Helping her to adjust to life here

[spikedog 2]

This might be optimistic, but I want to ask now anyway. Our interview is Friday and I have a normal case, so I feel that it is pretty sure that we will be seeing each other by the end of this month. My question(s) are: Besides cleaning my house like crazy, corralling my dogs, and being a loving and understanding fiance', What are some things I can do to make her transition easier?

I am asking some of the couples that have been through this successfully.

Thanks,

Jim

[B_J 2,752]

This might be optimistic, but I want to ask now anyway. Our interview is Friday and I have a normal case, so I feel that it is pretty sure that we will be seeing each other by the end of this month. My question(s) are: Besides cleaning my house like crazy, corralling my dogs, and being a loving and understanding fiance', What are some things I can do to make her transition easier?

I am asking some of the couples that have been through this successfully.

Thanks,

Jim

First, I'm not an expert since we've only been together in the states for 4 days. I think the most important thing will be giving her time on skype to talk to her family back home. The biggest adjustment to being here is the fact that she's no longer back home with her family. Also, my family spent the weekend here, getting to know her better and making her feel welcome.

I also cleaned my house like crazy, but she cleaned it again anyways, so go figure.

[together4evr 360]

I am very happy for you both. I do not have the answer you requested. Please edit your timeline on your profile when you get 2 minutes. It helps others going thru the process to see how long each step took others.

Thank you and Good luck

[DaveE 178]

Keep her busy and entertained. Don't let her get bored. She WILL get homesick and it will be tough. My wife has been here since July 2010 and the bouts of homesickeness are getting fewer and fewer as she adjusts. Let her know you are always there for her, and try to understand if she gets sad. We decided my wife would not work outside the home, as we have three daughters, and being a mom is a full time job. I left five magic jacks in the Philippines so she can talk to her family whenever she wants, and that helps a lot.

I really think what bothers my wife is the fact that her 15 year old daughter (K2), has never been homesick once and tells mom she doesn't want to go back to the Philippines. Of course my step daughters life here is so much different. Driving, I-phone, Beta Club, Future Business leaders of America, Reel club, Honor Society etc. She is so busy she doesn't have time to be homesick. When mom is homesick and says wow don't you miss X food or Y store, our daughter looks at her and says "no". Sometimes creates a bit of tension.

PS - no matter how much you clean your house, it will not be clean enough. Since I was a single dad and work lots of hours, I had a maid. First thing my fiancee (now wife), did is fire her.

Edited October 4, 2011 by DaveE

[Tim/Mav 305]

Chill out Jim and Congrats. Just don't ask for a Reuben for lunch. Maybe later!

http://youtu.be/0Fsn2f9LnKw

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

First off, don't waste your time cleaning. No matter what, your efforts won't get it quite right, and she will do it again anyways.

As for making her "adjust", just make sure there are no visible marks. When smacking her around you don't want evidence if she happens to go to the hospital afterwards. I have found a tube sock with two tennis balls inside very effective.

Edited October 4, 2011 by DavenRoxy

[skiptex 225]

As for making her "adjust", just make sure there are no visible marks. When smacking her around you don't want evidence if she happens to go to the hospital afterwards. I have found a tube sock with two tennis balls inside very effective.

great idea!

i can use that on my nieces when i babysit

[spikedog 2]

As for making her "adjust", just make sure there are no visible marks. When smacking her around you don't want evidence if she happens to go to the hospital afterwards. I have found a tube sock with two tennis balls inside very effective.

:rofl:

Good idea, Now to shop for those ankle chains to keep her in the bedroom and kitchen.

[NoneYa 73]

Spikedog; I too will do everything in my power to help my fiancee transition when she arrives. She is going to be busy with classes (English,computers) and that is the key but there is the communication with her family that is important too. This new Globe WiMax satellite service which is available in the Philippines for $ 23 a month seems to offer 3 times better picture and voice clarity than anything out there. I am told it is on the same levels as American based broadband. I will get her parents that because they live on Mindanao. This way she can talk to them when ever she wants. Also, I am going to install a dvr security camera system in the house so that her parents can log on and see how she is doing and know that she is being well taken care of.

[dindo and patty 20]

Patty has been here since September 2. We were quite busy the first 2 weeks since we were preparing for my parents' 50th anniversary. She's been obviously homesick and I've noticed even though she tries hard to hide it from me. Before we left, we made sure she can send and receive text from her family. When they text from PI it only cost 1 peso, however when she text back, it is 25 pesos. So, she uses Chika messenger to send messages on her family's CPs and then they text back. I am not entirely sure how the Chika messenger works. if you want to know more about it, either google it or send me a PM and I will find out from her. She also uses FB & Skype a lot. Additionally, we have TFC (ABS-CBN) and GMA channels on our cable. Most importantly, ensure her you are always there even if just to listen to her and I mean really listen.

I asked her the other day if her homesickness is getting lesser and she mentioned that it is not as bad as the first 2 or 3 weeks. It doesn't mean she won't have moments when she feels really homesick, but, I am glad it is getting lesser. I think, ultimately, it is up to each person on how they will deal with the homesickness. We just need to make sure we are there and do everything we can when they need us.

Oh, she's already put a woman's touch in our master bedroom as far as adding decorations and such...

Aside from all that, we try to do a lot of things together, like walking after I get off work, going to the mall, watching movies. This weekend, I am taking her to Lake Tahoe. She will hopefully see snow up in the mountains.

I got her under my health insurance (Tricare Prime) coverage and it will be effective November 1. We are going to a Civil Surgeon this Saturday on our way to Lake Tahoe and will submit the AOS next week.

Good luck!

Edited October 4, 2011 by dindo and patty

[Thunderstruck 1]

I made sure to have some food in the house that she would recognize and enjoy when she came. I went to the Asian market and bought dried fish, Bagoong, rice, a rice cooker, and sardines. I also was fortunate enough to have almost 10 days off work with her after I traveled back with her from the Philippines. We went to visit my family (350 miles away) for a few days. I also loaded up Skype so she could talk to her parents and siblings when she wanted. We also found her a volunteer job at a daycare/preschool here until her working papers arrived at which time they hired her. I know everyone has different circumstances and cannot do all these things, but my $.02

Note: Within a week of my going back to work, i couldn't find anything in my house. She rearranged every item in every cabinet, drawer and closet in the house. She found things I forgot I even had. Thankfully none of them were embarrassing or anything that would have made her jealous from my past. The house also sparkled for the first time ever in spite of my efforts to make it perfect for her arrival. Male standards of perfection when it comes to cleaning tend to differ from the female perspective I think !

[ronluvme 10]

hey guys,

this is a really good topic and i would love to share my experience too,it seems different that anybody does here.I am Filipina married to a american guy(us citizen)i arrived here may 12 to be exact,he pick me up with lemo at the airport LAX AND when i arrive to his house(our house now since were married)everything is cleaned and i am so impress.(OHH WELL BESIDE FROM THE BEDSHeet IS NOT MATCHED)LOL.

for couple of weeks everything is like a sunshine,my hubby is working and i am the one who always left in the house,after a month or so i started being bored ,talked to family every once in a while because its so expensive to make a call,if text them they couldnt reply 15pesos per send,take note,we dont have cable,we do have tv but its only for movie watching like dvd you know,internet is limitted because were using plug in like (at&t per hour basis)so cant go online and play music everyday,my husband is not very outdoor going He likes to stay home all the time,i even convinced him to go to wright wood and i love to take a pictures of those beautifull mountain,but seems like impossible to him to take me there,he said yes he will since i got here but im already running for 6 mos since im here,lol Ohh well cant wait until i can drive and drive going to wright wood,

its really bored and homesick but i tried to entertain myself ,i dont have my own kids and he has 2 kids and they came over once in a while,i dont have any filipina friends around,we live up in lil mountain,nice & breezy.sometimes i drag him going to asian market and ofcourse he did once in a while,i tried to start working in a garden since our yard is empty he just move here two or 3 years,our house is a lot different now more trees and plants,we visited his families sometimes,i told him that i need and we need to go to church and until now ddnt happen,maybe soon lol.i go online and tried research about the church thing where and what time the mass,he dont even look on it,lol he dont go to church since he was young,anyways,i am the one to convince myself not to get bored,find things to do,i clean the house that much everyday,water the plants and do laundry,good thing he likes my cooking,i rearrange the house that even better now,PUT some pictures on the wall,etc.flower vase on the table and flower and plants to the corner of our kitchen,then noticed that im getting better,now,i am willing and always will to adjust myself to the new life here in us.

he is lil better now too,we take a walk twice a week after dinner and spend time on the garage for lil chit chat lol and now i am planning to raise chickens for egg and planning to build patio and bonfire outside for snow soon...

i just learn that,you cannot depend yourself to others all the time you has to do something also to help out your self..from your own willingness....

thanks friends and visa journey's folks for sharing experiences

Edited October 4, 2011 by femloveron

[Michael and Milahjean 0]

This might be optimistic, but I want to ask now anyway. Our interview is Friday and I have a normal case, so I feel that it is pretty sure that we will be seeing each other by the end of this month. My question(s) are: Besides cleaning my house like crazy, corralling my dogs, and being a loving and understanding fiance', What are some things I can do to make her transition easier?

I am asking some of the couples that have been through this successfully.

Thanks,

Jim

My asawa has been in Ohio for over 4 years now and has adjusted very well. We are celebrating the birth of our new son on Sept 21. We have a daughter 3 years old now. Really loving life.

Our experience so far, probably to make the best impression that you are anxious to assist with adjusting to her new place:

- Buy a decent rice cooker - at least 3-5 cups

- Grab a 20-25 pound sack of Jasmine rice - find Asian/International food market (I lived in West Lafayette for a few years, so I know there was an Asian store behind Kendrick Buick, but I believe it's closed now. Possibly Valpo or Merrillville would have some possibilities.)

- Find some banana ketchup - looks just like tomato ketchup (my asawa prefers the UHC brand, not Jofran)

- You'll really score some points if you pick up a couple walis tambo (soft indoor broom) and the walis tingting (outdoor broom) http://www.reflectionsofasia.com/pilipino_brooms.htm

- We've got a nice Time Warner package for 1000 minutes phone time for $19.95 monthly for a land line phone (we had this installed there - getting internet service is crazy complicated - don't understand why)

- TFC is super - we have DirecTV (she loves this probably more than anything - can watch more TV programing and news than she had access to at her home)

- Find a good church - my asawa is baptised Catholic, but attended a nearby protestant church at her place - she's active with kids in Sunday School and music actions

- Give her time to adjust to car rides - the "high" speed can cause motion sickness

- You'll need lip gloss, as she calls it - Carmex, Chapstick, etc. - the heating season approaching will dry out her sinsuses and lips

- She'll need a warm coat and mittens/gloves/boots - its already getting cold for her

- Go shopping - but prepared to spend lots of time in the junior sections - Deb, Forever 21, etc

- Find a Fil-Am group

The list could go on and on, but this may get you started. Most of all, have patience - the USA will be a strange place for a while, she'll think it's too quiet, nobody walks, cost of everytihng is too high, and she'll soon wonder why all the trees are dying about now...

Good luck. We pass through Lafayette on our way to my family home in East Central Illinois. Let me know if we can be of assistance.

M&M

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

Nice post, femloveron (especially the bedshit part, still laughing!!).

It's true.... fighting boredom and loneliness mostly comes from within. But of course, having someone to share and spend time with helps a lot, too. Communicating (which involves LISTENING as well as talking) is very important. Even if you don't have much money to spend, taking walks together when the weather is nice is free, and usually healthy. Using Skype to talk to family back home is a plus, I expect my asawa will be online every day to them. In Alaska, we will cut wood for fires together, we will shovel snow together, we will sit in front of the fire together, we will go camping, fishing (she said she has no desire to actually catch a fish, but let's see what she thinks when the salmon start running, huh?)

Float trips down the river are fairly inexpensive. Grocery shopping.... it sux, in my opinion. But if she wants me to go just to be with her, then so be it. Did I mention talking to her? Yeah, I believe I did. And listening, too. She will get lonely, and she may have a hard time explaining it to you. Look for the signs. Try to understand, and remember that to many women, a hug is very powerful medicine against many of life's troubles.

IDK, I am just rambling, and my lady isn't even here yet, but these are things I have thought about. Perhaps when tax time comes, we will get a 4-wheeler to go on rides in the country next year. Kinda expensive, but you don't get much closer than that, lol. In our area, hardly any Filipinas, though I have been blessed to meet one family thru VJ, and maybe that will help a little bit, cuz they are a few years ahead of us on the journey.

Most of all, just try to understand. I think it is much easier for a guy to pick up and relocate. But for women, it is harder to leave their family behind. And in our situations, they are giving up not only their family for us 'Kanos, but also their country, everything that is familiar to them. And once the reality sets in (it will) that America is NOT the land of milk and honey.... it may be tough on them to be here. But the love we give them, the patience, the understanding... I think that will go a long ways to assisting our loved ones in making the transition. They are giving up a lot to be with us, trusting that we are THE ONE who will love and care for them, because from what I have seen, most of my friends who married a Pinay got a true friend and love of their life in return.

Good luck to the OP, as well as to all of us VJers who have embarked on this remarkable journey. But more than luck... lots of love, understanding, and many happy years to come.

[ronluvme 10]

thanks for liking my post,the bedshit part is need to add some humor(but its true)LOL

YES AS Filipina and left family behind is a lot harder to have a new place,new home ,new world,new everything,but if we have love,patient,support emotionally,understanding and care everything will be easier.

may God bless our journey and our new family