Check this out please

[AndyMisiu 0]

I decided to open up a little on this site because it's a place without a face. I don't want to talk with my friends at home about this because they wouldn't understand.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=33434

[RiggerAF 0]

Zane and I talked everytime and every single minute we got. But sometimes i felt exhuasted at work and she can't understand. All she wanted is talk and talk and sometimes get so upset when im being quite. About your situation, i think its normal, you guys just have to talk and have communication about what is going on with your life. I mean just talk about usual daily activities. I dont dont know I think this isn't even a help for your problem but I am hoping that you'll feel better soon. Going out with her friends and you wondering but she's been doing is kind of fishy.

[michellek1976 0]

My fiance and I go through phases of who is the needier! Its usually me, but occassionally he needs me more and it can be a little suffocating! We talk almost every day, sometimes several times a day - but when we talk too much we argue because we simply run out of things to talk about and we get irritable!

I'm the female and the overseas beneficiary. Some days I will not leave the house all day Saturday because we will be talking or chatting online. And while its great, I'm missing sunshine and fresh air and the sense of a life beyond my home office!

I find this state of limbo so difficult that it affects my mental health which in turn affects my physical health. I need to get outside sometimes and see daylight, go to the park, do some gardening, see friends - things I find therapeutic while I'm waiting to be with my man.

Perhaps consider some of these ideas. Maybe that's what your fiance is doing to cope being without you.

You will be together very soon - just hang in there!

Edited September 22, 2006 by michellek1976

[jjjimmy 0]

andy your problem in my humble opinion is not her its you.in order to love and be in a relationship you MUST love yourself and when you second guess yourself constantly you dont.never forget woman are attracted to confidence,im not a doc. but my experience has taught me this,submission leads to unhappiness and the end of a relationship,woman want to be equal parteners not your securety,this is smuthering for anybody male or female.so have a burger talk with her when you can and try to have a life until she gets here

good luck

[AndyMisiu 0]

Zane and I talked everytime and every single minute we got. But sometimes i felt exhuasted at work and she can't understand. All she wanted is talk and talk and sometimes get so upset when im being quite. About your situation, i think its normal, you guys just have to talk and have communication about what is going on with your life. I mean just talk about usual daily activities. I dont dont know I think this isn't even a help for your problem but I am hoping that you'll feel better soon. Going out with her friends and you wondering but she's been doing is kind of fishy.

no, not fishy. She has good friends.

My fiance and I go through phases of who is the needier! Its usually me, but occassionally he needs me more and it can be a little suffocating! We talk almost every day, sometimes several times a day - but when we talk too much we argue because we simply run out of things to talk about and we get irritable!

I'm the female and the overseas beneficiary. Some days I will not leave the house all day Saturday because we will be talking or chatting online. And while its great, I'm missing sunshine and fresh air and the sense of a life beyond my home office!

I find this state of limbo so difficult that it affects my mental health which in turn affects my physical health. I need to get outside sometimes and see daylight, go to the park, do some gardening, see friends - things I find therapeutic while I'm waiting to be with my man.

Perhaps consider some of these ideas. Maybe that's what your fiance is doing to cope being without you.

You will be together very soon - just hang in there!

I think I do need to get out and do something. She is trying to stay busy until we can be together. She said that she is trying to stay busy so the days go by faster. I guess I'll just give her a breather and let her do her thing. Plus when you suffocate someone, they kind of back off a little.

andy your problem in my humble opinion is not her its you.in order to love and be in a relationship you MUST love yourself and when you second guess yourself constantly you dont.never forget woman are attracted to confidence,im not a doc. but my experience has taught me this,submission leads to unhappiness and the end of a relationship,woman want to be equal parteners not your securety,this is smuthering for anybody male or female.so have a burger talk with her when you can and try to have a life until she gets here

good luck

your right about the confidence thing, I've heard that all too much. I need to have a life too. I need to do some things. I've made this process my every waking thought. It's not been healthy. And I don't want to be smothering or submissive, because than I will be unattractive. Woman are attracted to confidence and I need to be more of that. You know, your partly right on the loving myself thing. I used to be that way. But I good with myself now. I know I'm a good guy and she is lucky to be with me. So I should act like it!!

[Ta Ta 1]

I just joined a gym and had a steak with my friend a few days ago.......

you have to do more than just exist and look for tomorrow........live in the present

and get out in the nice fall season.....get off the computer......

[mrc 0]

Actually, I kind of know what Andy is going through. I'm here, saving all my money and working two jobs. My normal day consists of waking up at 0430 for my military job. I get off duty at 1600. Some days I leave at 1500 to go to the gym. After that, I leave for my "part-time" job which ends around 2130 every night. This week, I'm working 48 hours on my "part-time" job. Most of my time is spent either getting ready for work, working, sleeping, or talking to Susie on the phone. I don't have much of a life outside of that. Susie is still with her friends, and I'm happy for that but I spend every minute preparing for her to be here...saving money, working, buying things for the new place. Hang in there Andy...you're not alone.

It's my day off from my military duty...I'm headed in to put in 10 hours on my "part-time" job.

Edited September 22, 2006 by mrc

[no name 1]

Every couple is different.

We talk only once a week!!! Always have. We email weekdays. That's it. But we're comfortable where we are & in our relationship. We both need our own space as well. I wouldn't mind talking more, but with the time change it's hard. I have my own life outside of him to keep me occupied as well.

6 weeks from today we will be together for good - I can't wait!

[AndyMisiu 0]

Every couple is different.

We talk only once a week!!! Always have. We email weekdays. That's it. But we're comfortable where we are & in our relationship. We both need our own space as well. I wouldn't mind talking more, but with the time change it's hard. I have my own life outside of him to keep me occupied as well.

6 weeks from today we will be together for good - I can't wait!

your right about the time change. We have a 6 hour difference. I think I should give her more space. I think it would be healthy on the mind. Thanks for your input.

[MariaEric 0]

Hi Andy,

I hope sharing this with people who are exactly going through what you are you will help you see things differently.

My fiance (the USC) and I talk as much as we can,everyday we use cam and voice, sometimes i feel like i need to hear his voice even if we have nothing to say other than "i love you" or "i miss you" but it is still comforting.

There are times, when we just came from a visit, that i go through really bad times, and i need support but in the other hand seeing him on cam or talking to him a lot is just more painful, and i feel like i need more alone time to get used to being apart after being together. Have you and your girl recently seen each other?As someone already said maybe this is just her way to deal with the distance issue.

Then, i understand what you mean, being in a ldr means putting life on hold for many, i personally am not much of a socialite and dont go out too much, my fiance doesnt either. So it doesnt cause much of a problem. However, having the chance to go out and have a "tangible" life besides the on-line one is good and healthy for both.

Sure it is harder when both dont have the same needs, so both of you have to try to make a compromise satisfying for both. Talk to her openly about your needs, but be understanding with hers too. Saving is ok, but give yourself a break, it is both your business not only yours.

Long distance relationships are hard but worth it, hang in there, tomorrow will be a better day and hopefully soon you will be together!

[Thersch 0]

As they said every couple is different. For me and my fiance, we talk twice or thrice everyday and we talk like an hour every conversation.. (emails and chat everyday too) Our day is never complete without hearing each others voices, my day will never be complete without hearing his. Its so hard enough being so far away from him already, hearing his voice would defintly help me get through the day.

We sometimes fight because of the phone lines, we usually get disconnected and we get tired and frustrated sometimes that cause us to argue (its nothing really serious- just because of frustrations) but we always make sure that we talk about it and settle things before we hang up.

His problem with me sometimes, when we talk on the phone, is that i dont really have much to say and i just listen to him but i explained to him why. As much as i want to talk to him, sometimes i dont because i cant really tell him exactly what i wanted to tell him. I mean, im not a born english speaker and sometimes i find it hard to talk to him. I know he knows I love talking to him but i admit, i have so much pride and i didnt want to commit wrong grammar and stuff like that so if im not sure how to tell him something, i just dont try at all and not talk.

I know its wrong because he always tell me he doesnt care about that but he's so smart and i get intimidated by him. I know i shouldnt feel that way but sometimes i do. and again its my pride. but we are trying to solve this. Im really talking to him now, and sometimes i dont care if what i said was wrong (grammatically or pronunciation)..lol

so that was my case. For me, talking everyday will defintly help long distance relationships. Communication is the biggest factor to get through..

[AndyMisiu 0]

As they said every couple is different. For me and my fiance, we talk twice or thrice everyday and we talk like an hour every conversation.. (emails and chat everyday too) Our day is never complete without hearing each others voices, my day will never be complete without hearing his. Its so hard enough being so far away from him already, hearing his voice would defintly help me get through the day.

We sometimes fight because of the phone lines, we usually get disconnected and we get tired and frustrated sometimes that cause us to argue (its nothing really serious- just because of frustrations) but we always make sure that we talk about it and settle things before we hang up.

His problem with me sometimes, when we talk on the phone, is that i dont really have much to say and i just listen to him but i explained to him why. As much as i want to talk to him, sometimes i dont because i cant really tell him exactly what i wanted to tell him. I mean, im not a born english speaker and sometimes i find it hard to talk to him. I know he knows I love talking to him but i admit, i have so much pride and i didnt want to commit wrong grammar and stuff like that so if im not sure how to tell him something, i just dont try at all and not talk.

I know its wrong because he always tell me he doesnt care about that but he's so smart and i get intimidated by him. I know i shouldnt feel that way but sometimes i do. and again its my pride. but we are trying to solve this. Im really talking to him now, and sometimes i dont care if what i said was wrong (grammatically or pronunciation)..lol

so that was my case. For me, talking everyday will defintly help long distance relationships. Communication is the biggest factor to get through..

My fiancee feels the same way. She can't express everything she is feeling or wanting to say. She speaks good english, just needs to learn more. Thank you!! I think this is part of the problem too. So I will make sure I have lots of things to share with her. I will just have to take notes of my days becuase I forget a lot of the small things.

Well, I just wanted to say thanks for everyones help. I can't reply anymore because I'm going to go and get a life. I decided to go out this evening, I don't know what I will do but it will be something. I will work for awhile tomorrow of course but then I'm going to a Maryland Terps college football game. That should be great because I've never done that before. On Sunday I will hang out with my friends and watch football instead of staying in my house. I'm going to give Ania her space and allow things to happen naturally. I'm not going to pressure her or whine to her about my needs. If this is the way she deals with the distance than I can be understanding of that. I need to develope my life too. Thank you for all of your help!! I really feel better about this.