Our journey is over...

[Robert&Karen 264]

I feel your pain. I was lucky enough to get a bonus at work and my tax refund last March, giving me $10,000. I had so many plans, but then started to see the cost of the medical, plane tickets, and K-1/K-2 visas, three of them! I have $2,000 of it left and need another $500 or so for the AOS in 3 weeks. So yes, this is not cheap or for the faint of heart, but it is worth it.

[Paul and Haidee 11]

Haidee and I are so in love but I bit off more than I can chew with being able to afford this paperwork and supporting her until she can start working. I am in a transitional stage of my life where I was let go from my job of seven years and decided to pursue my degree to make something of my life instead of working at some useless job where I will go nowhere. I'm 34 years old and I'm ready to settle down with Haidee and start a family. I just know we won't be able to afford it working at some low paying job without a degree. I made the heartbreaking, bittersweet decision to continue my degree so that we CAN have a good life together, but it's causing so much tension between us that I don't think we are going to be able to make it through. I just know that until I start working with my chemical engineering degree, I cannot afford to support someone, even for a short while, and she does not understand what I am going through right now. I am struggling to be able to support myself. I have always made decisions from the heart, and this is the first time in my life I have made a decision with my head, and it hurts to much. All I want to do right now is crawl in a hole and never some out. I just want to sleep all day and not have to deal with any of this emotion. I don't know what I should do. I feel that if we don't make it through, I am going to spend the rest of my life alone. I've never been this depressed and hurt. I don't know why I thought I could afford to be with her right now...I just miss her so much and want her here. I don't want anyone else. I wish it would just be over with, and we could be together. I want to be happily married and together like most everyone else on Visa Journey. I am so tired of being away from her and I don't want to wait another two years, but how can I put her in a worse off position that she is in now, even though we'll be physically together? What is wrong with me? I know in my head I am doing the right thing for us, but why can't I feel it in my heart, and why can't she be supportive of my decision? I am so emotional right now I don't even know if this is making any sense.

Edited November 5, 2011 by Paul and Haidee

[Ban Hammer 13,637]

duplicate topics have been merged.

[Paul and Haidee 11]

Haidee and I are so in love but I bit off more than I can chew with being able to afford this paperwork and supporting her until she can start working. I am in a transitional stage of my life where I was let go from my job of seven years and decided to pursue my degree to make something of my life instead of working at some useless job where I will go nowhere. I'm 34 years old and I'm ready to settle down with Haidee and start a family. I just know we won't be able to afford it working at some low paying job without a degree. I made the heartbreaking, bittersweet decision to continue my degree so that we CAN have a good life together, but it's causing so much tension between us that I don't think we are going to be able to make it through. I just know that until I start working with my chemical engineering degree, I cannot afford to support someone, even for a short while, and she does not understand what I am going through right now. I am struggling to be able to support myself. I have always made decisions from the heart, and this is the first time in my life I have made a decision with my head, and it hurts to much. All I want to do right now is crawl in a hole and never some out. I just want to sleep all day and not have to deal with any of this emotion. I don't know what I should do. I feel that if we don't make it through, I am going to spend the rest of my life alone. I've never been this depressed and hurt. I don't know why I thought I could afford to be with her right now...I just miss her so much and want her here. I don't want anyone else. I wish it would just be over with, and we could be together. I want to be happily married and together like most everyone else on Visa Journey. I am so tired of being away from her and I don't want to wait another two years, but how can I put her in a worse off position that she is in now, even though we'll be physically together? What is wrong with me? I know in my head I am doing the right thing for us, but why can't I feel it in my heart, and why can't she be supportive of my decision? I am so emotional right now I don't even know if this is making any sense.

[CDN2US 10]

It makes sense. I have some advice to offer, but maybe you just need to vent and breath and go for a walk. Get out of your house for a little while. I don't know you from Adam, but I can understand A LOT of what you're struggling with.

Not everyone here at VJ is happy and together. In my situation, we're apart and it hurts sometimes. I try to take things day by day and focus on what I can do today instead of spinning my wheels into the What Ifs and the unknown.

I'm glad you shared what you shared, because I really do understand what a unique burden this process can be. No one I know in real life is going through it, and it's why I come here.

Only you know what's best for you, and everything you're feeling will pass, because feelings aren't facts, but they can be clues as to what you should do. I do know one thing, whatever will be will be, and we'll all be okay.

[kokylolo 7]

You may not like me for saying this...but I believe you are having a pity party. I am not a man. I am a mother of 4 children, recently remarried. I do not have a degree. I do not receive child support nor do I receive any financial assistance from my new husband...You and I are the same age. I do not need a co-sponsor to get my husband's visa approved.

Ever heard the saying, "Where there is a will, there is a way?" or "Your thoughts create your reality." or "Get out of your head!"

If you managed to remain at one company for 7 years, then surely you have the skills that are required to find work with a similar salary. Now, here comes my advice...

Take a jog, long walk, ride a bike, take a long hike, or anything else that will get you out of your head and in mother nature. Don't think of anything. Just move. If you find your mind going there...redirect it to looking at what your surroundings are. Enjoy the scenery and perhaps, think of what you are looking at in a different way.

You need to change your prospective. Ask yourself what you want most. If it is truly your fiance, then you will find a way. Be aware of your excuses. Recognize your doubts and how you may create excuses to avoid the ever dreaded "Fear" of failure. Don't drink alcohol (it is a major depressant). Work on your health.

Surely you can do whatever it is that your heart desires...

[Leatherneck 693]

Adam, many men have been caught having to choose between love, career or education. If you gave up the path of education for love, you would not be happy working in some dead-end crappy job, that offered zero satisfaction. A future of going from job to job ocassionally looking for better opportunity extracts a heavy toll on a man, in addition to eating at you each time you think of the fact you did not stay in school to earn the degree you so desperately wanted and desired.

Love comes and love goes, you can't make someone else happy if you're not happy. This may not be what you want to hear and it might not go over well with the women that'll read this, but if your fiancee can not support your educationally effort and see the logic and financial benefit to your future family of having a chemical degree... you might want to think long and hard about her.

I can tell you from experience, if you do not do that which drives you, fulfill the goal of getting that chemical degree and having the career you can so clearly see in your head... it will bother you for the rest of your life from time-to-time.

Love is not guaranteed to last and there is no guarantee the person you love and marry will be around in 10-20 years. What will you have if you do not get the degree/education you so want, marry your fiancee and there is a divorce at some point? Lots of regret is what you'll be left with.

Self preservation is the first law of nature, make yourself whole, happy and fulfilled first.

However, maybe the compromise could be you get a better paying job (good luck with that in this economy) long enough to qualify to get your fiancee here and established. Once she gets a job as a RN, then she can support you while you go back to school to finish your degree. Which is a risky option also.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[beejay 125]

I am sorry you are going through this. I remember your initial post about making this decision. I'm sure it wasn't easy but it does sound like it was the right one. You can't sacrifice your education at this point in your life but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with the consequences. Even if you did have the $$ to complete the process have you talked to Haidee about what life would be like for the both of you while you were in school? Figure out what it would mean to live within your means if she was here and see what she says. Maybe you think she won't be able to handle sharing a car (or no car), living in a small apartment with no cable and eating in every night but maybe she wants to make sacrifices right along with you. She will eventually be able to work and could possibly be contributing to finances at some point. Emotionally it might be good for both of you to have each other for support. Figuring this out can be a good test to see you if you are able to successfully communicate expectations and talk things out until you find a solution both of you can accept.

She also may not understand where this is all coming from especially if she has never been here. It is easy to misinterpret when there is a lot of distance between two people, maybe she thinks you are questioning your commitment to the relationship? I'm not suggesting this as solution to your situation because if there are other problems this won't solve them, but have you talked about getting married in the Philippines and filing for a CR1/IR1 after you finish school?

If you can't find any common ground or understanding maybe you will have to take a break for a little while. At least until you both can get some perspective. I can tell you are in pain and I hope that everything can work out between the two of you. In the meantime if your depression persists I would consider making an appointment with a doctor to see what options are out there for you. Sacrificing your mental health isn't going to help you with your relationship, immigration or school.

wishing you all the best.

[Ban Hammer 13,637]

duplicate topics have been merged again. there is no reason to make multiple topics about the same issue.

[Paul and Haidee 11]

How is this a duplicate topic about the same issue? You keep putting this into a thread about out journey being over and this thread is about how I am depressed about the struggles we have. They are two totally different topics.

Please explain to me

duplicate topics have been merged again. there is no reason to make multiple topics about the same issue.

[Taurusgirl 1]

I think you did the right thing Paul. Let me tell you a story of my friend, a USC. He had the same situation like you, he worked well and he had a fiancee from the Phillipines (didn't mean to be racist) He brought her to the States with all efforts, money and energy. He taught her everything about US, the system, taught her how to drive and got her out of poverty situation in her home country. Then they got married there, but after 2 years of marriage, my friend went broke and he had to sell his condo and lived with his parents. And his wife, instead of looking for a job, she cheated on him with his own friend who was financially richer than him. He even caught her in bed with his friend. What a tragedy in his life. This is just one of marriage fails when money becomes problem. I felt sorry for my friend, but this is life. If his wife cannot handle him at his worse, then she surely doesn't deserve him at his best.

I suggest you find a good job, stay stable and stay strong and postpone the process first. Ask your girl to have a bit patient. Anyways, good things come to those who wait. Best of luck for you both.

[Ban Hammer 13,637]

How is this a duplicate topic about the same issue? You keep putting this into a thread about out journey being over and this thread is about how I am depressed about the struggles we have. They are two totally different topics.

Please explain to me

the two new threads you've created today are a continuation of the first thread, that's why all have been merged together.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I have no any idea about what kind relationship between you and her. But, I'm surely both of you have very strong feeling especially you to Haidee. It's easy to tell. If man doesn't care about his lady, he won't be able to talk openly about his situation on public forum like this. He would cared his ego more than anything.

I remember Gary and Alla saying about your situation before. You can recalled back what is that. But before I'm going further, this is my way of thinking, and not try to bashing anyone on this forum.

If you think you can't do that, definitely you won't never went through the situation. I'm a girl from middle class family, I had to work hard to finished my law school. Nobody came and help an offer even from my close knit family - imagine how worst my situation-. One time, I could not find food to eat so I only drank water. But at that time, I truly believe that I would finished my study. I just did not know how. But, I trust my feeling. I finally finished it and even before my graduating, a big company offered me a job and this is I am now. Believe in good Karma!

Breaking her heart - oh I should not say that- is the toughest decision has been made by you, I bet. I might be overwhelming by romance or whatever people would call for it, but my point is that you have (or need?) to stick with her, if she's really the one for you. There is many possibility could happened in the future, but if we never take a risk, so where would we go? You may have a good job in the future but the chance to find a woman who fits with your heart would not coming in a twice.

A few days ago, my fiance and I discussed about our I-129F. He's in military and stationed in Guam. When we both reading about how strict military processing for foreign national bride, he stopped and looking at me (of course by Skype). This is what he said to me," If my command officer doesn't approved I marry you, I would retired then,". I'm stunned (and dancing on the sky) because he would rather to leave his job for marry me. That's priceless. People can say bad words whatever they want about us, but in my opinion, whenever guys showing how important their ladies, the good things would coming. That's what we are called Law of Attraction - Sorry for too much reading and watching The Secret- and I'm sorry again not giving you a real solution and only this I can offer for your situation.

[beejay 125]

How is this a duplicate topic about the same issue? You keep putting this into a thread about out journey being over and this thread is about how I am depressed about the struggles we have. They are two totally different topics.

Please explain to me

the two new threads you've created today are a continuation of the first thread, that's why all have been merged together.

It's none of my business but I did find it odd that the OP's post from 3 weeks ago was merged with this one. I usually never have an issue with mod thread movements but this did seem to be a different topic than his first post, albeit about the same people. If we use that rationale every topic by a single poster about their immigration 'journey' should be relegated to one continuous thread and that doesn't seem to be the case.

The only reason I bring it up is that I think it will affect responses to the OP's post. Many people only read the first portion of the thread and therefore will not be responding to the current issue which has to do with Paul and the fallout from his decision. I just want to make sure that Paul is getting the support that he needs right now from the community and not a bunch of off topic/irrelevant posts.

Thanks.

[Robert&Karen 264]

Paul, I met Karen in 2009 and we are getting married in a few days. Why not keep your long distance relationship going as it is not for a little longer until you are more able to afford the needs you will have as a couple?