Form 485 not filed yet

[kennym 275]

Why not head over to The Philippine Sub-Forum and ask how others have handled the issue?

Just about everything my wife and I have butted heads (and yes the Big D word has been thrown around) it was something cultural in nature and we have learned to overcome them all.

BTW, relationships are meant to be complicated. It gives us something to work on together!

Excellent Comment...

Relationships require work? Really?

Are you saying that, I need to compromise? You're kidding...

I need to think of someone besides myself? If I would've known that...

I just didn't see any of these requirements in the USCIS Website.. How the heck was I supposed to know that?

[ronluvme 10]

hi,

i will add to my post,did you ever realize what your wife have ever did?she leave her own country behind just for you?she cook,she clean the house and get well to your family?i am sure she is sacrificing too just adjust herself here in usa,she looks like fish from the fresh water and brought to a salt water...she seems a sweetheart to me,its not easy to give up your lives in PI and just to be the man who promises her to take care of her well,life is not perfect and to be able to grow the relationship you need to work the cercumstances together,i wish you study about philippine culture b4 u get her here in usa...SHE is taking care of you men,the reason you have isnt too deep for me.after all she stil wish to continue loving you!!i bet you with my only dime in my wallet the woman like this is very rare in this world!!wake up

[kennym 275]

I absolutely, love my wife and I know she loves me as well.. She compromised in a huge way to give up everything she knows to come to a forriegn country and leave a warm, deep, beautiful culture to come to a country where people are completely diferent.. She misses her country and her huge loving family, her mom, uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews..

She is here in the USA where people don't treat foreigners very kindly or make you feel very welcome, and in many senses, seems somewhat lonely and somewhat out-of-place.. But she's here for me! Because, I respect her, and cherish her and appreciate the love she has for me.. She has shown it throught the compromises she's made to be here...

It seems so senseless to disregard all that for a "small cultural diference".. What a waist!!

Americans can be so spoiled due to our own somewhat distorted values and ideals, that we cant see a good thing through all the clutter of American culture..

Wake Up!

Edited September 20, 2011 by kennym

[duriantaste 44]

i guest you can filed for dissolution of marriage...since u guys are married for 2 weeks...

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEST ANSWER EVER!!!!!!!!!! WE will research on that.!

I absolutely, love my wife and I know she loves me as well.. She compromised in a huge way to give up everything she knows to come to a forriegn country and leave a warm, deep, beautiful culture to come to a country where people are completely diferent.. She misses her country and her huge loving family, her mom, uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews..

She is here in the USA where people don't treat foreigners very kindly or make you feel very welcome, and in many senses, seems somewhat lonely and somewhat out-of-place.. But she's here for me! Because, I respect her, and cherish her and appreciate the love she has for me.. She has shown it throught the compromises she's made to be here...

It seems so senseless to disregard all that for a "small cultural diference".. What a waist!!

Americans can be so spoiled due to our own somewhat distorted values and ideals, that we cant see a good thing through all the clutter of American culture..

Wake Up!

That is why I said "I respect her culture very much" just that I cannot get over it.

[DouglasFiel 53]

Greetings,

We got married two weeks ago. Recently we had a major argument. After that argument we both decided to call it off. I, the petitioner, haven't filed any form(s) yet like Form 485, and so on. What will happen to her if I don't continue the process for AOS?

Also how hard it is to get divorced when been married for such a short time? Is annulment an option?

Thank you very much. (Salamat)

You do realize that "from what I understand", she doesn't have to leave if she does not want to. She entered the marriage in good faith

and is not the one who wants to end the marriage. Perhaps some more experienced VJ members could comment on this.

BTW: I am sure the rest of those reading this post wonder,,, what "Little Cultural" differences could be cause for a divorce or annulment...

I have been around Filipinos for 30 years... And have seen a bunch of interesting differences,,, many of them superstitions. However,

the good cultural differences have always outweighed the bizarre ones in my opinion. Like a disdain for divorce and family centered

beliefs, etc.

Regards,

[kennym 275]

That is why I said "I respect her culture very much" just that I cannot get over it.

That's simply ridiculous.. You tie up all USCIS resources, NVC Resources, and Consulate Time, not to mention you wife's life and didn't take the time to evaluate all that before? Seiously? That cant be true... Is that what you did?

You asked your wife to give up everything, and build up her hopes, and you dont have the foresight to consider the cultural issue before you putting all the people that's been involved with your process through all this? and you find out only 2 weeks after the marriage something you should have already known prior to waisting everyones time and up-rooting lives?

I am wondering, if this is simply a thread created by an 11 year old, for entertainment purposes.. because, there is no way a grown-up would've have allowed a relationship and the immigration process to get to this point without considering all those factors..

If this is a adolescent child posting, please tell me, so we can all laugh, because I just cant beleive this is an adult...

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

That is why I said "I respect her culture very much" just that I cannot get over it.

Walking away from a marriage over something that is termed as a slight cultural difference that you just can't get over is not what I would call respecting her or her culture.

How did you get to the point of marrying her without the issue ever coming up before now?

[eric and marisa 0]

Your reason of giving up your wife is just because of small culture difference,did u ever think before the process and before you marry her,that shes a filipina and obcoarse both of you have culture difference,You said you love her you have both have good times together,Are u sure you love her when u dont try hard for this marriege,Why u marry her if your not aware of her culture and dont able to understand of culture difference, sure both of us who marry a foreign partners dealing of culture difference,But its just a matter of more understanding if you really love the person ,and its always both have big adjustment specially that she just arrive here in the U.S its along adjustment specially for her to adjust everything,Im sure she needs time and understanding from you to deal her new life here,I believe if theres true love in your marriege both of you try to make it work

[Oksana & Max 94]

We talked and we are both calmed now. But, I really don't have the energy to continue with this. I really feel bad because I can sense she likes to continue the relationship.

It is a a very tough situation because we are having a very GOOD TIME. I have never been this happy before. She can cook well, take care of the house like I could never imagine, sings like a pro, and makes me laugh so much and so healthy. Another thing, She gets alone with my family and friends.

The sad part is that the problem is not about the usual (like money or cheating). It is about a small culture difference that I need to respect but I really can not get over it.

I love her but I think it is the best thing for us to do now before it gets more complicated.

There is always will be cultural differences. Try to work it out and accept it. Seems like the things will workout you just ahve to give time to yourself and her.

I've been married once to the girl from the same culture as I am and guess what, having the same culture doesn't meen we agree on everything. Even having same culture didn't help us, as we just were not meant for each other.

Your situation is different the only thing that stand between you and your marriage been a success is a cultural differences. You have to adjust, as well as she have to adjust.

Good luck

[duriantaste 44]

Before making the wrong assumption, I like to send a private message to some one on this thread about the situation. After that, I'll like that person opinion.

Is that okay? I really don't want to publish the situation ..reason..or culture difference.

[Lynn n Sam 57]

Although I may not agree with the OP on his reasons for seeking divorce and I too feel that perhaps not enough time has passed to develop and mature a fragile relationship such as these culturally different relationships can be -- I don't agree with passing judgement on the OP at this point since we don't have all of the facts and only one side of the story. He came here seeking advice and we should put our feelings aside and help people instead of condemning them.

Based on the facts the OP has supplied, I feel better communication between the two of them should have been the priority from the beginning and perhaps after some serious thinking has been done, a better solution could be had. But in the meantime, don't judge too harshly - even if you don't agree. Let's not forget he's most likely hurting too. These things aren't easy and I'm sure he's well aware of the time and money spent and as far as we know, both entered into this relationship willingly and with the hopes of a better outcome than what may transpire here.

It's just my opinion and I like to think respect is received if given in return. OP, I'm sorry things are working out for you and I hope you both come to a mutually agreed upon solution. My suggestion is to take a step back, consider all the facts and everything you've both gone through to start a life here in the US and think long and hard before jumping into a potentially sad situation that you could both end up regretting. I apologize that I don't have any legal answers for you as I am not an authority on such things.

Best of luck to the both of you

[duriantaste 44]

Although I may not agree with the OP on his reasons for seeking divorce and I too feel that perhaps not enough time has passed to develop and mature a fragile relationship such as these culturally different relationships can be -- I don't agree with passing judgement on the OP at this point since we don't have all of the facts and only one side of the story. He came here seeking advice and we should put our feelings aside and help people instead of condemning them.

Based on the facts the OP has supplied, I feel better communication between the two of them should have been the priority from the beginning and perhaps after some serious thinking has been done, a better solution could be had. But in the meantime, don't judge too harshly - even if you don't agree. Let's not forget he's most likely hurting too. These things aren't easy and I'm sure he's well aware of the time and money spent and as far as we know, both entered into this relationship willingly and with the hopes of a better outcome than what may transpire here.

It's just my opinion and I like to think respect is received if given in return. OP, I'm sorry things are working out for you and I hope you both come to a mutually agreed upon solution. My suggestion is to take a step back, consider all the facts and everything you've both gone through to start a life here in the US and think long and hard before jumping into a potentially sad situation that you could both end up regretting. I apologize that I don't have any legal answers for you as I am not an authority on such things.

Best of luck to the both of you

Can I send you a pvt message with the real reason? I like the way you replied to my post.

[Lynn n Sam 57]

Can I send you a pvt message with the real reason? I like the way you replied to my post.

Sure, that would be fine although I don't know how much help I can offer as I cannot claim to be an expert on such things, just posting my opinion. I like to think of this site as a great resource for help, tips etc for our Visa Journeys etc.

[rlogan 2,036]

The sad part is that the problem is not about the usual (like money or cheating). It is about a small culture difference that I need to respect but I really can not get over it.

Why are you asking for help but concealing what the problem is? It would take half the words to directly state it than the 35 words here avoiding the subject. What can't you get over?

[kennym 275]

Lynn n Sam

In general, I agree with you, but as the OP stated a "small culture difference" isnt going to met with much sensitivity since we ALL have dealt with cultural dierences in all forms and sizes..

We cant possibly know the specifics, based on what he stated.. If it's larger than a "small culture difference", we could be sensitve to that, and help to provide some thoughts, but as he stated it's a "small culture difference" and didn't take the time to either understand those factors going in to the relationship, or ignored them hoping once she arrived he could entice her with the AOS or whatever..

I wont speculate, but if it's divorce he's considering, that is simply drastic after only two weeks... Especially since the reasons given seem soo insignificant, and the things required on both parts to get to this point is soo extradinary, especially on the immigrating spouse...

in my mind..

Edited September 20, 2011 by kennym