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[kennym 275]

Anyone who uproots someone and makes a commitment like wedding vows, then wants to call it quits over a small cultural diference after two

weeks even after all the sacrifices made by the foriegn spouse... well schmuck wouldn't be the way I would describe that person, it would be much harsher...

But, I am willing to concede to the fact that everyone makes mistakes, but a comitment is a comitment.. There are justified reasons for breaking that commitment, but small cultural diference is not one of them.. Those kinds of issues requires work which is a requirement for any relationship whether it's matrimony or any other type relationship...

I respect your right to comment... This is a item I feel strongly about, and therefore, I will also take advantage of the right to comment.. And not agreeing with me is your right.. But never the less, I hope somebody reading this in the future, and considering a petition for someone, would realize that, first there is the commitment, second there are cultural diferences to consider, third, there is someone making a huge sacrifice to leave their entire life behind with the hope of being with someone they love and trust, and wouldnt think they would be kicked to the curb over a small cultural diference and be expected to return to a life that no longer waits for them back home..

But thankfully, the OP and his wife seemingly will make an attempt to work through this, and I hope others who haven't considered these items, will read this and give this serious thought if they haven't already...

[kennym 275]

Also, this is not a divorce forum, this is an immigration forum, dealing with items related to immigration.. And encouraging someone to have patience over a immigrating spouse with a small cultural diference, has everything to do with immigration since this is a common issue all couples likely will deal with..

And when someone cant muster up the sensitivity to understand that the immigrating spouse will have an adjustment to her new world, as well as the fact that 2 people from opposite sides of the world will have things to adjust to with each other, then again, that is exttemely short sided and thoughtless.. as well as a few other words, but it's simply not realistic to ignore those things...

[ronluvme 10]

hi kennym,

the reason why some people gave them advice (about divorce or seperation)is because not all of us here or out there think the same like our,everyone of us have different opinion and mind.just a thought this morning..but your right!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Also, this is not a divorce forum, this is an immigration forum, dealing with items related to immigration.. And encouraging someone to have patience over a immigrating spouse with a small cultural diference, has everything to do with immigration since this is a common issue all couples likely will deal with..

And when someone cant muster up the sensitivity to understand that the immigrating spouse will have an adjustment to her new world, as well as the fact that 2 people from opposite sides of the world will have things to adjust to with each other, then again, that is exttemely short sided and thoughtless.. as well as a few other words, but it's simply not realistic to ignore those things...

For those interested the above poster quoted me so that I would see this.

As you obviously directed this at me I will reply. YOU are not judge and jury. YOU jumped on the OP for having HIS doubts about HIS adjustment. Instead of supporting the OP you jumped on the immigrant band-wagon and you aren't even the immigrant.

This is an immigration forum and yes, while relationships and emotions are often discussed, you immediately told the OP he was wrong for considering divorce when that was not the question at hand.

Cultural issues are the forgotten part of the adjustment factor in any of these relationships.. My wife and I deal with this in many forms as well as every other person marrying a partner from another place, it's the same if you marry another USC from the opposite coast or someone from the opposite side of the globe..

It upsets me that a Petitioning Spouse up-roots someone from a forreign country and creates hopes and dreams of a long lasting loving relationship without considering the Cultural diferences and how that factors into the adjustment..

I dont know the specifics, but you say it's not money, and I must assume since you're married, this issue cant possibly be new to you since you wouldn't have married someone you don't know. So it seems the only thing it could be, is something that you should have been able to compromise on..

This kind of divorce and loss is sooo senseless and such a waist of good USCIS, NVC and Consulate Time and just upsets me that people are soo thoughtless...

This is your first post. You stated that the OP did not consider the adjustment period of his spouse, how you were able to see into the OP's mind I'm not sure. You then speculated about his reasons for wanting a divorce... which was not the purpose of his post nor relevant. You then stated "this kind of divorce" was "sooo senseless" and that he was "soo thoughless". Again, without knowing the OP, without knowing his wife, without knowing specifics of their situation you decided that you knew what was best for them and decided to try and guilt the OP.

I never posted that divorce was the answer. I offered alternate reasons for his wanting a divorce in reply to the VERY judgmental posts preceding mine. I stated that while he said it was a "small cultural issue" he may have just been being polite and in fact it was a big issue. I told him how to go about divorce as THAT was his question.

You have decided that this is your dais and I wish you luck. But you are NOT the marriage/divorce police and you really should back off the guilt trips for people you DO NOT know who consider divorce but especially in situations where it WAS NOT ASKED.

Edited September 23, 2011 by Vanessa&Tony

[kennym 275]

Vanessa, This is hilarious that you replied to seemingly nothing as if your the only one who can be right...

I havent got aclue what you're talking about.. Simply because, I am not going to research this entire thead to respond to you... You've gone off the deep end and trying to make this about something it's not.. I dont give a rat's hiney what you feel about my post, just as I don't care anything about your posts.. You attacked me because I gave my opinion, which I am entitled.. And I not going to feel bad about it.. Now go chill, and put this behind you..

Life's too short girl, to get all worked up over this stuff.. The lovely thing about forums is that it opens up discussions that we all can join in on, not just you and not only your opinion counts.. So chill...

Just remember, all of us, can jump on whatever band wagon we want, as well as tell anyone considering a Divorce over seemingly minor issues, that it's rediculous, and many of us will be judgemental if it's warranted.. I dont understand the comment you stated about the immigrant band wagon.. You're darn right that I am going to make my comments about someone if I feel they are being wronged.. Not sure why you would feel otherwise.. And just to be clear, there were NOOOO ASSUMPTIONS.. The OP clearly stated the reasons he was considering divorce and went as far as to say it wasnt cheating or money related.. Soo, what assumptions are you refering too.. Never mind, don't answer that.. You'll likely make up another reason to continue this argument...

Regardless of what you feel.. This is what forums are all about.. If this forum was for you only, then I would not be allowed to posts, but it's not your forum,.. I beleive my ideas, maybe a bit old fasioned for some, but there are still people out here that feel living up to responsibilties and commitments are important..And my posts may help to offer some things for others to consider, regardless of how they sound to you...

You're really getting upset over some rediculous reasons and that again; it is your choice.. I cant make your choices or anyone elses, but thankfully, I can give my opinion... It maybe it maight help..

Now please.. For me this discussion is over, go find someone else to argue with.. It's not entertaining to argue with someone who makes up reasons to argue..

The OP changed his mind, I am not taking credit for that, it may have been he simply came to his senses.. Whatever the case is, I am happy he is going to let his relationship and his wife adjust without shipping er back to possibly nothing...

I still love you and hope you learn to relax a little...

Just remember, you can read into whatever you want and make up all kinds of reasons why you were quoted, but it simply is a matter of clinking the "reply" button and can often mean nothing, or mean something.. But you're very good at making up a fight out of nothing.. RELAX....Have a drink with your husband and be thankful things are going soo well for you...

Your friend

Kenny

[kennym 275]

For those interested the above poster quoted me so that I would see this.

As you obviously directed this at me I will reply. YOU are not judge and jury. YOU jumped on the OP for having HIS doubts about HIS adjustment. Instead of supporting the OP you jumped on the immigrant band-wagon and you aren't even the immigrant.

Yup, you are correct.. And I made some very good points.. I don't know this couple, I responded to his comments.. And your are also correct, I didnt support the OP about a plan to divorce his wife after 2 weeks over "small cultural diferences"... All good valid observations.. I surprised you feel that I cant offer those thoughts.. Beleive it our not, somebody might benefit from someone who thinks outside the box...

This is an immigration forum and yes, while relationships and emotions are often discussed, you immediately told the OP he was wrong for considering divorce when that was not the question at hand.

Boy Vanessa, you are on-top-of all this.. Very good observations, I did tell the OP he was wrong.. Ohhh, and by the way, he was wrong to divorce after only 2 weeks of promissing to love and cherish his wife until death do us part, over small cultural diference.. YES you are right I did do those things.. Not sure what your point is...

This is your first post. You stated that the OP did not consider the adjustment period of his spouse, how you were able to see into the OP's mind I'm not sure. You then speculated about his reasons for wanting a divorce... which was not the purpose of his post nor relevant. You then stated "this kind of divorce" was "sooo senseless" and that he was "soo thoughless". Again, without knowing the OP, without knowing his wife, without knowing specifics of their situation you decided that you knew what was best for them and decided to try and guilt the OP.

There was no need to read his mind, I could go back and quote the initial posts, but to paraphrase,

We talked and we are both calmed now. But, I really don't have the energy to continue with this. I really feel bad because I can sense she likes to continue the relationship.

It is a a very tough situation because we are having a very GOOD TIME. I have never been this happy before. She can cook well, take care of the house like I could never imagine, sings like a pro, and makes me laugh so much and so healthy. Another thing, She gets alone with my family and friends.

The sad part is that the problem is not about the usual (like money or cheating). It is about a small culture difference that I need to respect but I really can not get over it.

I love her but I think it is the best thing for us to do now before it gets more complicated.

Those are in the OP's own words...What mind reading did you think was needed..

He has the dream relationship.. with someone who sings, makes him laugh, seemingly wants to make the relationship work and stay together, but he wanted to split up over "small cultural diference".. Where are you getting all this mind-reading stuff from.. It's cracking me up...

I never posted that divorce was the answer. I offered alternate reasons for his wanting a divorce in reply to the VERY judgmental posts preceding mine. I stated that while he said it was a "small cultural issue" he may have just been being polite and in fact it was a big issue. I told him how to go about divorce as THAT was his question.

No you're probably right, you never came out and said it was the thing to do, but you hammered on those who said it was the wrong thing to do.. And some of us, (like me) was more blunt about it.. But that is just the way we roll here in Texas!!

You have decided that this is your dais and I wish you luck. But you are NOT the marriage/divorce police and you really should back off the guilt trips for people you DO NOT know who consider divorce but especially in situations where it WAS NOT ASKED.

dais? I need to "Google" that word, someday... Marriage Police? You have to be the marriage police to tell someone they're making a huge mistake?? Really?

Guilt trip is the least of the meassage.. Also, I have a lot of ideas about someone who would put a woman through something like he was considering...

I would tell anyone in this situation they're making a huge mistake, and likely I would use much stronger language if it was a friend of mine who told me he was considering the same type of action over the same circumstances.. But I held back to avoid TOS violations, but if it hadn't been for that, I might had really used some stronger words...

All good comment though Vanessa...But as you can tell, I strongly disagree with all of em.. That doesn't mean I think your not a wonderful person, jut dont agree with you..

Now, go have that drink, and kick your husband in the behind and tell em to take you out for some dinner..

Have a good weekend..

Kenny