Coming to America....

[HARMONY2012 16]

What do you guys think?

I am so sick and tired of people friends, certain family members, even strangers talking about the high divorce rate among Nigerians who come to America whether male or female. I hear it from everyone its really starting to annoy me and I felt like using this outlet to let out my steam. Like I tell them if you both know you love each other and trust each other then what’s the problem. I agree it will not be easy when they get here, we all know that. There is the culture shock and everything else that comes with entering a new environment. But is it impossible? NO!! Can it work? Of Course!!

This stereotype that all Nigerians just come to America for papers is annoying. Ok ALOT of them do, but then again some don’t. That’s why you take time and get to know the person you are dealing with. I have known my fiancé since 2005; we met at my cousin’s traditional wedding. I used to go home to see him, visit with his family, and know him from inside and out and once I felt this way it was then that I decided to file for him to come here. How do you guys handle this when people tell you "Oh he or she will change when they get to the states?" OR “The marriage will not work out?” Or “No matter what you know about him, he will leave you once he gets his green card”. I know that everything at the end of the day is in Gods hands, but I wanted to see what other people thought.

[Deema & Wayne 28]

What do you guys think?

I am so sick and tired of people friends, certain family members, even strangers talking about the high divorce rate among Nigerians who come to America whether male or female. I hear it from everyone its really starting to annoy me and I felt like using this outlet to let out my steam. Like I tell them if you both know you love each other and trust each other then what’s the problem. I agree it will not be easy when they get here, we all know that. There is the culture shock and everything else that comes with entering a new environment. But is it impossible? NO!! Can it work? Of Course!!

This stereotype that all Nigerians just come to America for papers is annoying. Ok ALOT of them do, but then again some don’t. That’s why you take time and get to know the person you are dealing with. I have known my fiancé since 2005; we met at my cousin’s traditional wedding. I used to go home to see him, visit with his family, and know him from inside and out and once I felt this way it was then that I decided to file for him to come here. How do you guys handle this when people tell you "Oh he or she will change when they get to the states?" OR “The marriage will not work out?” Or “No matter what you know about him, he will leave you once he gets his green card”. I know that everything at the end of the day is in Gods hands, but I wanted to see what other people thought.

Unfortunately, some people follow the herd. I know it's annoying, but as long as you're sure of what you're doing (and you seem like you are), I say ignore them, generalizing is retarded.

[amandas1216 8]

divorce is anyone....no sterotyping...:/

[amandas1216 8]

just so u know if u guys divorce in the first 2 years he has to go back....he cant just stay....look up all info on this site...

[Dan & Jenni 457]

who cares what anyone else thinks... all that matters is that you two are sure about everything and your certain that it will work

[feli114 65]

Better to have loved. And lost then to never have loved at all. I have heard the comments too. My fiaance is Nigerian and i say let them talk. i loved him with every fiber of my being and he loves me. i pray that things will work out but if not, i had a great love anyway!

[Ning 619]

What do you guys think?

I am so sick and tired of people friends, certain family members, even strangers talking about the high divorce rate among Nigerians who come to America whether male or female. I hear it from everyone its really starting to annoy me and I felt like using this outlet to let out my steam. Like I tell them if you both know you love each other and trust each other then what’s the problem. I agree it will not be easy when they get here, we all know that. There is the culture shock and everything else that comes with entering a new environment. But is it impossible? NO!! Can it work? Of Course!!

This stereotype that all Nigerians just come to America for papers is annoying. Ok ALOT of them do, but then again some don’t. That’s why you take time and get to know the person you are dealing with. I have known my fiancé since 2005; we met at my cousin’s traditional wedding. I used to go home to see him, visit with his family, and know him from inside and out and once I felt this way it was then that I decided to file for him to come here. How do you guys handle this when people tell you "Oh he or she will change when they get to the states?" OR “The marriage will not work out?” Or “No matter what you know about him, he will leave you once he gets his green card”. I know that everything at the end of the day is in Gods hands, but I wanted to see what other people thought.

The great thing is you have to live with what you do & who you choose to do it with. You seem to be prepared to fully support him as you should be. That means if all of these horrible people were right & you were wrong you will still be in a great positon to continue that support. Hopefully all those terrible people with all that bad advise & commentary will have faded into the background as you go forward.

You are in a fantasitc positon to be the one to break that annoying stereotype. Will it work you question? Of course. He wont be affected as many others have by living in the USA. You have made sure of this by knowing him inside out. Your judgement is sound other wise you might ask people you dont know for input.

You will have become the guiding light while doing Gods will. I see no reason to spend a second worrying about what he will do.

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

What do you guys think?

I am so sick and tired of people friends, certain family members, even strangers talking about the high divorce rate among Nigerians who come to America whether male or female. I hear it from everyone its really starting to annoy me and I felt like using this outlet to let out my steam. Like I tell them if you both know you love each other and trust each other then what’s the problem. I agree it will not be easy when they get here, we all know that. There is the culture shock and everything else that comes with entering a new environment. But is it impossible? NO!! Can it work? Of Course!!

This stereotype that all Nigerians just come to America for papers is annoying. Ok ALOT of them do, but then again some don’t. That’s why you take time and get to know the person you are dealing with. I have known my fiancé since 2005; we met at my cousin’s traditional wedding. I used to go home to see him, visit with his family, and know him from inside and out and once I felt this way it was then that I decided to file for him to come here. How do you guys handle this when people tell you "Oh he or she will change when they get to the states?" OR “The marriage will not work out?” Or “No matter what you know about him, he will leave you once he gets his green card”. I know that everything at the end of the day is in Gods hands, but I wanted to see what other people thought.

HARMONY2012, you have never truck me the type that cares what others say or think! With that said, I feel you my friend. People talk and make judgments, but at the end of the day, it is you who has to go home to that person you have chosen to spend your life with and not them.

Marriage is hard work if anyone wants it to work. Yes, there is a chance of the marriage of not working. That chance exists with any marriage, culture, race and religion. NOT just by marrying a NIGERIAN!!!

Here on VJ, we have all read stories from all over the world with spouses, or fiances coming here and then leaving the petitioners. We hear the story from one side, not saying it is not true, but it takes two to make any relationship work.

I am at the point where I just don't listen to negative comments, I look forward and look forward to someday being with my man for whatever length of time I have with him. Life is too short, and if in our life we have experienced the glow that true love and happiness brings? then it is worth it all regardless of what others say or what happens five or ten years down the road.

God grant you all the joy and happiness you seek and deserve.

[HARMONY2012 16]

HARMONY2012, you have never truck me the type that cares what others say or think! With that said, I feel you my friend. People talk and make judgments, but at the end of the day, it is you who has to go home to that person you have chosen to spend your life with and not them.

Marriage is hard work if anyone wants it to work. Yes, there is a chance of the marriage of not working. That chance exists with any marriage, culture, race and religion. NOT just by marrying a NIGERIAN!!!

Here on VJ, we have all read stories from all over the world with spouses, or fiances coming here and then leaving the petitioners. We hear the story from one side, not saying it is not true, but it takes two to make any relationship work.

I am at the point where I just don't listen to negative comments, I look forward and look forward to someday being with my man for whatever length of time I have with him. Life is too short, and if in our life we have experienced the glow that true love and happiness brings? then it is worth it all regardless of what others say or what happens five or ten years down the road.

God grant you all the joy and happiness you seek and deserve.

Hi Love....HAHA....Giiiirrrrrl glad I struck you as someone who could care less at what people say or do because you are absolutely correct. Anyways I was not really asking about my situation specifically and might have worded my post as if I was...I just wanted to hear what people thought it general about the stigma placed on people coming to America that they only want a visa (thought it would be an interesting topic, come to find out its been covered on VJ...LOL). Anyways there is nothing that anyone can say or do that can break the bond my sweetheart and I have built, WE know what we have been through and where we are going....Love, keep strong and keep pushin...You know that God is working all this out for you two...Always in my prayers....XOXO

Thank you everyone for your input and opinions.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Stats from Nigeria are not pretty , about 1/4 will never get approved by the embassy before the relationship falls apart and about 1/2 of the ones that do make it will not last past 5 years. Are you in the 75% that are doomed or in the other part , no ones knows for sure because no one would go through this if they knew they would end up in the 75% that eventually fail. For someone to grow up in Nigeria and then just up and move to the US is hard, and it is harder when you are married to someone that understands little of your culture. Get mad if you want but you friends are just pointing out the facts.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I came here as an immigrant myself from Germany and recently someone asked me : So why did you come here, was it because you wanted to make a better life for yourself ?

Heck no it wasn't. My life was fine.

I felt insulted and shocked.

Granted Nigeria is a high fraud country and Germany isn't but for a moment I felt what genuine Nigerians feel....the condescending remarks get old. Real old.

Though I believe the people saying this to you do it because they are concerned about you and want you to do the right thing, the right thing they would do is not your right thing. Do your thing...lol. It's your life.

When friends and family make those remarks to me I respond depending on the situation/person :

1. Don't stereotype. Period.

2. I am capable of making my own choices and accepting the consequences of the outcome,the good, the bad and the ugly.

3. Why, don't you think I got it going on enough to keep my man ? Rather insulting !

4. Thank you for your advice, I know you mean well but you are now beating a dead horse and my mind is made up.

5. I thought it through, did my research, know my man and this subject is now closed from here on. Either support me or don't. Subject done. Conversation over. Would you like some tea ?

Try responding with the answers confidently and they will soon stop. Never discuss adjustment problems with them but find supportive friends who know what's up and are supportive or else you will hear " I told you so's" for every little thing.

It is just one of the little baggage deals that comes with the package.

By the way, over here we have scammers with brief cases, CEO's and politicians dressed in Italian suits and bankers and hedge fund 3 ring circus acrobats. Drum roll

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

Stats from Nigeria are not pretty , about 1/4 will never get approved by the embassy before the relationship falls apart and about 1/2 of the ones that do make it will not last past 5 years. Are you in the 75% that are doomed or in the other part , no ones knows for sure because no one would go through this if they knew they would end up in the 75% that eventually fail. For someone to grow up in Nigeria and then just up and move to the US is hard, and it is harder when you are married to someone that understands little of your culture. Get mad if you want but you friends are just pointing out the facts.

You have a valid point NigeriaorBust! You and your husband are among the small percentage, that have survived the roller coaster ride with VJ, and made it work. I am sure, it takes compromise and commitment from both of you, to make your marriage work. Also, you had to learn about your husband's culture, and adapt to his ways. He, also had to do the same, once here. Yes, it's not easy to "just get up and move to the US, and leave family and friends, and a lifetime of bonds and memories behind". But, the fact remains WE chose to be with Nigerian men/women. They have chosen to love someone, other than their country men/women. Therefore, adapting to each other is necessary, and moving is part of making these relationships work, granted if by grace of God """the key to heaven's gate""" is granted from the US Embassy in Lagos someday.

Family and friends do not understand what is involved in our relationships, what we endure. Others, who are going through it do. Friends and families, of course, with good intentions state concerns and pointing out their opinions, based on the ongoing stories, which are mostly true. Given the numbers you stated, I can see why the outcome is so grim for most. The entire visa journey is hellish, and very stressful and costly. It takes a lot more than just love. It takes a lot of patience, money, and endurance to get through this long and difficult journey. Understandably, some of us will not survive, weather willingly, or unwillingly, due to circumstances and situations, which arises from all that is involved.

Obviously, after taking under consideration the low percentage of the survival, I say most of "our marriages" will NOT work out. But each of us prays, we are in that small percentage. Realistically speaking, I know that is not the case.

In general, marriage is not easy. In order for it to last, it takes an ongoing communication and work. One has to ask themselves, these days, is marriage given the respect, honesty, and commitment, it requires to survive and last? regardless of where someone is from?

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

I came here as an immigrant myself from Germany and recently someone asked me : So why did you come here, was it because you wanted to make a better life for yourself ?

Heck no it wasn't. My life was fine.

I felt insulted and shocked.

Granted Nigeria is a high fraud country and Germany isn't but for a moment I felt what genuine Nigerians feel....the condescending remarks get old. Real old.

Though I believe the people saying this to you do it because they are concerned about you and want you to do the right thing, the right thing they would do is not your right thing. Do your thing...lol. It's your life.

When friends and family make those remarks to me I respond depending on the situation/person :

1. Don't stereotype. Period.

2. I am capable of making my own choices and accepting the consequences of the outcome,the good, the bad and the ugly.

3. Why, don't you think I got it going on enough to keep my man ? Rather insulting !

4. Thank you for your advice, I know you mean well but you are now beating a dead horse and my mind is made up.

5. I thought it through, did my research, know my man and this subject is now closed from here on. Either support me or don't. Subject done. Conversation over. Would you like some tea ?

Try responding with the answers confidently and they will soon stop. Never discuss adjustment problems with them but find supportive friends who know what's up and are supportive or else you will hear " I told you so's" for every little thing.

It is just one of the little baggage deals that comes with the package.

By the way, over here we have scammers with brief cases, CEO's and politicians dressed in Italian suits and bankers and hedge fund 3 ring circus acrobats. Drum roll

I love the way you think. Thanks Ebunoluwa! This is why we have our say and respect each other's opinion. Each of us brings something to the table. Collectively, we help each other understand and see clearly.

[Adarenda 1]

What do you guys think?

I am so sick and tired of people friends, certain family members, even strangers talking about the high divorce rate among Nigerians who come to America whether male or female. I hear it from everyone its really starting to annoy me and I felt like using this outlet to let out my steam. Like I tell them if you both know you love each other and trust each other then what’s the problem. I agree it will not be easy when they get here, we all know that. There is the culture shock and everything else that comes with entering a new environment. But is it impossible? NO!! Can it work? Of Course!!

This stereotype that all Nigerians just come to America for papers is annoying. Ok ALOT of them do, but then again some don’t. That’s why you take time and get to know the person you are dealing with. I have known my fiancé since 2005; we met at my cousin’s traditional wedding. I used to go home to see him, visit with his family, and know him from inside and out and once I felt this way it was then that I decided to file for him to come here. How do you guys handle this when people tell you "Oh he or she will change when they get to the states?" OR “The marriage will not work out?” Or “No matter what you know about him, he will leave you once he gets his green card”. I know that everything at the end of the day is in Gods hands, but I wanted to see what other people thought.

[NigeriaorBust 4,087]

Kenny Loggin - Meet me half way. You should be careful about posting copyrighted material,expecially without giving credit.