My story...

[Dan & Jenni 457]

That's about what I expected.

I think her story sounds a little wild and I doubt she's totally innocent in the whole escapade.

its true what they say.... there are two sides to every story and no one is ever as innocent as they make out to be

[Confused 2 94]

That's about what I expected.

I think her story sounds a little wild and I doubt she's totally innocent in the whole escapade.

I agree. I hope Deedee that you don't have to deal with problems anymore but have you given a thought to the fact that you get really pissy and mouthy with people very easily and that might have added to the family situation? I have never seen you being humble and polite, maybe that side of yours also comes up while dealing with your hubby's family. You are 20-21 and a little brash. Try being nicer sometimes it will help you in the long run (I said be nicer, don't feel that I am telling you to be submissive, just a little tact and better tone of voice and choice of words).

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

its true what they say.... there are two sides to every story and no one is ever as innocent as they make out to be

Actually there are 3 sides to every story:

Your side...

Their side...

And the Truth which generally lies somewhere in the middle...

[kennym 275]

I think her story sounds a little wild and I doubt she's totally innocent in the whole escapade.

You sound like a drama queen.. To somehow associate something that happened when she was 12 and make any assumptions whatsoever, is simply (as nicely as I can put it, to not violate TOS) ridiculous...

We aren't suggesting that she is perfect, nobody is.. but you're taking something out of context and trying to associate an event that occured when she was 12 years old, and likely that you know nothing about.. Sounds like you want to create some drama...

I hit got in some pretty good fights as a 13-14 year old as well,, And boy did I kick some butt back then. And it felt good to give someone a butt-kicking when they deserved it.. But, that has nothing to do with the way I handle my adult affairs.. And to try to make a correlation here is simply..................

..................well I dont want to violate any TOS...

It seems like like you need to find something to fill your spare time..,

Edited October 6, 2011 by kennym

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

To somehow associate something that happened when she was 12 and make any assumptions whatsoever, is simply (as nicely as I can put it, to not violate TOS) ridiculous...

You are correct if that was behavior limited to her youth or a single incident...

In another thread she mentioned at least on other incident where she was actually charged for knocking someone else's teeth out!

Then if you take the tone of her reactions to some of the replies here I can see a pattern developing...

Does this mean she's a bad person, of course not. Maybe she just needs to learn to reel in her reactions a bit.

She could also be prone to drama and chaos, exaggerating reality and reacting not to reality but her perceived exaggerated version of it.

But of course we will never know because few (if any) of us might ever meet her outside of VJ.

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

rebeca or whatever her name is , is indeed a drama queen because i've seen it in tons of topics. well, im not the person to mess with when your advice is not needed (because after all this wasnt at all an advice for me topic, but an advice to other people that were, are, or will be in the same situation). as for the whole punching that girl in the face stuff, it was just one story, not 2. i did punch her in the mouth and she did lose a tooth. that doesnt mean im an overall violent person. 1) i was in highschool. 2) she jumped at me, that WAS a reflex in the moment i saw her raging at me (for picking up my pencil from the floor after we argued for like 30 minutes, the prepp messing for me for being a "goth" ) and hell i will defend myself no matter what. you should definately go and look for a more advanced definition of reflex, because indeed you dont know what you're talking about and trying to be the big bad wolf of internet only amuses me and makes me feel sorry for your pathethic being.

now for those who thought i wasnt being innocent, not saying a word to her whenever she hit me and pulled me, i think that was diplomatic. i didnt say ONE word. and i didnt react in any way. i shut up, and did whatever she told me to. im enought smart not to get into conflict with a hillbilly that carries a gun in the countryside with not many neighbours around

and after all, after the bit of hell i was allowed to see, you really think that i care what people think about me? i couldnt care less

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

you really think that i care what people think about me? i couldnt care less

Ah, but you do care or you wouldn't be so aggressively responding nor would you need to use intentionally degrading labels (such as hillbilly) to demonstrate your superior intellect/behavior/etc in comparison to the person said to be abusive to you. If you were in the heat of the moment (currently under attack) then such actions would be understandable but you are reportedly safe from further assault so we would expect you to have calmed down and processed things a bit.

Ever heard the phrase "Walk softly but carry a big stick"? Basically it boils down to not allowing someone else to work you over but not having to be boastful of how strong/tough/able to defend yourself you are.

In your telling of the incidents at your in-laws' you report that while you walk softly you in fact carried no stick at all. Honestly your posting style here contradicts those assertions but then again it's not uncommon for people to behave differently online versus in person as there is less risk of any real negative consequences online.

I'll say again that you're characterization of self and your posting style do seem to contradict each other and that could be what's leasing others to wonder "What really happened".

Not judging, just making a few observations...

[thelastpetitioner 218]

You sound like a drama queen.. To somehow associate something that happened when she was 12 and make any assumptions whatsoever, is simply (as nicely as I can put it, to not violate TOS) ridiculous...

We aren't suggesting that she is perfect, nobody is.. but you're taking something out of context and trying to associate an event that occured when she was 12 years old, and likely that you know nothing about.. Sounds like you want to create some drama...

I hit got in some pretty good fights as a 13-14 year old as well,, And boy did I kick some butt back then. And it felt good to give someone a butt-kicking when they deserved it.. But, that has nothing to do with the way I handle my adult affairs.. And to try to make a correlation here is simply..................

..................well I dont want to violate any TOS...

It seems like like you need to find something to fill your spare time..,

Honestly,you're way out of line here.trying to hard to take her side and a be the nice guy.no one knows what really happens,and I think you can agree with that.she has a history and seems rude,obnoxious and disrespectful.while I wouldnt go to the same lengths as the grand ma,I can how she could have gotten frustrated.

I have nothing against deedee,but either she makes some major attitude change or she is screwed.

One thing I have learned during the past three months I have been here is that Americans are nice,calm,respectful and friendly people but you have to treated them the way you want to get treated and not expect anything from anyone.

This is just the beginning for her

[Stuart and Thea 95]

People, lets not forget what actually happened, forget that DeeDee punched out someone's teeth when she was 12, it has nothing at all to do with anything. Why pick on her now for something that happened 10 years ago? When I was that age, I clocked my best friend in the back of the head with an umbrella, does that mean that I'm prone to violence? Would I have described that action as involuntary? Absolutely, I had little or no control over my action, it was possibly not "reflexive" more "instinctual" but really? what's the point of arguing semantics other than to make yourself feel superior and try to discredit the person you feel has used the wrong descriptive term?

So, what happened? DeeDee moved in with the love of her life and everything was perfect and then it all went to hell. She mistakenly thought that things would be a fairytale ending, even living with complete strangers because she loves her Sam. She even went so far as to TAKE the abuse that this grandmother doled out to her, going so far as to giving Sam back his ring when she was told to. She's a very OBEDIENT person. Does she fly off the handle and use profanity when faced with stupidity? Absolutely. Did she defend herself to this woman who was abusing her? No. Why? Abused people often don't defend themselves to their abusers, but do to those that they feel have no power over them. Do I think DeeDee might have egged on her abuser a little? Well, victims of abuse are often blamed for the abuse they suffer, and will freely admit to being the catalyst for the fight. Often times they will pick fights with the abusive party even. Did DeeDee do this? Maybe her independant personality and freespirit or even taste in fashion grated on grandma and DeeDee pushed a little. Victims of abuse often push push push until the abuser feels they "deserved it" Why do they do this? Perhaps they have little self esteem, and want to know just how far they can go till the "loving person" proves to them that they are unloveable. Am I analysing DeeDee? Nah, I'm no shrink and I don't know the whole story, but these are common traits in abusive relationships.

Do I think DeeDee is totally innocent in this? Well, I really have this picture in my head of DeeDee talking up a storm of Romanian swear words and curses as Sam finally drove her away to safety. Do I think she did this until that point? No, it was probably enough for the grandma just to have her under her roof, feeding on her anger daily to the point DeeDee needed to be punished. Remember one thing though. No matter WHAT DeeDee did, it was the GRANDMOTHER that was the abuser, SHE was the one that committed the crime, and SHE is the one to blame, not DeeDee, no matter WHAT DeeDee did to provoke her. Hitting and pulling hair is NEVER justified. NEVER.

What do you really gain here by trying to point the blame at the victim? There are countless women's groups that are trying their hardest to stop you from perpetuating the belief that the victim is somehow to blame. Why do you persist?

DeeDee, I'd ask the mods to lock this thread by the way, you got the point you intended to make way back. You know, the part about making sure you don't completely trust the families of your loved ones to be as perfect as they seem, and to make it you and your fiance above all else. A backup plan for those in similar situations if it goes to hell for them too would be prudent.

[DeeDee&Sam 68]

People, lets not forget what actually happened, forget that DeeDee punched out someone's teeth when she was 12, it has nothing at all to do with anything. Why pick on her now for something that happened 10 years ago? When I was that age, I clocked my best friend in the back of the head with an umbrella, does that mean that I'm prone to violence? Would I have described that action as involuntary? Absolutely, I had little or no control over my action, it was possibly not "reflexive" more "instinctual" but really? what's the point of arguing semantics other than to make yourself feel superior and try to discredit the person you feel has used the wrong descriptive term?

So, what happened? DeeDee moved in with the love of her life and everything was perfect and then it all went to hell. She mistakenly thought that things would be a fairytale ending, even living with complete strangers because she loves her Sam. She even went so far as to TAKE the abuse that this grandmother doled out to her, going so far as to giving Sam back his ring when she was told to. She's a very OBEDIENT person. Does she fly off the handle and use profanity when faced with stupidity? Absolutely. Did she defend herself to this woman who was abusing her? No. Why? Abused people often don't defend themselves to their abusers, but do to those that they feel have no power over them. Do I think DeeDee might have egged on her abuser a little? Well, victims of abuse are often blamed for the abuse they suffer, and will freely admit to being the catalyst for the fight. Often times they will pick fights with the abusive party even. Did DeeDee do this? Maybe her independant personality and freespirit or even taste in fashion grated on grandma and DeeDee pushed a little. Victims of abuse often push push push until the abuser feels they "deserved it" Why do they do this? Perhaps they have little self esteem, and want to know just how far they can go till the "loving person" proves to them that they are unloveable. Am I analysing DeeDee? Nah, I'm no shrink and I don't know the whole story, but these are common traits in abusive relationships.

Do I think DeeDee is totally innocent in this? Well, I really have this picture in my head of DeeDee talking up a storm of Romanian swear words and curses as Sam finally drove her away to safety. Do I think she did this until that point? No, it was probably enough for the grandma just to have her under her roof, feeding on her anger daily to the point DeeDee needed to be punished. Remember one thing though. No matter WHAT DeeDee did, it was the GRANDMOTHER that was the abuser, SHE was the one that committed the crime, and SHE is the one to blame, not DeeDee, no matter WHAT DeeDee did to provoke her. Hitting and pulling hair is NEVER justified. NEVER.

What do you really gain here by trying to point the blame at the victim? There are countless women's groups that are trying their hardest to stop you from perpetuating the belief that the victim is somehow to blame. Why do you persist?

DeeDee, I'd ask the mods to lock this thread by the way, you got the point you intended to make way back. You know, the part about making sure you don't completely trust the families of your loved ones to be as perfect as they seem, and to make it you and your fiance above all else. A backup plan for those in similar situations if it goes to hell for them too would be prudent.

thank you thea. as usually you're one of the few one that use their heads. yeah lock the topic i made my point clear and whoever sees it might take into account some aspects of it they might find similar to their story. the truth and the only truth in this story is that i didnt do absolutely anything. i was nice to his whole family. her problem, as far as my mom in law told me and sam, is her crazyness. and they want to have her gun permission revoked. and it wasnt just ME who was hit and pushed and sweared and all that, but my husband too, in the day we left. and it seems people who try to be a smartass around here didnt even use their eyes to read that, which says a lot about them. well folks, like it or not,i will always defend myself and be as agressive as i want with the retards who talk about me without knowing me. and thats end of story

[kennym 275]

You are correct if that was behavior limited to her youth or a single incident...

In another thread she mentioned at least on other incident where she was actually charged for knocking someone else's teeth out!

Then if you take the tone of her reactions to some of the replies here I can see a pattern developing...

Does this mean she's a bad person, of course not. Maybe she just needs to learn to reel in her reactions a bit.

She could also be prone to drama and chaos, exaggerating reality and reacting not to reality but her perceived exaggerated version of it.

But of course we will never know because few (if any) of us might ever meet her outside of VJ.

She could also be a ax murderer, so lets not associate with her..

Again, simply garbage... you guys can conclude all this from something she did when she was 12.. seriously,, sounds like yoiu guys are digging deep for garbage.. There simply isn't any evidense that any of this stuff is relevent today..

As far as your statement about her reaction here on this thread.. Seriously, she just got put into a terrilble situation, because of a crazy grandma-in-law, stressed over housing and finances and her hubby, and you accuse her of violence from something she did 10 years ago, I would also get pissed off.. You drama seekers need to dig up your garbage in the national enquirer, and leave these threads for real help..

It seems you want to make baseless characterizations against someone who clearly is seeking some morale support after dealing with a tramatic situation in a strange forreign country and wonder why someone gets upset.. What drugs are you taking? Simply unbelieveable!!

Edited October 7, 2011 by kennym

[kennym 275]

Honestly,you're way out of line here.trying to hard to take her side and a be the nice guy.no one knows what really happens,and I think you can agree with that.she has a history and seems rude,obnoxious and disrespectful.while I wouldnt go to the same lengths as the grand ma,I can how she could have gotten frustrated.

I have nothing against deedee,but either she makes some major attitude change or she is screwed.

One thing I have learned during the past three months I have been here is that Americans are nice,calm,respectful and friendly people but you have to treated them the way you want to get treated and not expect anything from anyone.

This is just the beginning for her

She did what to you?

Why is it you make the generalization aboutn nice calm americans.. I happen to be one of those americans.. Have you listened to the news lately? Are you just trying to put your spin on things to justify your comments..

Stop the drama hunting.. Recognize that you made a mistake by jumping to conclusions and were wrong and appoligize.. stop trying to perpetuate a situation where you were clearly wrong...

[thelastpetitioner 218]

She did what to you?

Why is it you make the generalization aboutn nice calm americans.. I happen to be one of those americans.. Have you listened to the news lately? Are you just trying to put your spin on things to justify your comments..

Stop the drama hunting.. Recognize that you made a mistake by jumping to conclusions and were wrong and appoligize.. stop trying to perpetuate a situation where you were clearly wrong...

I'm sorry for not being sorry,because I refuse to apologize to an stranger about another stranger whom he knows nothing about.let me guess you're so bored at work or home or you're stuck somewhere and stay relevant in this post,so you try to jump at people any chance you get for making a logical comment and sticking to it.

Yes I have been watching the news and I have no idea what you're talking about,the NY rallies?which side of it?the police over reacting or people just pouring out and have theist unorganized rally ever?

I'm sorry man but you're so ###### irrelevant

[thelastpetitioner 218]

She could also be a ax murderer, so lets not associate with her..

Again, simply garbage... you guys can conclude all this from something she did when she was 12.. seriously,, sounds like yoiu guys are digging deep for garbage.. There simply isn't any evidense that any of this stuff is relevent today..

As far as your statement about her reaction here on this thread.. Seriously, she just got put into a terrilble situation, because of a crazy grandma-in-law, stressed over housing and finances and her hubby, and you accuse her of violence from something she did 10 years ago, I would also get pissed off.. You drama seekers need to dig up your garbage in the national enquirer, and leave these threads for real help..

It seems you want to make baseless characterizations against someone who clearly is seeking some morale support after dealing with a tramatic situation in a strange forreign country and wonder why someone gets upset.. What drugs are you taking? Simply unbelieveable!!

who's fault is that?oh yeah the husband.she doesn't wanna see it for what it is.yes she shouldn't take ###### and abuse from anyone,EVER,that's a given,but you are living in someone else's house,you gotta respect their rules.honestly this whole is so juvenile.again I'm not taking any sides in this story but this belongs to an episode of teen mom or something off MTV.let's grow up,shall we?

[kennym 275]

Ok last petitioner, I stay in this topic, because I hate to see busy bodies attack someone for stupid reasons..

I dont disagree about whether or not I am irrelevent, but that isn't the point.. You are being a bully.. that's the point.. Are you doing it because like to see people suffer and kick people when they're down? Are you doing it because you're bored? Regardless of your motives, this isn't the place for it..

You wrongly made a characterization, and now refuse to appologize.. attempt to hurt someone who's already going through a rough time, for what? does it make you happy?

It is very very sad to see what seemingly are grown-ups, treating people so childishly.....