Men get put in JAIL when they can't afford to pay child support, but women get rewarded with a WELFARE CHECK.

[slim 1,530]

The ex-wife lives in Canada and I cant afford to hire a PI.

If I had to do it again I probably wouldn't use a lawyer. I lost a ####### load on lawyer fees (over 4 years) and it did nothing in the end. I had to rebuild from zero since she got everything. The good part of it now .... 1) I have a great wife here in the US. Wish I would have met her the first time around. 2) The relationship with my sons (from x-wife) is great. The ex tried to destroy that too and her relationship with them is not so great now.

You were paying international child support?

[sly_wolf 199]

You were paying international child support?

No, my sons work and have careers. I have to pay spousal support .... I still have that ball and chain around my ankle.

[james&olya 1,121]

2) The relationship with my sons (from x-wife) is great. The ex tried to destroy that too and her relationship with them is not so great now.

Congratulations! You are the winner then. Money is nice to have but comes nowhere near to being worth what having a good relationship with your children is! Slim will never appreciate this but those of us who have children that we love and that love us in return know that NOTHING comes close in importance in life!

I now have my children from the 'ex-from-hell'. They chose to live with me and are old enough finally that the courts backed them up. Their mother is now left fighting to try and get disability for her pretense of a back injury. Anything to avoid actually working for a living! But I don't want and will not ask for her to pay me child support. I don't want her money. I want as little connection with her as is possible. She does not contact my boys and they are not interested in contacting her. I feel badly for them that she is such a worthless parent but fortunately they now have a great step-mother!

[slim 1,530]

No, my sons work and have careers. I have to pay spousal support .... I still have that ball and chain around my ankle.

You pay across borders?

Also, it's never too late to get that stopped.

I now have my children from the 'ex-from-hell'. They chose to live with me and are old enough finally that the courts backed them up. Their mother is now left fighting to try and get disability for her pretense of a back injury. Anything to avoid actually working for a living! But I don't want and will not ask for her to pay me child support. I don't want her money. I want as little connection with her as is possible. She does not contact my boys and they are not interested in contacting her. I feel badly for them that she is such a worthless parent but fortunately they now have a great step-mother!

Did you have no clue that she'd be an unfit mother? She doesn't like to work - did she work while you were married?

It surprises me how people have such horrible ex wives yet spent so long with them. How did you not know?

[sly_wolf 199]

Congratulations! You are the winner then. Money is nice to have but comes nowhere near to being worth what having a good relationship with your children is! Slim will never appreciate this but those of us who have children that we love and that love us in return know that NOTHING comes close in importance in life!

I now have my children from the 'ex-from-hell'. They chose to live with me and are old enough finally that the courts backed them up. Their mother is now left fighting to try and get disability for her pretense of a back injury. Anything to avoid actually working for a living! But I don't want and will not ask for her to pay me child support. I don't want her money. I want as little connection with her as is possible. She does not contact my boys and they are not interested in contacting her. I feel badly for them that she is such a worthless parent but fortunately they now have a great step-mother!

Yes, my sons also have a great stepmother .... couldn't ask for better.

What really bothers me is the system allows people to be emotionaly and financially abused in the courts. A spouse can keep you in court forever and there is nothing you can do about it. The system is corrupt and broken ..... just like government.

[sly_wolf 199]

You pay across borders?

Also, it's never too late to get that stopped.

Yes, and thats very difficult to get stopped. I have discussed options with lawyers and the odds are against me winning right now. I have pretty much had it with judges and lawyers. They are mostly scum.

[james&olya 1,121]

Of course her court fee's were paid for while mine came out of my pocket.

I forgot to tell you the best part. I know it's schadenfreude but it still was good! It happens that this a$$hole attorney who relished destroying any adversary in court developed some kind of medical problem. He didn't want his wife to get his life insurance so HE HUNG HIMSELF and in a very public location so there would be no question it was suicide! I have never really believed in karma and justice in the end but this time it seemed to work out that way as far as he was concerned individually! I did feel sorry for the wife and his children! I never knew them but they could not have ever deserved that. They should have gotten medals just for putting up with him as long as they did.

[james&olya 1,121]

You pay across borders?

Also, it's never too late to get that stopped.

Did you have no clue that she'd be an unfit mother? She doesn't like to work - did she work while you were married?

It surprises me how people have such horrible ex wives yet spent so long with them. How did you not know?

Yes, she worked as an RN. She was the most gifted con artist I have ever known! She could fool virtually anybody if she had anything to gain by it. I credit her with teaching me a lot about narcissism and anti-social personality disorder!

[slim 1,530]

Yes, and thats very difficult to get stopped. I have discussed options with lawyers and the odds are against me winning right now. I have pretty much had it with judges and lawyers. They are mostly scum.

If it's difficult to get stopped... wouldn't it be just as hard to catch up with you if you simply stopped paying?

[james&olya 1,121]

I have pretty much had it with judges and lawyers. They are mostly scum.

Amen to that!

[sly_wolf 199]

If it's difficult to get stopped... wouldn't it be just as hard to catch up with you if you simply stopped paying?

I have been told by lawyers that they can come after me here as well.

Hell, I even got dinged by NY state on my drivers license for getting a speeding ticket in Ontario last year. I did not break the speeding law in NY but they still fined me on top of what Ontario fined me ..... another form of taxation.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I have primary legal and physical custody of my 3 kids from my 1st marriage. When we had 50-50 custody I had to pay her 575 dollars a month, plus all extra curricular activities, carry health insurance, daycare, etc. She was getting subsidized daycare assistance for the days she had the kids. She eventually went off the wagon and became involved with an ex con drug dealer. I went to court and got custody of the kids. She went 9 months without seeing them, she now only gets supervised visit's once a week and doesn't show up to half of them.

Her child support payment to me is supposed to be 315 a month. I had to pay 575 to have them half and can collect only 315 when having them 99% of the time. Since January 2009 I have rec'd @1800 in child support. She has never spent a day in jail or been found guilty of contempt once. I have buddies if they fall 2-3 months behind **click click** off to county jail they go. She now receives welfare for herself and the new kid she has, but can't pay for her previous ones? It is ridiculous and there's an obvious double standard.

The child support payments, if you were paying attention to the Family Court's explanation, is determined on both parent's incomes during the marriage as well as other factors. The fact that you only had to pay $575 a month for 3 children is amazingly cheap. But in any case, your ex-wife's support payments were based on her income just as yours were. Had she been the bread winner, then the tables would be turned.

What is more telling is the fact that women still lag behind in pay compared to men. Change that, and you'd probably see less of these men whining about unfairness, but who knows, they'd probably whine about how women smell better than they do.

Edited September 20, 2011 by DFH

[slim 1,530]

Yes, she worked as an RN. She was the most gifted con artist I have ever known! She could fool virtually anybody if she had anything to gain by it. I credit her with teaching me a lot about narcissism and anti-social personality disorder!

So there were no red flags? This "perfect" woman had all these problems and you simply missed them?

I'm perplexed by all these stories of "she just went crazy." I know every woman is a little bit crazy, but so often I hear the crazy ex-wives stories that I have to call BS. They can't all just flip like that. There has to have been some tell-tale signs.

Though, I have heard of women changing significantly after child birth - A huge reason why I don't reproduce with my wife. She's crazy enough already!

I have been told by lawyers that they can come after me here as well.

But why would they?

If you were picked up for something, sure. But it's not like they're going to extradite you for child support. I'd just stop paying. Screw her. Let her come after you for the money and in doing so, prove how much she really has. "But ma'am, how could you afford such legal fees without my clients payments each month?"

Hell, I even got dinged by NY state on my drivers license for getting a speeding ticket in Ontario last year. I did not break the speeding law in NY but they still fined me on top of what Ontario fined me ..... another form of taxation.

Are you in Canada or the US?

I'd probably get a congressman involved. There's no reason any grown person should be supporting another grown person they've divorced. Or did you divorce her and agree to pay? In that case you get what you get.

What is more telling is the fact that women still lag behind in pay compared to men. Change that, and you'd probably see less of these men whining about unfairness, but who knows, they'd probably whine about how women smell better than they do.

I'm tired of hearing this. I know very, very, VERY few women who work more than their husbands. Most jump at the chance t be supported.

The sad thing is courts typically reward them for such behavior.

[MyLittlePony 340]

Free drugs supported by the goverment see too much drama the government supports drug habits through welfare money till the family gets busted and serve lOng jail time.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

Wow - I actually agree with Slim on something, I might have to go lie down.

Almost everyone I have heard complain about their divorce settlement (and this includes both of my parents) would rather complain than actually have done something about it.

Do what? ####### can you do? I'm being serious. I mean it sounds cool to say..."Ya, this is the fckng USA man! You just go appeal that sh*t like on Perry Mason".

It doesn't work that way. Once a judge hoses you, your hosed. It's a rarity another judge is going to reverse or change another judges ruling. I mean it's nice to quote the Constitution and all that #######, but in the real world it is what it is. As far as being able to pay high child support yet not afford the court cost. It's the judge that determines the child support. I know plenty of guys that had to work two jobs to pay child support to some complete and total h0 who was raking in the money along with his money yet the kids were lucky to have two pair of shoes on their feet for the fact mom was blowing it on herself.

This is real life were talking about here...not what should be and shouldn't be...it's what it is.