Is this marriage feasible?

[nebodihome 0]

This sounds good but is very hard to do. Adopting a child is something that requires a lot of work, time & probably a lawyer. Check into it on line & you will begin to see how difficult this is.

Well, it is what it is. It will be much easier if he relinquishes his parental rights.

Do you guys suggest to start this process now? For example, marry in Colombia sometime in June, right before I go abroad, and then let her start the process of convincing him to terminate his rights, or trying to do that through court, etc? So that hopefully, within a year after June, she would be ready to follow me wherever?

Of course, I am going to consult with an attorney and immigration officers myself about this, but just wanted to see the thoughts I can get here, since everyone here seems knowledgeable.

[nebodihome 0]

This sounds good but is very hard to do. Adopting a child is something that requires a lot of work, time & probably a lawyer. Check into it on line & you will begin to see how difficult this is.

Ultimately, I think he will give permission and my fiancee thinks so. He is 21, he is jobless and lives with his mom. If worst comes to worst, we will pay him 10k and tell him his daughter will visit every year, which is the truth. As my fiancee said, the only reason he would not sign such a thing would be to avenge my fiancee, noe because he wants to see his daughter. He has visitation rights for a week out of every month and hardly spends a day per month, even though he lives 15 min away.

[Ready to do it 101]

I'd probably try to get the permission first. What if you guys marry and he never gives permission, then what? Be careful about saying your ex and child will come back every year and marry. Make sure that is feasible first. I.e. Once you get her to the US, they won't be allowed to even leave the US for at least numerous months (assuming you go the K-1 route). I'm not sure of the conditions going CR-1 route.

Well, it is what it is. It will be much easier if he relinquishes his parental rights.

Do you guys suggest to start this process now? For example, marry in Colombia sometime in June, right before I go abroad, and then let her start the process of convincing him to terminate his rights, or trying to do that through court, etc? So that hopefully, within a year after June, she would be ready to follow me wherever?

Of course, I am going to consult with an attorney and immigration officers myself about this, but just wanted to see the thoughts I can get here, since everyone here seems knowledgeable.

I anticipate it's going to be harder than you think. While you state that he hardly spends a day per month with her, that's a day per month more than most Colombian fathers, who have fathered a child to a non-spouse or divorced, spend with their kids.

Ultimately, I think he will give permission and my fiancee thinks so. He is 21, he is jobless and lives with his mom. If worst comes to worst, we will pay him 10k and tell him his daughter will visit every year, which is the truth. As my fiancee said, the only reason he would not sign such a thing would be to avenge my fiancee, noe because he wants to see his daughter. He has visitation rights for a week out of every month and hardly spends a day per month, even though he lives 15 min away.

[setherwyn 0]

well, you need a family attorney in colombia, not in the states, a good one, if she is in medellin, i can give you names.

get the child issue solved.

marry her in colombia.

move to rwanda.

start migration process.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Ultimately, I think he will give permission and my fiancee thinks so. He is 21, he is jobless and lives with his mom. If worst comes to worst, we will pay him 10k and tell him his daughter will visit every year, which is the truth. As my fiancee said, the only reason he would not sign such a thing would be to avenge my fiancee, noe because he wants to see his daughter. He has visitation rights for a week out of every month and hardly spends a day per month, even though he lives 15 min away.

Don't offer the visitation. If you miss even one promised visit then he can get the authorities involved the next time your wife returns to Colombia for a visit and prevent her daughter from leaving again. That will leave you back at square one - negotiating and probably paying him off again. You want his absolute and irrevocable permission for his daughter to permanently emigrate from Colombia. There should be no additional conditions attached that your wife has to meet in the future. You're going to be paying for this so you've got the upper hand.

BTW, it's common in situations like this to have to pay off the child's father. Ask first without offering any money. If they refuse then make a cash offer. If they are hesitant then bring up child support. That's usually enough to get them to accept the offer.

[nebodihome 0]

1. I don't think there is child support because they were never married

2. Should I get her an attorney to talk to even before she tries to negotiate anything with him? That is, should he act 100% as her negotiating agent?

3. Would it be wise to first go to a Bienstar Familiar office to get some practical information?

4. What are the costs of attorneys in Colombia?

5. She is in Bucaramanga.

Thanks for all the help, keep it coming

[kennym 275]

1. I don't think there is child support because they were never married

2. Should I get her an attorney to talk to even before she tries to negotiate anything with him? That is, should he act 100% as her negotiating agent?

3. Would it be wise to first go to a Bienstar Familiar office to get some practical information?

4. What are the costs of attorneys in Colombia?

5. She is in Bucaramanga.

Thanks for all the help, keep it coming

One key part to your specific situation, is the fact you are going to be traveling internationally... The need for an Iron Clad, agreement that can function, not only for Colombia, but everywhere, is going to be absolutely critical...

Because, potentially, with you and your wife, you will need to show this each time you leave any country...

[kennym 275]

BTW, it's common in situations like this to have to pay off the child's father. Ask first without offering any money. If they refuse then make a cash offer. If they are hesitant then bring up child support. That's usually enough to get them to accept the offer.

If you go this route, make sure you use an Attorney (preferably a Colombian Attorney) you need to have the agreement that the father relinquish all rights to the child.. Otherwise, he can bleed you for money foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Then addopt the child...

One other item... Finding a good attorney in Colombia is crucial... There are some crooks and scammers especially when it comes to foriegners... Get referals..

[kennym 275]

The father may not have interest in the child, and he may see the benefit to the child being gone, and lifting any concern he had about the welfare of the child, but this isnt thier motivation.. Many times, it's simply a means to control the Mom... And to a macho Colombiano, that is priceless...

My wife felt offering to pay the dad off would insult him... and would ruin any chance to get the father to sign..

In the end, we didnt pay anything, we simply appealed to the father and used the grandmother to talk sense into her son...

Edited October 17, 2011 by kennym

[nebodihome 0]

My questions are whether she should mention anything about this to him at all before contacting an attorney, and can anyone give me a range for what total attorney fees may be for this? Also, does the fact that it was outside wedlock affect anything?

[setherwyn 0]

i think the right thing would be telling the guy how awesome the deal is, and he will be released of any obligation with the kid, that if you sign this we will not ask you for support or money ever, is not lying is just sell the idea different, explain that the mother will be move and she will be in charge of the kid for ever, need cooperation from him, use grandma, that is a great idea.

start doing this, you do need a lawyer, but not like for fighting is more for the paperwork, prices.... i dont want to give misinformation but between 2k and 3k is a reasonable number. at the beginning dont mention nationalities, they are very willing to drain you, just start the relinquish, say she is gonna move for ever, and after you trust the person, tell the whole deal.

a lot of law schools in colombia have something called "consultorio juridico" the law students give advise for free, that could be a good starting, just go and get some ideas and prices, is a pretty sweet deal.

and no, a marriage doesn't have anything to do with paternity issues.

[kennym 275]

start doing this, you do need a lawyer, but not like for fighting is more for the paperwork, prices.... i dont want to give misinformation but between 2k and 3k is a reasonable number. at the beginning dont mention nationalities, they are very willing to drain you,

Atty's in Colombia dont charge very much.. In our case we paid about 600.00 USD.. Ours was fairly straight forward with no fights, it was only about getting the Paperwork straight.. In the end, we found we could have done the samething by going to the local notoria.. They have a generic form.. But it only serves as a basic exit and not a document relinquishing all rights...

I would highly recommend, however, that you let your Fiancee do the all talking and you basically act like you're not there.. In fact, I wouldnt mention anything about you until you're sure the attorney is legit and you have a comitment on the price.. Just have your your fiancee explain truthfully, but don't have her emphasize it's an American Fiance, until after you establish the relationship with the Attorney.. That way the attorney feels he is dealling with a regular Colombiana with limited resources...

[nebodihome 0]

Thank you for all the advice. A quick related question: If everything goes well and we marry and child is legally ours, would she and her child be able to travel with me say to Europe, even if she would not get that visa right now due to not enough income etc?

[nebodihome 0]

I mean, we marry but her and her daughter would still not be US citizens.

[nebodihome 0]

I also have doubts that he can just relinquish his "patria potestad" without her first being married to me... How can a judge just let someone say, "I don't want to be the legal father of my kid anymore" ? That would not make any sense, everyone would do that, then, to get out of child support.

Wouldn't it make more sense for us to first marry so then there is a clear reason for him to relinquish his rights?

Even if the mother consents to him relinquishing his rights, doesn't the judge have to judge in the best interest of the child, and how could he then say that it would be wise for the father to lose his legal rights?

Also, it is true that if he is still the legal father, he would need to approve every single time his daughter crosses a border? There is no agreement where he says, "I relinquish visitation rights and allow the mother to have the sole say in where our daughter goes." ?

Lastly, can anyone recommend a good attorney to me so that I can pass the name along to my fiance and she can go speak with him?

Edited October 17, 2011 by nebodihome