process if that is possible. have her set up an account on here so she can talk to others in the same situation and get answers to her own questions. it is a good way of passing the time i think

and she didnt divorce you??

[Dean_De 61]

The wait is really tough and I understand that its not just on my end but so as my fiance. The thing is, he let me get involve in the whole process..since my fiance is working, help him in anyway I can to make use of my time wisely and not to be bored doing nothing. If I am that bored too, I try to log in here in VJ and read to get ideas.other than most of the time talking with him and spending quality time with my family, I also use extra time doing some interesting article readings about law and learn foreign language. Honestly, no one can help you best other than yourself the support of the people around are worth the blessing, but even how hard they try to comfort one if deep w/n them they just want to be negative, its no use. Just probably learn how to be patient and talk her out of until he get better, it will help her feel and see that around her are people who loves and care for her.

[i'm-in-love 1]

magic jack

[The Humanists 10]

Aside from keeping in constant touch with her, ask her to engage in an activity (or activities) she's passionate about. What I did was drastic; I quit my 9-5 job because my boredom at work was making the wait even more depressing. I was complaining and feeling restless and impatient everyday, until I finally took the plunge and wrote full time. Writing has always been my passion, but before June 2011, I wasn't doing it full time. Now I am, and let me tell you, after I started "indulging" my passion, I actually forgot to check the USCIS website regularly. I found out about our NOA2 during a writing break. I wasn't even thinking about NOA2 when it finally came. My husband said there was a remarkable difference between my attitude when I was just trying to stick to the routine I was used to and my attitude after I did the very thing I wanted to do, and the difference was beneficial to both of us. So what is your fiancée genuinely interested in? Sports? Travel? Social work? Whatever it is, if she concentrates on it while you two are playing the same waiting game most of us here are playing, it should be able to provide a good distraction for her (and for you).

[The Humanists 10]

Aside from keeping in constant touch with her, ask her to engage in an activity (or activities) she's passionate about. What I did was drastic; I quit my 9-5 job because my boredom at work was making the wait even more depressing. I was complaining and feeling restless and impatient everyday, until I finally took the plunge and wrote full time. Writing has always been my passion, but before June 2011, I wasn't doing it full time. Now I am, and let me tell you, after I started "indulging" my passion, I actually forgot to check the USCIS website regularly. I found out about our NOA2 during a writing break. I wasn't even thinking about NOA2 when it finally came. My husband said there was a remarkable difference between my attitude when I was just trying to stick to the routine I was used to and my attitude after I did the very thing I wanted to do, and the difference was beneficial to both of us. So what is your fiancée genuinely interested in? Sports? Travel? Social work? Whatever it is, if she concentrates on it while you two are playing the same waiting game most of us here are playing, it should be able to provide a good distraction for her (and for you).

Oh, by the way, I'm not in any way suggesting that your fiancée quit her job. I merely used my story as an example of how spending your time doing what you're passionate about can help you keep your sanity while you're waiting to be reunited with your loved one.

[Impatient Cupcake 10]

i used to be very impatient (hence my forum name change) when we reached our 3rd month, i would cry whenever i see people get approved. one day i just broke down, thought maybe this whole process wasnt for me. maybe we were not really meant for each other, stuff like that (im a very pessimistic person) then my fiance told me that if i really want to give up then i would have to tell it to his face. so he bought a ticket i felt relieved. after that i never got sad again. in fact im not even waiting for our noa2 lol. i am no longer obsessed with checking our case number every second. i know it will come. so if you can afford a ticket, you should really visit her. makes the wait endurable.

[alohabama 3]

Mahalos and salamats for the responses. I appreciate them all.

[Zharren Young 32]

The waiting game is not easy on either of us (I'm the petitioner), but it seems my fiancee is having a harder time with the wait. That's understandable, because her life is going to be altered greatly, more than mine, but it seems it is really weighing on her heavily the last couple of months.

How can I help her? I'm sure others of you have been in this boat. What should I or can I be doing to help her as we wait? She is a Filipina, and I'm sure there are specific cultural pressures and issues I don't understand.

Thanks in advance.

I was on the same boat back then. we got our NOA2 1 day before we hit the 6th month. i then fiance even had to go for an info pass to check on our case. i was so bored coz i used to be abroad when i decided to leave and stay in manila which for the past 11 years of my life the longest time i would stay is 30days. i hated uscis so much coz they screwed our papers how many times as well as NVC. but i was able to cope up. my friends here in VJ decided to put up a group for filipinas so we can interact, share experiences and at the same time have ideas of which & what can we do to pass time. there are even some that set meet up in PI, go together on medical & even interviews. Also having her attend some short workshops will surely keep her busy.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

The waiting game is not easy on either of us (I'm the petitioner), but it seems my fiancee is having a harder time with the wait. That's understandable, because her life is going to be altered greatly, more than mine, but it seems it is really weighing on her heavily the last couple of months.

How can I help her? I'm sure others of you have been in this boat. What should I or can I be doing to help her as we wait? She is a Filipina, and I'm sure there are specific cultural pressures and issues I don't understand.

Thanks in advance.

My fiance (he's the petitioner) doesn't file I-129F yet so I can't have big picture of whole process. I don't think it's culture influence and more likely an invidual person thing to cope the pressure for being with their significant others as soon as fast.

The reason why my fiance and I not in hurry because we both know the time will come, sooner or later. We've been together for almost 3 years before we met for the 1st time. Most people can't believe we can passed the long distance relationship more almost 3 years without seeing each other in person and only dependable to Skype, phone calls, email, mail, and chats.

Maybe the whole situation taught my fiance and I to be more patience, Sometime I felt so sad because I really missed him but then he said," why you are not arrange our wedding day, pick the day, the state, the wedding theme, talk to your gfs about wedding, etc.etc.etc or plan for our future trip to another country.". I laughed happily. Not because he wants to give me everything, but more important he makes me forget about the waiting game process and gathering all documents for I-129F.

We are both also have an hectic schedule work so we more likely not put all time thinking and waiting for it. I think both of you, especially you need to create something to make her feel that waiting is NOT ONLY waiting. There is a process in it. Enjoy the process and end result would be a BIG achievement of your LIFE.

Edited October 20, 2011 by Girl from Celebes

[Gosia & Tito 199]

magic jack

Ditto, I have several pinay friends that tell me that they have set MagicJack up and works wonders