help with mama

[BJZags 17]

So tell me I'm crazy now. Crazy like a fox maybe.

LOL, gotta watch out for the foxes sometimes! I must say that you statement "holds water" as pertaining to your specific situation/location. For most families, holding a second job is not quite such a complication. We're pretty lucky in regard to childcare, with our son being enrolled at a "clinical" daycare housed at a local community college that is used as a training program for the school of education where early childhood education students attend class there and visit the facility as part of their education/training. As such, the procedures and programs at the center are run at almost an aspirational level of quality.

[Edrotar 8]

Its funny that so many of you are attacking him because of their age difference, saying he is robbing the cradle because she has no life experience. I joined this site (after just visiting the Philippines) I made the comment here, how shocked I was that there were so many older men (50yrs old) with such young girls(18-20yrs old)in Manila and that it turned my stomach. They had no life experience what so ever and now there is some American throwing money around luring them in. I was telling my fiance while we visited manila that there is no way that this would be acceptable in the states. Wow did I get attacked after posting my comment, saying I was insulting half of the VJ community and the comments just kept coming until I just laughed them off and didn't give a response to fuel the fire. Now its OK for you to do the same to Darren, because he doing the same thing that I was describing and your seeing the reality of it unfold here. Yes, I know there is a lot more to this story then just age, but man you love to mention it. lol

Darren,

Just get your finances together, set an amount you can afford to send back to help Gretchen's family. Hopefully you will come to your senses and let her either get a job or go to school to better herself. Once she is able to send her own money home she will feel like she is doing her part by helping her family back home without burdening you. As far as Gretchen goes dealing with her family back home, if she loves you then she will stay and if she doesn't love you enough then she will wish to be back home and take this a learning mistake. I really hope that doesn't happen, and you two can be the family both of you are dreaming of. I guess the slams against you are of your own doing and I'm hope you will never allow sharks in the water too feed off you again.

[gretchen_darren 67]

I think the thing people are missing here. Is HOW to deal with Filipinos and in-laws. That was the question. And I gave information to help. I do not know everything. And dealing with Filipino in-laws and family is something very new to me. The trip cost me a lot. Then to come back home, and have to hire a lawyer to deal with my ex again for child support and parenting time. Plus I am transitioning to management from technical. Gretchen knows and is with me. We are working out things together.

I could tell you the conversation, but who really cares?? all I can tell you is I am taking care of the fmaily here in the USA first. then the family in the philippines second. Everyone wants to say how little experience she has. The problem is the teaching in the schools. the teaching of finanaces. those are not taught in the school or at home there. Have it, spend it. Not a way to live well. Need money, or have no money, get a loan or credit to make it through until you again. Be in debt. You have to focus on how to get ahead. Saving money is something most americans do naturally. We learn at a yoong age. It is a difference in culture. I am dealing with curtural issues. the american idea and the filipino idea. All I have to do is work through it.

[tmma 467]

darren, I think this whole topic would have not been as much of an issue if YOU had not acted like a macdaddy while you were there and been honest about what you are and are not prepared to do as far as money for them goes. Do the family there realize that you also have an obligation to your children from your ex wife too? You did not set a very good ' teaching' example to Gretchen and her family while you were in the PI ; and it's understandable that the switchero is a suprise to them now. I guess all you can do is explain that you have obligations here and maybe when Gretchen gets a job, she will be sending money.

Good Luck.

Edited October 5, 2011 by tmma

[Edrotar 8]

I think the thing people are missing here. Is HOW to deal with Filipinos and in-laws. That was the question. And I gave information to help. I do not know everything. And dealing with Filipino in-laws and family is something very new to me. The trip cost me a lot. Then to come back home, and have to hire a lawyer to deal with my ex again for child support and parenting time. Plus I am transitioning to management from technical. Gretchen knows and is with me. We are working out things together.

I could tell you the conversation, but who really cares?? all I can tell you is I am taking care of the fmaily here in the USA first. then the family in the philippines second. Everyone wants to say how little experience she has. The problem is the teaching in the schools. the teaching of finanaces. those are not taught in the school or at home there. Have it, spend it. Not a way to live well. Need money, or have no money, get a loan or credit to make it through until you again. Be in debt. You have to focus on how to get ahead. Saving money is something most americans do naturally. We learn at a yoong age. It is a difference in culture. I am dealing with curtural issues. the american idea and the filipino idea. All I have to do is work through it.

Good for you and a good post,

Just be cautious of saying all Filipino's spend what they have! I'm blessed my fiance's family has never asked me for a dime or do they expect it. They all were all educated at the University of Mindanao where their father worked. He did everything to put them in the best schools there and now they don't have to ask for anyone's help. Their parents sacrificed everything to make sure the kids were well educated and brought up with good values. Do they have a lot of money..no but they save anything they can for a rainy day and if they need my help, I will offer what I can but its never expected.

I'm glad you two are doing just fine, and yeah ex wives can be a pain in the butt for sure. Just keep the positive attitude and whatever comes will come and you will get thru it, just like Gretchen's family will if there is no money to send right away.

OH and btw, everyone who is a drama queen cares....they want to criticize your every move now. Don't feed the sharks!!! lol

Eddie

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

And that has what to do with you lolling at what I said?

Seriously, I'm all ears as to what point you were initially trying to make.

*sigh*

I was not lolling at what you said. Please don't make it about that.

Darren doesn't want Gretchen to have a job. Let alone miss any fulfillment from a job while she's caring for their children.

There. That's all it was.

OH and btw, everyone who is a drama queen cares....they want to criticize your every move now. Don't feed the sharks!!! lol

Dude, Darren has actually used the word "control" when he refers to Gretchen.

I don't think we are the sharks.

[Fandango 1,439]

*sigh*

I was not lolling at what you said. Please don't make it about that.

Darren doesn't want Gretchen to have a job. Let alone miss any fulfillment from a job while she's caring for their children.

There. That's all it was.

My bad, it read differently to me!

Dude, Darren has actually used the word "control" when he refers to Gretchen.

I don't think we are the sharks.

Indeed, we're not.

Ahh, confirmed! Darren and his ex have some sort of custody support issue; he has $20 in the bank, spent everything on his fiancee and her family...hrmmm,and Gretchen has the financial ignorance?

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

OH and btw, everyone who is a drama queen cares....they want to criticize your every move now. Don't feed the sharks!!! lol

1. Seems you care ... ...seems you care very much.... soooooo... that makes you a "drama queen" ...right..?

2. Darren asked for advice and he got it. It may not be the advice he was seeking but it may be exactly the advice he needs. You posted your caring advice....and you critiqued his post(s). You're a shark?

Edited October 6, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Anginafrica 12]

I think the thing people are missing here. Is HOW to deal with Filipinos and in-laws. That was the question. And I gave information to help. I do not know everything. And dealing with Filipino in-laws and family is something very new to me. The trip cost me a lot. Then to come back home, and have to hire a lawyer to deal with my ex again fo r child support and parenting time. Plus I am transitioning to management from technical. Gretchen knows and is with me. We are working out things together.

I could tell you the conversation, but who really cares?? all I can tell you is I am taking care of the fmaily here in the USA first. then the family in the philippines second. Everyone wants to say how little experience she has. The problem is the teaching in the schools. the teaching of finanaces. those are not taught in the school or at home there. Have it, spend it. Not a way to live well. Need money, or have no money, get a loan or credit to make it through until you again. Be in debt. You have to focus on how to get ahead. Saving money is something most americans do naturally. We learn at a yoong age. It is a difference in culture. I am dealing with curtural issues. the american idea and the filipino idea. All I have to do is work through it.

If you're focused on caring for your family in the U.S., how is your ex taking you to court over child support?

Edited October 6, 2011 by Anginafrica

[Edrotar 8]

1. Seems you care ... ...seems you care very much.... soooooo... that makes you a "drama queen" ...right..?

2. Darren asked for advice and he got it. It may not be the advice he was seeking but it may be exactly the advice he needs. You posted your caring advice....and you critiqued his post(s). You're a shark?

Carry on!! Jump back on your short bus!

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

I think the thing people are missing here. Is HOW to deal with Filipinos and in-laws. That was the question. And I gave information to help. I do not know everything. And dealing with Filipino in-laws and family is something very new to me.

Darren,

I think you are missing the point of (many of) the responses you are getting. Let me explain...

It seems (to me) that you think out loud. I think that is a good thing...bcoz...obviously, some of your thoughts disconcert other VJ's. Because they (the VJ's that have replied) are disconcerted...they are motivated to post "input" like you requested. It's just not the input you are seeking but, if you will objectively review the responses... Put aside your defense mechanisms and reflect with an intent to be accountable ...I think you will discover that you have been provided excellent recommendations. Sure, some of the replies have come in form of attack but...ask yourself why. Every1 deserves a good on the head (sometimes) to set our thinking straight. It is good a thing you think out loud bcoz it provides you an opportunity to get the "input" you need. (and...no offense...but dude...you really need some "input". )

IMHO...your desire to "control" is the root of your problem.(...and.. that is what almost every (VJer) response has been telling you.) When you figure that out...you will find the answer to your question.

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

Carry on!! Jump back on your short bus!

Your best response is... to infer I am a remedial student?

Not much of a comeback but... wait a sec ...That's a little drama queen and sharky response...Kudos!

Edited October 6, 2011 by Crashed~N2~Me

[Edrotar 8]

Your best response is... to infer I am a remedial student?

Not much of a comeback but... wait a sec ...That's a little drama queen and sharky response...Kudos!

Your so defensive over my comment to Darren. Why is that? Did I mention you personally?

[Crashed~N2~Me 970]

OH and btw, everyone who is a drama queen cares....they want to criticize your every move now. Don't feed the sharks!!! lol

I read this as a "blanket" insult directed to anyone and everyone that critiqued Darren.

[I_Am_That_I_Am 46]

i beg to disagree with the underlined statement. just coz you were exposed to some pinoys who knew nothing about saving, it doesn't mean that we, Filipinos, are all the same.

While growing up, we were taught to save as much as we can from our daily allowance/"baon" so if possible, we won't have to bother mama and papa for our next day's baon. We were taught that if we buy soy sauce in big bottles (in liters), we can save more. If we iron our school uniforms, etc all at the same time, we save more energy which means parents will pay less for electricity use. That if we buy veggies directly from the farmer (no middleman, no transport cost, etc) we save more money plus we get the best of what they have. As Pinoy kids grow, they are encouraged to have piggy banks where they can save their extra money (and save for emergencies). Some parents would open a bank account for each kid to teach them at a very young age to save up for their future (college tuition, car, etc.) As you grow older, you will be taught more and learn more about saving. When i was in HS i had to save up for those things that i wanted which are not in my mom's budget list. Mom would say, "if you want them so bad then you have to save up for them." We were taught that thru saving, we have a chance of getting those things that we want. NEEDS are more important than WANTS.

You must also understand that basic financing and accounting are part of HS curriculum and you won't graduate without learning a thing or two about saving. In college, you will have a comprehensive/extensive financing and accounting knowledge depending on the course/degree you pursue. but the problem is, when you were here in PI you were only exposed to people in her barrio who are most likely uneducated (i assume most of the adults only finished grade school). so now i ask you, please, never assume anything. never generalize.

How Gretchen and her family handle their finances gives me an idea of their educational background and how they were raised when they were kids. This is basic, fundamental thing that should have been instilled in their brains while they were growing up. This should have been taught at HOME as well. So obviously, the school is not at fault here. And then again, remind yourself, these are people from the barrio. what do you expect?!

next time you come here, don't just focus your attention in her barrio. talk to other people outside her village. for you to get the general picture, you need to explore more... and discover more...

but of course there are Pinoys who will always spend more than they can afford... who are living way beyond their means... it is a fact. No one's denying that.

I think the thing people are missing here. Is HOW to deal with Filipinos and in-laws. That was the question. And I gave information to help. I do not know everything. And dealing with Filipino in-laws and family is something very new to me. The trip cost me a lot. Then to come back home, and have to hire a lawyer to deal with my ex again for child support and parenting time. Plus I am transitioning to management from technical. Gretchen knows and is with me. We are working out things together.

I could tell you the conversation, but who really cares?? all I can tell you is I am taking care of the fmaily here in the USA first. then the family in the philippines second. Everyone wants to say how little experience she has. The problem is the teaching in the schools. the teaching of finanaces. those are not taught in the school or at home there. Have it, spend it. Not a way to live well. Need money, or have no money, get a loan or credit to make it through until you again. Be in debt. You have to focus on how to get ahead. Saving money is something most americans do naturally. We learn at a yoong age. It is a difference in culture. I am dealing with curtural issues. the american idea and the filipino idea. All I have to do is work through it.