sending money to the family back in the phils

[dave01 16]

Ok, here is our problem. One that I’m sure is all too common! My wife has been in the USA for over three years and thankfully all is well with us here. Our problem is trying to help out the family back in the Philippines. My wife has three sisters and her two parents living back in Cebu. The Mom and Dad left their property in the province years ago over some family fights. They only had a nipa roofed house anyways. They then moved to the city with the oldest sister who had met a foreigner. The Mom, Dad and sisters stayed with the older sister and foreigner for a few years until recently more infighting and bickering led to her parents finding their own apartment in the city (with our financial support of course). Now it’s become obvious to us that we can’t afford to pay rent for them and help with all their living expenses. Some of them work, but they make next to nothing. Once we told them that we’re having problems sending more money there is more arguing and fighting and we’re being called cheap and selfish!!! This really hurts, especially when some of our hard earned money is going over there and there seems to be no appreciation. Of course they all think we’re rich, and I wish we were. They have no idea the cost of living in the USA.

We are currently sending about 300 USD a month. This seems like a lot to us but it’s not enough for them. Please give me some advice. Is this a fair amount, too much, too little??

There sure are a lot of posts on this thread and after reading about half of them I thought I would write about the things that I have observed after living here for a few years. No one that I know of, or no one that any of the people I know here, have ever known anyone to starve to death in this country. Once in a while you do see someone without a place to live but they are generally either drug addicts or very severe alcoholics. There is always someone to take you in if your a decent person or family. Where I live I am the rich guy, the big fish, many of the people around me are poor and many more are squatters but that doesn't mean their beggars, most are hard working honest people. The biggest reason I see here for people being poor is their lack of budgeting skills and educations. If they have extra today they aren't going to save it for tomorrow. They will have a bunch of kids to help them in their old age but will probably not send them to school so they never have a chance at a good job and the cycle goes on and on. Having said all that, do I help or give them money? The answer is yes. I will lend the wifes family or the neighbors money.It's usually only 5 or 10 dollars at no interest and I tell them up front that until it's paid back not to ask again and I'm firm on that. If there is a funeral or doctor bill that someone needs help with I will donate as much as the others in the neighborhood do. I see nothing wrong with making a gift to someone if you can afford it but a gift is also something that you decide to give and not something your begged for. A loan is something that someone asks for and unless it is paid back there is no need to worry about what you will say if they ask again. What you can do and what your willing to do is totally up to you and your wife and I see no reason to even ask for others opinions. Your wife had a life before she met you and knows what it was like, she also has a life and her future with you now so she should be able to figure this out.

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

Hank, and The Nature Boy,

I didn't realize I was posting against such an old post. I'm very confident in my choices and know I live me life knowing it's a good choice. I was curious as to why US folks family seems to be left out of this conversation of needing support too.

Don't feel bad I did not either.. However this is one of the most common subjects newbies face. Most deal with the issue at some point

[Blue Bianchi 77]

Hi,

You are definitely NOT obligated to send them money. Unfortunately, telling them and them accepting that won't be easy. But that's the way it goes. It's mean of them to accuse you of being selfish and cheap. If your feelings are hurt, let them know.

It won't be easy, but in the end it really is the most loving thing to do. You have to be honest with them, they need to stop manipulating you and it all needs to be a relationship based on respect. Sometimes the best road isn't the easy one. But you'll be okay.

BB