Our journey is over...

[Paul and Haidee 11]

..just for now I hope. Its not over because we broke up or because we don't want to do it. I had to make the heartbreaking decision to stop the process for now because we just simply cannot afford it. I am finishing up my chemical engineering degree, and she has a nursing degree but is not licensed yet. Neither if us have money, and no stability. I have been working at a co-op this year to try to save money, but everytime I save, something happens that eats away at the savings. I am 34 years old and I need to have my degree so I can provide for us a good life. I know if I leave school now to work for a year, something will happen that will prevent me from going back. I have already waited this long to make something of my life and I can't wait any longer. I need to ensure I can provide for my family. She will work when she gets here but I won't have enough to support us for the time it takes for the AOS and the work autorization to go through. We don't even know if she will be able to get a job, or if her degree is sufficient to work here as a nurse, or if we can even afford to pay for the NCLEX and have her pass ( I know how hard that test is). At this point I feel that if she comes here now, I will put her in a worse situation than she is in now. We would run out of money, argue all the time, and it would not be a good situation. Her aunts said they will help with the paperwork, but we won't have enough to pay for the monthly expenses. I can get a part time job but it won't pay enough to support us even with some savings as a supplement. Even if she works part time too (under the table), we would not make it right now. I just know that we will fail and I can't put her through that. I have been so depressed and stressed trying to decide what the right thing is to do for us. I know it hurts so much but I feel that this was the best thing to do for us so we can better plan our journey. I didn't research the costs enough and when I found out the AOS costs $1070 my heart sank. She is hurt and angry and upset and does not want to talk to me after today. I hope it is just anger talking and that she will forgive me and work with me to better plan our journey. I am always second guessing myself and I hate that I made this decision because I love her so much. Does anyone think I did the right thing for us, or did I just make a huge mistake?

I love you Haidee.

[villaspurs 65]

This had to be a very, very tough decision. The financial realities of the process can be overwhelming, but they pale in comparison to the real costs of having to support a family on next to no money. You made a good decision, Paul--and you're right that her coming here when money is so tight would put a tremendous burden on your marriage. I know this was tough, but hopefully she will realize that you made the best choice possible in a tough situation. Good luck to you!

[caly 48]

I too think that you did the right thing. I hope Haidee will come to realize that and that the both of you can get past this and continue to love and support each other while you work towards a better life for the both of you.

Good luck you guys!

[rin and john 71]

While it was probably a good decision, it was poorly executed. I am sure you discussed it with her regarding options, but your post doesn't read that way. Anytime you make a unilateral decision in a relationship it comes off poorly.

[Leatherneck 693]

Wow Paul, that is a tough place to be in and an even tougher decision to put the brakes on your K-1 plans.

As a guy I understand your decision, because we as men are responsible for the financial health of the family. No one looks at a wife and blames her for not earning enough money to provide for the family.

Based on your post, you would've had issues meeting the poverty guidelines. Did you try to explain to Haidee it's best to postpone the K-1 process until you can improve your financial situation and get more stable with regards to income? Thus avoiding the emotional stress the lack of money can place on a newly married couple. If she is reasonable, show her it is better to sacrifice being together now, so you can position yourself career wise to provide for her and your future family.

Research your income potential with a chemical degree vs where you are now financially, do it online with her so she can see the future income potential.

Reassure Haidee that you're postponing the process because it is the responsible thing to do, it will increase the chance of a successful and smooth visa process and more importantly, to ensure your future marriage can survive the challenges of being newly weds, because you love her too much to subject her to a life of 'barely getting by.'

[Leatherneck 693]

Wow Paul, that is a tough place to be in and an even tougher decision to put the brakes on your K-1 plans.

As a guy I understand your decision, because we as men are responsible for the financial health of the family. No one looks at a wife and blames her for not earning enough money to provide for the family.

Based on your post, you would've had issues meeting the poverty guidelines. Did you try to explain to Haidee it's best to postpone the K-1 process until you can improve your financial situation and get more stable with regards to income? Thus avoiding the emotional stress the lack of money can place on a newly married couple. If she is reasonable, show her it is better to sacrifice being together now, so you can position yourself career wise to provide for her and your future family.

Research your income potential with a chemical degree vs where you are now financially, do it online with her so she can see the future income potential.

Reassure Haidee that you're postponing the process because it is the responsible thing to do, it will increase the chance of a successful and smooth visa process and more importantly, to ensure your future marriage can survive the challenges of being newly weds, because you love her too much to subject her to a life of 'barely getting by.'

Hate it when I can't edit!

[Fandango 1,439]

Paul, I'm sorry you both are hurting, but I applaud you for thinking rationally and making the tough decisions based upon reality and not letting the romanticism overwhelm your judgement.

I hop you and your fiancee can work through what will eventually be a minor blip in the road called marriage.

[Mhayonaise 14]

Sorry to hear this Paul, just like other posters said, I agree with your decision. Living here with tight budget is prone to unhappy married life. I hope Haidee will fully understand why you chose this way for now. Goodluck to both of you!

Edited October 17, 2011 by Mhayonaise

[Barca 10]

sorry to hear that Paul, but I too do believe you made the right decision given the situation! best of luck to you both!

[Nina~ 431]

OP,

How much longer do you have left before you finish your degree? Is it possible for you to get a paid Internship or Co-op while you go to school? I really hope that your journey is postponed and not over .

[Paul and Haidee 11]

I will graduate May 2014 and I have been working at a co-op for the spring and now fall semester of this year. Unfortunately, I had problems with my rental house and my tenants screwed me over so I had to pay a lot of money to take care of that. Now I am starting to save again but I need to save for next years monthly expenses because I will not be working while I am in school. I just don't know what is going to happen with my expenses next year. I am trying to get a roommmate and a part time job to supplement my savings but I don't know if it will be enough. I am very nervous that we are going to run out of money and fail at our lives together. We have the option apparently to postpone the interview for six month and I hope and pray I will have enough money by then. I have asked her if she will work while we wait and she said she will. Even if we don't save a lot, something is better than nothing. I just don't want to add any more time onto earning my degree because I am already 34. I don't want to graduate when I am going gray and no on will hire me!

OP,

How much longer do you have left before you finish your degree? Is it possible for you to get a paid Internship or Co-op while you go to school? I really hope that your journey is postponed and not over .

[Paul and Haidee 11]

Thank you for the construcive criticsm. We have talked about it many time at length, but we could never come to an agreement. I want her here more than anything I know she wants to be here too. The problem is that I will feel such guilt and remorse if I bring her here and I am not able to provide food or shelter. That is not how I want my wife to live. I want to make sure we are stable before we do anything, and I should have done more due diligence before I sent in the I129. I just wanted to be with here, and didn't think much about the financial aspects.

While it was probably a good decision, it was poorly executed. I am sure you discussed it with her regarding options, but your post doesn't read that way. Anytime you make a unilateral decision in a relationship it comes off poorly.

[goodyears 2]

Soooo…….you basically chickened out.

And you know you did.

[Paul and Haidee 11]

What a pointless comment. Don't respond.

Soooo…….you basically chickened out.

And you know you did.

[MyLittlePony 340]

Must be a troll.