To the negative nancies out there

[KrisandJennie 35]

This website is amazing and has some of the best people. That being said, there are some people on here who seem to just want to make people feel stupid or bring them down. I have seen posts asking about booking flights and scheduling weddings and yes, you shouldn't do any of that until the visa is in hand but NO ONE IS PERFECT. People get excited and may get bad advice and jump the gun a bit. Does that give anyone the right to be mean or disrespectful to someone else? We are ALL on here b/c we want to marry our loved one so maybe people could try having a little compassion for the other people on here. If someone asks a question that you think is stupid, JUST DON'T REPLY!!!!! My mother always used to say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Maybe some of the people on here need to follow that mantra. Just b/c you're miserable doesn't mean you have to try to convert everyone else into a life of misery as well.

Good luck to everyone and God bless!!

[bigdog 376]

Common sense should prevail, don't count your chickens before they are hatched and as long as you can change your flight no big deal. Most of the "jump the gun" people are seem to be traveling from the hardest countries to leave (most evidence needed)and come to US. I have seen some real negative responses, maybe they got hammered when they jumped the gun? Countries like Canada, Scotland, England seem to make it through the system with less problems, due to language, cultural, economic, and possibly even less fraud issues. This whole process is difficult at best without making poor decisions or not having the complete picture good and bad. Best of Luck to all VJ'ers in their quest for a good life. Like others we are still waiting for the end.

Edited September 27, 2011 by bigdog

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

This website is amazing and has some of the best people. That being said, there are some people on here who seem to just want to make people feel stupid or bring them down. I have seen posts asking about booking flights and scheduling weddings and yes, you shouldn't do any of that until the visa is in hand but NO ONE IS PERFECT. People get excited and may get bad advice and jump the gun a bit. Does that give anyone the right to be mean or disrespectful to someone else? We are ALL on here b/c we want to marry our loved one so maybe people could try having a little compassion for the other people on here. If someone asks a question that you think is stupid, JUST DON'T REPLY!!!!! My mother always used to say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Maybe some of the people on here need to follow that mantra. Just b/c you're miserable doesn't mean you have to try to convert everyone else into a life of misery as well.

Good luck to everyone and God bless!!

While there are a few people here who are perennial pessimists, most people here are genuinely trying to help. When someone says that they've done something, or suggests that they want to do something, that's well known here to be a big mistake then people are definitely going to strongly recommend against it. That's why this site exists - to make sure people are getting good advice.

People are told repeatedly not to make any concrete plans until after they have the visa in hand. This advice even comes from the consulates. When someone insists on doing something that they've been told repeatedly not to do then it's only proper for people here to condemn that action. It may not be "nice", but if people "don't say anything at all" then other new members will get the impression that it's OK, and they'll blame VJ for not warning them when their world collapses around them because their visa was postponed or denied.

Just because one person does something they were warned not to do and they get away with it, that doesn't make it advisable for others. One person's experience does not become a blueprint for everyone else. It's the collective experience of everyone that should be relied upon. You might have made firm wedding plans in advance and things might have worked out fine for you. If so, congratulations. However, if you advise someone else to do the same thing and their plans blow up in their faces because the visa is delayed then you'll have to live with the fact that you helped contribute to their misery.

[skiptex 225]

i am here to learn from other peoples mistakes!

this is a great site.. lots of DO NOTS and DO's.. thanks ya'll

[KrisandJennie 35]

While there are a few people here who are perennial pessimists, most people here are genuinely trying to help. When someone says that they've done something, or suggests that they want to do something, that's well known here to be a big mistake then people are definitely going to strongly recommend against it. That's why this site exists - to make sure people are getting good advice.

People are told repeatedly not to make any concrete plans until after they have the visa in hand. This advice even comes from the consulates. When someone insists on doing something that they've been told repeatedly not to do then it's only proper for people here to condemn that action. It may not be "nice", but if people "don't say anything at all" then other new members will get the impression that it's OK, and they'll blame VJ for not warning them when their world collapses around them because their visa was postponed or denied.

Just because one person does something they were warned not to do and they get away with it, that doesn't make it advisable for others. One person's experience does not become a blueprint for everyone else. It's the collective experience of everyone that should be relied upon. You might have made firm wedding plans in advance and things might have worked out fine for you. If so, congratulations. However, if you advise someone else to do the same thing and their plans blow up in their faces because the visa is delayed then you'll have to live with the fact that you helped contribute to their misery.

I'm not at all saying don't give them advice but some people are very harsh about it, basically callingthat person stupid... I have actually seen that. A simple "not a good idea" and an explanation would suffice. No need to be mean to people.

[skiptex 225]

I'm not at all saying don't give them advice but some people are very harsh about it, basically callingthat person stupid... I have actually seen that. A simple "not a good idea" and an explanation would suffice. No need to be mean to people.

sometimes love blinds us.. and maybe a WAKE UP SLAP is what is needed to bring one back to reality i know i need it from time to time.. lol

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I'm not at all saying don't give them advice but some people are very harsh about it, basically callingthat person stupid... I have actually seen that. A simple "not a good idea" and an explanation would suffice. No need to be mean to people.

Well, that's the nature of internet forums. Sometimes something has been said so many times that people just get the sense that it's common knowledge. When someone comes along and challenges it then some people's instinctive reaction is "What the hell are you thinking?". Sometimes people gradually get dragged into being rude.

Can I do this?

No, that's a bad idea because...

But I only want to do it because...

It doesn't matter why you want to do it. It's still a bad idea.

But my MOM says...

Your mom is wrong.

But my best friend got the same kind of visa, and she said...

!@#$%^&*!!! It's a BAD IDEA! DON'T DO IT!

...and things go downhill from there.

I've been "schooled" a few times on online forums. I try not to take it personally unless I think the person who posted it meant it to be taken that way. In most cases, I think most people here who react that way either think the poster hasn't done any research yet, or they're ignoring any advice they're getting that's contrary to what they really want to hear. There are a few VJ members who have a habit of shooting first and asking questions later, but you'll recognize them if you read the forums for a few days and you'll know to take their posts in stride.

[keyshawn18 52]

This website is amazing and has some of the best people. That being said, there are some people on here who seem to just want to make people feel stupid or bring them down. I have seen posts asking about booking flights and scheduling weddings and yes, you shouldn't do any of that until the visa is in hand but NO ONE IS PERFECT. People get excited and may get bad advice and jump the gun a bit. Does that give anyone the right to be mean or disrespectful to someone else? We are ALL on here b/c we want to marry our loved one so maybe people could try having a little compassion for the other people on here. If someone asks a question that you think is stupid, JUST DON'T REPLY!!!!! My mother always used to say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Maybe some of the people on here need to follow that mantra. Just b/c you're miserable doesn't mean you have to try to convert everyone else into a life of misery as well.

Good luck to everyone and God bless!!

I completely agree.There are so many great people who are very knowledgeable about the process and are willing to help with suggestions and advice.On the other hand there are others who are just rude and think they know everything and are quick to make judgements and sometimes are downright disrespectful.I remember a few weeks ago someone posted about not getting her citizenship because of a past indescretion.The backlash that followed was amazing.the thread ended up being closed.I want to say I appreciate all the good people with real knowledge who are willing to help and not accuse, judge or name call.Thank you for keeping this site great.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I've been taught in my family that never raise your voice to older people and always care to younger ones. My fiance even teach me NOT to use slang words or profanity .I think it is more classy talking with honorable.

If someone saying something or asking that seems silly, I guess we just need to tell them in nice way. Whether is bad or not, we' ve been here to help each other going through all process.

After all, different cultures don't mean we can't understand each other how to speak in honor way. And,hey, we are going to marry our loved ones from difference cultures, aren't we?

Edited September 27, 2011 by jengpaseogirl

[Liz&Nate 23]

Rude replies are seldom helpful. Judgmental people, everywhere and not just here, usually just want a chance to feel morally superior to posters. Thing is negative feedback by and of itself is not a bad thing. A lot of people arrived here after having been misinformed or ill-advised and it would be a terrible disservice not to let them know about it as harsh as it can sometimes sound.

As far as making sure you have the "visa in hand" before making any plans, a lot of that advice comes from personal experience. I had wedding plans, for instance. We had a hall, the church and people had taken time and money out of their lives to attend our wedding. In the end it came to nothing because we had been misinformed that a 10 year, multiple entry, visa was enough to get married and adjust in the US, advice that came to us from 3 different lawyers. So, yes, sometimes when I see an OP asking if it's okay that they buy their honeymoon package, or quit their jobs or reserve the hall, I feel compelled to tell them to wait a bit until they are sure this huge change is more of a certainty. I am sure that is the motivation behind a lot of posters, as well.

[Blob18 111]

Agreed. Though as Jim said it does get hard at times, especially when people have the "I'm always right" attitude and keep posting the wrong information over and over in the same thread. Something to this is happening in a K-1 thread right now in regards to yes/no to working with a K-1 and SSN before EAD and a greencard. So I can see how people can get annoyed and be rude, however, I do know several of the rude persons on this site and how they almost always offer little to no useful advise and just bash/call out others.

[jenkatx 52]

I have to agree with you. There are definitely some members here who get their kicks out of belittling others. It is sad to me that they need to get their power in life by angering or hurting other people, but as Jim said this is an online forum- it is what it is. The issue that really bothers me is when people respond to a question about a particular area that they are not experienced in. For example when someone from a low fraud country does not understand what people in a high fraud country deal with & end up seeming as they have not only no compassion but no sense either. The bottom line is we are all different, different cases, countries, issues, personalities; but we all deserve to be treated with respect.

[naijaboy 16]

we are all still human and humans aren't the nicest people u have a good point!

[skiptex 225]

i had to google "negative nancy"..

[san diego 407]

I agree with Jim. Usually, this is how it goes.. downhill. People do not like advices that do not agree with the best scenario in their heads. Some times bad advices are most pleasant and the other way around. I would probably disagree on making travel plans: usually it is cheaper to buy air fare ahead of time and then change it to another date then buying one day in advance. This is my view about this topic. However, Jim is right, this is how it goes:

-can I get married and still apply for K1?

-No. You are risking of getting K1 denied

- What if I have a ceremony and do not tell?

-No, this is a fraud, etc!

How can anyone find out??

-Just listen and do NOT DO IT!

WHY NOT?? YOU ARE MEAN!!

This is usually how unpleasant conversations unfold..