Two humour attempts

[Saddle Bronc 124]

1. Three Canadian women got drunk in a bar at Pearson Airport and blanked out; when they woke/sobered up, they found themselves in Cuba and told that they would be electrocuted in the morning. Unable to find out why (they tried repeatedly), they finally resigned to their fate.

   • the first woman, an Irish-Canadian redhead, shouted before being strapped in the chair that "justice would prevail", and she would be released. When the guard flipped the switch, no current came through--and the rest of the guards bowed and begged her forgiveness
   • the second, a brunette Quebecois Catholic stated "Jesus will protect me". When (as with the redhead), the switch was flipped, nothing happened--and the guards wanted to rededicate themselves to Catholicism
   • the third woman, a blonde, took one look at the apparatus and said "you know, it would probably work better if if were plugged-in".

   [*]

   Q: What happened when the frog sat too long near a no-parking sign?

   A: he got toad away

[TBoneTX 46,685]

Good ones!

A man told his psychiatrist, "Doctor, my brother thinks he's an orange."

The psychiatrist said, "When can I see him?"

The man replied, "Hold on -- just let me pull him out of my pocket."

---

One day, the zookeeper noticed that the monkey was reading two books side-by-side -- the Bible, and Darwin's "The Origin of Species." In surprise, he asked the monkey, "Why are you reading both of those books?"

"Well," said the monkey, "I just wanted to know if I'm my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

---

CULTURAL AWARENESS, FRENCH STYLE: The French government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at EuroDisney. The decision comes because a nightly fireworks display at the park, located 30 miles outside Paris, caused soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

Good ones!

A man told his psychiatrist, "Doctor, my brother thinks he's an orange."

The psychiatrist said, "When can I see him?"

The man replied, "Hold on -- just let me pull him out of my pocket."

---

One day, the zookeeper noticed that the monkey was reading two books side-by-side -- the Bible, and Darwin's "The Origin of Species." In surprise, he asked the monkey, "Why are you reading both of those books?"

"Well," said the monkey, "I just wanted to know if I'm my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

---

CULTURAL AWARENESS, FRENCH STYLE: The French government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at EuroDisney. The decision comes because a nightly fireworks display at the park, located 30 miles outside Paris, caused soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

I love those Maginot one-liners, oui, man!

[scandal 951]

Newfies, FTW!

A Newfie saw a sign at a restaurant.

It read....

Happy Hour Special:

Lobster Tail & Beer.

"Lard Tunderin Jaises!" he says to himself, "Me three favourite things!"

Newfie in Space

There was a newfie, an irishman and a frenchman that volunteered to go up in a space ship for 10 years. NASA asked each one what they would like a 10 year supply of.

The Irishman replied "I would love to have a 10 year supply of all the best whiskey!"

The Frenchman replied "I would love to have a 10 year supply of all the best food in the world!"

Then the Newfie replied "Smokes! I gotta have my smokes!"

So NASA packed them up and sent them off and then 10 years later they retured.

They asked each of them how they liked their things. The Irishman replied "Oh, I was drunk every second night!" and the Frenchman replied "Oh, I ate like a little pig!" and then the Newfie replied "Uh, gotta light?"

[scandal 951]

And another..... (Brian Tobin was a Premier of Newfoundland a while back. Mebbe he's a half-brother too )

Newfie Love Poem

SUSIE TOBIN FELL IN LOVE;

SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE

SHE WAS SO 'APPY 'BOUT IT ALL

SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE, MAID,

YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANUDDER.

I'D JUST AS SOON YOUR MA DON'T KNOW,

BUT JOE IS YOUR 'ALF BRUDDER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE

AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL,

BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,

HE SAID, "DERE'S TROUBLE STILL.

YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY DEAR,

AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOUR MUDDER,

BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'

I KNOWS IS YOUR 'ALF BRUDDER.

BUT MUDDER KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,

JUST DO WHAT MAKES YOU 'APPY.

MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE.

YOU HAIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

[TBoneTX 46,685]

Newfie Love Poem

English-only outside the Regional Subfora, si man.

[Saddle Bronc 124]

English-only outside the Regional Subfora, si man.

Canuck slang English is alllowed, last I checked--and we have two of the mods in our corner!

[Fandango 1,440]

And another..... (Brian Tobin was a Premier of Newfoundland a while back. Mebbe he's a half-brother too )

Newfie Love Poem

SUSIE TOBIN FELL IN LOVE;

SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE

SHE WAS SO 'APPY 'BOUT IT ALL

SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE, MAID,

YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANUDDER.

I'D JUST AS SOON YOUR MA DON'T KNOW,

BUT JOE IS YOUR 'ALF BRUDDER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE

AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL,

BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,

HE SAID, "DERE'S TROUBLE STILL.

YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY DEAR,

AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOUR MUDDER,

BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'

I KNOWS IS YOUR 'ALF BRUDDER.

BUT MUDDER KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,

JUST DO WHAT MAKES YOU 'APPY.

MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE.

YOU HAIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

There's a song about that very thing:

[Ban Hammer 13,863]

Canuck slang English is alllowed, last I checked--and we have two of the mods in our corner!

and a registered timbit fiend