Can't find co-sponsor, Need your help

[Juan & Nan 12]

My husband has a high level of security clearance and is in the military. It has definitely affected him and his job.

He has to have a special form from the FBI stating he is allowed to marry me and has to have a waiver from them. He also has to do several forms and tests from the military and his security clearance etc. I also have to have an FBI interview every time he needs to renew his security clearance. I may also have to have one for my ROC and citizenship testing.

I also have a military security clearence, but didn't have any problems and it has not affectted my clearence nor my job. My wife not being a citizen only affects me if we want to be stationed overseas. Basically, we wont' be able. Also, my mother and sister are both non US citizens who live in the US with Green cards. Again, I have not had any problems with my security clearence.

[BlueBonnet 84]

Wow, your jumping to conclusions here. First I never said I asked him to come here, it has been his choice to move here to be with me. Secondly, I never mentioned that I wasn't willing to move to Canada, but since you are mentioning it, I think that you should know that I have 3 children whom their father would never in a million years sign for my kids to move out of the country. First that is not the kind of person I am, to up and move my kids away from their father. My kids would suffer because of that. And secondly, my fiance has 2 children that are adults now, so it is much easier to have him move here.

Why do you think that we did not have a conversation about who would be moving where?

You've made a lot of assumptions that are not accurate.

You have said nothing in this post that has been uplifting at all, but quite the opposite, and that is not what this forum is for, but instead it is for us to be able to come here for support. I have looked at my other options and right now, I don't see any. Desperate? Yes, maybe I might sound a little desperate to find a solution to this problem, cause this is my soulmate and my best friend we are talking about. Living life without him is not a option. My fiance has a good career in canada, but the field which he has expertise in is slim in canada but not here in the states, so he is excited about moving down here and getting back to doing what he loves.

Not to get into an arguement, and I see you may have found a solution. But I think I have a right to defend myself.

I may have jumped to a conclusion that you possibly hadnt looked at Canada, but as you go futher in your post, you said you wouldnt move and leave your kids. So my conclusion sounds dead on, even though you made it out to be a mistake on my part.

You claim that you are pretty much destitude finacialy, again, I jump to the conclusion here, but only based on my knowledge of the poverty guide lines. Then you talk about the kids dad, but how could you be in that finacial situtaion if daddy was doing right by everyone.

You claim that I didnt bring you rainbows and butterflies, that this is a support forum. I was under the impression that this forum was for people trying to learn the immigration ins and outs with out paying for a lawyer. I didnt realise it was my job to make it comfy cozy for you.

Im not trying to be nasty, I have required alot of help here too, and the answers come quickly and accuractly from the members here, and I have thanked them over and over again. But your post, put in the font, sounded to me like someone sceaming for us to fix her problem. All I said was if you cant bring him here, then you go there. It was pretty much straight to the point. I stand by it too. If your life is so bad here with the family, and the job, and the health issues, Canada is where you should be. New man, new life, new family, good healthcare, he has a good job. Sounds pretty sweet to me.

If you go through and read my posts, never had I said anything negative to anyone, at any time during my membership here. But if you feel someone is jumping to conclusions, then maybe you should give out the entire story so there is nowhere to jump. If you dont like the honest straigh forward answers your going to recieve here, because they arnt what you want to hear, dont use the forum. If you are going to come here, and ask every question under the sun about forms or proceedures or tell us your great news, you will find this a great forum.

Best of luck on your decision.

[meandmybeloved 15]

Sorry to hear about your situation, but the suggestions to moving to Canada are not far-fetched.

1. You are divorced and you are raising the kids, by yourself.

2. Your family in the US isn't supportive and not helping w/ co sponsorship.

3. A US Citizen going to Canada is not difficult at all, in fact, many are moving due to the bad economy.

4. Your children will miss their dad, but, Canada is not like going to Saudi Arabic, it's a short plane ride from US or even driving distance.

5. If Rick has a good job and stable in Canada, he can marry you there, and support you there, plus health care as a married women is much better given your medical condition.

I understand your frustration, but, there are many plus points about going to Rick vs. him coming here.

Being that my ex pays child support, and legally we have joint custody, I can't just move there. But I will say this: If my kids were grown and on their own, I would not hesitate to move

to Canada. I would love the change.

I have also been taking into consideration what the other posters have said with all their advice.

Like the CR-1. We are reading about it, and considering it. I am waiting for 2 possible co sponsors that are talking it over with their spouses and do know Rick. And I will definately

consider what the one poster said about my ex being the co sponsor and me lessening his child support in exchange for him co signing. He would love to get back some money.

Thanks for your opinions and advice. I am taking into consideration everything that everyone has said here on this post. We have been researching and researching every avenue.

[meandmybeloved 15]

Not to get into an arguement, and I see you may have found a solution. But I think I have a right to defend myself.

I may have jumped to a conclusion that you possibly hadnt looked at Canada, but as you go futher in your post, you said you wouldnt move and leave your kids. So my conclusion sounds dead on, even though you made it out to be a mistake on my part.

You claim that you are pretty much destitude finacialy, again, I jump to the conclusion here, but only based on my knowledge of the poverty guide lines. Then you talk about the kids dad, but how could you be in that finacial situtaion if daddy was doing right by everyone.

You claim that I didnt bring you rainbows and butterflies, that this is a support forum. I was under the impression that this forum was for people trying to learn the immigration ins and outs with out paying for a lawyer. I didnt realise it was my job to make it comfy cozy for you.

Im not trying to be nasty, I have required alot of help here too, and the answers come quickly and accuractly from the members here, and I have thanked them over and over again. But your post, put in the font, sounded to me like someone sceaming for us to fix her problem. All I said was if you cant bring him here, then you go there. It was pretty much straight to the point. I stand by it too. If your life is so bad here with the family, and the job, and the health issues, Canada is where you should be. New man, new life, new family, good healthcare, he has a good job. Sounds pretty sweet to me.

If you go through and read my posts, never had I said anything negative to anyone, at any time during my membership here. But if you feel someone is jumping to conclusions, then maybe you should give out the entire story so there is nowhere to jump. If you dont like the honest straigh forward answers your going to recieve here, because they arnt what you want to hear, dont use the forum. If you are going to come here, and ask every question under the sun about forms or proceedures or tell us your great news, you will find this a great forum.

Best of luck on your decision.

Yes, I receive child support and the ex does his part, and thankfully it allows me to pay my bills. I will apologize for my post if it were typed in all capital letters and sounded like I was screaming. That was not my intent. I definitely was not screaming at all. Sorry.

I do not expect to come here and find things to be all warm and cozy, I chose to come here because I have seen that there are a lot of good advice from those that have been there and done that.

I said I wouldn't move and leave my kids, and that is true, so right now, moving to canada isn't a option and neither is me taking them with me, for the ex would never approve or sign for that.

As far as rainbows and butterflies, I don't expect that, never said that, I said I was looking for support, meaning advice and maybe direction in a area I had not looked at yet. And many have commented and gave their honest opinions and I would expect that, but it was just how you came across, which was insensitive.

Honestly, I have found more honest sound advice from those on this board then my attorney who has lead me know where but down the wrong path. Which is why as soon as we get our NOA2 we will be doing the rest of our journey on our own.

And to everyone who has posted their comments, thank you. I have read and re-read them all, considering everything. And please do not give up hope for us, this isn't over and God is in control.

Thank you.

I also have a military security clearence, but didn't have any problems and it has not affectted my clearence nor my job. My wife not being a citizen only affects me if we want to be stationed overseas. Basically, we wont' be able. Also, my mother and sister are both non US citizens who live in the US with Green cards. Again, I have not had any problems with my security clearence.

[meandmybeloved 15]

LOL, I just went back and was looking at my post, cause I was thinking that my post was written all in capital letters cause it has been brought to my attention that I was screaming. hahaha,

Now I realize it wasn't in capital letters but in bold, but I did that cause it is easier for me to read and see and I was thinking that it would be easier for others too. Hahahaha, I have to remember

not everyone on this board is an old fart like myself.

Sorry to anyone that misunderstood my bold typing. I wasn't yelling.

[P & T 14]

"Perhaps a CR1 process that is less costly and will give him immediate work privileges is meant to be a part of your focus. If you go through it with no snags, you could be done before he maxes out his annual time here AND give your close friends a chance to see him/know him better so that they can feel more comfortable saying 'yes' to sponsoring him if you still have your back against the wall".

Unfortunately the OP still needs to overcome the income hurdle she faces whether she continues the K-1 route or if she marries and goes the CR-1. While it's true that the non USC can immediately work upon his arrival under a CR-1, the CR-1 won't be approved unless the OP meets the minimum income criteria. It's a catch-22.

Thanks. My heart goes out to the OP and I figured it just might work. Everybody wins if she can convince her ex to co-sponsor

I disagree with you slightly. You need to take my comment in the full context of where it was placed. My comment was inclusive of Loretta doing the steps needed to help herself by being her own self-sufficient sponsor by having a good job. She was succesful at finding work before, let her find it again. If Rick is here assisting her with babysitting, she should be working. Fill out the forms needed with the correct information always. When time comes for the interview, months down the road, if her job situation has failed again and 'her back is against the wall' she may have more success convincing someone to be Rick's co-sponsor.

"I feel for her too. I don't understand why people use this forum to say hateful stuff. If you don't have anything nice to say don't say it. We are here to help each other out, not put our foot on someone's head that is "drowning". Let's lend a hand!"

I agree that sometimes people can be cruel in their responses when someone who is in trouble posts - but honesty is the best policy. Some senior members of this forum don't have much tact but they tell it like it is and that benefits the majority of the people who are members of this forum.

I'd rather see someone respond to a post in an abrupt and curt manner than to see people respond nicely who give incorrect answers or information.

AMEN to that az110965!!!

Loretta - Though abrupt, it is good to see the variety of opinions and thoughts out there. Chances are if someone from the VJ community bothers to say it, it may be some of the same thoughts and questions your friends and family members have as well.

[Inky 1,110]

I also have a military security clearence, but didn't have any problems and it has not affectted my clearence nor my job. My wife not being a citizen only affects me if we want to be stationed overseas. Basically, we wont' be able. Also, my mother and sister are both non US citizens who live in the US with Green cards. Again, I have not had any problems with my security clearence.

Congrats to you then. Must not be a high clearance like ours or you would be having the same issues.

Not sure why you cant be stationed over seas because we can and anyone whos military spouse has a green card CAN. You can ROC over seas and apply for citizenship early because of being active duty military and stationed over seas on orders.

[P & T 14]

Hi Loretta.

Sorry to see you're having a difficult time finding a suitable co-sponsor for you in your situation. I know you're determined to have your fiance here with you, and I've thought a lot about possible solutions. I have one - but you may not like it.

Your ex-husband obviously can afford to pay you child support for your 3 children. I know that at the present time he's your sole source of income, so maybe you make him a proposal -

HE be your co-sponsor and in return you offer to either reduce or althoughter eliminate his child support after your fiance arrives, receives his

AOS

and can obtain employment. This is a win - win for all parties involved. Your ex-husband gets reduced child support simply for signing the affadavit of supoport and you get your fiance here, who can work to supoport your family.

I know this might not be the best solution but from what I'm reading it might be your only one. The embassy could care less who your co-sponsor is and this would solve your problem.

Just my .02

WOW, I LOVE IT!!! REALLY GOOD IDEA. That is a very very good possibility. I think he will for sure take this deal and it might be the answer I'm looking for. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

:thumbs:

Wait a minute.... NOT your only solution and before you get too excited about this, stew this over well....... underhanded deals never put you in a good light. Perhaps you can get some feedback from some of the Canada forum folks. Overall, this seems so wacky and depending on the country the beneficiary is from, this wreaks of visa fraud and payout arrangements. I would never try to pull this for my beneficiary's country of the Dominican Republic. There are some embassies that do care who the sponsor is and are trained to smell a rat... Canada may have a different reputation..... Expect to be put through the wringer because how could someone not ask why Person A would sponsor the new husband of Person B for someone they dont know or have any vested interest in. You are already committed to child support payments for years. Now you are going to sign up to be committed to financial responsibility for the person's new husband too? C'mon. You have to have come out of a divorce extremely happy with each other to lay that commitment on the line. I would think any CO with half a brain would suspect this is somehow a 'you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours' arrangement. Dont make them go digging for the 'twist.' Should you chose to pursue this madness, verify if the child support payment was part of your intended income to be able to account for its loss. Are you making your situation even more difficult going forward? Is this part of the income you intended to keep using to keep your family of 5 afloat? Can you make do with the reduction? What if Rick doesn't find work quickly? Suppose your ex jacks you up and stops payment prior to you finishing the process? I havent researched the level of detail required on the affidavit of support, but I have to also wonder does your Ex make enough money to list the court obligated child support payments and still have sufficient funds left over to account for Rick? Or were you going to amend those child support payments via court docs to offset the previously itemized support payments declared on tax returns you and your ex have already logged with the government. And if Rick's petition is not successful? Going on good faith your Ex will start paying you again?

It could stink so bad, and the few other situations where I read of ex-family members trying to help out the out-laws or the newly incoming folk have been on pins and needles on how to explain it to the CO. A person saying, "She is my daughter or my best friend or my sister; I have met Rick and I really really want Loretta to be happy in her life," is a hell of a lot more plausible than, "Your ex-husband is your co-sponsor? Why would he do that? Was he the only person you asked to fill this role? Could you not find anyone else to be a co-sponsor? Why would no one else co-sponsor your beneficiary?" Very uncomfortable.

[Ready to do it 101]

The main thing the OP needs to hear is that we don't always get what we want and sometimes we have to wait or earn what we want in life. There are three other options that have not been discussed. I still think going to Canada was the best option. Other options...

1) Go back to school, learn a trade, get more education(even if it means student loans)etc. so you will have a higher income and will be able to provide a better living for your children,

2) Wait until your kids are grown before remarrying and bringing Rick to the US (actually it sounds like you will just need to wait until 1 child is grown, assuming you have the same income in a few years), or

3) Give your ex-hubby custody of the kids (I know this sounds far-fetched, but is it?) I don't think it is nearly as far-fetched as looking for a co-sponsor. Why? Co-sponsor- destroy someone financially for life. Give your ex-hubby the kids- Alter your custody arrangement giving ex-hubby full custody of the kids. He does pay child support so he can probably provide them a better life.

It's harsh, but it's true. The idea of letting your ex-hubby pay less in child support will never work. No one in their right mind would agree to that. If he did, you and your new hubby would have him by the balls for life.

[OnMyWayID 1,489]

I think the ex can be used here for some leverage but in a way less harmful to the children - Instead of asking him to co-sponsor ask him for help with getting you into a position where you can work and earn a living. This is a win for him because most likely his payments to you are partially based on your income. If he helps by watching or paying extra for someone or help you watch the kids you can work and earn enough to not need a co-sponsor. When you bring your guy over that job can go to him and relieve your ex of the extra money/time while you and your (then) husband work out whatever you can.. If your ex can look at the long term benefit of doing this it can be a win for everyone.

[Ready to do it 101]

Bingo!!! Now that is a solution that would work in everyone's best interest, legal, and makes sense.

I think the ex can be used here for some leverage but in a way less harmful to the children - Instead of asking him to co-sponsor ask him for help with getting you into a position where you can work and earn a living. This is a win for him because most likely his payments to you are partially based on your income. If he helps by watching or paying extra for someone or help you watch the kids you can work and earn enough to not need a co-sponsor. When you bring your guy over that job can go to him and relieve your ex of the extra money/time while you and your (then) husband work out whatever you can.. If your ex can look at the long term benefit of doing this it can be a win for everyone.

Edited September 27, 2011 by Ready to do it

[meandmybeloved 15]

Wait a minute.... NOT your only solution and before you get too excited about this, stew this over well....... underhanded deals never put you in a good light. Perhaps you can get some feedback from some of the Canada forum folks. Overall, this seems so wacky and depending on the country the beneficiary is from, this wreaks of visa fraud and payout arrangements. I would never try to pull this for my beneficiary's country of the Dominican Republic. There are some embassies that do care who the sponsor is and are trained to smell a rat... Canada may have a different reputation..... Expect to be put through the wringer because how could someone not ask why Person A would sponsor the new husband of Person B for someone they dont know or have any vested interest in. You are already committed to child support payments for years. Now you are going to sign up to be committed to financial responsibility for the person's new husband too? C'mon. You have to have come out of a divorce extremely happy with each other to lay that commitment on the line. I would think any CO with half a brain would suspect this is somehow a 'you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours' arrangement. Dont make them go digging for the 'twist.' Should you chose to pursue this madness, verify if the child support payment was part of your intended income to be able to account for its loss. Are you making your situation even more difficult going forward? Is this part of the income you intended to keep using to keep your family of 5 afloat? Can you make do with the reduction? What if Rick doesn't find work quickly? Suppose your ex jacks you up and stops payment prior to you finishing the process? I havent researched the level of detail required on the affidavit of support, but I have to also wonder does your Ex make enough money to list the court obligated child support payments and still have sufficient funds left over to account for Rick? Or were you going to amend those child support payments via court docs to offset the previously itemized support payments declared on tax returns you and your ex have already logged with the government. And if Rick's petition is not successful? Going on good faith your Ex will start paying you again?

It could stink so bad, and the few other situations where I read of ex-family members trying to help out the out-laws or the newly incoming folk have been on pins and needles on how to explain it to the CO. A person saying, "She is my daughter or my best friend or my sister; I have met Rick and I really really want Loretta to be happy in her life," is a hell of a lot more plausible than, "Your ex-husband is your co-sponsor? Why would he do that? Was he the only person you asked to fill this role? Could you not find anyone else to be a co-sponsor? Why would no one else co-sponsor your beneficiary?" Very uncomfortable.

I understand what you are saying. To answer your question about whether the ex could afford to cover Rick if he is paying child support. As soon as I get married, the ex gets back the alimony he pays me,which comes out of his pay along with the child support money. This is a plus for him and an incentive.

It seems like our options are slim cause there are so many obstacles in the way. Rick pays alimony and child support for his two kids that have both just graduated in the last year and will continue to pay for some time too until they are out of college. So, obstacle 1 is that he can't come down here and not be able to work because he has to be able to keep paying the child support and alimony in canada. If we choose to get married and he stays in canada and works at the job he is still currently at to pay for child support and wait till CR-1 or K-3 visa is approved , that will immediately cause me to loose several hundred dollars a money because my ex won't have to pay alimony any longer.

Thing is, when Rick comes here monthly, he is here for only a day or two. He drives down from canada and can't stay long due to the fact that he has 2 full time jobs and he doesn't get vacation time, so it isn't easy for him to find coverage and so he looses money for each day he is here. And it is for this reason that most of my family and friends haven't met him. Only 3 of my best friends have met him but they don't meet the financial requirements to co-sponsor. And as far as my family, they either are older and retired or other situations won't allow them to sponsor.

I truly welcome all advice and ideas of what we should do at this point.

Right now, we are still moving forward with the k-1 hoping that the few people that are still thinking over the co-sponsor thing, might decide to tell us yes. Now, I understand that even if we do get the approval and the co-sponsor, rick will still have to wait to work. But he will be doing the baby sitting while I work, and this should help cover his expenses for his kids until he starts work here.

This is just a lot to mule over and I want to make the right choice.

I have been reading over the CR-1 and the k-3 but I thought I read something about the cr-1 and it taking up to 5 years. Is this true?

[Robert&Karen 264]

Congrats to you then. Must not be a high clearance like ours or you would be having the same issues.

It's a case by case basis. I have a high clearance and this is a non-issue. Then again the UK is a friendly country, not like being from Syria or Iran. I can see that being more of an issue. When I worked for Dept of State I knew several folks working at the Embassy married to foreign nationals or dating them. They are subject to background checks but so are the fiances sponsored here. You cannot lump every scenario in the same pot.

You want to read this. www.state.gov/m/ds/clearances/60321.htm You want to pay attention to the parts that say:

"Conditions that could mitigate security concerns include:"

That's the part that explains when saying YES is okay.

[meandmybeloved 15]

The main thing the OP needs to hear is that we don't always get what we want and sometimes we have to wait or earn what we want in life. There are three other options that have not been discussed. I still think going to Canada was the best option. Other options...

1) Go back to school, learn a trade, get more education(even if it means student loans)etc. so you will have a higher income and will be able to provide a better living for your children,

2) Wait until your kids are grown before remarrying and bringing Rick to the US (actually it sounds like you will just need to wait until 1 child is grown, assuming you have the same income in a few years), or

3) Give your ex-hubby custody of the kids (I know this sounds far-fetched, but is it?) I don't think it is nearly as far-fetched as looking for a co-sponsor. Why? Co-sponsor- destroy someone financially for life. Give your ex-hubby the kids- Alter your custody arrangement giving ex-hubby full custody of the kids. He does pay child support so he can probably provide them a better life.

It's harsh, but it's true. The idea of letting your ex-hubby pay less in child support will never work. No one in their right mind would agree to that. If he did, you and your new hubby would have him by the balls for life.

I wanted to address the going back to school thing. I am a medical assistant and love what I do. But it isn't the highest paying career but I love what I do. However, being that my daughter is in kindergarten and only goes to school for 2 hours a day , this means she needs day care after school along with her brother who is in 2nd grade. Daycare for the two of them a month is 700.00 which is crazy. I had a job, but when my daycare assistance got pulled and taken away due to new guidelines on income, I couldn't work and pay daycare and have anything left over.

I would never give over custody to my ex, he drinks and I cant' put my kids in the situation.

I know and am trusting God to help us through this process and praying for an answer.

Thank You for your advice and opinions. I am taking into consideration and thinking about what each and every poster is saying, cause I believe I will find an answer as long as we keep pressing forward.

[Robert&Karen 264]

I have been reading here and sadly I can not see an instant solution. Heck I'd sponsor you myself if I could afford to! In your case it is obvious how much better off you would be with him here. Too bad there is not an option which requires him to go back to Canada if he ever applies for aid and you can go that route. The only other thing I can think of is if he can come to the US on a work visa and apply for residency and citizenship as the time allows, or is there another visa option.

My parents and their two kids came from Canada to the US, that is how I got here. They were unemployed and I was told it was months before we even had furniture. But this was 1965. Amazing how immigrants back then were willing to do anything to reach for the dream, yet today this 125% stuff today just assumes immigrants are here for freebies.