To the negative nancies out there

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

There are many newbies here who have not figured out how to navigate this site. Instead of having an attitude it is better to kindly send them to the correct tab instead of barking can't you read ?!

There are issues with members expressing themselves in the English language, very young members inexperienced in life and members who don't live on the computer 24/7 to do research.

Bullying and a better than you mindset does not help anyone.

I totally get the OP's post and see stuck up 'I own this site attitudes' at times, especially when it is country specific and they shove their "knowledge" down someone's throat which makes no sense at all. They know theory but have not experienced it and come off as know-it-alls because they read a post somewhere. Even too prideful to admit they made the same mistakes because bullying is their preferred emotional exercise.

Straightforward advice does not have to be rude and degrading. Being blunt and to the point is acceptable.It is not about disagreeing as it is about being bullied and belittled and then call your posse to finish the poster off in an attack frenzy free for all. If someone gets aggravated with the same questions over and over again then why not stick to another forum and help there with more challenging issues. Why the compulsion to be disrespectful ? Bad hair day ? Toupee flew away ? Or little man with big dog syndrome ?

Overall this is an excellent site with caring people and great advice.

[kennym 275]

There are many newbies here who have not figured out how to navigate this site. Instead of having an attitude it is better to kindly send them to the correct tab instead of barking can't you read ?!

There are issues with members expressing themselves in the English language, very young members inexperienced in life and members who don't live on the computer 24/7 to do research.

Bullying and a better than you mindset does not help anyone.

I totally get the OP's post and see stuck up 'I own this site attitudes' at times, especially when it is country specific and they shove their "knowledge" down someone's throat which makes no sense at all. They know theory but have not experienced it and come off as know-it-alls because they read a post somewhere. Even too prideful to admit they made the same mistakes because bullying is their preferred emotional exercise.

Straightforward advice does not have to be rude and degrading. Being blunt and to the point is acceptable.It is not about disagreeing as it is about being bullied and belittled and then call your posse to finish the poster off in an attack frenzy free for all. If someone gets aggravated with the same questions over and over again then why not stick to another forum and help there with more challenging issues. Why the compulsion to be disrespectful ? Bad hair day ? Toupee flew away ? Or little man with big dog syndrome ?

Overall this is an excellent site with caring people and great advice.

You are trying to create an arguement over something that simply isnt true or doesnt happen.. Please point out a single question by a newbie that was met with harrasment.. It doesnt exist.. It simply doesnt happen the way you depicted it... And it's a poor attempt to to make a point.. Sorry, but nobody with a question has been harrased or bullied..

When you attempt to do something against all the advice on VJ, or the Instructions on the USCIS Forms, or against the instructions on the Website, then the outcome is simply something nobody can predict.. Those instructions are there for a reason.. when people feel they dont apply to them, you can bet that VJ'rs may get a little cynical..

[Krikit 1,164]

Moving from K-1 Process to Site Discussion.

[Britt♥Marco 9]

im sorry if i come off as a ######,but seriously,this isnt the first time people have posted stuff like this,just because the advice people give them is not what they wanna hear,just like jim said

I don't think it's just about the advice not being what they want to hear. Sure the OP mentioned it, but I have seen PLENTY of posts that are just plain rude around here. I agree with the OP, if I see something and have an ugly thought.. i keep quiet and move on to the next topic. I know we're all going through the same thing, and plenty of the people who are just plain out rude are people who've already been through the process- maybe they just forgot what it feels like to be stuck in limbo with the government, I'm not sure. It's not a comfortable feeling for me and when I'm asking questions to people who are in the same boat as I am, I don't really feel being met with sarcasm. I'm glad that it hasn't happened to me.

kennym, i've seen a topic or two where someone who seems young or just has a language barrier asks for advice on a K-1 and people have responded "why don't you just read the guides?" and comments about how they shouldn't ask anything when it's all written on this very site. I'll be honest, I've got a few friends who are pretty new at English and if they get a lot of text on a page, they freak out and shut down. So yeah, I guess I am more sympathetic to those people

[sachinky 465]

Looks like some of the n00bs need to get a thicker skin.

This is a free, essentially DIY immigration, website. You get what you pay for.

I, for one, can't imagine getting my panties in a bunch over what so-and-so said online.

[sachinky 465]

No, I have not forgotten how painful the separation was or how long the process took. It's just that I was so grateful that someone, ANYONE, was replying/helping/offering guidance to my confused pleas for help, that the brusque replies seemed to pale in comparison.

[kennym 275]

kennym, i've seen a topic or two where someone who seems young or just has a language barrier asks for advice on a K-1 and people have responded "why don't you just read the guides?" and comments about how they shouldn't ask anything when it's all written on this very site. I'll be honest, I've got a few friends who are pretty new at English and if they get a lot of text on a page, they freak out and shut down. So yeah, I guess I am more sympathetic to those people

I may not agree with you completely, here is why...

The problem is that niether the Process, nor the Agencies involved in this process are sympathetic to those who have a language barrier or reading comprehension issues..

If you can't understand how to follow basic instructions, it doesn't matter how sympathetic we are, the process will overwhelm you... You must be able to read the instructions and follow them to succeed.. It is those people that should get help from a friend or parent or someone who can help them overcome whatever barrier they have..

I am not the VJ Chief, but it doesnt seem that VJ has the capacity to overcome fundamental comprenhension problems for it's members... This process is for everyone, but, not everyone can do this process on thier own..

Edited September 28, 2011 by kennym

[sara..... 371]

this is the best site i personally have found sure sometimes the people that answer the question can be a bit snippy.....and sometimes its taken as that because we cant put emotions into the answer .........some can be down right rude but with all of that there still is no place better for information and help than this forum

sara

[Rufus2012 175]

I am not the VJ Chief, but it doesnt seem that VJ has the capacity to overcome fundamental comprenhension problems for it's members... This process is for everyone, but, not everyone can do this process on thier own..

Let's also not forget that 99.2% of K-1s are approved (96% on the first pass through, the remaining 3.2 are appealed successfully). Yes, it's a lengthy process, the waiting is miserable, there are a lot of obstacles on the way and it does require paying close attention to what you are doing, but the stats indicate that most people, in fact almost all, are successful at it. Whether the marriages work out is a separate matter; but the red tape gets cut through eventually.

I don't think the process is any harder to grasp than buying a house or understanding mortgage amortization, so frankly, if someone really can't understand what they are doing here, I think they'd need help in a lot of different undertakings that most adults encounter at some point.

[Britt♥Marco 9]

Looks like some of the n00bs need to get a thicker skin.

This is a free, essentially DIY immigration, website. You get what you pay for.

I, for one, can't imagine getting my panties in a bunch over what so-and-so said online.

Why do answers have to be rude? It's not about what you paid for or getting your panties in a bunch over someone online, it's just about being nice to your fellow human beings lol.

In fact I just read a thread a few minutes ago when one person, which i've seen post real snarky/snippy comments before, did it again and wasn't exactly on topic.

but seriously, overall, yes i am extremely pleased with VJ. I guess it's just like everywhere else- there will always be bad eggs...

and kennym, i agree with you in some ways, but seriously I could care less about the agencies or whatever when I see someone asking a question. For me, I see them wanting to be with their loved one just like I want to be with mine. How is that ever wrong? Why do people have to be judged so harshly by some VJ members? (not talking about ones with just a barrier here) Is VJ the "visa police" to try and prevent people from even attempting the process? Just curious lol

Edited September 28, 2011 by Britt♥Marco

[kennym 275]

Let's also not forget that 99.2% of K-1s are approved (96% on the first pass through, the remaining 3.2 are appealed successfully). Yes, it's a lengthy process, the waiting is miserable, there are a lot of obstacles on the way and it does require paying close attention to what you are doing, but the stats indicate that most people, in fact almost all, are successful at it. Whether the marriages work out is a separate matter; but the red tape gets cut through eventually.

I don't think the process is any harder to grasp than buying a house or understanding mortgage amortization, so frankly, if someone really can't understand what they are doing here, I think they'd need help in a lot of different undertakings that most adults encounter at some point.

Your point is a good one.. I intended to say that as well, because, quiet frankly I am somewhat slow myself.. And if I got through (with the help of VJ), I think the chances are good for just about anyone..

Abilty for people to do some homework on thier own, read all that they can before they start, and understand the basics of the process, is simply critical to their success...

[Michael & Amy 3]

If you can't deal with them, if they get you down, you are going to have a rough time when some apparatchik is making decisions about your future and insists on that extra piece of paper to satisfy his own notions of what is and isn't a relationship.

Entire post, well put!

[kennym 275]

Why do answers have to be rude? It's not about what you paid for or getting your panties in a bunch over someone online, it's just about being nice to your fellow human beings lol.

In fact I just read a thread a few minutes ago when one person, which i've seen post real snarky/snippy comments before, did it again and wasn't exactly on topic.

but seriously, overall, yes i am extremely pleased with VJ. I guess it's just like everywhere else- there will always be bad eggs...

and kennym, i agree with you in some ways, but seriously I could care less about the agencies or whatever when I see someone asking a question. For me, I see them wanting to be with their loved one just like I want to be with mine. How is that ever wrong? Why do people have to be judged so harshly by some VJ members? (not talking about ones with just a barrier here) Is VJ the "visa police" to try and prevent people from even attempting the process? Just curious lol

I simply don't agree with the assesment that anyone is being harsh or rude.. And the point is about the lack of sympathy from the Agencies, is they also dont care about your ability to follow instructions, if you make a mistake, regardless of you abiltiy to understand or whatever barriers, you will either have major delays, RFE's or even possibly a denial..

My suggestion is that when you say people are being rude, please stop making generalizations.. Nobody is being rude!

[Britt♥Marco 9]

My suggestion is that when you say people are being rude, please stop making generalizations.. Nobody is being rude!

Edited September 28, 2011 by Britt♥Marco

[LexiandAnthony 1]

This website is amazing and has some of the best people. That being said, there are some people on here who seem to just want to make people feel stupid or bring them down. I have seen posts asking about booking flights and scheduling weddings and yes, you shouldn't do any of that until the visa is in hand but NO ONE IS PERFECT. People get excited and may get bad advice and jump the gun a bit. Does that give anyone the right to be mean or disrespectful to someone else? We are ALL on here b/c we want to marry our loved one so maybe people could try having a little compassion for the other people on here. If someone asks a question that you think is stupid, JUST DON'T REPLY!!!!! My mother always used to say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Maybe some of the people on here need to follow that mantra. Just b/c you're miserable doesn't mean you have to try to convert everyone else into a life of misery as well.

Good luck to everyone and God bless!!

I love this!! You are so right about this!! Took words right out of my mouth!!