To the negative nancies out there

[Uliana+abdo 1]

Hope and support what make VJ a great website ,there is to many people here that are very helpful and who give very valuable information ,We all can learn from each other experience cuz we all have the same journey to be United with our loved ones ,please keep the solidarity and the respect ..

[Operator 1,927]

I agree that there are some people that have a very direct way of making a point. Also, there are some people that are just plain mean.

Even when speaking face to face with a person it can be difficult for some to accurately convey a thought process or make a point in the way it is intended. Often times it is only the way something is received that seems harsh or rude. Now consider that information on VJ is written and not spoken and often it is an exchange between people with different cultural backgrounds. Also consider that these situations are usually emotionally charged. It's a perfect recipe for misunderstanding.

I agree with the philosophy of "If you don't have anything nice to say..." though truthfully I don't always practice it, but i think that people also need not be so thin skinned sometimes and feel personally attacked if they disagree with "advice" someone is giving.

Just my humble opinion.

[Darnell 8,478]

I take exception to the use of the label 'negative nancy'.

I don't feel I AM ONE, but it's really nasty, that label, almost as bad as 'Mesopotamian Alcove'.

[patient2010 93]

i had to google "negative nancy"..

we use that phrase all the time where I am from....lol along with Chatty Patty...and others

Edited September 27, 2011 by patient2010

[Canadian in GA 34]

Yes there is some mean people on here,

but at the same time, you see some posters, who do not take a little time in researching and reading up on their application and post 10+ questions that are simply answered if they looked up the instructions on the USCIS website. yes, some things are tricky and we do need to ask, but - it sometimes gets a little annoying when they post over and over and over agian about things that can be looked up.

Myself I did all my applications before i found this site, and one after I found this site. and I did post some questions, but I did all my research on my own, along with my spouse.

I am not bickering on some people who can not find the answers, or need a little more help, so don't take this post wrong, by all means I know some people will blab, but everyone needs to do their own research on their questions, as you may not get 100% correct answers on here all the time.

most yes, most of the answerson here are correct, but make sure you double check.

Edited September 27, 2011 by Canadian in GA

[ginnyb 3]

This website is amazing and has some of the best people. That being said, there are some people on here who seem to just want to make people feel stupid or bring them down. I have seen posts asking about booking flights and scheduling weddings and yes, you shouldn't do any of that until the visa is in hand but NO ONE IS PERFECT. People get excited and may get bad advice and jump the gun a bit. Does that give anyone the right to be mean or disrespectful to someone else? We are ALL on here b/c we want to marry our loved one so maybe people could try having a little compassion for the other people on here. If someone asks a question that you think is stupid, JUST DON'T REPLY!!!!! My mother always used to say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Maybe some of the people on here need to follow that mantra. Just b/c you're miserable doesn't mean you have to try to convert everyone else into a life of misery as well.

Good luck to everyone and God bless!!

[thelastpetitioner 218]

im just gonna pretend this topic was never posted.

what people fail to realize is that this process is hard and brutal,people are not nice to you because you have a fiance over seas.

if you think the ###### you take on here is hard,i suggest you just flat out withdraw your petition and move to your fiancee's home country,because 1) you cant be strong enough for your fiance/ee when he or she gets here and help him/her deal with the cultural shock 2) youre going to have to deal with uscis and go through this for the next 5 to 10 years.

im sorry life isnt all rainbows and peaches and cotton candy

[skiptex 225]

im sorry life isnt all rainbows and peaches and cotton candy

[Britt♥Marco 9]

im just gonna pretend this topic was never posted.

what people fail to realize is that this process is hard and brutal,people are not nice to you because you have a fiance over seas.

if you think the ###### you take on here is hard,i suggest you just flat out withdraw your petition and move to your fiancee's home country,because 1) you cant be strong enough for your fiance/ee when he or she gets here and help him/her deal with the cultural shock 2) youre going to have to deal with uscis and go through this for the next 5 to 10 years.

im sorry life isnt all rainbows and peaches and cotton candy

um....

[thelastpetitioner 218]

harsh reality of life

um....

im sorry if i come off as a ######,but seriously,this isnt the first time people have posted stuff like this,just because the advice people give them is not what they wanna hear,just like jim said

[Casprd 167]

I learned long ago that when something is written down (email, forum post etc) then it can and will come across in the worst possible context. While I try to be helpful and constructive, there are times as Jim points out that the OP is looking for a specific answer. i.e. someone to tell them that what they are doing is right when it is obviously wrong and often fraudulent. I can't begin to count the number of posts where the person spends so much energy trying to convince the folks on VJ that what they are doing/trying to do is ok even if questionably legal from an immigration standpoint, or why their relationship is legitimate, or why their spouse/fiancee is evil/an angel. It is hard to maintain patience then and I try to resort to the "you don't have to convince the people on VJ, you have to convince the VO/USCIS/CBP/Judge etc.

When people make mistakes and that is entirely understandable. It is a stressful process.When people do things that a short perusal of the forums would show them is a bad idea (i.e. set a date for an elaborate wedding before they even submit a petition) that is silly but people are people. When people try to shortcut the system, it isn't understandable. When they then cry "woe is me" when it doesn't work, I have no sympathy for them. When people commit fraud, try to scam the system or take advantage of another person, whether it is the immigrant or the petitioner then I have no patience, no sympathy and no problem with myself or someone else saying what they think of that person.

[kennym 275]

Part of the issue is, that we all have the same limitations to deal with..

There are those that accept the issues with the Visa Limitations and there are those that seem they deserve something that the rest of us doesnt..

• Cant buy a plane ticket until the VISA is received

  
  

• Cant plan anything prior to the VISA Recieved

  
  

• Ceremonial Weddings are a bad idea prior to POE for K-1

  
  

• Can't plan a wedding until in the US,

  
  

• Only 90 days to get married after POE for K1

  
  

• Beneficiaries cant work until they receive the
  EAD
  or GC

  
  

• They cant travel until they receive AP ot the GC

  
  

• Cant honeymoon out of the Country...

Those are some of the drawbacks that everyone of us know about going into this.. Everyone of us have a choice to go through this or not, and many of us have decided that it's worth the sacrifice to have our loved ones here. Those that disregard those limitations for whatever seem like they simply dont care about the concequences or they don't care about the immigration of their SO.. There are soo many ways to solve those problems and stay within the guidelines, that it just seems rediculous to consider sacrificing everything you work for...

The key to success for yourself is to be completely familiar with the guidelines AND be completely up front with the beneficiaries.. Let them know they are basically in limbo once they arrive until they have their GC.. They have the right to know these things before they get here and find out you either didn't tell them in fear that they will back out, or you you didn't know.. Either way, you should've known and you should have been up front with your SO..

Complaining about thoee sacrifices simply upsets many because these things are well published and there for everyone to read before getting started and if you didn't know, then you didn't do your homework..

My sugestion is to accept the fact that you made an error for not studying the material and take the harrasment for asking a question to something you should've known.. we all ask questions, and some of them are things that we should've known, and there are always those of us that will ###### on you when that happens, because it's happend to us..

Kenny

[Enigma11561 336]

"Only two things are infinite. The universe and human stupidity, and I am not sure about the former". Albert Einstein.

When people come here with real issues/problems I have found a lot of posters show genuine concern and try to help.

When people come here with "stupid" things that they should have known long before they started the process or cannot take the time to research simple things on their own, for whatever reasons, then I have found that some posters show a less tendency to show patience.

[Robert&Karen 264]

Never heard of Negative Nancy, good one! Closest I have seen in the US is Droopy Dog.

[Heartwarming 15]

This website is amazing and has some of the best people. That being said, there are some people on here who seem to just want to make people feel stupid or bring them down. I have seen posts asking about booking flights and scheduling weddings and yes, you shouldn't do any of that until the visa is in hand but NO ONE IS PERFECT. People get excited and may get bad advice and jump the gun a bit. Does that give anyone the right to be mean or disrespectful to someone else? We are ALL on here b/c we want to marry our loved one so maybe people could try having a little compassion for the other people on here. If someone asks a question that you think is stupid, JUST DON'T REPLY!!!!! My mother always used to say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Maybe some of the people on here need to follow that mantra. Just b/c you're miserable doesn't mean you have to try to convert everyone else into a life of misery as well.

Good luck to everyone and God bless!!

Many people on forums can often be very opinionated and others can offer great advice. You can try to ignore the negative comments but sometimes it stings when you read the upsetting comments. Unfortunately, people will voice their opinions whether you like it or not. I have had my feelings hurt on many occasions by posters on other websites. I doubt there will ever be a time in life where a human being will not hear at-least one hurtful or degrading comment. Therefore, it may be best to avoid posting questions which may trigger negative or opinionated comments altogether. I have learned this the hard way, unfortunately.