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[Lynn n Sam 57]

Lynn n Sam

In general, I agree with you, but as the OP stated a "small culture difference" isnt going to met with much sensitivity since we ALL have dealt with cultural dierences in all forms and sizes..

We cant possibly know the specifics, based on what he stated.. If it's larger than a "small culture difference", we could be sensitve to that, and help to provide some thoughts, but as he stated it's a "small culture difference" and didn't take the time to either understand those factors going in to the relationship, or ignored them hoping once she arrived he could entice her with the AOS or whatever..

I wont speculate, but if it's divorce he's considering, that is simply drastic after only two weeks... Especially since the reasons given seem soo insignificant, and the things required on both parts to get to this point is soo extradinary, especially on the immigrating spouse...

in my mind..

kennym,

I understand your line of thinking and as I posted, I don't totally agree with the OP either and feel perhaps they both should try a little harder to get to the heart of the problem and at all costs try and salvage what's left. True love doesn't come around often and it would be sad to see this end over something seemingly "insignificant" in our eyes - but again we don't know the whole story and therefore should refrain on passing judgement. Let's face it, we'll all different and we all process things differently and I just felt that he shouldn't be "attacked" for lack of a better word. Perhaps we should agree to disagree - but in return try to stick to the facts at hand in people's pleas for help on these forums.

[kennym 275]

Lynn n Sam, All good comments,

It's important that anyone who is not considering the Cultural Diferences and going into this process for any reason, other than genuine love, should seriously consider all that is at stake...

It's not simply time out of our lives, or the time of the agencies involved in approving our petitions and applications, or the money we spend or our feelings, there is a larger part.. there are the hopes ad emotions of our partners as well..

Consequences for hastily deciding to petition and bring a fiance(e) to the US without considering everything, is much bigger than some people consider.. And, there isnt currently a test for the sincerity and maturity of people involved, soo sadly, there are those willing to put thier partners through this kind of extreme emotional roller coaster...

It simply is selfish... The point is not to past judgement, but to hopefully let everyone know, that is in the preliminary stages of thier relationship with someone from other parts of the world, it's not a game, and it's not a try-it-and-see-if-you-like-it, it's a emotionally charged and huge step for everyone involved and needs to be taken seriously not just considering the petitioner, but the foriegn partner as well..

Edited September 20, 2011 by kennym

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Can I send you a pvt message with the real reason? I like the way you replied to my post.

If you are going to PM someone instead of head over the Philippine Regional area then why wouldn't it be another Fil-Am Couple?

[ronluvme 10]

this is funny post,

asking for help without telling the entire story,how we can help w/o distinguishing the whole story,haha i respect your own privacy if you chose not to post it here,goood luck to you and god bless the rest of your marriage problem.

[duriantaste 44]

You guys are correct, I better go and seek some professional help. My heart is too fragile as this moment to take some personal attack.

I will come back with result.

Thanks again to those who understand my situation.

'There are those who are good attacking and there are those who are good understanding'

[kennym 275]

You guys are correct, I better go and seek some professional help. My heart is too fragile as this moment to take some personal attack.

I will come back with result.

Thanks again to those who understand my situation.

'There are those who are good attacking and there are those who are good understanding'

Professional Help is a great idea!!

I think you and your wife should go.. I hope you're serious about this..

My appologies if it seems we're attacking, but divorce over a "small culture difference" especially after everything your wife has sacrificed to be with you, is sooo extreme, just seems insane that anyone would consider this..

Find a good counselor and seriously consider all the factors.. I hope to hear that you've been able to work things out...

Kenny

[Fandango 1,440]

We talked and we are both calmed now. But, I really don't have the energy to continue with this. I really feel bad because I can sense she likes to continue the relationship.

It is a a very tough situation because we are having a very GOOD TIME. I have never been this happy before. She can cook well, take care of the house like I could never imagine, sings like a pro, and makes me laugh so much and so healthy. Another thing, She gets alone with my family and friends.

The sad part is that the problem is not about the usual (like money or cheating). It is about a small culture difference that I need to respect but I really can not get over it.

I love her but I think it is the best thing for us to do now before it gets more complicated.

You mean before you pledged your lives to one another and legally bound yourselves together? Oh wait a minute....

[Mhayonaise 14]

You guys are correct, I better go and seek some professional help. My heart is too fragile as this moment to take some personal attack.

I will come back with result.

Thanks again to those who understand my situation.

'There are those who are good attacking and there are those who are good understanding'

Thats good Idea, seek a professional help, who knows you guys can still save the marriage before it gets worse.

Hope for the best

Also, it's too early to quit after all those efforts and time invested during the K1 process.

[bigdog 376]

Dissolution of marriage and a ticket unfortunately.

[BobnCherry 10]

We talked and we are both calmed now. But, I really don't have the energy to continue with this. I really feel bad because I can sense she likes to continue the relationship.

It is a a very tough situation because we are having a very GOOD TIME. I have never been this happy before. She can cook well, take care of the house like I could never imagine, sings like a pro, and makes me laugh so much and so healthy. Another thing, She gets alone with my family and friends.

The sad part is that the problem is not about the usual (like money or cheating). It is about a small culture difference that I need to respect but I really can not get over it.

I love her but I think it is the best thing for us to do now before it gets more complicated.

Take a time out a deep breath and think about it for a few days before just scrapping the relationship over culture difference JMHO

Bob

[VanessaTony 3,567]

You should all be ashamed of yourselves. We don't KNOW what the "small cultural difference" is, nor do we NEED to know. He didn't ask you to fix his relationship, he asked for advice about divorce.

For the record, a small cultural difference could be anything. It could be any number of things that he wasn't aware of until she was here. He's said he loves her. It's obvious a VERY hard decision for him. No need to be so hard on him.

BACK TO TOPIC!!

How hard the divorce is depends on your state. Sometimes length of marriage means something, sometimes not. Sometimes there is a period you need to be separated before you can divorce. Find out the divorce laws in your state by going to google and typing "divorce in ...." your state or town.

Good luck! I'm sorry it didn't work out.

[kennym 275]

You should all be ashamed of yourselves. We don't KNOW what the "small cultural difference" is, nor do we NEED to know. He didn't ask you to fix his relationship, he asked for advice about divorce.

Vanessa&Tony

Not sure if your qualified to tell anyone "they should be ashamed of themself"..

Secondly, we are in our own way, trying to make a point of how critical it is to consider these things prior to making commitments and up-rooting people from thier lives..

The issue is if whether or not the OP is considering anyone's feelings except his own.. and to point out to anyone else, who hasnt thought out these factors in thier descision..

It's true that the OP maybe having a dificult time with this, but I am more concerned about the wife who gave up everything to be here with this guy.. Your comment clearly is only considering the OP's side and not the other person side which is often the mistake made in many relationships with a selfish partner..

To me, it's not the petitioner making the largest sacrifice in this process, often its the foriegn fiancee or spouse... Thats the point..

And as he charcaterized this many times, it is a "small cultural difference".. It wasnt cheating, it wasn't money, it was a "small cultural difference".. Absoulutely insane to consider anything characterized as a "small cultural difference" as a reason to divorce..

[extremerecluse 32]

Then if you really can't work it out and you have only been married 2 weeks. Shame but as you have not filed AOS she must leave the country before her I-94 expires. I suggest if you really can't work this out then buy her a plane ticket and send her home.

I-94 will expire long before the AOS is processed in most cases. Getting married prior to the I-94 expiring is the real issue during the K-1 (within 90 days) process. Many couples have waited a long time (well after the I-94 had expired), prior to doing the AOS. I don't think ICE is waiting to pounce on those who have not filed the moment after the ink dries on the marriage certificate.

[Ban Hammer 13,486]

let's focus on answering the op's questions rather than digging around for something to throw at the op.

charles

vj moderation

[kennym 275]

we shouldnt want to send the message that you can seek love abroad, and if the challenges of marrying someone from a diferent place, culture and lifestyle makes you unconfortable, then consider that before you petition, move them here and uproot them from their lfe, and marry, commiting them and them commiting to you.. Dont selfishly do something that you havent considered all the factors, because there is more concequences than how to file for divorce.. the benificiary must somehow accept the fact they've lost all thier hopes of the love and relationship and return to a life they left behind and somehow restore things to normal...

and if they Petitioner had given a few moments of thought to the challenges, he couldve saved some serious heartache for the beneficiary, but because he was thinking of only his hap[iness, then the concequences that the beneficiary must face on thier own to restore thier lives, is not something the petitioner needs to worry about..

That is simply insane..

It would be diferent if it was something resulting from lies, deciept or dishonest, but this was a "small cultural difference"...